Has marriage & life been what you expected?

[Danni and Hamza 36]

My husband and I have been married for one year. The relationship part of our marriage is pretty much as I expected. The only thing that is a little different from what I expected, is how we communicate our feelings. Being as we had almost entirely an internet relationship while dating, we did alot of talking about our feelings. Now that he is here we don't do that as often, and I have to admit that I miss it a bit. I ask Hamza often, tell me how your feeling ? We used to talk for hours about an endless love He does tell me he loves me often, he is just not quite as romantic as he was via the net. He says this is because he is here now, and he can show me he loves me in his actions, and doesn't feel like its necessary to talk about it all day. He does show me he loves me in his actions. He Cooks dinner most nights, and if we are all home he does lunch too, he cleans the house, does the dishes, if I am working, or if he notices something needs taken care of he does it. He does the laundry, when I'm slacking. He takes care of my daughter when I'm at work, or sleeping during the day (cause I work night shift) He loves my daughter, and really treats her like she is his. That is the most important thing.He loves my family, and really fits right in with everyone. He is always making me special goodies, cakes, flan, other pastry experiments. He values my opinion, and asks me advice. So I guess maybe its a women's thing to find it necessary to talk about feelings, or maybe I just became accustomed to it because it was our only form of communication for a long time. However this is the only things that is lacking from our relationship.... and truthfully it is not a big deal, and I only ever bring it up with him, when I am PMSing

Other things that I wasn't expecting, outside of our relationship is the length of time it took him to find a job. It was almost the entire year before he could find a job. Part of this is because of transportation. I live in a small town, where job opportunities are non existent. He can not drive yet either, so he really couldn't look to far out of town, otherwise no one would be able to drive him to and from. Finally he found a job where he is able to walk to. Another thing is that he still does not have his drivers license. He doesn't really mind not driving, until special occasions come along, where he would like to drive to the stores (all 15 min drives or more away) to buy me or my daughter something special , and he is unable to. However he is always able to find a way to get something, or do something special anyway. These are things neither of us expected, and he did get a little frustrated about not finding a job quickly, but he kept himself busy renovating our house, and volunteering at the YMCA, going to school at the community college.... and golfing with my dad.

We have different religions, and I was a little worried if this was going to cause problems once he got to America... but it hasn't at all. Occasionally we have a disagreement about something, and usually its over a misunderstanding. Most things in religion we agree about.We are still working out the kinks, in how we will raise any children we will have religiosity wise. We are going to have a planned pregnancy, once we feels its the right time, and we can come to a complete plan/compromise on the religion issue. We do have an idea of how we are going to do this, just haven't talked about the details in a while, as we r not planning on a child right now.

Hamza has adjusted to life in America, really without any kind of culture shock, home sickness, or any other problems. He talks to his family daily, on skype... this has helped a lot. We are making plans to visit this fall, and that's something we are both looking forward too. He is family guy, and would rather spend time with me, my daughter, and my family then go out with friends, so meeting other guys to hang out with hasn't been an issue. However I do hope he finds some guys he can spend time with , when he wants to. The closest Mosque is about 1 1/2 hours away, so he rarely gets the chance to go. He does hang out with me and my friends and their husbands, and gets along with them very well.

Overall life is what I expected, hoped, and prayed for. I thank god everyday, for all the blessings that came into my life, when I met Hamza.

[Mithra 1,185]

Has it been a year already, Danni? Seems like just yesterday I was looking at your wedding pics. I'm happy to read that everything is going well for you two.

[NY_BX 397]

We just got married on Saturday, but I will chip in my 2 cents. New York could swallow you alive, no matter where you come from. You could be the toughest, most independent person, but once here, you feel you need your mama. That said, I was really cautious about the adaptation process with my now husband. I must say, by the 2nd day he managed the subway and got to the gym all by himself! He's been here for almost 1 month and he's finalizing his personal training certification just so he can get a job in the meantime. We love going out as well as staying home and watching TV together. One of the most important things: he absolutely LOVES to help in the home. He loves to cook and clean the kitchen. I get home and the kitchen is spotless! Garbage is always empty, bathroom in order, etc.

I am yet to see any changes. I'm sure that'll happen once he gets a job and he makes more friends. Right now, his friends are my friends, which is fine. However, I'm sure he'd like to mingle with his heritage at some point. In the meantime, he's learning Spanish and salsa dancing

[Zee Bee 61]

No, life has not been what I expected

The hardest part for us was when he got here. We're both very independent and hard headed and because most of my family lives outside the US it made it harder to get the support I needed in the first year. There were many many arguments that happened, even though we talked everyday for 2 years before he came over and we talked a. Once he was able to work though it became a lot easier for us to really appreciate the time we have together and value what we do for each other.

Now we've been married 3.5 years and have a 6 month old. Its a challenge everyday but we make it work and its totally worth it.

[beejay 123]

We just got married on Saturday, but I will chip in my 2 cents. New York could swallow you alive, no matter where you come from. You could be the toughest, most independent person, but once here, you feel you need your mama. That said, I was really cautious about the adaptation process with my now husband. I must say, by the 2nd day he managed the subway and got to the gym all by himself! He's been here for almost 1 month and he's finalizing his personal training certification just so he can get a job in the meantime. We love going out as well as staying home and watching TV together. One of the most important things: he absolutely LOVES to help in the home. He loves to cook and clean the kitchen. I get home and the kitchen is spotless! Garbage is always empty, bathroom in order, etc.

I am yet to see any changes. I'm sure that'll happen once he gets a job and he makes more friends. Right now, his friends are my friends, which is fine. However, I'm sure he'd like to mingle with his heritage at some point. In the meantime, he's learning Spanish and salsa dancing

Congrats on your marriage! Hope everything got worked out and you were able to enjoy yourselves and have a party!!

[Zee Bee 61]

My question for those of you thats been married awhile and have a child with your spouse: Did you wait awhile & plan the timing? Did it take awhile to get pregnant?

We chose to wait for 2 years before trying to get pregnant because I wanted us to work out most of the adjustment issues before bringing a child into the mix. It took us 6 months to get pregnant once I went off BC.

[And_Sam 44]

This is such a great topic!

We've been married almos 3 years all ready and I can say time has just flown by! My husband has been here going on 2 years now and we are in the process of ROC. I can honestly say it was a real bumpy road the first 6 months of him being here. Specially coming from a small village on the west bank of Luxor. I can say I have myself a real hillbilly Egyptian! Once he got past the culture shock and yes, it was a big shock, he did great. He got his drivier''s license after being here 4 months and with that he became much more independant and more adventurous. He got a full time job that he enjoyed shorly afterwards and now is going to school and getting ready to get his cdl license so he can drive the big rigs!

I am so happy how things are turning out together, but like any marriage, it's a give and take situation. And yes, he is very affectionate to where I'm more like "leave me alone and don't touch me"! I've learn to appreciate and love his affection because I know that I would completely miss them if I didn't have them!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I think I've said most of what I was going to say already in the other thread. I'll add that my guy and I are the same age in our early 30's and he's a city child having grown up in Cairo but he also has roots in Luxor. For him he thought with coming here he could handle it as well because of his exposure to western culture. However, he did have culture shock as well. Even though he'll deny it he did exhibit all the classic symptoms of culture shock for the first two years. In fact I think we're still going through it and I'll let you know how he handles adapting to our society once he starts his residency in July 2013. I agree with others that have said learning to drive here and having a job has helped them in this process with gaining a sense of independence and feeling more comfortable.

Back to the topic of kids. I've said most of it in the other thread. I still have hope that in the next ten years that he'll have adapted more and thing get better financially. I would have preferred to have them before 35 but that doesn't look possible now and I know that risks and fertility issues are higher after that age. It does seem more and more women in our society are waiting longer to have children. Even Hollywood Mom's are waiting until their 40's but I've never considered that might be me. I don't want to do that in our 40's either. I've tried all the arguments like some have mentioned that we can't control how our kids turn out no matter how we raise them. He doesn't share that philosophy at all and no matter what I say it really doesn't change what he thinks. He has his ideas he's sticking too and for now at least I know he's not ready. Maybe in a couple of years though. Plus as some have said it does give us a couple years together to work out the wrinkles. Even though we've been married 5 years and known each other for 9 it has only been 2 years of living together in the States, which is different then the rest of our time together and that does change things.

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Met Wael almost 8 yrs ago and have been married almost 6 yrs. He arrived in the states Dec 07, so

it's almost 5 yrs since he left Egypt. We certainly were very fortunate to not have any adjustment problems.

He has loved the states since his arrival, worked for a few months and decided to go back to school. He has

a BA in Accounting, obtained his BS in Economics, and now will graduate with his MBA (Finance) May 11.

Last year he went home for the first time since arriving here. He had just graduated from the University of Arizona

and was a new American citizen. The first week he was back in Egypt, he couldn't wait to come "home"! So much

had changed. Of course he misses his family and speaks with them a couple times a week. He's just been so busy

studying and it has consumed so much of his time. I love and have always loved his independent nature and his

love for learning. He's still the same kind and gentle man I met and married. We have no problems with him being

Muslim and me Catholic. I learn and he learns. My family just adores him!

Tammy, replying to your topic of has it been what I expected....it has been more than that. I count my blessings

everyday and could not imagine myself without my sweetheart. He's such a good guy!!

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Met Wael almost 8 yrs ago and have been married almost 6 yrs. He arrived in the states Dec 07, so

it's almost 5 yrs since he left Egypt. We certainly were very fortunate to not have any adjustment problems.

He has loved the states since his arrival, worked for a few months and decided to go back to school. He has

a BA in Accounting, obtained his BS in Economics, and now will graduate with his MBA (Finance) May 11.

Last year he went home for the first time since arriving here. He had just graduated from the University of Arizona

and was a new American citizen. The first week he was back in Egypt, he couldn't wait to come "home"! So much

had changed. Of course he misses his family and speaks with them a couple times a week. He's just been so busy

studying and it has consumed so much of his time. I love and have always loved his independent nature and his

love for learning. He's still the same kind and gentle man I met and married. We have no problems with him being

Muslim and me Catholic. I learn and he learns. My family just adores him!

Tammy, replying to your topic of has it been what I expected....it has been more than that. I count my blessings

everyday and could not imagine myself without my sweetheart. He's such a good guy!!

Awww Jeanne! So sweet & touching! We are pretty blessed to have such great guys in our lives!

[Staashi 371]

Met Wael almost 8 yrs ago and have been married almost 6 yrs. He arrived in the states Dec 07, so

it's almost 5 yrs since he left Egypt. We certainly were very fortunate to not have any adjustment problems.

He has loved the states since his arrival, worked for a few months and decided to go back to school. He has

a BA in Accounting, obtained his BS in Economics, and now will graduate with his MBA (Finance) May 11.

Last year he went home for the first time since arriving here. He had just graduated from the University of Arizona

and was a new American citizen. The first week he was back in Egypt, he couldn't wait to come "home"! So much

had changed. Of course he misses his family and speaks with them a couple times a week. He's just been so busy

studying and it has consumed so much of his time. I love and have always loved his independent nature and his

love for learning. He's still the same kind and gentle man I met and married. We have no problems with him being

Muslim and me Catholic. I learn and he learns. My family just adores him!

Tammy, replying to your topic of has it been what I expected....it has been more than that. I count my blessings

everyday and could not imagine myself without my sweetheart. He's such a good guy!!

Lovely! So delighted for you two.

[msheesha 548]

Marriage has generally been what I expected it to be. Fun, work, compromise, listening, being listened to, being comforted, comforting, being annoyed at times, and being annoying at others, etc. What I didn't realize was what a mirror it would be for myself. To have someone there you're always interacting with day in and day out, it has provided me with a lot more insight than expected about myself. Some good, some not so great. It helped me see how much more patient I should be. It taught me how much more patient my husband is than I am, and has inspired me to work on that.

Other than that, I feel like we've been blessed on the adjustment front. My husband got work in his field almost immediately and has steadily gotten better jobs in the time he's been here. That has been an incredible blessing and something I'm thankful for on a daily basis.

Re: children, we are hopeful to expand our family within the next year, either through pregnancy or kefala/adoption. My husband and I are equally ecstatic and excited about either prospect. I'm also blessed and thankful on a daily basis that we agree on that front.

I can't remember if it's this thread or the other one where people have also included other dynamics about the relationship. My husband is a few years older than me; we share the same religion; I converted many many years before meeting my husband. We were both older (35+) and equally established in our lives before we met. (Sorry if that's the other thread; I think I'm mixing them up.)

[sandinista! 1,816]

Awww, that was a great post msheesha! I wish you both lots of continued peace, love, and happiness.

[msheesha 548]

Awww, that was a great post msheesha! I wish you both lots of continued peace, love, and happiness.

Thanks very much. Ditto to you re: the continued peace, love, and happiness.

[momof1 205]

Marriage and family life with my husband are pretty much what I expected. Although we grew up in two completely different worlds, I think we share many of the same ideals and goals for our lives. Being married to him has taught me to not be such a brat. I was barely 21 when we married and I've grown up a lot with him in the last 10 years. He's become more flexible as the years have gone on as well. What I think has happened is we've both morphed into this comfortable place with each other both giving and taking in order to make our lives together happier. The first few years were very hard and I'm not going to try and brush over that. We had a baby within the first year and, as I said previously, I was a brat. My parents were fairly well-off, I went to private school, went on lots of vacations, still lived at home, and generally got everything I wanted. My husband, on the other hand, is the second of ten children. They lived an average, cramped life in Algeria. He lived abroad for many years, both in the US an Europe, before we married. I think this prepared him for marrying someone outside of his culture and taught him some self sufficiency. It's done us both well because he is much more helpful and adjusted than other Algerians we know in our city. Marriage and adjusting to a new life and a new routine, prioritizing someone else's wants and needs as well as your own, is very difficult...especially for a 21 year old. I'm proud of us for making it.

This past weekend we were looking at our wedding photos and reminiscing a bit. It's sometimes hard for me to comprehend that we've given almost a decade of our lives to each other. We just...are. It's corny and everything, but I really cannot or do not want to imagine our lives not together. I hope and pray for many more decades.