Does she still want me??

[ConfusedByher 0]

I need some advice.

I think my fiancee is looking for excuses to break up with me and is not attracted to me anymore. We are both here in the states now but not yet married.

I have been feeling like something is wrong ever since I went to Manila for the K1 interview.

When I was there before she was very romantic and affectionate with me, but when I came back she was almost distant. She avoids me sexually when before she was so loving and passionate.

It makes me feel like she is rejecting me, like she is repulsed by me.

Tonight my fiancée woke me up at 1:30am asking, “What is this?”

On her laptop was a webpage from a local court search. Listed was a dispute with an apartment complex from 1999. That’s right 1999!

The dispute was over the break of the lease and that I had not given the proper 30 days advanced notice prior to moving even though the lease was over. No big deal, and who cares.

I was hurt and insulted! She woke me up to interrogate me over this! She don’t trust me and is searching and investigating me while I am sleeping in the bed next to her!

When I react hurt and pissed she says I am being defensive! Why the hell is she searching for ####### to interrogate me on if she really wants to marry me and trusts me? And yes the date was on the page, 1999 and she woke me up over it!

What do I do?

What other possible reason could there be for looking for or questioning me about such things?

Why would a woman who was once gladly willing to do anything for me suddenly avoid me?

[ConfusedByher 0]

Sorry, I probably posted this in the wrong area but have no idea where to post this.

[JohnR! 5,495]

What do I do?

No one here will be able to tell you what to do. I can offer a suggestion though. Ask her, directly and with proper tone of voice all the questions you posted here.

At best we will only be able to speculate, which will certainly worsen your anxiety. Talk to her and let her know how you feel and ask her if anything has changed. Give her an opportunity to share with you any issues she may have and offer her a civilized way out of your relationship if she no longer wishes to pursue it.

I wish you luck!

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I need some advice.

I think my fiancee is looking for excuses to break up with me and is not attracted to me anymore. We are both here in the states now but not yet married.

I have been feeling like something is wrong ever since I went to Manila for the K1 interview.

When I was there before she was very romantic and affectionate with me, but when I came back she was almost distant. She avoids me sexually when before she was so loving and passionate.

It makes me feel like she is rejecting me, like she is repulsed by me.

Tonight my fiancée woke me up at 1:30am asking, “What is this?”

On her laptop was a webpage from a local court search. Listed was a dispute with an apartment complex from 1999. That’s right 1999!

The dispute was over the break of the lease and that I had not given the proper 30 days advanced notice prior to moving even though the lease was over. No big deal, and who cares.

I was hurt and insulted! She woke me up to interrogate me over this! She don’t trust me and is searching and investigating me while I am sleeping in the bed next to her!

When I react hurt and pissed she says I am being defensive! Why the hell is she searching for ####### to interrogate me on if she really wants to marry me and trusts me? And yes the date was on the page, 1999 and she woke me up over it!

What do I do?

What other possible reason could there be for looking for or questioning me about such things?

Why would a woman who was once gladly willing to do anything for me suddenly avoid me?

Maybe she does have cold feet before wedding? Talk heart to heart.

[pryzm 2]

Have a heart to heart talk with her,.. ask what's bothering her and let her know that she's hurting you.. hope everything will be fine, she just need to feel that you love her maybe.,woman just want attention sometimes, tell her how much you love her and ask what she really feels for you..

[ConfusedByher 0]

The change is our sex life has been almost 2 months now.

And why search for minor things from 14 years ago much less question me about it? It makes me feel like I’m under a microscope. At the very least untrusted and disrespected.

It seems like more than cold feet.

[ConfusedByher 0]

Have a heart to heart talk with her,.. ask what's bothering her and let her know that she's hurting you.. hope everything will be fine, she just need to feel that you love her maybe.,woman just want attention sometimes, tell her how much you love her and ask what she really feels for you..

I tell her and show her constantly that I love and adore her.

I have tried to ask her why the change in our sex life and she just ignores it.

And she blames me for her searching and interrogating me.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

The change is our sex life has been almost 2 months now.

And why search for minor things from 14 years ago much less question me about it? It makes me feel like I’m under a microscope. At the very least untrusted and disrespected.

It seems like more than cold feet.

If you don't my asking, how long both of you have been in relationship? How often you talked to her before she came to US? Communication is one of many factors in relationship.

[Ning 619]

I need some advice.

I think my fiancee is looking for excuses to break up with me and is not attracted to me anymore. We are both here in the states now but not yet married.

I have been feeling like something is wrong ever since I went to Manila for the K1 interview.

When I was there before she was very romantic and affectionate with me, but when I came back she was almost distant. She avoids me sexually when before she was so loving and passionate.

It makes me feel like she is rejecting me, like she is repulsed by me.

Tonight my fiancée woke me up at 1:30am asking, “What is this?”

On her laptop was a webpage from a local court search. Listed was a dispute with an apartment complex from 1999. That’s right 1999!

The dispute was over the break of the lease and that I had not given the proper 30 days advanced notice prior to moving even though the lease was over. No big deal, and who cares.

I was hurt and insulted! She woke me up to interrogate me over this! She don’t trust me and is searching and investigating me while I am sleeping in the bed next to her!

When I react hurt and pissed she says I am being defensive! Why the hell is she searching for ####### to interrogate me on if she really wants to marry me and trusts me? And yes the date was on the page, 1999 and she woke me up over it!

What do I do?

What other possible reason could there be for looking for or questioning me about such things?

Why would a woman who was once gladly willing to do anything for me suddenly avoid me?

You may have been exposed to the real person and literally be waking up to the cold hard facts of who and what you will have to live with. If this is what takes place now its probably not going to change.

I agree that a talk is needed but you will probably also see how that will go for now and in the future. Jealousy is a serious factor here and not easily overcome by people especially if they have low self-esteem.

[ConfusedByher 0]

If you don't my asking, how long both of you have been in relationship? How often you talked to her before she came to US? Communication is one of many factors in relationship.

November will be 2 years that we have been a couple.

While apart we were on Skype several hours a day. Sometimes we would even keep Skype calls going while we slept and the calls could last days without interruption.

We talked about everything. That’s one of the reasons why I feel so rejected. She could describe in romantic detail how much she wanted to be close to me, now she seems like she isn’t interested in me.

And she can’t seem to understand how insulted and disrespected I feel by her need to search for any small problem she can find.

[ConfusedByher 0]

You may have been exposed to the real person and literally be waking up to the cold hard facts of who and what you will have to live with. If this is what takes place now its probably not going to change.

I agree that a talk is needed but you will probably also see how that will go for now and in the future. Jealousy is a serious factor here and not easily overcome by people especially if they have low self-esteem.

I don’t think this qualifies as jealousy. She was questioning me about a dispute with an apartment complex 14 years ago that went to court. The dispute didn’t even cost me anything. It wasn’t like a crime.

It’s very creepy knowing she is looking for stuff like that. Why would she be searching for stuff like that if she trusted me? and then wake me up at 1:30am to question me about it!

What is she looking for and why????

[Girl from Celebes 588]

November will be 2 years that we have been a couple.

While apart we were on Skype several hours a day. Sometimes we would even keep Skype calls going while we slept and the calls could last days without interruption.

We talked about everything. That’s one of the reasons why I feel so rejected. She could describe in romantic detail how much she wanted to be close to me, now she seems like she isn’t interested in me.

And she can’t seem to understand how insulted and disrespected I feel by her need to search for any small problem she can find.

Don't you think someone is trying to change her mind? She might think you're trying to hide something from her. Or maybe someone was talking bad things about you and she's trying to find a proof of that. Ask her, I meant, ask her in very nice voice. No matter how mad a woman, when a man talks to her in gentle way, she usually melts down.

Edited September 9, 2013 by Girl from Celebes

[lonelywithouthim1 36]

Having a heart to heart talk is the best as always but a question for you. Is there anything that you might have told her that she found to be different when she got here? if so, this could be the cause of her not trusting you and searching/investigating to confirm everything you told her or not. This is not to blame anyone, just a suggestion and something to help you understand her concern if any. Good Luck

[ConfusedByher 0]

Don't you think someone is trying to change her mind? She might think you're trying to hide something from her. Or maybe someone was talking bad things about you and she's trying to find a proof of that. Ask her, I meant, ask her in very nice voice. No matter how mad a woman, when a man talks to her in gentle way, she usually melts down.

Having a heart to heart talk is the best as always but a question for you. Is there anything that you might have told her that she found to be different when she got here? if so, this could be the cause of her not trusting you and searching/investigating to confirm everything you told her or not. This is not to blame anyone, just a suggestion and something to help you understand her concern if any. Good Luck

I don’t think anyone is trying to change her mind. She is too strong willed for that and I think she would tell me.

She might think I am hiding something but I have no idea why.

I have had a grand total of 2 minor traffic tickets in my life (failure to make a complete stop, failure to properly yield on a left hand turn). At the time I lived very close to a police station and both times the police officer was training someone.

I was open about the fact that before her I had dated too many of the wrong women.

She knows everything I can’t imagine what she is looking for.

[kambingaso 9]

Is she trying to drive you away? Does she want to go back home? It's hard to talk about things that make you feel not trusted and disrespected without being angry. Please don't let any of the anger come out. It's really important for her to feel like she can talk to you.

However, you need to hear from her about why she feels the need to search for your internet history? Is it jealousy? Have "friends" been goading her to check you out? Does she have insomnia, and is she just keeping herself busy? Is she working? How about you? What does she do all day? Maybe she's going stir crazy.

RE: intimacy. Is she sick? Did she get a disease or STD recently, and is afraid that you'll find out? Is she just using you for the GC? Does she show signs of having a boyfriend back home? Is she spending a lot of time skyping back home while you're at work? Sending money to more than the family? Does she understand that she will have to return home if you break off the marriage (I'm thinking that you're not married yet)?

I hope my fiancee doesn't change when we're here in the US. That would be a nightmare. Hang in there.