Need help. Can I get Greencard based on VAWA if I already applied for regular?

[betelgeuse 5]

Hello.

Guess I am not the first one in such situation so hopefully, I will get help here. I am really frustrated.

 

I applied for my first Greencard recently, 9 months since we got married (I came on K-1 visa). My parents had to borrow all the money for filing documents in Ukraine and send them to me, because my husband only promised that he will give me the money, but never did. And in Ukraine, you can basically live on those money for a year. Now I can't even go back because they have to pay their debt and I need to work here to be able to earn that money. My salary in the capital was $300\mo with nothing left to spend after you pay utilities and buy food. My parents don't want me to come back too (they say there is no future there).

Our relationship wasn't so great even when I was applying, but I thought once I have a job and more independent and have money on myself to look better, the way I looked when I came - I thought maybe things would change.

Before we got married and after the wedding, for couple months our relationship was okay, not perfect, but pretty average, we had some good moments. Before I even came, my (future) husband seemed like the nicest guy, he'd say he wanted a family, how we would spend time together, when he came to visit me in Kiev he literally begged me to come to the US and said he will take good care of me and will support me. I only went there because I knew I wasn't getting younger (I am 28) and I wanted kids too at some point and wanted them to grow up in a stable country, and I liked his personality too, I thought he would be a great husband and Dad for our kids.

 

But now he is like another person. He says he is a "deranged sociopath" (I even have his texts saying that) and always been that way (only thing - he forgot to tell that before we got married). The only person in the world he needs is his son (I didn't even know he had a son before he came to visit me, 4 months since we met each other. I was in love by then and decided to roll with it).  Now as I am not a new shiny toy anymore, he just wants to get rid of me in all ways possible. He humiliates me all the time, threatens and manipulates. Says he will pull up sponsorship every time I say or do something he doesn't like, threatens to kick me out from the house, makes me feel bad about everything - the way I look, the way I talk, mocks my accent, says my life is a joke, calls me fat all the time. I have found some Ukrainian girls in our area and they ask me out to see a movie or to park sometimes and he always says that I will go to bars to hang out with guys,  even though I never gave him reasons to think so.  He forbids me to have male friends, even though I always had a better friendship with guys. Tells me what time I should be home, tells me he can't stand me, tries to make me live at friends' house. He also frequently made me work his shifts in a hotel instead of him (and I don't even have a work permit). Couple times I had to help when they had a 911 situation but he quickly understood that he can manipulate me like that, so I had to work instead of him even when I was sick or he would say that I am lazy and never do anything. Once I refused because something happened to my back and I was in pain and could barely move, and he said that I could get the eff out of his house and that he will change all his credit cards. He says that he lets me "live and eat for free in his house" so I have to do something. I do clean in our house though, do all the laundry and whatever I can, like mow the lawn, so it's not like I'm just sitting all day doing nothing. He will also reproach me with what he has to spend on me (like food, or contacts or minor stuff). He never touched me since we got married but he watches violent porn all the time (rape, blackmailing..). Not sure if I can write about it here... Considering all that, my self-esteem is non-existent now. I'd probably do something to myself if I didn't have my parents because that would kill them. I feel like I'm broken.

I don't know how serious is that, but he is also being violent with our cat, when I am in my room I can hear her screaming (can I say that about a cat?) like he is murdering her, but every time I run downstairs to check on her he always lets her go and he says they were just playing and that she (and I) is "drama queen". But her hair will be everywhere on the floor. He once put her in the dryer and turned it on and then sent me a text about it like that's something very funny. To be honest, I am afraid that one day cat won't be enough.

One day I tried to talk about our relationship, and he pushed me on the floor so I fell and hurt my foot. Once I called him out on that but he said that no one will believe me and that he has "his own" version of what has happened, and that basically, it was me who hit him.

Couple times when we had fights he had this crazy look that I was afraid he would kill me. But he probably knows I have a right to call the police if he hits me so he never did.

 

Also, now because of problems with him mom\drugs\bad grades his son will be living with us, so now my husband is very serious about kicking me out. I live in constant fear that he will either do that or cancel his affidavit of support or who knows what else he can do.

 

I am not sure where to go with this. I don't have much evidence. I have emails and texts where he insults me or says he will kick me out. basically, I have texts about everything I told here, but I'm not sure that's enough and that if I tell all of this somewhere, anyone will believe me. I'm afraid that if it gets ugly, I can't even afford a lawyer and he can, and I'll end up being "the bad guy". So I'm not sure what I can do.

[betelgeuse 5]

P.S. sometimes people think it's a troll because proper grammar is used. My major in university was English, and even before that, I studied it since I was a kid. So my English is pretty poor was someone who's been learning it for 23 years.  Also I have a plugin that helps with commas, articles and such. )

[Khallaf 650]

15 minutes ago, betelgeuse said:

P.S. sometimes people think it's a troll because proper grammar is used. My major in university was English, and even before that, I studied it since I was a kid. So my English is pretty poor was someone who's been learning it for 23 years.  Also I have a plugin that helps with commas, articles and such. )

I am going to be frank and honesty with you, it simply sounds like you need to get out, there are shelters out there that help battered women, if he wants to pull his AOS what can you do? nothing, let him do what it is he wants to do but you need to get out. This no longer becomes of you staying in a marriage that could result in being harmed.

 

You need to get out and file for divorce, you might not get to stay in USA, but you will also begin to heal.

 

First in foremost seek out a women's shelter. get a restraining order against him, but make sure you take anything with you that you can think of any papers to prove you entered the marriage in good faith, pictures, documents, letters from friends.

 

being able to stay in American is not worth emotional, physical, mental abuse.

Edited February 8, 2018 by Khallaf

[Khallaf 650]

18 minutes ago, betelgeuse said:

P.S. sometimes people think it's a troll because proper grammar is used. My major in university was English, and even before that, I studied it since I was a kid. So my English is pretty poor was someone who's been learning it for 23 years.  Also I have a plugin that helps with commas, articles and such. )

I don't know what state you are in or what resources you know are out there for you, if you want to send me a message in private I will be there to help you.

[acidrain 325]

First off your English is very good and you provided a lot of detail on your situation. I can't speak to the particulars of your case but understand your spouse holds all the cards.

 

Regardless of whether you can legally stay in the US you are living in a very dysfunctional situation. Do you really want to live like that? I agree with Khallaf in that if you do not feel safe you should remove yourself.

 

It sounds like you have very loving parents and a life back in the Ukraine. While it might not be the best situation it sounds better than what you are currently dealing with. Are you sure you would want to pursue living in a country you have no connection to? It sounds like you have tried reaching out to others who are from the Ukraine but don't have any close friends. I can't offer anything other than what you've already tried. I think you know deep down it's time to move on but aren't sure how to do it.

Edited February 8, 2018 by acidrain

[betelgeuse 5]

I actually do like the US and wish I could stay. I like a lot of things about it. I love Ukraine too, but it's very unstable and with the current situation might be even not safe (war with Russia). I didn't have much going on there, only people I care about there are my parents, so it would be even better if I could stay and work here and help them financially. Their retirement pension is ~ $60/month. And they still have $1500 debt they have to pay somehow.

 

Of course, I don't want to stay here with my husband though.

 

Forgot to mention that I am in upstate NY.

Also, I wish I could get out of this situation without causing him much trouble too. Don't want any criminal record or anything bad for him. He might not have treated me right, but he has a lot of issues and just doesn't know what he wants. Needs a good therapist, I think. But would be nice if he couldn't invite another girl from abroad. Don't want him to screw someone else's life.

He says he wants someone to just "pop out" a baby. I think he'd try to pretend he is nice until he gets what he wants and then would just treat her same. 

[betelgeuse 5]

oh. By the moment I applied for my document's I'd have a 3-year ban from entering the US if I didn't apply.

If he pulls the AOS and I have to go home, will I still have that ban? I'm not sure, but if I went home, maybe I'd try later with someone else. I like American attitude to family and people in general, just wasn't lucky I guess.

[HappyBunny 22]

You should try to seek help. How do you have the ban though? If you entered with the visa you shouldn't. Since you entered legally.  This guy sounds so evil, I hope you get out of situation fast. 

[betelgeuse 5]

By ban I mean... It was more than 6 months since my k-1 expired and I still haven't applied for Greencard. So If I went home, I'd have a ban. Don't know if it's lifted once I apply

[HappyBunny 22]

I think and Im not sure but I read somewhere that the visa is to enter legally and you have 90 days to marry. Once you're married you can adjust whenever.  I read someone applied after 2 yrs. In case you didn't marry then yes your visa expired.

Edited February 8, 2018 by HappyBunny

[betelgeuse 5]

What I am trying to understand is: I stayed here long enough after my k-1 expired (we married in 90 days though) and if I didn't apply and just went home, I'd have a 3-year ban.

I applied..but if he pulls AOS and I don't get a greencard and have to go home.. will I still be "eligible" for that ban?

 

 

[Ontarkie 14,369]

~~Moved to Effects of Major Family Changes, from AOS Family K1/K3 - As similar topics are discussed here.~~

[betelgeuse 5]

thank you

[Californiansunset 336]

2 hours ago, betelgeuse said:

What I am trying to understand is: I stayed here long enough after my k-1 expired (we married in 90 days though) and if I didn't apply and just went home, I'd have a 3-year ban.

I applied..but if he pulls AOS and I don't get a greencard and have to go home.. will I still be "eligible" for that ban?

 

 

You are contradicting yourself. In your original post you said "I applied for my first Greencard recently (...)" but in another comment you are all of a sudden saying "(...)and I still haven't applied for Greencard". So what is correct??? That makes a difference bc if you have applied for AOS you were never out of status hence no ban can be triggered even if your husband cancels the petition.

 

Also on another note: You're even less help to your parents if you end up getting hurt or - as you fear - getting killed by that lunatic. Go home and try to support your parents from your country. It's a by far easier and safer process in your current situation. I know a few people from the Ukraine. There are still very safe places in your country where you can live a normal life and make a decent amount of money to support your family. Another option is always to move to other European countries. The process there is waaaaaay easier and you can find good jobs with a decent salary to support your family.

 

 

[betelgeuse 5]

18 minutes ago, Californiansunset said:

You are contradicting yourself. In your original post you said "I applied for my first Greencard recently (...)" but in another comment you are all of a sudden saying "(...)and I still haven't applied for Greencard". So what is correct??? That makes a difference bc if you have applied for AOS you were never out of status hence no ban can be triggered even if your husband cancels the petition.

1

 

No, I applied for AOS, but I think it was a bit late.