Wants to give up and Return to Philippines?

[Cmptrsdeal 76]

My fiance has been here in the US for almost 2 wks and is saying that she read that the Consulate will send her back home to the Philippines, cause she cannot adjust here and is thinking about giving up and contacting them and having them send her back. Is there conditions she has to meet for the Consulate to do that or how exactly does that work?

Is there a website that anyone knows that I can learn more about this process? Everyone has told her 2 wks is NOT long enough, but she seems like she doesn't want to try to adjust anymore. PLEASE HELP!!! :'-(

Edited October 26, 2011 by Cmptrsdeal

[mapletree 33]

It seems that you are asking if she can get a free trip home, and if so, how that is done.

I do not see a clear request for help in saving the relationship. I agree, 2 weeks is not enough time.

If you want to try to save the relationship, I would look at Pinoy support groups, if for no other reason to let her share stories and hear from other people that have made the transition and break out of speaking in english. (Has she complained of nose bleeds? And if you don't get that joke you need to study her culture.)

My guess is your fiancée has spent the last two weeks dealing almost exclusively with you and with being your "new girl" locally. Give her some space and independence maybe. I know one thing my fiancee and I anticipate will be that period of time between when she arrives and when she is able to develop her own life. In a way she will be trapped before she gets a drivers license, her own friends, etc. She has already looked at bus routes and wants to learn to ride a bike so she does not spend the first few weeks sitting at home during the day while I work. But for someone coming to a new country it can be a lot like captivity. Classes at a local community college, even art classes are also a good way to break out and get some independence and freedom.

And look at counseling options. Church, MSWs, etc. You may not be religious, but you might be surprised at how deep the faith runs in Filipinos even if they pretend to adopt American apathy toward going to church.

And accept that this is as much your problem as it is hers. You also need to adjust.

But most of all - seek professional help by trained people and don't rely just on things you read online.

Best of luck.

[Cmptrsdeal 76]

It seems that you are asking if she can get a free trip home, and if so, how that is done.

I do not see a clear request for help in saving the relationship. I agree, 2 weeks is not enough time.

If you want to try to save the relationship, I would look at Pinoy support groups, if for no other reason to let her share stories and hear from other people that have made the transition and break out of speaking in english. (Has she complained of nose bleeds? And if you don't get that joke you need to study her culture.)

My guess is your fiancée has spent the last two weeks dealing almost exclusively with you and with being your "new girl" locally. Give her some space and independence maybe. I know one thing my fiancee and I anticipate will be that period of time between when she arrives and when she is able to develop her own life. In a way she will be trapped before she gets a drivers license, her own friends, etc. She has already looked at bus routes and wants to learn to ride a bike so she does not spend the first few weeks sitting at home during the day while I work. But for someone coming to a new country it can be a lot like captivity. Classes at a local community college, even art classes are also a good way to break out and get some independence and freedom.

And look at counseling options. Church, MSWs, etc. You may not be religious, but you might be surprised at how deep the faith runs in Filipinos even if they pretend to adopt American apathy toward going to church.

And accept that this is as much your problem as it is hers. You also need to adjust.

But most of all - seek professional help by trained people and don't rely just on things you read online.

Best of luck.

I don't want her a free ride home, I want her to stay and keep trying, not give up. She just told me last night, if things don't get better in a week, she's going to contact the Consulate and tell them she wants them to send her home. I personally don't think it's that easy, but she thinks it is, that they'll willingly send her home right away. I just want to try to find out the stipulations on how that works and if it is as easy as she thinks. Thank you for your response.

[Cmptrsdeal 76]

It seems that you are asking if she can get a free trip home, and if so, how that is done.

I do not see a clear request for help in saving the relationship. I agree, 2 weeks is not enough time.

If you want to try to save the relationship, I would look at Pinoy support groups, if for no other reason to let her share stories and hear from other people that have made the transition and break out of speaking in english. (Has she complained of nose bleeds? And if you don't get that joke you need to study her culture.)

My guess is your fiancée has spent the last two weeks dealing almost exclusively with you and with being your "new girl" locally. Give her some space and independence maybe. I know one thing my fiancee and I anticipate will be that period of time between when she arrives and when she is able to develop her own life. In a way she will be trapped before she gets a drivers license, her own friends, etc. She has already looked at bus routes and wants to learn to ride a bike so she does not spend the first few weeks sitting at home during the day while I work. But for someone coming to a new country it can be a lot like captivity. Classes at a local community college, even art classes are also a good way to break out and get some independence and freedom.

And look at counseling options. Church, MSWs, etc. You may not be religious, but you might be surprised at how deep the faith runs in Filipinos even if they pretend to adopt American apathy toward going to church.

And accept that this is as much your problem as it is hers. You also need to adjust.

But most of all - seek professional help by trained people and don't rely just on things you read online.

Best of luck.

Any suggestions on some good Pinoy support groups that would help her out. I have never done research on finding such groups and wouldn't know where to start in regards to our situation. I mean will they be ppl that are going through what she is right now do you think?

[MikelanNida 28]

Any suggestions on some good Pinoy support groups that would help her out. I have never done research on finding such groups and wouldn't know where to start in regards to our situation. I mean will they be ppl that are going through what she is right now do you think?

Theres alot of support groups out there, first i would try to get more specific with her than just trouble adjusting, is it boredom?, is it a language barrier?, is it the new foods, or lack of familiar foods?, is it just homesick?. Talk to her and try to get her to open up, The silent treatment is sometimes hard to deal with so be patient, Should be easy to find a local group by searching on the web using your city in the search. If she just wants to go she simply needs to contact the Philippine embassy in america that services your state and i am sure they will answer all her questions about leaving, good luck to both of you and i hope things get better.

[skiptex 225]

well, thats the K1 is all about.. to see if the both people feel like marriage and living in another country will be something they want to commit to..

[CristiFur 15]

I'm a bit concerned about how quickly she is willing to give up? seems like she had made up her mind before even arriving there and giving it a chance. Maybe there is more to it (personal reason) than just about adjusting to her new environment. I don't think the CO will actually send her back (paying airfare per se), that would have to be arrange and taken care by you.

I myself would not buy "I can't adjust" excuse, there is more to it than just that. Anyways good luck and hope you both find happiness!

[Cmptrsdeal 76]

Theres alot of support groups out there, first i would try to get more specific with her than just trouble adjusting, is it boredom?, is it a language barrier?, is it the new foods, or lack of familiar foods?, is it just homesick?. Talk to her and try to get her to open up, The silent treatment is sometimes hard to deal with so be patient, Should be easy to find a local group by searching on the web using your city in the search. If she just wants to go she simply needs to contact the Philippine embassy in america that services your state and i am sure they will answer all her questions about leaving, good luck to both of you and i hope things get better.

She's homesick 115% and we've been having hard times and it we end up fighting and she's tired of it all and that's pretty much why she almost wants to give up.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

If you give your general location there may be a local VJer or two who can help directly.

I would also suggest moving this thread to the Philippines Regional forum where you'll get better attention.

Does she have easy access to Filipino Channels? That's something that helped Anna during her initial adjustment stage.

[CristiFur 15]

It seems that you are asking if she can get a free trip home, and if so, how that is done.

I do not see a clear request for help in saving the relationship. I agree, 2 weeks is not enough time.

If you want to try to save the relationship, I would look at Pinoy support groups, if for no other reason to let her share stories and hear from other people that have made the transition and break out of speaking in english. (Has she complained of nose bleeds? And if you don't get that joke you need to study her culture.)

My guess is your fiancée has spent the last two weeks dealing almost exclusively with you and with being your "new girl" locally. Give her some space and independence maybe. I know one thing my fiancee and I anticipate will be that period of time between when she arrives and when she is able to develop her own life. In a way she will be trapped before she gets a drivers license, her own friends, etc. She has already looked at bus routes and wants to learn to ride a bike so she does not spend the first few weeks sitting at home during the day while I work. But for someone coming to a new country it can be a lot like captivity. Classes at a local community college, even art classes are also a good way to break out and get some independence and freedom.

And look at counseling options. Church, MSWs, etc. You may not be religious, but you might be surprised at how deep the faith runs in Filipinos even if they pretend to adopt American apathy toward going to church.

And accept that this is as much your problem as it is hers. You also need to adjust.

But most of all - seek professional help by trained people and don't rely just on things you read online.

Best of luck.

I agree and that is why my Fiance and I have talked about plans for the first 6 months (praying she makes it here)of her arrival so she will not feel bored or helpless, she is always in the company of family in her home so I'm sure it will be a bit odd to be away from them and not being able to hale a jeep, taxi, trike or even bus to go to the local market or see people outside..lol.. Our number one priority is for her is to get her driver license so by 3rd month I want her to have a permit by six her driver license. Also I have suggested she take ESL classes, not so much as to learn but just to be around others and learn to socialize.

Support group (Pinoy) is a good idea, however I'm afraid some areas are lacking.

[Cmptrsdeal 76]

If you give your general location there may be a local VJer or two who can help directly.

I would also suggest moving this thread to the Philippines Regional forum where you'll get better attention.

Does she have easy access to Filipino Channels? That's something that helped Anna during her initial adjustment stage.

Columbus, OH is where we are located and how do I move this thread to the Philippines Regional forum, I am pretty new to this site, I have trouble finding things. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Columbus, OH is where we are located and how do I move this thread to the Philippines Regional forum, I am pretty new to this site, I have trouble finding things. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

You can't move it directly but you can click the report button and as a moderator to move it for you.

[TeapotGirl 66]

Columbus, OH is where we are located

oh jesus christ! i'll be in Cleveland and this is one of my fears. I know that there's not much Filipinos in the area but lemme see..Can you possibly subscribe to TFC The Filipino Channel? if none yet, have her go to http://www.flipbooth.com/video/6a25284dbfbdf92/KAPUSO-MO-JESSICA-SOHO-01152011-Courtesy-of-GMA7. That's a you tube of Filipino shows.

If you have a dog, have her walk it so she can meet some peeps in the dog park. Make her do the shopping alone and just pick her up when she's done, teach her how to drive (if she doesn"t know yet)and ride in public transportation and go by herself in mall while you are working so she will be familiar with American products and maybe find filipino ones specially food.

also find randy stokes in facebook and ask him to add you in asawa world. that's a forum of fil-am couples. read vj too.

Edited October 26, 2011 by teapotgurl1983

[ronluvme 10]

hi,

she need to help herself too to adjust here in usa.Sometimes even if you offer this and that if herself doesnt want to cooperate nothing will happen its like "to be able to clap your hand you need both hands to hear the hits"so you may hear the appreciation.the above post is correct,but from my own thinking how you can help if she dont want to help herself,u gotta talk to her face to face,open up things why ohh why she need to return?something is wrong????

those people who offer you a good idea(above posts)is very helpfull try it.if ddnt work then something is wrong.God bless You and hope she'll figure out what she likes to do...Good luck my vj friend,you guys need a lot of patient until things work out.

ronluvme.

[TeapotGirl 66]

My fiance and I plans that if i won't like it in OH, we will move to a warmer place where there's more at least Asian if not Filipinos. But get married first at least if she really wants to be with you.