Forum Bullies...

[Tintin and Mike 127]

Is it just me or some seasoned members here are only up to humiliate the newbies?

I've noticed that there are quite a few members here that just like to call out other people who doesn't exactly answer OP's question and sadly they're the seasoned members. I understand that sometimes this could confuse the OP even more but it could not be avoided most of the time but was that even necessary? As a fairly new member and still learning the ins and outs of the process, it's intimidating to add comments sometimes. You'll never know who will pop up to humiliate you. We're all here to learn from each other and not to show who's smarter and point out who has no absolute idea what they're getting into. Just sayin'....

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Thank you Tintin and Mike,

I'm actually moving your topic to Site Discussion as a more appropriate location for this discussion, but I would have to say, yes, some of the more 'seasoned' members here sometimes forget what it is like to be new at this. Some have become jaded and cynical for whatever reason and become impatient with those who don't have their level of experience or knowledge. Instead of moving on and leaving a post that asks a question they may have seen asked many times, they respond with a snarky comment that offers no help, or give the answer in such a tone as it can be intimidating and off-putting rather than reassuring - or at the very least, informative.

Basically, on Visa Journey there are no stupid questions - except for the ones someone didn't ask and should have. If you are curious about something, you should be able to ask the question and get the a courteous response. Even if someone is suggesting that you should read over the guides, it should be done with consideration rather than with an 'attitude'.

While we recognize that there are many different personality types active on Visa Journey and in forums such as Off Topic and the Politics and Religion forums things can get rather 'strong' at times, in the immigration forums themselves there is never any excuse for someone to be rude, condescending, obstructive, snarky or any other similar adjective. That being said, some of our more seasoned members who are extremely helpful do sometimes tend to be blunt. There is a difference between being blunt and being a bully. Any comments that end up insulting or attacking the poster are always inappropriate. If someone is being offensive, or inappropriate, then the best thing to do is to use the report button and ask a moderator to take a look. It may be that someone is overly sensitive to a blunt poster - or it may be that someone is being unnecessarily aggressive and do need to mind their manners better.

So, thank you for reminding all of us, especially those of us who have been around for a while, that it is much easier for the newcomers to benefit from our knowledge and experience, if we are willing to remember what it was like to encounter all of the tangles and complications of the visa processes for the first time, and what it was like to feel overwhelmed and not knowing exactly where to start.

Edited September 22, 2012 by Kathryn41

[aws&ndd 103]

Hmm maybe I haven't been paying close enough attention but I never noticed it. And honestly I could care less what other people think or say about what I write. I try to give the best advice and of course I admit sometimes I am wrong. Just don't have the time to waste letting something like that bother me...I'm too busy being anxious awaiting my NOA2!!

In short, don't let these things bother you, and if you feel like you are harrassed there is always the report button.

[Tintin and Mike 127]

Hmm maybe I haven't been paying close enough attention but I never noticed it. And honestly I could care less what other people think or say about what I write. I try to give the best advice and of course I admit sometimes I am wrong. Just don't have the time to waste letting something like that bother me...I'm too busy being anxious awaiting my NOA2!!

In short, don't let these things bother you, and if you feel like you are harrassed there is always the report button.

Yeah I'm trying not pay too much attention to them but when you see them say 'the OP didn't ASK BLAH BLAH BLAH' it gets me Well I don't really want to report them, I was hoping the forum moderator would catch it or something

Thank you Tintin and Mike,

I'm actually moving your topic to Site Discussion as a more appropriate location for this discussion, but I would have to say, yes, some of the more 'seasoned' members here sometimes forget what it is like to be new at this. Some have become jaded and cynical for whatever reason and become impatient with those who don't have their level of experience or knowledge. Instead of moving on and leaving a post that asks a question they may have seen asked many times, they respond with a snarky comment that offers no help, or give the answer in such a tone as it can be intimidating and off-putting rather than reassuring - or at the very least, informative.

Basically, on Visa Journey there are no stupid questions - except for the ones someone didn't ask and should have. If you are curious about something, you should be able to ask the question and get the a courteous response. Even if someone is suggesting that you should read over the guides, it should be done with consideration rather than with an 'attitude'.

While we recognize that there are many different personality types active on Visa Journey and in forums such as Off Topic and the Politics and Religion forums things can get rather 'strong' at times, in the immigration forums themselves there is never any excuse for someone to be rude, condescending, obstructive, snarky or any other similar adjective. That being said, some of our more seasoned members who are extremely helpful do sometimes tend to be blunt. There is a difference between being blunt and being a bully. Any comments that end up insulting or attacking the poster are always inappropriate. If someone is being offensive, or inappropriate, then the best thing to do is to use the report button and ask a moderator to take a look. It may be that someone is overly sensitive to a blunt poster - or it may be that someone is being unnecessarily aggressive and do need to mind their manners better.

So, thank you for reminding all of us, especially those of us who have been around for a while, that it is much easier for the newcomers to benefit from our knowledge and experience, if we are willing to remember what it was like to encounter all of the tangles and complications of the visa processes for the first time, and what it was like to feel overwhelmed and not knowing exactly where to start.

You said it very well and I've appreciate the sentiments Glad to know I'm not the only one being all 'sensitive' about it

[spookyturtle 9,465]

Good topic and quite true. There are a few long time members here with a holier than thou attitude who love to pounce on a new user for the slightest mistake or misuse of terminology. They seem to have forgotten that everyone isn't an "expert" and riding the high horse as they are.

[Moomin 292]

Would be nice if it had a consequence other than just the post removed, otherwise simply report it - especially if it's not relevant to the conversation, or judgemental. I do think some members are a bit up on a piedestal however sometimes it seems harsher than what it is when not using smileys, or cutting right through to the essential part of the question.

Personally, I can't stand the snack eating smiley and find it utterly offensive in topics where OP is either new, or in a complicated situation.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I agree about the popcorn eating emoticon in the immigration forums. It is never appropriate. While it may appear that all that happens is that offensive posts are removed and a warning left, a lot of moderation attention happens behind the scenes privately with the offender. We don't publish when someone is suspended nor say who has been thread-banned, but we do keep track of such things.

Regarding those with a condescending or 'holier than though' attitude - I've always found that it is easier for people to 'hear' what you have to say when their hackles aren't raised from how you have said it. If people are truly interested in sharing their experience and advice, it is to their benefit as well to post in a considerate and courteous manner.

[X Factor 1,111]

Kathryn expresses it very well. There are some members that seem to belittle others. It doesn't cost anything to be polite and show common courtesy.

[abner137 48]

Just kidding..... I've only run across a couple people like that....99% of the people I have come across are very helpful, even if it's painful for them...

[Ban Hammer 13,275]

Well I don't really want to report them, I was hoping the forum moderator would catch it or something

note that the mods don't read many threads. the site is self policed by the members via the report button:

"In particular, Members are encouraged to report objectionable Content on the Forums by use of the Report feature (a link to the Report feature is below each Post in the Forums). We have the ability to remove objectionable Content and we will make every effort to do so, within a reasonable time frame, if we determine that removal is necessary."

[Tintin and Mike 127]

Thanks all for the kind comments and suggestions

[Dakine10 5,452]

Yeah I'm trying not pay too much attention to them but when you see them say 'the OP didn't ASK BLAH BLAH BLAH' it gets me Well I don't really want to report them, I was hoping the forum moderator would catch it or something

I'm not sure if there was a specific topic you were referring to or just in general, but in the situation you described, when an OP asks a specific question and the responses are not related, even the moderators will often give a warning to get back on track or remove the non related posts.

For example a common topic is "how can I adjust status after marriage on a tourist visa", and then you get several posts saying "you shouldn't do that", "you should just go back home and do it the right way" etc etc. These lead to very confusing topics where the OP has to sift through misinformation to actually get the relevant information they are looking for.

Some long time members spend a lot of time in off topic forums. Sometimes they forget to adjust their attitudes in the upper forums. That's not right, and as Charles said, the moderators can't always catch it if it isn't reported. If it is reported, rest assured the moderators deal with it quickly.

I'm not defending anyone acting like a bully, but personally, I will often point out when post's are going off topic. I know that some new users will only post one or two questions on the forum, read the responses, and leave. They may never come back. They may make a life altering decision on the basis of the few answers they get. I would like to see them get the best answer to the question they asked and not leave more confused than when they arrived. Sometimes you have to point out that another answer is wrong or misleading. I do think that we can do that in a way that is respectful to everyone.

[Tintin and Mike 127]

I'm not sure if there was a specific topic you were referring to or just in general, but in the situation you described, when an OP asks a specific question and the responses are not related, even the moderators will often give a warning to get back on track or remove the non related posts.

For example a common topic is "how can I adjust status after marriage on a tourist visa", and then you get several posts saying "you shouldn't do that", "you should just go back home and do it the right way" etc etc. These lead to very confusing topics where the OP has to sift through misinformation to actually get the relevant information they are looking for.

Some long time members spend a lot of time in off topic forums. Sometimes they forget to adjust their attitudes in the upper forums. That's not right, and as Charles said, the moderators can't always catch it if it isn't reported. If it is reported, rest assured the moderators deal with it quickly.

I'm not defending anyone acting like a bully, but personally, I will often point out when post's are going off topic. I know that some new users will only post one or two questions on the forum, read the responses, and leave. They may never come back. They may make a life altering decision on the basis of the few answers they get. I would like to see them get the best answer to the question they asked and not leave more confused than when they arrived. Sometimes you have to point out that another answer is wrong or misleading. I do think that we can do that in a way that is respectful to everyone.

It's more of just a general observation. Often times it happened when we read the OP's question too quick and the comments made were just a bit off or didn't answer the question completely. This forum is greatly diversified, that we all have different educational and cultural backgrounds and it's not impossible that we might have read the post in all different ways and understanding. What would you do if the user only knew or understand half of the question? Most people just want to get involved and learn something in the process.

Also if we add 'I'm not sure or I think' to our comments, one will smartly say 'If you're not certain, please don't reply to OP's question.' We're just hoping someone will confirm it for us so for the future, we'll be certain and not ever say those doubtful words anymore.

[Scott and Mhay 57]

I too have seen that and when I first came on here I had an issue with one member in particular, (I wont name any names) but I did report it and it did get dealt with in a timely manner. I dont see where being an #### really helps anything. I have been on forums for quite sometime and an admin on one automotive forum. I have seen the side of the mods/admins. It is hard to police the forum and catch/read everything. That is where members need to report the stuff so the staff can make the determination of if it crossed the line.

[TracyTN 237]

As a 'seasoned' member (lots of salt ), I do try not to answer posts with misinformation if I'm in a particularly bad mood. LOL But I do wish sometimes that people would not speculate on an answer and possibly send a member down a further process worm hole with said misinformation. Yes it helps to say 'I think', but the nature of message boards is that people come in, ask a question, get an answer they either want to hear or that 'may' be right, and then trot off to go through that process without ever coming back to the board. Those people miss the benefit of corrective answers and discussion - possibly even someone asking more questions that are relevant to their situation and could change the answer significantly. The onus is on that person to fully investigate and not jump at the first answer they get, but sometimes that's not likely to happen on the interwebz. Heh.

So I do wish those who aren't sure of the answers will at least say, 'Here's what I think, but it's in your best interest to let others answer first before acting on the information I've provided.' I have done that SO many times since joining VJ and am glad I did. Not only have I learned things I didn't know, but hopefully the poster actually got the answer that is relevant and helpful to them instead of causing themselves further complications. And isn't that what this board should be about?