Cold Feet and Second Thoughts

[terri_blake 10]

AS many of you probably already know about my situation with my Egyptian fiancee Basim I am now starting to have some second thoughts about the situation. I don't know if it's just cold feet and a temporary feeling or if this is my own personal intuition telling me to change my mind before it's too late. Everyday I learn something new about my fiance and most of the time the things that I learn are not great things. he is told me that he's allergic to different types of animals and I'm an animal lover. He told me that he is now caring for and acting as father to his niece.and now I realize that some of his interest may conflict with mine and is not just religious based. I am sure I am NOT the only one out here who has had these types of doubtful feelings so please if anyone is out there who had cold feet, second thoughts, doubts, or trust issues, please send me your words of wisdom. Thank you, love, Terri. ♡♡♡

[Boiler 45,516]

Trust your gut, it is very rarely wrong.

[terri_blake 10]

Its so hurtful to have these thoughts unsaid and speak loving words to him at the same time. It feels hypocritical.

[PDXDD 28]

Do you know him well? I wouldn't marry someone I don't know well enough.

Getting to know someone takes time. Rushing isn't gonna do good.

Bottomline, do not do anything you don't wanna do. It is your life.

Edited April 26, 2015 by PDXDD

[terri_blake 10]

Do you know him well? I wouldn't marry someone I don't know well enough.

Getting to know someone takes time. Rushing isn't gonna do good.

Bottomline, do not do anything you don't wanna do. It is your life.

I know him well enough until i learn something new. How could he now tell me he is allergic to different animals when I specifically told him I love them????

[Jo Së 200]

I don't want to bring up anything bad, but you should go back to that one post you made, you know, that one that got out of control, and read some of the good advice that was given to you, you will see that a lot of it will start to make sense.

Follow your gut and do not make any decisions without being sure of what you are doing.

I wish you luck!

[MGill 2]

Make sure you're 120% positive you want to be with him. My wife and I went threw a world of pain to be together. First it was living in the U.S, then going through Irish immigration, then the k1 process and now AoS. It's not easy feat. If you're having doubts now, you need to make sure you really really want to be with him.

I've seen previous posts from you and your back story with Basim, all I'll say is for your sake, don't end up with a broken heart in 2 years. This extra info about the niece would be a red flag to me. I'm not judging you but it would be terribly sad to hear that you were screwed over like your sister.

[belinda63 3,038]

Wow thanks Boiler for directing me here.

Have you sent him any money or expensive gifts? Sounds like you know nothing about this man and you have not had any physical contact with him. I always say love the person not the body but you got to at least get a little closer to him than two stories.

Sorry but fraud is written all over this.

[Shauneg 762]

I don't want to bring up anything bad, but you should go back to that one post you made, you know, that one that got out of control, and read some of the good advice that was given to you, you will see that a lot of it will start to make sense.

Follow your gut and do not make any decisions without being sure of what you are doing.

I wish you luck!

Which one of them?

Seriously, we only know of what you've written on here, but there are flags everywhere. You have to trust your gut and think with your head. You don't have to cancel the process, just sit on it and think for awhile. Based on previous posts and things that have come up, I would reconsider things.

[JR loves JR 196]

I had doubts early in my relationship so I slowed things down. I friended his friends who spoke English and got to know them. A lot can be learned about a man by his friends. And more can be learned on Facebook if you're willing to look and actually see. I also visited a couple more times and got to know people in the neighborhood. And watched how they interacted with him. I then watched how he treated me compared to how he treated others who he also loved. He had to prove to me through serious actions that he was who he said he was. The thing that convinced me was actually a neighbor teen boy who was talking about his dreams and then turned to me and said "don't take him, please don't take him. We need him here. He's a real friend who takes care of us."

My other word of advice is if you have doubts now, they don't get easier to ignore. If you can't live with the doubts you have or the differences of opinion that you've discovered then you might want to step back again. Cultural differences are real and aren't always easy to overcome. The best advice is time... lots and lots of time (including face to face time). And if your parents are willing to travel, maybe some face to face time between your dad and your fiancé (or a good male friend who can be in the room with him alone). They can ask the hard questions for you.

[GurkenSalat 48]

1. Don't marry someone you don't fully know and trust! This should be common sense.

2. You have to really consider if the things you learn about him are deal-breakers. It should take only ONE deal-breaker to make you turn away. These are things you can't just "get over" or "work out".

I would run and hide at the first thoughts of "I've learned things about him and they aren't too great". It's your life, so you have to be VERY careful what you do with it.

[Boiler 45,516]

If you are waiting for his niece to also be able to immigrate it will be a few years anyway before you need to make a call.

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

If you have doubts then slow the train until you feel like you actually know the man you want to marry.

If it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't, intuition is powerful. Going with your head instead of your heart might feel cold and painful, but in the long run it'll save you a lot of pain.

[terri_blake 10]

I have not sent any money. In fact, he has sent me a lot of money since we began dating last year. There is so much goung on but my tears are delaying this process. Wow i really feel like I cant go thru with this.

[Boiler 45,516]

No rush, take some time out.