Unsupportive Family...Anyone Else Have This Problem?

[everywhereuwant2b 4]

Hi Everyone,

So, unfortunately, my fiance's parents are not too keen on our engagement. They're not even interested in meeting me, let alone take photos for our visa petition. I'm the USC and my fiance is Iranian. My family, however, is fine with it.

Anyone else dealing with a similar situation? I'd especially like to hear from those of you who are applying for fiances who come from non-Western backgrounds. I've read through a couple posts on the topic, but they involved predominantly first world/Western couples, where it's culturally acceptable to go against your family's wishes (if your family even has any objectionable wishes!) whereas that's frowned upon in Eastern cultures. My fiance is also a young, college student who still lives with his parents, and I'm eight years older, so even more things to culturally frown upon.

We are about to send in our K-1 visa petition and will be submitting photos taken regularly over the last 8 months, including a couple pictures with my family (my sister, grandma, aunt and later when my parents come, will take a few photos with them for the interview). There is also a picture with his cousin (that counts as family, right?) This is in addition to my passport stamps and airline reservations proving I entered the country, bus reservations with both of our names, and chat logs. And that's all the proof of having met/ongoing relationship we can provide. I'm hoping this is enough to overcome any points against us when reviewing our visa.

Thanks in advance for your advice/comments/condolences in regards to this difficult situation.

[farzram 11]

Hey! I totally understand where you are coming from, although my situation was not nearly as extreme with the parents etc. , my fiancé is from Afghanistan: I myself was born and raised in the US and my parents came to America 35 years ago from Afghanistan.

At first my parents weren't too happy about us wanting to get engaged either- because of nonsense they heard from outsiders and "jealous" people feeding them lies about my fiancée. We just showed we were firm on our decision and they eventually eased up alittle and my fiancée tried very hard to continue to try and build a good relationship with them and show them the real him- not the lies people fed them with. It gets better. (Fighting gets you no where trust me)

i myself am unemployed and a student and there honestly would've been no way I could bring my fiancée here so easy if my dad wasn't a sponsor or didn't pay for all of this paperwork etc- . You just have to show them you guys are serious and your going to go through with it because your happy, and try to ease them in with both of your goodness.

On the other hand about the pictures- you will be totally fine. I didn't even include pictures with his family or with my family- not because I didn't have any, just because it slipped my mind. I submitted pictures of me and my fiancée and was approved and waiting for interview step now.

I wish you luck and it does get better I promise.

[everywhereuwant2b 4]

Hey! I totally understand where you are coming from, although my situation was not nearly as extreme with the parents etc. , my fiancé is from Afghanistan: I myself was born and raised in the US and my parents came to America 35 years ago from Afghanistan.

At first my parents weren't too happy about us wanting to get engaged either- because of nonsense they heard from outsiders and "jealous" people feeding them lies about my fiancée. We just showed we were firm on our decision and they eventually eased up alittle and my fiancée tried very hard to continue to try and build a good relationship with them and show them the real him- not the lies people fed them with. It gets better. (Fighting gets you no where trust me)

i myself am unemployed and a student and there honestly would've been no way I could bring my fiancée here so easy if my dad wasn't a sponsor or didn't pay for all of this paperwork etc- . You just have to show them you guys are serious and your going to go through with it because your happy, and try to ease them in with both of your goodness.

On the other hand about the pictures- you will be totally fine. I didn't even include pictures with his family or with my family- not because I didn't have any, just because it slipped my mind. I submitted pictures of me and my fiancée and was approved and waiting for interview step now.

I wish you luck and it does get better I promise.

I'm not alone!!! Thanks for responding and the advice

That's very comforting to know that our petition can be approved despite not having family pictures. And Afghanistan and Iran are neighbors, so culturally very similar I'd imagine. But they'll probably ask about familial relations at the interview, right? Has your family and fiance's family met? I know that's what's traditionally done in these countries--the families meet, discuss the prospective marriage, get formal "permission" from usually male family members to move forward, and then hammer out details like dowry... Which is fine unless you're a progressive like me and cringing as you type this

(Side note: No disrespect to anyone who subscribes to traditional values, to each her own)

Anyways, good luck with the interview. Let me know how it goes!

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

At out K1 interview he was asked "What does your family think of her and a marriage?"

I had told him to be polite and smile, so he did

and said "They love her"

i had known him over a year and a half and spent 1 month with his family

CO said " you smile, you lie" and denied the visa

we married and went thru the next 6 years to get his visa

I would say marry and try that route

For family try your best to get to know them (even 1 of them-not a male) and let them know you are a decent loving person

NEVER NEVER show anger to any of his family and always respect his mom

the relationship between mother and son in this culture is strong

she must accept you or probably the marriage will never happen

Incha allah (God willing) you will make it

allah yessir ( God will make all things right)

trust your faith whatever it is

if you need any encouragement, write to me and we can talk on whatsapp or other chat

and i wish you happiness / i have it with my muslim husband

Edited June 30, 2016 by Adil & Jeanne

[everywhereuwant2b 4]

At out K1 interview he was asked "What does your family think of her and a marriage?"

I had told him to be polite and smile, so he did

and said "They love her"

i had known him over a year and a half and spent 1 month with his family

CO said " you smile, you lie" and denied the visa

we married and went thru the next 6 years to get his visa

I would say marry and try that route

For family try your best to get to know them (even 1 of them-not a male) and let them know you are a decent loving person

NEVER NEVER show anger to any of his family and always respect his mom

the relationship between mother and son in this culture is strong

she must accept you or probably the marriage will never happen

Incha allah (God willing) you will make it

allah yessir ( God will make all things right)

trust your faith whatever it is

if you need any encouragement, write to me and we can talk on whatsapp or other chat

and i wish you happiness / i have it with my muslim husband

Oh wow, I'm so sorry that happened to you. But I'm happy it all worked for you in the end ))

So in that one month that you lived with his family, did you all get along? I'm a bit confused about the interview question, did his family support your marriage (and the CO mistakenly assumed your husband was lying) or was his family actually not very supportive?

I'm wondering what would happen if the CO asks my fiance whether his parents approve, to which he would say no. And when the CO asks why, he'd tell them that they're generally unsupportive of him in all areas of his life, they didn't have a good relationship to begin with, probably should seek family couseling, etc. I'm afraid the interview will turn into a therapy session.

[farzram 11]

Yes! Neighbors definetly and very very similar in culture.

They definetly do ask about the family and their opinion on the marriage- usually when the US citizen is not "afghan American" or "Iranian American" they want to know how the family feels about them marrying someone who isn't Muslim or something. They get more nosey and ask more questions about that type of relationship.

They're definetly going to ask- what does your family think about your fiancée and you going to America. My fiancée knows a few people who have gone through the process and they just say- they're happy with it they're happy I'm moving to America and starting a better life for me and my future and kids etc.

My family has met my fiancées family. As mentioned in an earlier post definetly get on the mothers good side of course a picture with her would be great for the interview. But you should be just fine. As long as your fiancée expresses everything is fine and you guys have met etc.

My family has met their family ofcourse no dowry involved or anything we aren't into that whole thing and are super against it I think it's more people who get married within the country who are locals usually do the dowry thing. Ofcourse you also don't want to indicate the relationship was arranged either. Just simply saying- our families are both happy for us and want us to have a good life in America should be enough and yes they have met and they like my fiancée. You guys should be fine don't stress it even if your fiancées family doesn't come around until your interview time. You just need to show your relationship is genuine and families are happy.

I also heard from my fiancées friends who are also in lran that they aren't super strict they ask a few questions about the relationship- how did you meet? How long do you know each other? Why do you want to get married in America not here? What does your family think of him/her? Are they happy your moving there? And they ask trick questions like calling their fiancée their "wife" or "husband" instead of their fiancée which you have to correct them and say- that's my fiancée not my wife yet. They ask if you did the traditional wedding ceremony (nikkah). If you have had it performed - in which case they will deny you immediately because that means your not qualified for the k1 visa, since your married. That's about it .

You should be fine don't worry too much about the pictures and everything

[ChuckM 8]

I am the American in the marriage with an Iranian. I never even met my wife family nor did she meet mine. My families first time meeting her was the day she arrived in the US, I met my wife's family the first time 1 year later when I visited Iran. It was never an issue for us, nor asked about in the interview. Fortunately, both of our families were supportive.

[natasha-mehdito 137]

Hi! I am the U.S. citizen and my fiancé is Iranian. His parents are both deceased but I communicate with his sister and her family via chat apps. That did not happen right away and it took time to build a relationship. I was the one who worked extra hard to communicate because I knew how important it was. I wanted his family to get to know me and understand the level of respect I have for them.I think its extremely important to make efforts to educate yourself about the culture you fiance is coming from. Yes they must assimilate since they are moving here but I also feel strongly you must make the effort back.

I even tried to figure out how to go visit them in Iran but it is quite an ordeal to get a visa. You can only go with a very expensive tour group and are not allowed to leave the group EVER! So, that meant I could not visit my fiancé's family and I could definitely not spend time with him either. So, no pics with his family at all.

His sister is so happy that I tried to visit and now we are very close and communicate on a regular basis.

My advise to you is to take time and extend yourself. If you send any gifts to your fiancé, try to include things for the others. Show respect for their culture and take time to get to know them if you can. I think many cultures have a bad view of American women in general so you have to understand that perspective.

[natasha-mehdito 137]

Hi Everyone,

So, unfortunately, my fiance's parents are not too keen on our engagement. They're not even interested in meeting me, let alone take photos for our visa petition. I'm the USC and my fiance is Iranian. My family, however, is fine with it.

Anyone else dealing with a similar situation? I'd especially like to hear from those of you who are applying for fiances who come from non-Western backgrounds. I've read through a couple posts on the topic, but they involved predominantly first world/Western couples, where it's culturally acceptable to go against your family's wishes (if your family even has any objectionable wishes!) whereas that's frowned upon in Eastern cultures. My fiance is also a young, college student who still lives with his parents, and I'm eight years older, so even more things to culturally frown upon.

We are about to send in our K-1 visa petition and will be submitting photos taken regularly over the last 8 months, including a couple pictures with my family (my sister, grandma, aunt and later when my parents come, will take a few photos with them for the interview). There is also a picture with his cousin (that counts as family, right?) This is in addition to my passport stamps and airline reservations proving I entered the country, bus reservations with both of our names, and chat logs. And that's all the proof of having met/ongoing relationship we can provide. I'm hoping this is enough to overcome any points against us when reviewing our visa.

Thanks in advance for your advice/comments/condolences in regards to this difficult situation.

I just re-read your post...You have pics with your family? Has he traveled here? And it sounds like you went to Iran since you mention you have passport stamps. Please share that with me as I have been trying to find a way to go there without a tour group! Thanks!

[everywhereuwant2b 4]

I just re-read your post...You have pics with your family? Has he traveled here? And it sounds like you went to Iran since you mention you have passport stamps. Please share that with me as I have been trying to find a way to go there without a tour group! Thanks!

Thanks for the advice! You're right, I do need to make more of the effort here.

No we took the pictures in Iran. He's never been to the U.S.