Buying a Wife from the Ukraine

[Brad and Vika 129]

I don't know anyone here who has tried this. I know people who have mentioned entering into a fake marriage to get to, say, Germany, but no one who has looked online for an American man. I know a couple of girls who went over on work/travel, fell in love, and immigrated, but it's received differently, I guess, when you're marrying someone in your general age group whom you met in real life.

I was referring to how my relatives have reacted to the fact that one of my cousins of sorts is currently in the CR-1 process with a RUB woman 20+ years younger than him. Everyone is happy for him because he is happy, but there is also some lingering fear about her intentions among males and females in family alike.

Interesting. What about your Russian friends opinion about this stuff? I met Vika in person also, but we are pretty far apart in age. Her family was more concerned about her being so far away though.

I just wonder if the average Russian thinks these relationships are GC scams, or human trafficking, or just another way to meet your second half?

[eekee 182]

Interesting. What about your Russian friends opinion about this stuff? I met Vika in person also, but we are pretty far apart in age. Her family was more concerned about her being so far away though.

I just wonder if the average Russian thinks these relationships are GC scams, or human trafficking, or just another way to meet your second half?

I've never heard anybody mention it. Opinions on Americans adopting Russian kids? Yes. Opinions on Russian "mail order brides"? Never been brought up.

[1HappyGuy 45]

I suppose one's opinion of bringing in a foreign spouse (generally a fiancee) will depend on the particular situation you are connected to. My wife has a girlfriend in Kiev who says, "I hate America". Now, her opinion is based upon the fact that two of her best friends have moved to America and are by most standards happily married women. Her opinion is personal based upon losing two friends in her town.

After Lena arrived I did get some comments from people once they met her, but all were very positive. Of course there were the few that said, "Why would she marry you"? I took those as personal insults as if I would not be a good husband. #######!

Prior to my wife's arrival there were a few that dropped the not so subtle hint that she was here to get to America and a green card. Obviously these were people that had no clue about the life she was leaving or how extremely difficult a decision like that was. If we were to reverse the situation, how many of us could make that change?

In so many cases on VJ and beyond it is apparent that love is the defining characteristic of these relationships. I want to say to all of these doubters, "Grow Up".

By the way, the other girlfriend that lives in America also lives in the town of my birth. Now that is what I call a small world.

[Brad and Vika 129]

I've never heard anybody mention it. Opinions on Americans adopting Russian kids? Yes. Opinions on Russian "mail order brides"? Never been brought up.

I meant what do they think about marrying foriegners generally. What is the consensus on adoption?

[TBoneTX 45,159]

Because they "buy American" no matter what.

Everyone who hasn't done so already should see post #52 in this thread, see man (starting with "sidebar story" within that post):

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/382775-mrs-t-b-the-citizenship-test/page__st__45

[TBoneTX 45,159]

Because they "buy American" no matter what.

Where's the +1,000 button?

After I forswore trying to date any more Americanas (on 1 April 2006, no fooling man), I tried to figure out, "What's next?" I first investigated a legitimate introduction agency dealing with Siberian babes, and even corresponded with the head honcho of that program, but I decided against pursuing that route because of distance and the language barrier. The Orient was also out, for the same reasons and the additional potential of scams. I then happened upon a discussion site (now defunct, sadly) in which the following thoughts were posted:

RE: Colombian Women Part II

If you look for a woman that is self centered, selfish, angry, materialistic, highly critical, overweight, and in general insane ... you may locate one in Colombia, but you'll have difficulty finding her. In the US you'll have difficulty finding one that isn't.

When I told a female friend a couple of years ago that I was marrying a Colombian woman, she had this to say.

"You just want someone to clean your house, cook your meals, and screw you to death at night."

After a moment of dumbfounded silence I replied, "So what's your point, Lynn? Let's face it, if you treat your man this way, it's not likely you'll have many problems in your marriage."

Lynn divorced her much younger husband about a year ago. She told me he was too childlike.

The main differences between a woman in Colombia and women in the USA are cultural. In Colombia there is no battle of the sexes that I saw. Women acted like women, and for the most part are pleased to take care of their man. When they do this in the USA (that is if you can find one that does) they are labeled "Co-Dependent" and are then medicated.

A reply to that was (with bolding-for-emphasis by me):

I don't wish to stereotype all ladies of the USA as undesirables, there are a good number of decent women here. The problem I experienced was that the good ones are either married or already in a relationship. This seems to become more of a problem the older you get.

I was 40 years old when my first wife divorced me. At that age, most of the women that I dated afterwards, were in the 34 and older age bracket. What I noticed after a period of time was that these women were mostly the rejects of society, or had been severely damaged in previous relationships because of poor choices in their men. The most disturbing observation I made was their refusal or inability to let go of the past and move on with their lives. This seemed to be present no matter what part of the country I was in. They were constantly making comparisons of past negative experiences, and seemingly "looking for something wrong". Many were on antidepressants, and had never confronted and moved beyond their problems.

I could write a book on this subject and present any number of theories as to the cause being age, gender, location, cultural, or whatever. All I know is that when in Colombia, the vast majority of women didn't possess these defects. That was good enough for me to marry a beautiful Colombian sweetheart, that most women in this country would label co-dependant.

Thanks for your comments, you sound like you've been as fortunate as I in finding that special lady.

This articulated most of what I'd been struggling with, and it prompted me to search in Latin America. The chief benefits were as follows: short distance (a flight to Ecuador is only about an hour longer than a flight to Seattle); similar time zones (most L.A. countries are never more than an hour different from my zone); a higher percentage of women who speak & write English, even if only at a basic level; the comparative ease of my picking up Spanish in comparison with Russian or an Eastern European language; and the availability of Hispanic culture here, so that whoever the eventual Mrs.-T-B.-to-be might be would not feel completely alien. It worked out, si man.

How many of the rest of us here felt the way that those Colombiana-discussing dudes felt, huh man?

Edited September 15, 2012 by TBoneTX

[Dustin C 12]

I usually just ask those people why being married to an ugly fat woman who b!tches all the time is acceptable to them.

Right on!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I don't know anyone here who has tried this. I know people who have mentioned entering into a fake marriage to get to, say, Germany, but no one who has looked online for an American man. I know a couple of girls who went over on work/travel, fell in love, and immigrated, but it's received differently, I guess, when you're marrying someone in your general age group whom you met in real life.

I was referring to how my relatives have reacted to the fact that one of my cousins of sorts is currently in the CR-1 process with a RUB woman 20+ years younger than him. Everyone is happy for him because he is happy, but there is also some lingering fear about her intentions among males and females in family alike.

Alla has only her mother for family and she was THRILLED Alla had found a good man (with "gold hands") and was moving to a clean environment. Donetsk is notoriously polluted and unhealthy. She says since we live on a "big and clean lake with many fish" and have "lots of grass to eat" she need never worry about her daughter being hungry. We are in the I-130 process for Momma now so if that means anything...

Her friends were all happy for her. The boys friends, especially girls, treat them like rock stars! Holy #######! If I had THAT level of crumpet following me around like the Pied Piper when I was 17...Oh I have to stop thinking that way.

The girls Pasha hangs with in Donetsk...OMG! "Are you sure she is 17 Pasha? She looks about 22!" Holy ####### they have the whole make up and high heels thing goin' on at 17. Bozhia Moy! I have to avert my eyes or risk the Wrath of Alla!

"Did you see her?"

Who?

"The girl Pasha brought"

Bought?

"BROUGHT... to the flat"

What girl?

"She has big breasts, too big for a girl that age, and she is not clever at all"

I didn't see, how was her @ss? (Alla always checks other womens @sses, yeah, I know)

"Perfect @ss, the kind I want...Liar"

I am going to the kiosk for some juice now.

"Go STRIGHT there and come STRAIGHT back"

Alla, you are beautiful, these young girls <turn head, pretend to spit>

"Come STRAIGHT back"

[Brad and Vika 129]

Where's the +1,000 button?

After I forswore trying to date any more Americanas (on 1 April 2006, no fooling man), I tried to figure out, "What's next?" I first investigated a legitimate introduction agency dealing with Siberian babes, and even corresponded with the head honcho of that program, but I decided against pursuing that route because of distance and the language barrier. The Orient was also out, for the same reasons and the additional potential of scams. I then happened upon a discussion site (now defunct, sadly) in which the following thoughts were posted:

A reply to that was (with bolding-for-emphasis by me):This articulated most of what I'd been struggling with, and it prompted me to search in Latin America. The chief benefits were as follows: short distance (a flight to Ecuador is only about an hour longer than a flight to Seattle); similar time zones (most L.A. countries are never more than an hour different from my zone); a higher percentage of women who speak & write English, even if only at a basic level; the comparative ease of my picking up Spanish in comparison with Russian or an Eastern European language; and the availability of Hispanic culture here, so that whoever the eventual Mrs.-T-B.-to-be might be would not feel completely alien. It worked out, si man.

How many of the rest of us here felt the way that those Colombiana-discussing dudes felt, huh man?

Well put, as far as it goes. Before I met Vika, I had some of the same sort of experiences. After I started doing business in Eastern Europe, I dated some a few Russian speakers here in the US, and found them to have the same issues, although lesser, and they were younger. It is useful at times to recognize that I (and most 40+ year olds) have my own baggage too. The addage about all the "good ones" being married is true for men as well. When I added my baggage to my GF's baggage, it turned into a Winnebago that usually ran me over

Fortunately for most of us, the paradigm of a "good man" is a little different in other countries. Vika said that a good man is stable, kind, devoted to his family. He doesn't drink too much, doesn't screw around, and isn't ever violent - even when given ample reason to lose his temper. She never asked a question about my salary, how I live, what I drive, etc. Lots of questions about how I get along with my kids, and my brother's family. Do I respect my parents? How often do I talk to them? Probably some silly stuff too, about care of my shoes, nails, etc. Those answers trump big house, big money, and how my pupka looks in jeans (thank God ).

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I've never heard anybody mention it. Opinions on Americans adopting Russian kids? Yes. Opinions on Russian "mail order brides"? Never been brought up.

Despite the hype, I do not think all that many women (percentage wise) are looking for foreign men. I did not meet any in casual life that were in two years. My landlord owned an agency and he could have hooked me up, but why? Would have been, literally, like bringing sand to the beach. But just in normal work and leisure I never met any woman that said she had advertised for a froeign husband, I am going to guess that way less that 1 per cent ever do.

So much for the entire population trying to escape to the US. Most do not give the US a thought on a daily basis.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Well put, as far as it goes. Before I met Vika, I had some of the same sort of experiences. After I started doing business in Eastern Europe, I dated some a few Russian speakers here in the US, and found them to have the same issues, although lesser, and they were younger. It is useful at times to recognize that I (and most 40+ year olds) have my own baggage too. The addage about all the "good ones" being married is true for men as well. When I added my baggage to my GF's baggage, it turned into a Winnebago that usually ran me over

Fortunately for most of us, the paradigm of a "good man" is a little different in other countries. Vika said that a good man is stable, kind, devoted to his family. He doesn't drink too much, doesn't screw around, and isn't ever violent - even when given ample reason to lose his temper. She never asked a question about my salary, how I live, what I drive, etc. Lots of questions about how I get along with my kids, and my brother's family. Do I respect my parents? How often do I talk to them? Probably some silly stuff too, about care of my shoes, nails, etc. Those answers trump big house, big money, and how my pupka looks in jeans (thank God ).

Excellent description and wholly accurate. "I treasure things of lasting value" as Alla would say. They are very direct, blunt and basically can handle the truth...and rare phenomonon here wehre we act all outraged that men on foreign assignment keep compnay with prostitutes. Alla's reaction... "yeah, and what? Big surprise, right?"

She will flat out tell you that hair falls out, bellies get bigger, a woman's breasts start trying to tuck themselves in her belt...etc. Houses can be lost, money can be lost. People of Alla's age have seen it happen twice. All things can go away, be taken away, erode, corrode, the shine wears off...

But a man that loves his family and has it in his nature not to be violent or drunk, a man that has a nature to put his family first...THAT is the holy grail.

The only thing she asked me about the house was if it had indoor toilets and kitchen and about money, only if we would have enough for "bread"

I have found two charactar triats to be the BEST with my Ukrainian woman.

1. Never get upset about anything. You are the ROCK, she is the weak person. If she has to be strong she does not need you. She needs you so she can be weak. Let her spin and fuss and then just fix it. Don't SAY you are going to fix it,just FIX IT. Doesn't matter about what, be cool. If she is upset with you and screams...yeah they do that...just be cool. Listen and then say "OK sweetheart, no problem" Don't sweat the small stuff. If they see you get all worried and upset...OMG!

Practical application...

Put gas in her car, she hates the smell. Check her oil and tires, she will only start the thing and aim it. Make sure her inspection etc. is up to date. See her struggling with a jar lid? Crack all the lids when they come from the store and buy her a "jar wrench" and show her how to use it. etc.

But most of all...stay cool. Be cool man. Do the taxes, handle the insurance stuff. Alla pays all the bills now and has been but she puts anything related to insurance or medical bills on my desk. I also handle anything for the boys...medical exams for schools were big issues this year, vaccinations, etc. Gary just does that, Alla does not worry about it. It also bonds me to the boys who truly look to me for a lot of things and that is perfect, for me and Alla.

2. Being a do-it-yourself guy, building things, fixing things. She said just the other day "We have never had any person here to fix anything and never paid any money for anyone to fix anything and everything works...it just works. This was always a problem for me but not any more" Make everything "just work". Even if you are not a furniture builder or ceramic tile do-er kind of guy...make sure the light bulbs are changed, the furnace filter is fresh, switches work, water does not leak. If you need to call someone to fix it, then call them. "The toilet has a small leak sweetheart, I called a plumber to fix it" You are her HERO!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Where's the +1,000 button?

After I forswore trying to date any more Americanas (on 1 April 2006, no fooling man), I tried to figure out, "What's next?" I first investigated a legitimate introduction agency dealing with Siberian babes, and even corresponded with the head honcho of that program, but I decided against pursuing that route because of distance and the language barrier. The Orient was also out, for the same reasons and the additional potential of scams. I then happened upon a discussion site (now defunct, sadly) in which the following thoughts were posted:

A reply to that was (with bolding-for-emphasis by me):This articulated most of what I'd been struggling with, and it prompted me to search in Latin America. The chief benefits were as follows: short distance (a flight to Ecuador is only about an hour longer than a flight to Seattle); similar time zones (most L.A. countries are never more than an hour different from my zone); a higher percentage of women who speak & write English, even if only at a basic level; the comparative ease of my picking up Spanish in comparison with Russian or an Eastern European language; and the availability of Hispanic culture here, so that whoever the eventual Mrs.-T-B.-to-be might be would not feel completely alien. It worked out, si man.

How many of the rest of us here felt the way that those Colombiana-discussing dudes felt, huh man?

I do not debate relative merits, and the ones you point out are good ones. Particularly language and time zones. OMG one of the best things about having all our children in the US now is no more than 1 hour time difference!

But I had a similar epiphany when I discovered that "hey, I DO have an option" I have been of the opinion that American women are of the "That's how it is, deal with it" mindset. And I am of the "no, thank you very much" mindset. Even if I have to spend 24 hours traveling (and it alomost always is close to that with layovers) so be it!

On the personal level...and being strictly subjective, I simply prefer the looks of Eastern European women over Latinas. Nothing racist here, just a personal choice, and I know other's choices are different and Vive La Differance! Tall, slender, light complexion, blue eyes, it is just what I prefer, though I am more a brunette guy and Ukraine is rich in blue eyed brunettes...go figure.

Again subjective, I find the Rusian accent in a woman entirely erotic! French accents are almost as good (in women, French men sound Gay)but the slavic/Russian accent is enough to give me chills and thrills. And that's the truth.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

I think most of you over-estimate how much people care if your wife is from a RUB country.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

I usually just ask those people why being married to an ugly fat woman who b!tches all the time is acceptable to them.

+10000000000000000

[Neonred 3,553]

I think most of you over-estimate how much people care if your wife is from a RUB country.

Doesn't matter what other people think. We care.