Mrs. T-B. & the Citizenship Test

[TBoneTX 45,259]

Background:

We mailed Mrs. T-B.'s N-400 (citizenship) to USCIS last week. I printed the 100 interview questions that USCIS can ask, wrote the answers, and gave them to Mrs. T-B. to study. She stated that she had "looked" at them "a little" during the last couple of days, between Facebook activity and chasing after young Mini-Bone.

As I tucked her into bed tonight (she has resigned herself to my late-night VJ-ing), the conversation went as follows:

Mrs. T-B.: I was looking on-line for "how to remodel your kitchen without money."

T-B.: Shouldn't you have been looking for "how to pass my citizenship test without studying?"

Mrs. T-B. [brightly]: I looked at the answers! Ask me some of the questions!

T-B.: OK... uh, "Who was the Father of our Country?"

Mrs. T-B.: Abraham Lincoln?'

T-B.: No, man.

Mrs. T-B.: Donald... Ronald Reagan?

T-B.: Good guy, but no, man.

Mrs. T-B.: Barack 0bama?

T-B.: [censored]

[silence]

T-B.: Here's a hint: Jorge...

Mrs. T-B.: Jorge Washington! George Washington! He or someone else is on the $5... the $1 bill, right?"

T-B. [invisibly rolling eyes]: Uh, si man.

Mrs. T-B. [undeterred]: Ask me another!

T-B.: OK... uh, "What is one thing that Benjamin Franklin is known for?"

Mrs. T-B.: Oh, I saw this one! He was hit by... hit by... [makes vertical zigzag motion with hand]

T-B. [helpfully]: That thing that happens before thunder?

Mrs. T-B.: Si -- that's it! But I can't remember the word in English.

T-B.: Lightning?

Mrs. T-B.: That's it! He was hit by lightning!

T-B.: What was he doing when he was hit by the lightning?

Mrs. T-B. [blankly]: Uh, mmmm... sitting in his back yard, drinking beer.

T-B.: No, no no... uh, si, man; we'll talk about this one later.

Mrs. T-B.: I know how I can study! You put the answers on an MP3, and in three days, I'll know all of them.

T-B.: All of them?

Mrs. T-B. [mischievously]: Si, and you can motivate me by paying me $10 for all of them that I miss.

T-B.: You're not going to sneak that one by me, no man.

Mrs. T-B. [flashing big brown puppy-dog eyes]: OK -- you can ask me more of the questions tomorrow, and sometimes husbands make financial arrangements so that wives can remodel their kitchen.

T-B. [to self]:

Edited August 12, 2012 by TBoneTX

[Darnell 8,478]

I liked the Time-Life series of Kitchen Remodel. 14 volumes or so, complete with photos and exploded drawings.

Been out for 40 years now - you can find them for free on Craigslist or a church fundraiser sale or ...

And here's yer trick. Every 20 pages or so, put in one question with the answer.

Scatter the books across the house, where they can be seen easily.

Then walk away.

[TBoneTX 45,259]

And here's yer trick. Every 20 pages or so, put in one question with the answer.

Thanks, Brother D., but the attention span isn't that long, and Mini-Bone would probably start tearing out the pages, anyway. Edited August 12, 2012 by TBoneTX

[KTandTommy 31]

Hahaha... I think I instantly love your wife. She is hilarious.

[Darnell 8,478]

T - I didn't mean for you to handwrite inside the books.

Make bookmark slips with yer computer/printer, leave a trailing edge visible when the book is closed.

Then your hook becomes, 'Honey - these are the pages that I think you will like' .

Is possible this could work. I am unsure, alas, as to the 'probable', though.

[beejay 123]

In the booklet we got at the biometrics there was a cd of all the questions! So unless Mrs. T-B prefers your voice and you are amiable to take on the task of recording all the questions for your lovely wife you could just pick up the booklet and cd from your local office. Once my hubby got pretty familiar with the questions I copied the cd onto itunes and then shuffled and burned a new cd for him to listen to while driving to work.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Actually, Mrs. T-B should receive the booklet with the CD in it when she goes for her biometrics - which shouldn't be too long coming now .

[TBoneTX 45,259]

Actually, Mrs. T-B should receive the booklet with the CD in it when she goes for her biometrics - which shouldn't be too long coming now .

(I could give her better answers, but they'd probably get her kicked out of the interview, if not deported.) That's good, si man, because I omitted a dialogue from the original post:

Mrs. T-B.: Ask me another!

T-B.: OK... What did the Emancipation Proclamation do?

Mrs. T-B. [after long silence]: Emancipate, and... and proclamate.

T-B.: Do you know what "emancipate" means?

Mrs. T-B. [faintly]: Independence.

T-B.: Then who was made independent by the Emancipation Proclamation?

Mrs. T-B. [after long silence]: The illegal Mexicans.

T-B. [to self]:

Edited August 13, 2012 by TBoneTX

[TBoneTX 45,259]

Make bookmark slips with yer computer/printer, leave a trailing edge visible when the book is closed. [...] Is possible this could work. I am unsure, alas, as to the 'probable', though.

Good idea, si man, but (1) little Mini-Bone would remove the slips almost immediately, and (2) Mrs. T-B. would leave the books on the table and eventually sweep them into a box, never to be seen again, if Mama T-B. or company were coming over, sigh man.

[TBoneTX 45,259]

Hahaha... I think I instantly love your wife. She is hilarious.

You have good taste, si man. Earlier (not part of the above dialogue), I asked her, "Do you know one right that's reserved only for U.S. citizens?" She said, "What?" I said, "As soon as you get your Certificate of Naturalization, you go straight to the hair parlor and get turned into a blonde."

I immediately ducked as something (perhaps a can of cling peaches) whizzed just by my ear, whee man.

[TBoneTX 45,259]

edited for veracity, man!

Duck, duck, GOOSE!

Quack... er, honk, man.

I regularly report to her my imaginary (yet highly detailed) adventures with my imaginary harem of six blondes, si man.

One day last month (true story, si man), I walked into the supermarket and was pleasantly accosted by two young, gorgeous blondes (one 6 feet tall, tree man!) who were handing out coupons. They said, "It will help us with our boss if you pose for a picture with us." I humored them (without needing further convincing), and they soon handed me a copy of the photo. At home, I dropped it on the kitchen table amidst other jetsam and forgot about it. A couple of hours later, I hear "What the hell is THIS?!" Mollification ensued after the briefest of explanations that they were NOT part of the harem, si man and no man. Six blondes is acceptable, si man; eight is not, no man.

Sad testament to the depth of the ring in the nose is that I TWICE told the two blondes, "I've got to show this photo to my wife" instead of saying "Where were you when I was single?" Gee man.

Edited August 13, 2012 by TBoneTX

[TBoneTX 45,259]

T-B.: Have you been studying for your citizenship test?

Mrs. T-B.: Si.

T-B.: OK: Name 3 of the original 13 Colonies. Remember the tip that I told you.

Mrs. T-B.: Nueva York, Nueva Hersey, and, and, and... Nueva Handsome... Nueva Handshirt... uh..

T-B. [to self]:

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

T-B.: Have you been studying for your citizenship test?

Mrs. T-B.: Si.

T-B.: OK: Name 3 of the original 13 Colonies. Remember the tip that I told you.

Mrs. T-B.: Nueva York, Nueva Hersey, and, and, and... Nueva Handsome... Nueva Handshirt... uh..

T-B. [to self]:

One if by land, two if by credit! Oh say can you si, man!

[TBoneTX 45,259]

One if by land, two if by credit! Oh say can you si, man!

Once I was blind, but now I can si, man!

[Karee 4,190]

Background:

We mailed Mrs. T-B.'s N-400 (citizenship) to USCIS last week. I printed the 100 interview questions that USCIS can ask, wrote the answers, and gave them to Mrs. T-B. to study. She stated that she had "looked" at them "a little" during the last couple of days, between Facebook activity and chasing after young Mini-Bone.

As I tucked her into bed tonight (she has resigned herself to my late-night VJ-ing), the conversation went as follows:

Mrs. T-B.: I was looking on-line for "how to remodel your kitchen without money."

T-B.: Shouldn't you have been looking for "how to pass my citizenship test without studying?"

Mrs. T-B. [brightly]: I looked at the answers! Ask me some of the questions!

T-B.: OK... uh, "Who was the Father of our Country?"

Mrs. T-B.: Abraham Lincoln?'

T-B.: No, man.

Mrs. T-B.: Donald... Ronald Reagan?

T-B.: Good guy, but no, man.

Mrs. T-B.: Barack 0bama?

T-B.: [censored]

[silence]

T-B.: Here's a hint: Jorge...

Mrs. T-B.: Jorge Washington! George Washington! He or someone else is on the $5... the $1 bill, right?"

T-B. [invisibly rolling eyes]: Uh, si man.

Mrs. T-B. [undeterred]: Ask me another!

T-B.: OK... uh, "What is one thing that Benjamin Franklin is known for?"

Mrs. T-B.: Oh, I saw this one! He was hit by... hit by... [makes vertical zigzag motion with hand]

T-B. [helpfully]: That thing that happens before thunder?

Mrs. T-B.: Si -- that's it! But I can't remember the word in English.

T-B.: Lightning?

Mrs. T-B.: That's it! He was hit by lightning!

T-B.: What was he doing when he was hit by the lightning?

Mrs. T-B. [blankly]: Uh, mmmm... sitting in his back yard, drinking beer.

T-B.: No, no no... uh, si, man; we'll talk about this one later.

Mrs. T-B.: I know how I can study! You put the answers on an MP3, and in three days, I'll know all of them.

T-B.: All of them?

Mrs. T-B. [mischievously]: Si, and you can motivate me by paying me $10 for all of them that I miss.

T-B.: You're not going to sneak that one by me, no man.

Mrs. T-B. [flashing big brown puppy-dog eyes]: OK -- you can ask me more of the questions tomorrow, and sometimes husbands make financial arrangements so that wives can remodel their kitchen.

T-B. [to self]:

My wife has been going to this website to listen to the questions and answers:

http://www.uscitizenpod.com/2009/05/quia-citizenship-teachers-interactive.html