She's Gone? Really? Already?

[donnie7263 0]

I wanted to run this scenerio by everyone and get your feedback, ideas, and possible solutions! I met my fiance, Natalia, online in October 2011. Since then we chat on skype everyday. Sometimes for more than 12 hours at a time. I flew to Ukraine during Christmas and spent a week with her. We got along great so I proposed on the spot. She said yes. She had no inhibitions about leaving her country and coming to the U.S. She was, in fact, very excited to come! Since then we have been gathering documents for her visa. Finally, on February 17, I sent in our I-129F packet. We got our NOA1 on February 23. Everything was great! Then this past week Natalia informs me that she is having second thoughts and wants to end our relationship! She said to give her time to think. But every conversation we have she apologizes and says I will be fine... like it is already over. She has not spoken to me in 3 days now. Has anyone had this happen before? Does anyone have an idea what she is doing? Or how I can handle this to make her come back to me? I know I have 5 months at least to try! Comments are appreciated!

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

Sorry to hear your story...but it sounds like it is over and she saved you some money by telling you now. Dont chase anyone...if you ask her one last time and it is over. Move on, it is not meant to be. Why would you want to work on this for 5 months?

[Xanax 349]

Try to speak to her and ask her why she is having reservations, she could be nervous and or scared.

She could have met someone else.

She could want you to move the Ukraine.

Have you asked her why she says these things? Only then will you know the right way to proceed.

[Tim/Mav 305]

If you wanted a Pen Pal. Thats what you have. Spend your money in hopes, dreams. This does not appear this way. I would cancel the petition and let her know you did. Don't say I will Cancel. Just Cancel.

The worst thing you can do is beg. The beginning of the end.

[Darkmoonfaerie 19]

It sounds like she got scared or felt rushed but there are many other reasons why she could be backing out. I don't think I could move across the world after meeting someone in person just once and only knowing them for a few months. One thing I'm learning through this process is that you both have to be fully committed to the process and move. Like others have said, don't go chasing hopes if she's already given up on the relationship. If she's willing to talk then that's great, but don't exhaust yourself if she won't speak with you. I'm sorry you're going through this and really do hope you get some closure.

[Mrs.Proud2010 2]

Well, I'm sorry to hear what happened to you and your fiancé.

1. If she has second thoughts. Then give her space. There is no point in pressuring her. She might not know how she feels about the big change. (marriage, commitment, new country, etc). Give her a time frame.

2. How sure are you that what you have is real? If it is for real then, 10 years down the road she will end up with you so don't worry.

As for the already filed petition. I would cancel it or just let it eventually die out by not to responding to it.

Give her an ultimatum, "if your feelings change i will still be here, but if i dont hear your final decision till the end of this month, yes or no, then i am moving forward, and abandon the petition"

You canceling the petition means that you accept and respect her decision and is moving forward (you deserve better). And if she comes back to you a year from now, sincerely sorry for putting you through the pain, and if you believe her intentions, file the petition again. She is loosing out not you so don't beat yourself up for it.

You leaving the petition to die out eventually by t responding to it, is like you keeping your options open to continue the petition once she snaps back into loving you again. (remember you deserve better)

But honestly dude, E-mail her and pour your heart out. But end with telling her that if she is sure about her decision- you will cancel the petition because there is no point. Wait for the time to pass. Then stick to your guns. It's gonna hurt but if she can do this to you now that your not even married think of the things she can do when you are married. She needs to know what she really feels and stand by it.

Don't be sad about it . There are billions of girls in the world. There ought to be one out there that is sure about loving you. You deserve better.

Praying for Blessings and healing for your heart friend.

[ADO<3MINKA 1]

I would suggest giving her a tiny bit a space, but still trying your best to communicate with her. Let her know you will cancel the petition as soon as you guys speak.

I wouldnt suggest saying you have already canceled it. That would just seem as though you took this so easily. It is heartbreaking news even to read about, I cant imagine actually going through that pain.

So you need to express yourself and let her know how bad she has hurt you but that you want to talk about it.

Dont ever let go that fast. You only truly love once in your life so why not fight a little to make sure youre not giving up on the real deal?

[Mrs.Proud2010 2]

I met my USC husband a few days after my 21st birthday. Since then we were unseperable!

We met August 11, 2010 and talked about marriage by the 23rd! We made it happened on September 27, 2010 in Seattle with his family ! I believe in destiny, hope, faith, and true love - but the other person n the relationship should also believe this too. It's not gonna work if your then,y be that believes in the relationship.

Don't wait in vain for her to grow up and be mature. She has a lot of growing to do, starting with being a woman of her word.

But please do tell her thank you for all the memories, and for being honest with you.

You will make it through this. Through the pain and hurt. You are strong enough to put your love for her in action and stand by it. ( going to Ukraine, proposing to her to prove your good intentions). You will be strong enough to respect her decision and respect yourself by not lingering on something she ended. You deserve better. You are obviously a person with a lot of love. Make sure that falls on a person who sees it, appreciates it, stands by it no matter what, and cares for it.

Praying for your heart and love,

Been there, done that.

[TBoneTX 45,570]

I'm posting the link to your thread in the RUB regional subforum. Expect knowledgeable assistance very soon.

[mounir412 101]

i am so sorry about your situation

[Peter_Pan 661]

I've known my fiance for four years, he lived with me in Romania, and I still have cold feet. It is more that normal to be scared, seeing how you only know each other for 6ish months.

[amyandjorge 76]

It sounds like she got scared or felt rushed but there are many other reasons why she could be backing out. I don't think I could move across the world after meeting someone in person just once and only knowing them for a few months. One thing I'm learning through this process is that you both have to be fully committed to the process and move.

Fully committed to your partner, fully committed to a whole new life, fully in love.

mostly committed doesn't cut it. planning on going to be fully committed doesn't work either.

I know plenty of people who are in love but not up to tackling US immigration.

I'm going to repeat what others said, tell her exactly how you feel about her and your relationship. Don't expect anything in return. If she's not ready now, why try to force her to be ready 6 months down the road. Maybe she can get a tourist visa?

Honestly, (and maybe this is your thing) I think she would have to be crazy to leave her life for someone she met once.

On another note, maybe she has heard some sad stories about what happens to women who marry American men. I know I heard it all when people found out I was dating a latino (my sister's best friend's cousin's boyfriend did...)

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I wanted to run this scenerio by everyone and get your feedback, ideas, and possible solutions! I met my fiance, Natalia, online in October 2011. Since then we chat on skype everyday. Sometimes for more than 12 hours at a time. I flew to Ukraine during Christmas and spent a week with her. We got along great so I proposed on the spot. She said yes. She had no inhibitions about leaving her country and coming to the U.S. She was, in fact, very excited to come! Since then we have been gathering documents for her visa. Finally, on February 17, I sent in our I-129F packet. We got our NOA1 on February 23. Everything was great! Then this past week Natalia informs me that she is having second thoughts and wants to end our relationship! She said to give her time to think. But every conversation we have she apologizes and says I will be fine... like it is already over. She has not spoken to me in 3 days now. Has anyone had this happen before? Does anyone have an idea what she is doing? Or how I can handle this to make her come back to me? I know I have 5 months at least to try! Comments are appreciated!

You cannot make someone come back to you. If you met her on an online dating/marriage site she has probaby found a bigger fish. I would withdraw the petition and begin your search again. Stop contact with her. She is not behaving like a sincere Ukrainian woman interested in marrying you and you do not want an insincere Ukrainian woman.

To her credit she is not trying to scam you which it appears would be easy for her to do.

How do you guys have 12 hours for Skype?????? Holy Moley!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

If you wanted a Pen Pal. Thats what you have. Spend your money in hopes, dreams. This does not appear this way. I would cancel the petition and let her know you did. Don't say I will Cancel. Just Cancel.

The worst thing you can do is beg. The beginning of the end.

I probably would not bother to tell her I cancelled it. Other than that your advice is good. The woman was advertising for marriage and so that decision was already made...to move to another country if necessary. She thought she found her man but another has probably come along.

The OP is going to get over this and get on with life...sooner or later. Better soonish. You have little invested at this point, the trip was a trip, you never lose taking a trip to Ukraine but summer is better. Kreshatik street on a warm Saturday evening is one of the world's natural wonders! The petition is nothing really. Better to consider a cost of education, learn from it and move ahead.

She was beautiful, she was hot, she glided over icy cobblestones on heels like an ice dancer and she left you to be peeled off the bed, I know, I know. And there are 25 million more of them.

I Promise you, there is nothing better than an incredibly sexy Ukrainian woman that cares for you and loves you and makes you number one in your life (or number 2 behind the children). Nothing better. You will never have a bad day again...when you find the right one. This one isn't her.

Edited March 2, 2012 by Gary and Alla

[Speeds03 16]

I agree with Gary and Alla. It certainly looks like you rushed into things. Also, if you don't know each other for 2 years prior to filing the k-1 petition, and proof of it, then it most definitely wont happen. There are billions of fish in the sea, and you deserve better. Get to know your future partner better before proposing, and certainly before filing any immigration papers. Good luck OP!

Edited March 2, 2012 by Speeds03