Married on K1 a year ago_Marriage is failing (Merged with updated questions)

[NewBeginnings1 10]

Ugh its been close to a year we were married. My then fiance arrived last summer. We married a few weeks after him arriving and soon after started trying for children.

Our journey was similar to most. We met, liked each other, several visits to Jamaica. Met the family and friends. He even sent me money and partially paid for my visits. I filed, waiting forever, he even was admin processing for a few months.

I don't want to say the marriage was a fraud, but his actions don't make it any easier to feel otherwise. Here is why. About 2 months after he arrived i had noticed he was distant at times. I just assumed he was acclamating to the US life. Which to a Jamaican is not easy especially in the northeast - cold! American culture is very complicated.

Well to get to the point, about 3 weeks after finding out we were expecting what would be his first child I discovered he had a 3 week old baby with a woman in Canada. I found out because I had seen a facebook app on his phone and he had told me he never used FB. So when I found his page, it was adorned with this baby and there were photos of him and this woman in Jamaica. When I confronted him, he has said he had had a one night stand with her and as a result she was pregnant with their first kid. He said he denied the whole time she was his and had only had picture everywhere hoping some other man would comment. (lies) Through out the next several months truths unfolded, this woman's behavior suggested it was more than just an one night stand. Months ago, I found out there were other women he saw in Jamaican while he was supposed to be faithful to me. I get it the LDR part of it is accepting a man will be a man, but what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me. So know knowing, makes me question his courting and intentions for me.

Well he has lied several times, now is an active participant to this child. We had twins - boy/girl. Had I known he was expecting a child, i would have never proceeded with the K1. Even during the process I had noticed times when he was distant and I would ask him if he was sure and if he wanted to end it i was ok. He would just say he was stressed out. When he arrived he looked like . But we were happy to begin our new lives together. We never fought and worked through disagreement maturely.

At times I thought he really loved me, but then again was it all a front. My question is if we divorce what affect will it have on his conditional GC. I know he can still proceed without me, but the marriage was not in good faith. He had this child and knew of her existence before arriving and marrying me. I don't want to be married to him things are just progressively getting worse. Since finding out we fight and argue constantly. We have only stayed together this long because of the twins. I don't want him to be removed from the country because his children deserve their father. On the other hand I do not wish to stay in a terrible marriage. On top of this, he constantly compares me to Jamaican woman and how they serve their husbands. I am the primary bread winner, I have 4 month old twins and two other chldren. He is the one who stays with the twins while I'm at work. I then have to come home and do all the wife duties while he gets to go and get some time for himself. He is selfish and makes me have a disdain for the Jamaican men. I have no problem being a wife, but do have a problem with being a slave. On top of it all I have to deal with the fact that each month he travels to Canada to see his ####### child. This woman calls every day - he says he tells her to let him know what is going on with his daughter with her. ITs too much. I have been a dutiful wife and feel used.

I have no idea what to do. I don't want to be married to him anymore. I don't want to waste whats left of my youth on a man who is nothing more than selfish. What remedy do I have? I know I can not mention he had this child, but for the divorce it was the exact reason the marriage broke down. I can't file and say we just didn't get along.

I hate that in order for my children to not suffer I have to swollow the fact he lied to me and decided for me. I told him he chose life for me for his own selfish reasons. This is why I feel it was fraud. He may have loved me, but you don't lie to someone. I remember shortly after we married, he called me at work saying "how comes we don't have a baby yet". Meanwhile when I found this FB debacle, that was around the time she was 9 months pregnant and he was liking her maternity shots she posted. He knew this kid was coming but made me believe otherwise. I feel so betrayed. My advice, wait the full 90 days before marrying. Don't have any children for a few years. Really get to know one another. Relationships are complicated, adding bi-cultural and relocation can make it harder.

My hat goes out to those who make it, I only wish I was in your shoes.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

Hearing stories like this is so disheartening! So sorry this is happening to you!

Thank you for sharing though.

[landr 126]

Who is paying for his monthly trips to Canada?

Unfortunately, divorce or legal separation doesn't discharge you from the I-864. However, he got his GC based on his marriage to you. If it's discovered that he married you to get immigration benefits, then it may be revoked.

Although Massachusetts is not a community property state, since you are the primary breadwinner, you could be in a very vulnerable position.

Ultimately, what do you want to get out out of this? I'd speak to a family lawyer about your options.

[hir0 49]

I'm so sorry to read this. One should not play with other's feelings especially when kids are involved.

Do what's beat for you and your children.

There are many great kids raised by single parents!

I meant : Do what's BEST to you and your children

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Divorce him and move on.

He is deadbeat who likes to sow wild oats.

He can ROC by himself if he has the brain to do so.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

Divorce him and move on.

He is deadbeat who likes to sow wild oats.

He can ROC by himself if he has the brain to do so.

I need a Like button!

[NewBeginnings1 10]

I need a Like button!

yes there should be a like button.

[NewBeginnings1 10]

Who is paying for his monthly trips to Canada?

Unfortunately, divorce or legal separation doesn't discharge you from the I-864. However, he got his GC based on his marriage to you. If it's discovered that he married you to get immigration benefits, then it may be revoked.

Although Massachusetts is not a community property state, since you are the primary breadwinner, you could be in a very vulnerable position.

Ultimately, what do you want to get out out of this? I'd speak to a family lawyer about your options.

He pays his own monthly trips. He has a part time job.

Yes I want to get out of it, but am trying to figure out the best recourse. I am worried about the alimony. He says no, but you never know... I mostly am not sure about mentioning this child during divorce proceeding. I question if a judge would grant a divorce on the grounds of "we just don't get along"?

[NewBeginnings1 10]

I remember the beginning of this journey. I researched and thought a lot about it. If anyone reads this post, I want them to be aware and really take it slow. If its real love and meant to be forever than it will stand through the test of time.

I thought I took all precautions. I'm not sure if its that he is just a beautiful liar (well ya) or he made a mistake and thought his way of handling would be best. I still am not 100% convinced he didn't love me. But right now it's clear. He still want to be married, but I keep thinking its because of the 2 year card. I rather get out the marriage. I'm sure he will be granted the extended so long as he proves good faith. I did add him to our car loan - had to buy a bigger vehicle because of the twins. Everything else is in my name. Not certain if this is enough for the extended card. I don't want him deported because regardless he is the father of my children, he does love them, and takes good care of them. He's just a SOB who possibly tricked me.

Marrying someone abroad does not garuantee you a life long happiness. Marriage is built. One doesn't come into a marriage that is filled with all that is good. You have to fill it with what you want your marriage to be. At first with the way things were our marriage would be full of joy and love. Since learning about all of this I see we are just starting and our foundation is crumbling.I know its time to get out before things escalate and get worse. Also, I don't want children being raised in a broken home.

When thinking about filing for a fiance or spouse, think about what you really know. At first all you have are words, you need to see actions. Actions take time to see. It is extremely hard to feel for someone who is so far. But don't let the distance drive your actions. Think about what if it didn't work out? Think about what do you really know about this person other than what they tell you? Treat it as you would a relationship here in the USA. You would be precautious and not so quick to be committed. I agree the government should extend the terms of a K1. I believe it drives you act too quickly which can prove to be detrimental.

Edited November 7, 2014 by NewBeginnings1

[Villanelle 4,122]

If you read through threads in this forum you will see there is a difference between abuse/fraud and crappy 'unpleasant' situations/marriages as Sandra calls them.

There was no documentation fraud in regards to the child in Canada not being included in the immigration forms. The child wasnt born yet. Did not have to be disclosed.

So with that out of the way-

At times I thought he really loved me, but then again was it all a front. My question is if we divorce what affect will it have on his conditional GC. I know he can still proceed without me, but the marriage was not in good faith. He had this child and knew of her existence before arriving and marrying me.

You seem to understand the process so Im not sure why you are asking. If you divorce he will have to ROC on his own. YOU do not determine if the marriage was in good faith. USCIS does based on the evidence submitted. IF they are aware of his other child and the timing of it and your not knowing about it they will weigh it accordingly.

I don't want to be married to him things are just progressively getting worse. Since finding out we fight and argue constantly. We have only stayed together this long because of the twins.

Then divorce

I don't want him to be removed from the country because his children deserve their father.

the outcome is NOT your decision to make- except you can decide to support his application by helping him with info/remain neutral and let the chips fall where they may/ or work against him and provide negative info.

I have no idea what to do. I don't want to be married to him anymore. I don't want to waste whats left of my youth on a man who is nothing more than selfish. What remedy do I have?

divorce

I know I can not mention he had this child, but for the divorce it was the exact reason the marriage broke down. I can't file and say we just didn't get along.

why can you 'not' mention the child? Because you want to remain neutral or help his ROC? Well thats fine. Most states only have several grounds for divorce- abandonment- irreconcilable differences- abuse etc. Sometimes theres infidelity but what youre describing isnt infidelity because it occurred prior to the marriage. Ive never seen a pre set ground for divorce being child born during marriage but conceived prior to.

You also mention in the thread something about alimony and thats something I wouldnt worry too much about. Its incredibly rare for alimony to be given nowadays. A bigger focus would be custody and child support. You do mention having 2 other children so Im sure you must know something about this already.

[Caryh 5,206]

He pays his own monthly trips. He has a part time job.

Yes I want to get out of it, but am trying to figure out the best recourse. I am worried about the alimony. He says no, but you never know... I mostly am not sure about mentioning this child during divorce proceeding. I question if a judge would grant a divorce on the grounds of "we just don't get along"?

If you go no fault, there's no reason to bring up this other child. Sounds like your best option is no fault uncontested. Writing out and agreement with him and filing together.

no fault, contested or not

The most common approach is no-fault based on an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. There are two options for a no-fault divorce. A “1A” divorce would be filed when both spouses agree that the marriage has irretrievably broken down and they have reached a written agreement with respect to child support, visitation, alimony, child custody and the division of marital assets. This is an uncontested no-fault divorce.

A “1B” divorce would be filed when one spouse believes there is an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage or both spouses believe the marriage has ended but they are not in agreement with regard to custody, support or marital property issues. This is a contested no-fault divorce. If you and your spouse are able to come to an agreement, you can file a request to change the divorce complaint from a “1B” to a “1A”divorce.

If you choose a fault divorce

In a fault divorce, the person asking for the divorce must prove specific ground(s) or reason for the divorce. The following grounds are listed in Mass. General Laws chapter 208, section 1: adultery, desertion, gross and confirmed habits of intoxication, cruel and abusive treatment, non- support, impotency, or a prison sentence of 5 or more years. This process can be more time-consuming and expensive than a no-fault divorce.

[NewBeginnings1 10]

If you go no fault, there's no reason to bring up this other child. Sounds like your best option is no fault uncontested. Writing out and agreement with him and filing together.

no fault, contested or not

The most common approach is no-fault based on an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. There are two options for a no-fault divorce. A “1A” divorce would be filed when both spouses agree that the marriage has irretrievably broken down and they have reached a written agreement with respect to child support, visitation, alimony, child custody and the division of marital assets. This is an uncontested no-fault divorce.

A “1B” divorce would be filed when one spouse believes there is an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage or both spouses believe the marriage has ended but they are not in agreement with regard to custody, support or marital property issues. This is a contested no-fault divorce. If you and your spouse are able to come to an agreement, you can file a request to change the divorce complaint from a “1B” to a “1A”divorce.

If you choose a fault divorce

In a fault divorce, the person asking for the divorce must prove specific ground(s) or reason for the divorce. The following grounds are listed in Mass. General Laws chapter 208, section 1: adultery, desertion, gross and confirmed habits of intoxication, cruel and abusive treatment, non- support, impotency, or a prison sentence of 5 or more years. This process can be more time-consuming and expensive than a no-fault divorce.

Great information! Thank you!

[katiekay 28]

I'm very sorry to hear about what you're going through and i really wish things could be different. its sad that so much money and precious time had to be wasted only to find out that your marriage and relationship wont last. Trust me, not all guys are the same, regardless of where they're coming from. You'll always find amazing guys in every race, but you'll also find the bad ones and its unfortunate that you have to now separate from the father of your child. This wont be the easiest thing to move on from, but i hope you'll find real happiness in the future, and no matter what, keep being that supermom for your beautiful kids and keep being strong. Good luck (: <3

[Marco&Bettina 502]

Ugh its been close to a year we were married. My then fiance arrived last summer. We married a few weeks after him arriving and soon after started trying for children.

Our journey was similar to most. We met, liked each other, several visits to Jamaica. Met the family and friends. He even sent me money and partially paid for my visits. I filed, waiting forever, he even was admin processing for a few months.

I don't want to say the marriage was a fraud, but his actions don't make it any easier to feel otherwise. Here is why. About 2 months after he arrived i had noticed he was distant at times. I just assumed he was acclamating to the US life. Which to a Jamaican is not easy especially in the northeast - cold! American culture is very complicated.

Well to get to the point, about 3 weeks after finding out we were expecting what would be his first child I discovered he had a 3 week old baby with a woman in Canada. I found out because I had seen a facebook app on his phone and he had told me he never used FB. So when I found his page, it was adorned with this baby and there were photos of him and this woman in Jamaica. When I confronted him, he has said he had had a one night stand with her and as a result she was pregnant with their first kid. He said he denied the whole time she was his and had only had picture everywhere hoping some other man would comment. (lies) Through out the next several months truths unfolded, this woman's behavior suggested it was more than just an one night stand. Months ago, I found out there were other women he saw in Jamaican while he was supposed to be faithful to me. I get it the LDR part of it is accepting a man will be a man, but what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me. So know knowing, makes me question his courting and intentions for me.

Well he has lied several times, now is an active participant to this child. We had twins - boy/girl. Had I known he was expecting a child, i would have never proceeded with the K1. Even during the process I had noticed times when he was distant and I would ask him if he was sure and if he wanted to end it i was ok. He would just say he was stressed out. When he arrived he looked like ######. But we were happy to begin our new lives together. We never fought and worked through disagreement maturely.

At times I thought he really loved me, but then again was it all a front. My question is if we divorce what affect will it have on his conditional GC. I know he can still proceed without me, but the marriage was not in good faith. He had this child and knew of her existence before arriving and marrying me. I don't want to be married to him things are just progressively getting worse. Since finding out we fight and argue constantly. We have only stayed together this long because of the twins. I don't want him to be removed from the country because his children deserve their father. On the other hand I do not wish to stay in a terrible marriage. On top of this, he constantly compares me to Jamaican woman and how they serve their husbands. I am the primary bread winner, I have 4 month old twins and two other chldren. He is the one who stays with the twins while I'm at work. I then have to come home and do all the wife duties while he gets to go and get some time for himself. He is selfish and makes me have a disdain for the Jamaican men. I have no problem being a wife, but do have a problem with being a slave. On top of it all I have to deal with the fact that each month he travels to Canada to see his ####### child. This woman calls every day - he says he tells her to let him know what is going on with his daughter with her. ITs too much. I have been a dutiful wife and feel used.

I have no idea what to do. I don't want to be married to him anymore. I don't want to waste whats left of my youth on a man who is nothing more than selfish. What remedy do I have? I know I can not mention he had this child, but for the divorce it was the exact reason the marriage broke down. I can't file and say we just didn't get along.

I hate that in order for my children to not suffer I have to swollow the fact he lied to me and decided for me. I told him he chose life for me for his own selfish reasons. This is why I feel it was fraud. He may have loved me, but you don't lie to someone. I remember shortly after we married, he called me at work saying "how comes we don't have a baby yet". Meanwhile when I found this FB debacle, that was around the time she was 9 months pregnant and he was liking her maternity shots she posted. He knew this kid was coming but made me believe otherwise. I feel so betrayed. My advice, wait the full 90 days before marrying. Don't have any children for a few years. Really get to know one another. Relationships are complicated, adding bi-cultural and relocation can make it harder.

My hat goes out to those who make it, I only wish I was in your shoes.

I'm sorry to be reading that. I hope your life & the life of your 4 children can improve from here.

[YamenWaad 45]

we are sorry for you ... this is life in the end