Inappropriate Interview

[kelly11anne 6]

have been wanting to put this out there for some time so I might as well do it now.

In general our experience was like anyone else's. A lot of waiting for the NOA2 and then the scheduling of the interview. Everything is nerve wracking and you are always afraid someone is going to tell you sorry and hand back months of hard work. Looking back it's one of those things that you just have to wait on and plug through it and it should all work out, but don't expect it to be a cake walk.

As we were called up to the first window for the interview, they asked my fiance like 2 questions in Spanish and then the woman started to ask me things in English like he wasn't even there. I didn't appreciate that since my fiance didn't speak English. As for the questions, we are just simply not super sentimental people and it really seems that's what they like. When they asked us when we started dating we said the general "oh in January of 2010" and we looked at each other searching for an approximate date. We do not celebrate our "one month of dating" anniversary or even the "one year" anniversary. We starting dating that month but we didn't mark it on our calendar. That was the first thing. Then I got the questions about our wedding plans. As others have stated it seems as though you should just make up a date even if you don't have one just to appease them. We had talked about a date but couldn't finalize it because of WAITING FOR A VISA. So I gave them the date I hoped for and she started asking about the wedding dress. I had already bought it and I loved it, but since I am a simple person, it was a simple dress - your basic strapless without beading, without embroidery and it's only distinguishing feature was one large pleat/fold in the front and light grey in color. So I gave her exactly what it looked like which I realize sounds like pretty much any generic wedding dress description, but that was my dress. After about 15 minutes of that I was waiting for the "your approved" statement and instead we got the question "could you come back at 4 p.m. today for a more extensive interview." Of course we said yes and were sent away with an appointment slip to go sweat out 2 hours. My poor fiance tried to calm me down as we got some food and prepared for the "Stokes interview" as it's called.

We returned and had to wait more, then they called us and he went first. They interviewed him for about 40 minutes while I waited and then he had to wait out of sight while they called me down then he went up to wait. The interviewer was different from the other two people we had talked with and it was a young male. I answered basic questions about my fiance and his family and things like music he likes. Then things got a little more personal. I was asked when was the last time we had sex? where was it? did he use a condom? I was asked who initiates use of the condom and do I ever let him not use one. I could not believe I was being asked things like that but of course I answered all of the questions not wanting any problems and possibly being denied a visa. At the end of everything my fiance was called back down and the guy said that we had passed but we'd have to wait for a decision because he was not authorized to make the final decision.

Following that, we had no further problems with getting the visa, everything arrived fine and we are now in the US, but I sort of want to bring this up with someone here in the US. My family has told me to just let it go and not cause waves, but it really makes me mad that things like that are allowed and no-one is going to say anything for fear of getting denied. Is that really a legal line of questioning? Or am I just being a prude American? Did that happen to anyone else? Before the interview we had talked about things in our relationship, but I didn't want to try hashing out exact answers that we didn't have because I didn't want us to sound like we had scripted what we said. Now I think we should have done something like that just to give them what they wanted to hear.

[S_R 148]

have been wanting to put this out there for some time so I might as well do it now.

In general our experience was like anyone else's. A lot of waiting for the NOA2 and then the scheduling of the interview. Everything is nerve wracking and you are always afraid someone is going to tell you sorry and hand back months of hard work. Looking back it's one of those things that you just have to wait on and plug through it and it should all work out, but don't expect it to be a cake walk.

As we were called up to the first window for the interview, they asked my fiance like 2 questions in Spanish and then the woman started to ask me things in English like he wasn't even there. I didn't appreciate that since my fiance didn't speak English. As for the questions, we are just simply not super sentimental people and it really seems that's what they like. When they asked us when we started dating we said the general "oh in January of 2010" and we looked at each other searching for an approximate date. We do not celebrate our "one month of dating" anniversary or even the "one year" anniversary. We starting dating that month but we didn't mark it on our calendar. That was the first thing. Then I got the questions about our wedding plans. As others have stated it seems as though you should just make up a date even if you don't have one just to appease them. We had talked about a date but couldn't finalize it because of WAITING FOR A VISA. So I gave them the date I hoped for and she started asking about the wedding dress. I had already bought it and I loved it, but since I am a simple person, it was a simple dress - your basic strapless without beading, without embroidery and it's only distinguishing feature was one large pleat/fold in the front and light grey in color. So I gave her exactly what it looked like which I realize sounds like pretty much any generic wedding dress description, but that was my dress. After about 15 minutes of that I was waiting for the "your approved" statement and instead we got the question "could you come back at 4 p.m. today for a more extensive interview." Of course we said yes and were sent away with an appointment slip to go sweat out 2 hours. My poor fiance tried to calm me down as we got some food and prepared for the "Stokes interview" as it's called.

We returned and had to wait more, then they called us and he went first. They interviewed him for about 40 minutes while I waited and then he had to wait out of sight while they called me down then he went up to wait. The interviewer was different from the other two people we had talked with and it was a young male. I answered basic questions about my fiance and his family and things like music he likes. Then things got a little more personal. I was asked when was the last time we had sex? where was it? did he use a condom? I was asked who initiates use of the condom and do I ever let him not use one. I could not believe I was being asked things like that but of course I answered all of the questions not wanting any problems and possibly being denied a visa. At the end of everything my fiance was called back down and the guy said that we had passed but we'd have to wait for a decision because he was not authorized to make the final decision.

Following that, we had no further problems with getting the visa, everything arrived fine and we are now in the US, but I sort of want to bring this up with someone here in the US. My family has told me to just let it go and not cause waves, but it really makes me mad that things like that are allowed and no-one is going to say anything for fear of getting denied. Is that really a legal line of questioning? Or am I just being a prude American? Did that happen to anyone else? Before the interview we had talked about things in our relationship, but I didn't want to try hashing out exact answers that we didn't have because I didn't want us to sound like we had scripted what we said. Now I think we should have done something like that just to give them what they wanted to hear.

Sorry you had to go through such. Congrats though that you guys got the visa at the end. I have read several more invasive stokes interview on Vj. Its never a pleasant experience for the couples involved but we all have to look at the bigger picture...getting our loved ones here with us at the end of it all.

[pddp 240]

That is totally disgusting and inappropriate!! Anyone's sex life is their own business, PRIVATE, and the interviewer definitely crossed the line. I would absolutely report him and file a complaint. So sorry this happened to you!

[Sandra G. 5,047]

The interviewer definitely did not crossed the line.If they have reasons to suspect that the marriage is a "sham marriage" they have the authority to investigate and ask what they want about the relationship...EVERYTHING!!!

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I think the OP should have a talk with T-Bone about the consulate in Ecuador.

[litlmina 40]

Wait a minute...this is an interview for people who are ENGAGED, not married. These questions may be appropriate for a MARRIED couple to ensure the marriage was consummated, but not for an engaged couple.

Sorry I don't have any advice as to your recourse, but I find these questions to be inappropriate (unless you are pregnant = obviously having sex). I hope someone can direct you to the proper channels to report this.

[Leatherneck 693]

That is totally disgusting and inappropriate!! Anyone's sex life is their own business, PRIVATE, and the interviewer definitely crossed the line. I would absolutely report him and file a complaint. So sorry this happened to you!

Nope, the line of questioning did not cross the line. The CO is looking for inconsistencies and outright lies, they have lots of discretion with regards to the questioning.

"we looked at each other searching for an approximate date." Was probably a red flag in the view of the first person to interview the couple. Ecuador is well known to be a tough Embassy/consulate.

[Peter_Pan 661]

I wasn't aware sex was mandatory for engaged people.

[Al and Patricia 23]

Like the others have said, I think that line of questioning is very inapropiate and I too am sorry for you and all of the other couples that have gone thru that type of interview. I think that a letter to your congressman and senators describing the interview might shock them and maybe have them ask the State Dept why? That being said, I have heard that the consulate in Ecuador is unusually tough. Congrats on passing and hope that you both have a long and happy life together.

[Glyn and Kathy 288]

Wow, I can;t even imagine! I think I would have been 12 shades of red and unable to answer. Totally inappropriate in my opinion. I don't care if the couple is married or engaged.

[pddp 240]

Nope, the line of questioning did not cross the line. The CO is looking for inconsistencies and outright lies, they have lots of discretion with regards to the questioning.

"we looked at each other searching for an approximate date." Was probably a red flag in the view of the first person to interview the couple. Ecuador is well known to be a tough Embassy/consulate.

I firmly disagree with you and honestly, truly hope that you are wrong. What kind of a country is this, if people are forced to disclose details about their sex lives for public record?!?

[Leatherneck 693]

Wait a minute...this is an interview for people who are ENGAGED, not married. These questions may be appropriate for a MARRIED couple to ensure the marriage was consummated, but not for an engaged couple.

Sorry I don't have any advice as to your recourse, but I find these questions to be inappropriate (unless you are pregnant = obviously having sex). I hope someone can direct you to the proper channels to report this.

Engaged or married matters not, if there is no sex, the petitioner/beneficiary is free to state -- No, that might or might be the end of questions related to sex. If the petitioner reveals there is in fact a sexual component to the relationship, then the CO is likely to probe further looking for inconsistencies.

It does not matter how we, the general public or a petitioner/beneficiary might feel about a line of questioning, they are petitioning for a immigration benefit and the CO is looking for lies and inconsistencies. It is best to be straight forward with the answers and keep the goal of securing the visa in mind.

[Peter_Pan 661]

I disagree. There is a limit to how far one must go, and such questions are pushing it. They are demeaning and they should not be asked.

[Leatherneck 693]

I firmly disagree with you and honestly, truly hope that you are wrong. What kind of a country is this, if people are forced to disclose details about their sex lives for public record?!?

You are free to disagree with me, however, as the OP stated, this was the more in depth "Stokes Interview" where the questions can be personal and invasive.

By the way, I am not wrong. If the CO was not satisfied about the validity of a relationship, they can require a more in depth Stokes Interview, the CO is looking for and seeking to discover inconsistencies in the statements between the petitioner and beneficiary.

They are not the first couple to endure a Stokes Interview nor will they be the last.

Edited February 25, 2012 by Leatherneck

[D N Medellin COL 75]

Whats the big deal, they only ask you both a few relevant questions, if you ask me if I was responsible for forming a decision and if I sensed that something was not right I would do the same, to be certain that your answers are consistent with the other and no sense of fraud.