-sigh- Here We Go - Divorce, Scam, Legal Woes - HELP!

Singed · July 23, 2011

Alright, I have finally stumped my toe and need some advice for our current situation--primarily because my children are caught in the middle, and I am nearly worn down to my wit's end. My family has been virtually destroyed by what I am about to tell you, and I hate even having to share this information.

Please be advised, if you do not like reading, then you may as well stop at this point--my story is slightly long-winded (and this is the short version).

I met a Filipina lady on American Singles back in late 2006 and went to meet her a few times after that--spending a good 12 total weeks in her country. We of course fell in love and I petitioned to bring her to the US on a Fiancée Visa.

When she arrived into the US, we married right away to fulfill the 90 days obligation and begin our lives in forward motion.

So far, so good at this point I thought. Additionally, I have full custody of two wonderful children from a previous marriage--which are quite well behaved considering the trauma they endured from their biological mother some years prior--she was physically abusive and abandoned us for another man at the time.

I was sure it would be somewhat of a struggle for my new wife to adjust to both the children and culture shock as well, and I tried to make things as easy as possible.

We moved from the apartment I lived in, and I bought a home which she both loved and demanded we get--investing most of my savings into the down payment--although I must admit, it was too quick and made me uncomfortable financially. She also demanded I trade in my car--she could not stand it (even though it was nearly paid off and less than a year old). She wanted a larger vehicle and argued until I gave in an agreed to go into debt to upgrade vehicles. My mother also moved and took a job nearby and offered much assistance with the children so my wife and I could spend more quality time together during the adjustment.

My wife and mother were nearly best friends at this point, so it seemed, and my wife asked to let my mother rent the guest room in the far corner of the home. The house is somewhat divided so that it is nearly like two homes attached by a kitchen and foyer. After much discussion, we agreed to the idea--especially since the payments were pretty high, and my wife still needed to get an EAD to legally work and help pay the bills we incurred.

I took a change in companies during the move, and went awhile without any income, and additionally, my wife had borrowed money from relatives while in the Philippines--which she wanted me to pay back to them right away. Problem was, in order to do so it nearly left us broke and paycheck to paycheck once I finished changing jobs--putting on the financial strain.

Of course, now we were in a fix with obtaining her adjustment of status--seeing it cost more than a thousand dollars, and we were literally strapped. Also, my company insurance wouldnt take effect until open enrollment, and meanwhile we both had medical emergencies I had to pay for upfront--her conditions, my surgery and an injured child, etc.

As a result, we could not file for her Adjustment of Status right away. As soon as we would have saved up the money, either something would happen, or shed take it and go shopping or send our money to her family.

She seemed to make sure we never had enough money for the AOS (while blaming me at the same time), and then made some friends within a local Filipina community, and right away her attitude changed significantly. I found out later these friends were coaching and instructing her on ways she could get expedited citizenship, and do so at my expense.

Right away she became unbearable to be around. She was crying, screaming and throwing fits of rage--even tossing herself into the floor at times like a poisoned cockroach with hands and legs in the air--over the silliest of things. If you said anything to her, normal or jokatively, she would change the words you said around and accuse you of making an attack against her. It was evident she was trying to provoke a physical attack--which I was never foolish enough to engage in. I called her relatives in desperation wondering if she needed some medication I was unaware of, and her sister told me she acted this way as a child when she didnt get her way (like not getting toys on a siblings birthday), and she was known for her Tampos--which I learned was the Filipino variant of Temper Tantrums.

When she failed to get my temper beyond a raised voice, she then left me alone and went after my mother and children instead. She started abusing my children physically and emotionally on so many levels while I was at work, and then started a heated argument with my mother. No matter how hard my mother tried, my wife refused to work things out. Then a couple of weeks later while I am at work, she locks my mother out of the house by getting her keys and locking the door while she was cleaning her car. My mother calls me, and I came home to find out what was going on. When I went inside, my wife had some luggage and bumped my shoulder while leaving and said, Bye. She left, and of course I followed to try to talk to her and find out what to do. She hops in a car with one of her Filipina community friends and leaves without a word.

I did not hear from her again for about 45 days. Turns out she had gone to a womens shelter and tried to get asylum as a battered woman to obtain expedited citizenship via the advice of her friends--using a verbal argument with my mother as means to do so--and declaring I was some kind of a monster. Fortunately, I never so much as laid a hand on her violently, and the womens shelter kicked her out after 30 days and told her to either go home or find another place to stay--because there was nothing wrong with her.

She elected to go to her sisters home, and the shelter paid for the bus ticket. Unfortunately for her, there was a rat in the shelter which called ICE and as soon as the bus reached its first stop, the officials came on board to arrest her. She had left her IDs in her luggage, which they confiscated, and gave her no chance to retrieve them--arresting her for not having them on person. Later, when I picked up her impounded luggage, I spoke with the ICE officer who took her into custody to get the story.

Meanwhile, I had saved up the money for the AOS just before she had left the home, and was going to surprise her over dinner--but when she abandoned us, I had mixed feelings. I still went ahead with filing the AOS a couple of weeks later, in hopes she would come home and I could soothe things over and try to find out why she had become so angry. I started listening to marriage counseling tapes, and even paid for professional marriage counseling to make sure there was nothing wrong with me--hoping I could refine myself to be the best husband. I wanted to be irresistible for her, and chalked her behaviors up to simply being her going through culture shock.

As it turns out, though, she had been arrested and was taken to prison to be detained until deportation proceedings. I tried to be the good husband in this case when they finally allowed her to call me. Rather than focusing on how she abandoned us, I instead tried to work things out and find out how to get her out of the prison she got herself in to. She goes on and on blaming me for putting her in prison, and says she got arrested because she had not filed her AOS in time--when the documentation states she was arrested for travelling without identification. Either way, both issues were pending against her, although I had already filed it prior to her arrest, and had she came home or contacted me, shed known that. Instead, I spent 6 weeks driving 16 hrs each way back and forth to visit her at the detention facility every weekend until her trial before a judge.

Since her plans of asylum failed, she was forced to turn to me again. In all, I had to sell items, borrow from friends, and skip payments on my house in order to pay for the bail bond, attorney fees and court costs it took to get her out of the prison--totaling more than $15,000. The judge was very specific when she blamed me in court, and told her that the Adjustment of Status and any costs associated with her immigration was ultimately her responsibility--not that of the American Citizen. I am not sure I fully agree with that myself, but he made those statements. Anyway, he then stated she must re-file the AOS through the court, rather than USCIS--which meant I had to pay for the AOS a second time, and my USCIS filing would thus be rejected and monies lost! She was also ordered to remain in good faith marriage for a minimum of two years before she could file for her Removal of Conditions.

Well, she returns home, and I spend the entire year recovering from the financial disaster that event put me through--paying people back and covering additional attorney fees, etc. When she returned, however, her ultimatum was I could have nothing to do with my mother. My mother had moved out when she left, and was living in a small camper at this point. If the children even mentioned their grandmother, they were yelled at, hit or slapped--of course when I wasnt around. My children had constant signs of bruises and scratches on them, which they hesitantly told me in front of her was from horseplay (more on this later).

My wife was now playing a waiting game, and was quite intolerable at times. She did start working when the EAD arrived, which help somewhat, but she sent most of the money to her family and friends in the Philippines--even if it meant we didnt have enough food for the week. The rest, she enjoyed taking and spending on shopping sprees--including running up some debts on credit cards we obtained for her to help build her credit--since mine had been nearly ruined by the house payments I had skipped. We also built her credit up by buying some much needed furniture, which I paid off early.

I was forced to re-modify the mortgage to bring payments current from the hardship--although my finance company raised the monthly payments in doing so--rather than lowering them as promised.

Well, fast-forwarding to the present time, I come home one day from work and check the mail. There was a notification letter which stated my wife was eligible to remove conditions, etc. I gave her the letter, and hoped it would cheer her up. She obtained it, read it, and walked away straight-faced without any apparent emotion. I thought shed be excited, but oh well.

That weekend, I went on a fishing trip with some friends of mine from Atlanta, and while we were there on the pier, a storm brewed and winds were very harsh. They left and went to go eat, while my dumb self stayed behind trying to secure my items. Once I secured my stuff with rope, I called them and asked if I could take shelter in their hotel until the storm died down, but they were at Hooters eating dinner and asked if I would join them there. So I went to the restaurant, had dinner with them, and then we went to the hotel and waited the storm out for a few hours, and returned back to fishing.

Why is this important? Well, after receiving that notification letter, my wife had become unbearable again--going back into her fits of rage. Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I got the feeling she was trying to provoke an attack again--one day got so bad, she took her anger out on the children and hurt them. She even drove me to the point where I told her to stop acting like a b**ch, and I was even contemplating requesting a divorce over the behavior if it continued. My children later informed me that she held a knife to my daughters wrist and squeezed her arm, threatening to cut off her hand if she told her daddy--I was told her brother gave her the bruises in horseplay; and my son was terrified she was going to kill him because she had taken one of my high-powered pellet guns and held it to his face and said she would shoot him if he said anything. I did not find out about these things until later unfortunately, and my attorney said if I went to the authorities at this point, it would just appear like retaliation. Although due to recent events I am considering ignoring his advice real soon. My children are not even teenagers yet--so young and innocent, and they did not deserve this abuse.

These issues took place around last years Christmas, and in spite of what was going on, I still went on and purchased gifts and tried to make the best out of the Holidays as possible. Well, on the Monday following Christmas, I came home from work, my wife is frothing at the mouth and screaming CHEATER, CHEATER at me when I walk through the door. I asked her what on earth she was talking about, and she pointed at my computer screen and was on Hooters Restaurants website--which was displaying some provocatively dressed women. She started screaming, You have been having sex with these prostitutes at HOOTERS CLUB. She was saying this right in front of both of my children, over and over. Apparently she found the bank transaction on my account where I paid for the meal at Hooters that night I went fishing with the guys, and according to her, that meant I was having sex with prostitutes.

She then went violent on me and started to attack when I told her it was just a restaurant and bar with waitresses, not a strip club with prostitutes. I picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, while she thrashed about, and told her to stop screaming that filth in front of my children.

When we got into the bedroom, I pulled out my phone and called the guy who set up the fishing trip, and said here, you talk to him--we had five guys there, and they can all vouch for my whereabouts. She said she didnt want to talk to him, and then said I was talking to women on the phone every day. Of course, I speak to my companys various office clerks every day, and most of them are women--but it is strictly business, and usually regarding hiring or firing employees and payroll. I told her to review all of my calls--as 90%+ of them were to the offices, and the phone keeps track of every call for months. She refused to look at the phone, and just started screaming again, CHEATER! You cheat on me with Hooters prostitutes!

I really didnt know what to say at this point, as I have never cheated in any relationship and am strongly against it--especially with disgusting prostitutes, and this was one gross accusation. I am not sure what kind of spirit this was, but it certainly wasnt the Holiday Spirit--and for a girl supposedly raised devout Catholic, it certainly wasnt very Christian-like either.

I really stand amazed that a woman 5 years my senior could act so immature and childish. Anyhow, when I denied her claims, she retaliated by hitting me multiple times while backed against the door in the abdomen, chest and neck--once she reached my neck, I grabbed her arms and pushed her away from me before she hit my face. Then she darted into the closet, and fell over the luggage she had already packed--screaming loudly that I pushed her into the closet and made her fall (as if to make my children believe I did so).

She then gets up and pulls off her wedding rings, and throws them on the ground, and said, I NEVER LOVED YOU ANYWAY! I NEVER, NEVER LOVED YOU! I DONT LOVE YOU AT ALL!

She then said she was taking a Taxi and going to the Greyhound bus station to live with her sister. I told her I didnt want her spending money on a Taxi (since it would be my money), and elected to drive her there myself. When I dropped her off, I told her she had already abandoned us once, and I got her out of all of that trouble then, if she abandoned us again this time, I would consider it over. I told her if she failed to return home by the 6th of January, I would file for divorce and let her move on with her life--as would my children and I. I also asked why she would accuse me of cheating, since she knows I never would. She responded by saying she simply wants all of the furniture in the home to give her sister, and that is her way of getting it (she actually SAID that to ME outloud!).

We were still struggling financially at this point, and when she left, she took all the money thanks to joint accounts (unbeknownst to me at the time)--leaving the children and I with $17.00. I had to wait until my next paycheck before I could even pay the bills--and I was begging the power company to not turn off my lights since I was late.

I find it ironic that she left on the EXACT day that she fulfilled the 2 years of good faith marriage the judge had ordered her to fulfill the day of her trial when she had gone to the detention facility--December 27th. . . as if it was elaborately anticipated or planned--which leads me to feel it was an orchestrated scam the whole time.

This is certainly no sweat on her back as her sister is wealthy (lead nurse at a top hospital) and has the means necessary to put her up and get her off to a great start. Additionally, my wife has two masters degrees (business and education), and has no issues getting employment making 10 times what she earned in her country. She also has no children, and lived independent for more than 35 years--she should have no problem taking care of herself.

On January 6th, I went to an attorney as promised and filed for divorce when she failed to return--having to borrow from a friend to do so, sadly (yes I paid him back already). Anyhow, she started sending awful texts (along with biblical texts about infidelity, oddly enough), and would make demands saying shed not give me the divorce I wanted unless I paid off all her credit cards, etc.

Meanwhile, the only good news out of all of this is a few weeks after filing the divorce, I went looking for a dog for the children since my wife would not allow us to own animals in the home. In doing so, I bumped into a sheltie dog trainer who I actually knew from a summer program more than 20 years ago. At the time she was my best friend for awhile, but we lost touch over the years after marriages, children, etc. Well, I had a chance to reunite with her briefly, and my mother took a photo of me giving her a hug after those 20+ long years and sent it via email (yes, my mother was now a part of our lives again, and could actually visit the home and participate in things like holidays since my wife was gone). In addition, my friend from the past ended up giving me a nice show dog because I helped her save thousands of dollars on a remodeling quote on her home by getting her in touch with one of the better vendors I am acquainted with at work--I also adopted a blind and deaf Australian shepherd from her to provide the animal a good home and allow the kids to participate in caring for a disabled creature. The vendor, however, thought she was my wife, and sent me an email stating, Here is your quote, Mr. and Mrs. Singed. I immediately replied back to him and let him know that was an obvious mistake, and let him know she was only a friend I was helping--not my wife. He apologized for the error, of course.

Well, you guessed it, my ex-wife to be got into my email account and forwarded the picture and that quote to her email and told everyone we knew, both online and over the phone (including my co-workers), that I had a mistress, etc., and that I owned two homes, and was having an affair, etc. I thought this was quite laughable at best, seeing as I couldnt even afford the home I was in, let alone having bought another one with my destroyed credit.

Once we got to court, she had acquired a defense attorney and made many ludicrous demands and accusations against me. She demanded that she be awarded the home, the furniture, 75% of my income in alimony, have me pay her taxes, and that I pay all of her debts acquired in the marriage--additionally, she wanted me to pay for 100% of the bills and home while she lived in it. The children and I were to go to the streets I suppose, while she lived free of charge, and received alimony--all because I have agreed to support her from signing the Affidavit of Support.

Her attorney actually presented these things in court. I was disappointed that when she accused me of the cheating and abuse, the court did not allow me to elaborate the way they allowed her to carry on for 25 minutes with grossly falsified story telling. I was strictly allowed to answer in Yes or No format--although my attorney did question why she did not contact the authorities or go back to the shelter if she was abused. My attorney assured me that such rhetoric was not necessary since it was not relevant to the case. With a woman judge, however, I felt uneasy with being made out as a cheater--especially when she presented the email photo where I was giving another woman a hug, which she had taken from my email account (pretty sad since were known to hug just about everyone--church members, friends, etc.). Yeah, I know, should have changed the passwords… but you know, I didnt feel I had anything to hide with not having done anything wrong, so didnt really think about it--otherwise, Id been all over that security stuff if I was that kind of person.

In the end, the judge gave the children and I the home and furniture, and said all debts in her name are to be paid by her and debts in my name to be paid by me--except for one credit card, where she added me as an authorized user without my knowledge, and I was made to pay that even though it was hers. Additionally, I was required to pay $1500 for her defense attorney, and the remaining balance on her previous immigration attorney.

But wait, theres more! It doesnt stop there; the judge awarded her $500 a month in alimony because of the Affidavit of Support. Ahem, you heard me correctly--$500! We havent even been married for 3 years, and she is awarded that? Seriously … I am pretty sure American Citizens must be married for 10+ years to be eligible for any alimony--why should an immigrant spouse obtain special treatment? The only real good news was my divorce was final at this point, and the children and I were keeping our home--for now.

Well, I appeal this decision. Neither the attorneys, nor the judge, seemed to even know what an Affidavit of Support was until I explained it in court. I assumed the judge did not read it clearly, and with an appeal, I could have my attorney explain it with better clarity once I had a chance to meet with him and discuss.

She testified in court to currently making earnings almost double of the 125% federal poverty guidelines (which is currently just under $14000) spelled out in the Affidavit of Support. The AOS states I do not have to offer her support unless she falls below that level of income, and even then, only if she is utilizing government benefits and becomes a public charge.

I decided to present that evidence, and we got a new hearing. I was told by my attorney to arrive at 9am, and when I arrive, I wait for 1.5 hours and he never shows up. I turn my phone on to call him and noticed an email from his office asking where I was, and why didnt I show up for court? I am perplexed, and assume that the hearing was at 8am, and I must have made a mistake, but I reviewed the paper, and nope, it was 9am. So I go to the court clerk and asked what time my hearing took place, and she said my attorney had another hearing an hour away and they held at early at 8:30am. Of course when I question the attorney in an email, he says he waited until 10 after 9am, and then left. I was sitting in the courtroom at 9am, so thats not possible, but whatever. Either way, my presence wasnt really required at the appeal, but I was very curious to know what took place in my absence. I was starting to feel also that my attorney might be in cahoots with the defense, and I was just being drained dry financially while being taken to the cleaners. Attorneys love to carry these things out, and of course the person with income gets targeted--regardless of evidence or faults. Maybe I am wrong and this is far-fetched, but things sure seem suspicious to me.

Based on the papers I received a few days later from my attorney, my ex-wife is now making more demands, and now I am just at a loss for words in this all.

Now, she is demanding tax relief for last year and the next two years, and wants me to accept all tax liabilities for any and all work she does and has done (even though were divorced?!)--demanding that I sign the IRS forms. Additionally, the credit card which she added me on as an authorized user (which I never once used), she is demanding I sign a document declaring me as primary card holder. Next, there are forms where they are demanding I fill out all of her necessary I-751 papers to remove her conditions and pay for them myself; and to top it all off, she has been diagnosed with Tuberculosis last month from a skin test, and is demanding that I pay for the $1100 doctor bill. There was no response in the paperwork given on any changes to the alimony.

My attorney has now tripled my payment requirements, putting me in the neighborhood of $7000 fighting this case in just two hearings, and is demanding the monies upfront to continue. My home finance company is in the process of pursuing foreclosure on my home because I cannot catch up the payments due to all of these legal fees and demands being made of me--not to mention the current bills were obtained originally with two incomes in mind.

My children and I are on the verge of losing everything because of this woman, when we were doing very well on our own prior to bringing her to this country. Her attorney makes it as though we forced her to come to this country, and have done her some great disservice by bringing her here--demanding that I should be responsible for anything and everything until the end of the AOS--and it seems the judge is catering to that ideology. Meanwhile, my attorney is charging me a great deal to achieve what feels like nothing with his lets play the politically correct good guy approach while the other attorney arrogantly dances around the courtroom and is having his way making me into a fiend and giving her everything she wants.

Now, I am financially ruined with no savings and wallowing within insurmountable debt; my credit is ruined beyond repair--forcing me into bankruptcy and foreclosure. The car I upgraded into has been repossessed, and if it wasnt for the company car--Id have no transportation and would have otherwise lost my job. My children are emotional and psychological wrecks due to the abuse she put them through, and it has been extraordinarily difficult to get through to them--once over-achieving, and enthusiastic children. I could no longer afford medical insurance and was forced to cancel it--leaving myself and children vulnerable and in the face of emergency room visits and urgent clinics.

I am terrified as to what to do now, and most of all, what my children have to go through, while this woman continues to bask in the glory of her victory; and constantly posts her new rich-style clothes and beach vacations, etc. on facebook and brags to her friends about how well off she has it.

I started looking for advice and was reading some stories here on Visa Journey, and was hoping someone could tell me what I should do.

Is it possible to relieve myself of the Affidavit of Support? Can I turn her in for what seems to be possible marriage fraud? Would it be a good idea to try and get the case moved into an immigration court, rather than a family court, so individuals educated in immigration law could hear my appeals?

Our system has certainly gone corrupt if decisions like these can be made in such fashion. Here I was, just an ordinary single father of two children trying to make it in the world, and recovering from a spouse who DID cheat and left us, and thinking I could move on with someone else seemingly family-oriented--only to get used in the end until nothing is left, and put in the worst possible situation. Now, this single independent woman is putting an end to the future of my family.

I feel I have put my children in harms way by trusting this woman with both our hearts, lives and resources, and now our well-being has been placed in substantial risk. I take responsibility for my foolish choices by undertaking this relationship, but now I just want this to end so the kids and I can move on with life. I am sure I have left some details out, but my story is certainly long enough, so thank you for your patience if you took the time to read it.

If anyone has some solid and sound advice, please share it with me. We have reached a wall too high to climb, and need to figure out a way over or around it…heck, Id even be willing to go under it.

My thanks,

Mr. Singed

Edited July 23, 2011 by Singed

newlyweds2010 · July 23, 2011

I'm very sorry for this awful situation. It's not clear to me (sorry if I missed it), whether she adjusted her status yet or not. Have you reported her to ICE for visa fraud, and pressed charges on your minor children's behalf for when she threatened them with a knife?

sara..... · July 23, 2011

holy smokes that is really some story......my prayers go out to you seriously.......

maybe some of the other posters here will have some kind of advise for you there are a few that have a lot of knowledge

sara

Singed · July 23, 2011

I'm very sorry for this awful situation. It's not clear to me (sorry if I missed it), whether she adjusted her status yet or not. Have you reported her to ICE for visa fraud, and pressed charges on your minor children's behalf for when she threatened them with a knife?

Yes, she has adjusted status--but it had to go through the court rather than the USCIS due to her deportation proceedings.

Currently, she is awaiting to remove conditions from her conditional status.

I have not reported her to ICE, and I have not pressed charged because my attorney told me specifically NOT to, because it would appear to be retaliation and make me lose my case--although, it feels like I am losing anyway.

If our wise citizens of VJ feel I should pursue that in spite of his advice, I most certainly will.

holy smokes that is really some story......my prayers go out to you seriously.......

maybe some of the other posters here will have some kind of advise for you there are a few that have a lot of knowledge

sara

Thank you for your prayers, Sara.

I am certainly hoping for some solid advice for sure.

PAPUNMANMU · July 23, 2011

wow I am so so so sorry..she is EVIL!! wow how could a person be so cold hearted you have 2 little children!! I would press charges and report her to ice!!! you are the victim and she is just taking the situation to a different level she should've just leave but making you and your children suffer after she ruined your lives wow KARMA will not be so nice to her in return!!! well I know prayer changes everything. keep loving your children and protecting them and I know you will come out of this. God bless

Psalm139 · July 23, 2011

Alright, I have finally stumped my toe and need some advice for our current situation--primarily because my children are caught in the middle, and I am nearly worn down to my wit's end. My family has been virtually destroyed by what I am about to tell you, and I hate even having to share this information.

Please be advised, if you do not like reading, then you may as well stop at this point--my story is slightly long-winded (and this is the short version).

I met a Filipina lady on American Singles back in late 2006 and went to meet her a few times after that--spending a good 12 total weeks in her country. We of course fell in love and I petitioned to bring her to the US on a Fiancée Visa.

When she arrived into the US, we married right away to fulfill the 90 days obligation and begin our lives in forward motion.

So far, so good at this point I thought. Additionally, I have full custody of two wonderful children from a previous marriage--which are quite well behaved considering the trauma they endured from their biological mother some years prior--she was physically abusive and abandoned us for another man at the time.

I was sure it would be somewhat of a struggle for my new wife to adjust to both the children and culture shock as well, and I tried to make things as easy as possible.

We moved from the apartment I lived in, and I bought a home which she both loved and demanded we get--investing most of my savings into the down payment--although I must admit, it was too quick and made me uncomfortable financially. She also demanded I trade in my car--she could not stand it (even though it was nearly paid off and less than a year old). She wanted a larger vehicle and argued until I gave in an agreed to go into debt to upgrade vehicles. My mother also moved and took a job nearby and offered much assistance with the children so my wife and I could spend more quality time together during the adjustment.

My wife and mother were nearly best friends at this point, so it seemed, and my wife asked to let my mother rent the guest room in the far corner of the home. The house is somewhat divided so that it is nearly like two homes attached by a kitchen and foyer. After much discussion, we agreed to the idea--especially since the payments were pretty high, and my wife still needed to get an EAD to legally work and help pay the bills we incurred.

I took a change in companies during the move, and went awhile without any income, and additionally, my wife had borrowed money from relatives while in the Philippines--which she wanted me to pay back to them right away. Problem was, in order to do so it nearly left us broke and paycheck to paycheck once I finished changing jobs--putting on the financial strain.

Of course, now we were in a fix with obtaining her adjustment of status--seeing it cost more than a thousand dollars, and we were literally strapped. Also, my company insurance wouldn’t take effect until open enrollment, and meanwhile we both had medical emergencies I had to pay for upfront--her conditions, my surgery and an injured child, etc.

As a result, we could not file for her Adjustment of Status right away. As soon as we would have saved up the money, either something would happen, or she’d take it and go shopping or send our money to her family.

She seemed to make sure we never had enough money for the AOS (while blaming me at the same time), and then made some friends within a local Filipina community, and right away her attitude changed significantly. I found out later these “friends” were coaching and instructing her on ways she could get expedited citizenship, and do so at my expense.

Right away she became unbearable to be around. She was crying, screaming and throwing fits of rage--even tossing herself into the floor at times like a poisoned cockroach with hands and legs in the air--over the silliest of things. If you said anything to her, normal or jokatively, she would change the words you said around and accuse you of making an attack against her. It was evident she was trying to provoke a physical attack--which I was never foolish enough to engage in. I called her relatives in desperation wondering if she needed some medication I was unaware of, and her sister told me she acted this way as a child when she didn’t get her way (like not getting toys on a siblings birthday), and she was known for her “Tampos”--which I learned was the Filipino variant of “Temper Tantrums.”

When she failed to get my temper beyond a raised voice, she then left me alone and went after my mother and children instead. She started abusing my children physically and emotionally on so many levels while I was at work, and then started a heated argument with my mother. No matter how hard my mother tried, my wife refused to work things out. Then a couple of weeks later while I am at work, she locks my mother out of the house by getting her keys and locking the door while she was cleaning her car. My mother calls me, and I came home to find out what was going on. When I went inside, my wife had some luggage and bumped my shoulder while leaving and said, “Bye.” She left, and of course I followed to try to talk to her and find out what to do. She hops in a car with one of her Filipina community friends and leaves without a word.

I did not hear from her again for about 45 days. Turns out she had gone to a women’s shelter and tried to get asylum as a battered woman to obtain expedited citizenship via the advice of her friends--using a verbal argument with my mother as means to do so--and declaring I was some kind of a monster. Fortunately, I never so much as laid a hand on her violently, and the women’s shelter kicked her out after 30 days and told her to either go home or find another place to stay--because there was nothing wrong with her.

She elected to go to her sister’s home, and the shelter paid for the bus ticket. Unfortunately for her, there was a rat in the shelter which called ICE and as soon as the bus reached its first stop, the officials came on board to arrest her. She had left her ID’s in her luggage, which they confiscated, and gave her no chance to retrieve them--arresting her for not having them on person. Later, when I picked up her impounded luggage, I spoke with the ICE officer who took her into custody to get the story.

Meanwhile, I had saved up the money for the AOS just before she had left the home, and was going to surprise her over dinner--but when she abandoned us, I had mixed feelings. I still went ahead with filing the AOS a couple of weeks later, in hopes she would come home and I could soothe things over and try to find out why she had become so angry. I started listening to marriage counseling tapes, and even paid for professional marriage counseling to make sure there was nothing wrong with me--hoping I could refine myself to be the best husband. I wanted to be irresistible for her, and chalked her behaviors up to simply being her going through culture shock.

As it turns out, though, she had been arrested and was taken to prison to be detained until deportation proceedings. I tried to be the good husband in this case when they finally allowed her to call me. Rather than focusing on how she abandoned us, I instead tried to work things out and find out how to get her out of the prison she got herself in to. She goes on and on blaming me for putting her in prison, and says she got arrested because she had not filed her AOS in time--when the documentation states she was arrested for travelling without identification. Either way, both issues were pending against her, although I had already filed it prior to her arrest, and had she came home or contacted me, she’d known that. Instead, I spent 6 weeks driving 16 hrs each way back and forth to visit her at the detention facility every weekend until her trial before a judge.

Since her plans of asylum failed, she was forced to turn to me again. In all, I had to sell items, borrow from friends, and skip payments on my house in order to pay for the bail bond, attorney fees and court costs it took to get her out of the prison--totaling more than $15,000. The judge was very specific when she blamed me in court, and told her that the Adjustment of Status and any costs associated with her immigration was ultimately her responsibility--not that of the American Citizen. I am not sure I fully agree with that myself, but he made those statements. Anyway, he then stated she must re-file the AOS through the court, rather than USCIS--which meant I had to pay for the AOS a second time, and my USCIS filing would thus be rejected and monies lost! She was also ordered to remain in good faith marriage for a minimum of two years before she could file for her Removal of Conditions.

Well, she returns home, and I spend the entire year recovering from the financial disaster that event put me through--paying people back and covering additional attorney fees, etc. When she returned, however, her ultimatum was I could have nothing to do with my mother. My mother had moved out when she left, and was living in a small camper at this point. If the children even mentioned their grandmother, they were yelled at, hit or slapped--of course when I wasn’t around. My children had constant signs of bruises and scratches on them, which they hesitantly told me in front of her was from horseplay (more on this later).

My wife was now playing a waiting game, and was quite intolerable at times. She did start working when the EAD arrived, which help somewhat, but she sent most of the money to her family and friends in the Philippines--even if it meant we didn’t have enough food for the week. The rest, she enjoyed taking and spending on shopping sprees--including running up some debts on credit cards we obtained for her to help build her credit--since mine had been nearly ruined by the house payments I had skipped. We also built her credit up by buying some much needed furniture, which I paid off early.

I was forced to re-modify the mortgage to bring payments current from the hardship--although my finance company raised the monthly payments in doing so--rather than lowering them as promised.

Well, fast-forwarding to the present time, I come home one day from work and check the mail. There was a notification letter which stated my wife was eligible to remove conditions, etc. I gave her the letter, and hoped it would cheer her up. She obtained it, read it, and walked away straight-faced without any apparent emotion. I thought she’d be excited, but oh well.

That weekend, I went on a fishing trip with some friends of mine from Atlanta, and while we were there on the pier, a storm brewed and winds were very harsh. They left and went to go eat, while my dumb self stayed behind trying to secure my items. Once I secured my stuff with rope, I called them and asked if I could take shelter in their hotel until the storm died down, but they were at Hooters eating dinner and asked if I would join them there. So I went to the restaurant, had dinner with them, and then we went to the hotel and waited the storm out for a few hours, and returned back to fishing.

Why is this important? Well, after receiving that notification letter, my wife had become unbearable again--going back into her fits of rage. Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I got the feeling she was trying to provoke an attack again--one day got so bad, she took her anger out on the children and hurt them. She even drove me to the point where I told her to stop acting like a b**ch, and I was even contemplating requesting a divorce over the behavior if it continued. My children later informed me that she held a knife to my daughter’s wrist and squeezed her arm, threatening to cut off her hand if she told her daddy--I was told her brother gave her the bruises in horseplay; and my son was terrified she was going to kill him because she had taken one of my high-powered pellet guns and held it to his face and said she would shoot him if he said anything. I did not find out about these things until later unfortunately, and my attorney said if I went to the authorities at this point, it would just appear like retaliation. Although due to recent events I am considering ignoring his advice real soon. My children are not even teenagers yet--so young and innocent, and they did not deserve this abuse.

These issues took place around last year’s Christmas, and in spite of what was going on, I still went on and purchased gifts and tried to make the best out of the Holidays as possible. Well, on the Monday following Christmas, I came home from work, my wife is frothing at the mouth and screaming “CHEATER, CHEATER” at me when I walk through the door. I asked her what on earth she was talking about, and she pointed at my computer screen and was on Hooters Restaurant’s website--which was displaying some provocatively dressed women. She started screaming, “You have been having sex with these prostitutes at HOOTERS CLUB.” She was saying this right in front of both of my children, over and over. Apparently she found the bank transaction on my account where I paid for the meal at Hooters that night I went fishing with the guys, and according to her, that meant I was having sex with prostitutes.

She then went violent on me and started to attack when I told her it was just a restaurant and bar with waitresses, not a strip club with prostitutes. I picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, while she thrashed about, and told her to stop screaming that filth in front of my children.

When we got into the bedroom, I pulled out my phone and called the guy who set up the fishing trip, and said “here, you talk to him--we had five guys there, and they can all vouch for my whereabouts.” She said she didn’t want to talk to him, and then said I was talking to women on the phone every day. Of course, I speak to my company’s various office clerks every day, and most of them are women--but it is strictly business, and usually regarding hiring or firing employees and payroll. I told her to review all of my calls--as 90%+ of them were to the offices, and the phone keeps track of every call for months. She refused to look at the phone, and just started screaming again, “CHEATER! You cheat on me with Hooters prostitutes!”

I really didn’t know what to say at this point, as I have never cheated in any relationship and am strongly against it--especially with disgusting prostitutes, and this was one gross accusation. I am not sure what kind of spirit this was, but it certainly wasn’t the Holiday Spirit--and for a girl supposedly raised devout Catholic, it certainly wasn’t very Christian-like either.

I really stand amazed that a woman 5 years my senior could act so immature and childish. Anyhow, when I denied her claims, she retaliated by hitting me multiple times while backed against the door in the abdomen, chest and neck--once she reached my neck, I grabbed her arms and pushed her away from me before she hit my face. Then she darted into the closet, and fell over the luggage she had already packed--screaming loudly that I pushed her into the closet and made her fall (as if to make my children believe I did so).

She then gets up and pulls off her wedding rings, and throws them on the ground, and said, “I NEVER LOVED YOU ANYWAY! I NEVER, NEVER LOVED YOU! I DON’T LOVE YOU AT ALL!”

She then said she was taking a Taxi and going to the Greyhound bus station to live with her sister. I told her I didn’t want her spending money on a Taxi (since it would be my money), and elected to drive her there myself. When I dropped her off, I told her she had already abandoned us once, and I got her out of all of that trouble then, if she abandoned us again this time, I would consider it over. I told her if she failed to return home by the 6th of January, I would file for divorce and let her move on with her life--as would my children and I. I also asked why she would accuse me of cheating, since she knows I never would. She responded by saying she simply “wants all of the furniture in the home to give her sister, and that is her way of getting it (she actually SAID that to ME outloud!).”

We were still struggling financially at this point, and when she left, she took all the money thanks to joint accounts (unbeknownst to me at the time)--leaving the children and I with $17.00. I had to wait until my next paycheck before I could even pay the bills--and I was begging the power company to not turn off my lights since I was late.

I find it ironic that she left on the EXACT day that she fulfilled the 2 years of good faith marriage the judge had ordered her to fulfill the day of her trial when she had gone to the detention facility--December 27th. . . as if it was elaborately anticipated or planned--which leads me to feel it was an orchestrated scam the whole time.

This is certainly no sweat on her back as her sister is wealthy (lead nurse at a top hospital) and has the means necessary to put her up and get her off to a great start. Additionally, my wife has two masters’ degrees (business and education), and has no issues getting employment making 10 times what she earned in her country. She also has no children, and lived independent for more than 35 years--she should have no problem taking care of herself.

On January 6th, I went to an attorney as promised and filed for divorce when she failed to return--having to borrow from a friend to do so, sadly (yes I paid him back already). Anyhow, she started sending awful texts (along with biblical texts about infidelity, oddly enough), and would make demands saying she’d not give me the divorce I wanted unless I paid off all her credit cards, etc.

Meanwhile, the only good news out of all of this is a few weeks after filing the divorce, I went looking for a dog for the children since my wife would not allow us to own animals in the home. In doing so, I bumped into a sheltie dog trainer who I actually knew from a summer program more than 20 years ago. At the time she was my best friend for awhile, but we lost touch over the years after marriages, children, etc. Well, I had a chance to reunite with her briefly, and my mother took a photo of me giving her a hug after those 20+ long years and sent it via email (yes, my mother was now a part of our lives again, and could actually visit the home and participate in things like holidays since my wife was gone). In addition, my friend from the past ended up giving me a nice show dog because I helped her save thousands of dollars on a remodeling quote on her home by getting her in touch with one of the better vendors I am acquainted with at work--I also adopted a blind and deaf Australian shepherd from her to provide the animal a good home and allow the kids to participate in caring for a disabled creature. The vendor, however, thought she was my wife, and sent me an email stating, “Here is your quote, Mr. and Mrs. “Singed.” I immediately replied back to him and let him know that was an obvious mistake, and let him know she was only a friend I was helping--not my wife. He apologized for the error, of course.

Well, you guessed it, my “ex-wife to be” got into my email account and forwarded the picture and that quote to her email and told everyone we knew, both online and over the phone (including my co-workers), that I had a mistress, etc., and that I owned two homes, and was having an affair, etc. I thought this was quite laughable at best, seeing as I couldn’t even afford the home I was in, let alone having bought another one with my destroyed credit.

Once we got to court, she had acquired a defense attorney and made many ludicrous demands and accusations against me. She demanded that she be awarded the home, the furniture, 75% of my income in alimony, have me pay her taxes, and that I pay all of her debts acquired in the marriage--additionally, she wanted me to pay for 100% of the bills and home while she lived in it. The children and I were to go to the streets I suppose, while she lived free of charge, and received alimony--all because I have agreed to “support” her from signing the Affidavit of Support.

Her attorney actually presented these things in court. I was disappointed that when she accused me of the cheating and abuse, the court did not allow me to elaborate the way they allowed her to carry on for 25 minutes with grossly falsified story telling. I was strictly allowed to answer in “Yes or No” format--although my attorney did question why she did not contact the authorities or go back to the shelter if she was “abused.” My attorney assured me that such rhetoric was not necessary since it was not relevant to the case. With a woman judge, however, I felt uneasy with being made out as a cheater--especially when she presented the email photo where I was giving another woman a hug, which she had taken from my email account (pretty sad since we’re known to hug just about everyone--church members, friends, etc.). Yeah, I know, should have changed the passwords… but you know, I didn’t feel I had anything to hide with not having done anything wrong, so didn’t really think about it--otherwise, I’d been all over that security stuff if I was that kind of person.

In the end, the judge gave the children and I the home and furniture, and said all debts in her name are to be paid by her and debts in my name to be paid by me--except for one credit card, where she added me as an authorized user without my knowledge, and I was made to pay that even though it was hers. Additionally, I was required to pay $1500 for her defense attorney, and the remaining balance on her previous immigration attorney.

But wait, there’s more! It doesn’t stop there; the judge awarded her $500 a month in alimony because of the Affidavit of Support. Ahem, you heard me correctly--$500! We haven’t even been married for 3 years, and she is awarded that? Seriously … I am pretty sure American Citizens must be married for 10+ years to be eligible for any alimony--why should an immigrant spouse obtain special treatment? The only real good news was my divorce was final at this point, and the children and I were keeping our home--for now.

Well, I appeal this decision. Neither the attorneys, nor the judge, seemed to even know what an Affidavit of Support was until I explained it in court. I assumed the judge did not read it clearly, and with an appeal, I could have my attorney explain it with better clarity once I had a chance to meet with him and discuss.

She testified in court to currently making earnings almost double of the 125% federal poverty guidelines (which is currently just under $14000) spelled out in the Affidavit of Support. The AOS states I do not have to offer her support unless she falls below that level of income, and even then, only if she is utilizing government benefits and becomes a public charge.

I decided to present that evidence, and we got a new hearing. I was told by my attorney to arrive at 9am, and when I arrive, I wait for 1.5 hours and he never shows up. I turn my phone on to call him and noticed an email from his office asking where I was, and why didn’t I show up for court? I am perplexed, and assume that the hearing was at 8am, and I must have made a mistake, but I reviewed the paper, and nope, it was 9am. So I go to the court clerk and asked what time my hearing took place, and she said my attorney had another hearing an hour away and they held at early at 8:30am. Of course when I question the attorney in an email, he says he waited until 10 after 9am, and then left. I was sitting in the courtroom at 9am, so that’s not possible, but whatever. Either way, my presence wasn’t really required at the appeal, but I was very curious to know what took place in my absence. I was starting to feel also that my attorney might be in cahoots with the defense, and I was just being drained dry financially while being taken to the cleaners. Attorneys love to carry these things out, and of course the person with income gets targeted--regardless of evidence or faults. Maybe I am wrong and this is far-fetched, but things sure seem suspicious to me.

Based on the papers I received a few days later from my attorney, my ex-wife is now making more demands, and now I am just at a loss for words in this all.

Now, she is demanding tax relief for last year and the next two years, and wants me to accept all tax liabilities for any and all work she does and has done (even though we’re divorced?!)--demanding that I sign the IRS forms. Additionally, the credit card which she added me on as an authorized user (which I never once used), she is demanding I sign a document declaring me as primary card holder. Next, there are forms where they are demanding I fill out all of her necessary I-751 papers to remove her conditions and pay for them myself; and to top it all off, she has been diagnosed with Tuberculosis last month from a skin test, and is demanding that I pay for the $1100 doctor bill. There was no response in the paperwork given on any changes to the alimony.

My attorney has now tripled my payment requirements, putting me in the neighborhood of $7000 fighting this case in just two hearings, and is demanding the monies upfront to continue. My home finance company is in the process of pursuing foreclosure on my home because I cannot catch up the payments due to all of these legal fees and demands being made of me--not to mention the current bills were obtained originally with two incomes in mind.

My children and I are on the verge of losing everything because of this woman, when we were doing very well on our own prior to bringing her to this country. Her attorney makes it as though we forced her to come to this country, and have done her some great disservice by bringing her here--demanding that I should be responsible for anything and everything until the end of the AOS--and it seems the judge is catering to that ideology. Meanwhile, my attorney is charging me a great deal to achieve what feels like nothing with his “let’s play the politically correct good guy approach” while the other attorney arrogantly dances around the courtroom and is having his way making me into a fiend and giving her everything she wants.

Now, I am financially ruined with no savings and wallowing within insurmountable debt; my credit is ruined beyond repair--forcing me into bankruptcy and foreclosure. The car I upgraded into has been repossessed, and if it wasn’t for the company car--I’d have no transportation and would have otherwise lost my job. My children are emotional and psychological wrecks due to the abuse she put them through, and it has been extraordinarily difficult to get through to them--once over-achieving, and enthusiastic children. I could no longer afford medical insurance and was forced to cancel it--leaving myself and children vulnerable and in the face of emergency room visits and urgent clinics.

I am terrified as to what to do now, and most of all, what my children have to go through, while this woman continues to bask in the glory of her victory; and constantly posts her new rich-style clothes and beach vacations, etc. on facebook and brags to her friends about how well off she has it.

I started looking for advice and was reading some stories here on Visa Journey, and was hoping someone could tell me what I should do.

Is it possible to relieve myself of the Affidavit of Support? Can I turn her in for what seems to be possible marriage fraud? Would it be a good idea to try and get the case moved into an immigration court, rather than a family court, so individuals educated in immigration law could hear my appeals?

Our system has certainly gone corrupt if decisions like these can be made in such fashion. Here I was, just an ordinary single father of two children trying to make it in the world, and recovering from a spouse who DID cheat and left us, and thinking I could move on with someone else seemingly family-oriented--only to get used in the end until nothing is left, and put in the worst possible situation. Now, this single independent woman is putting an end to the future of my family.

I feel I have put my children in harm’s way by trusting this woman with both our hearts, lives and resources, and now our well-being has been placed in substantial risk. I take responsibility for my foolish choices by undertaking this relationship, but now I just want this to end so the kids and I can move on with life. I am sure I have left some details out, but my story is certainly long enough, so thank you for your patience if you took the time to read it.

If anyone has some solid and sound advice, please share it with me. We have reached a wall too high to climb, and need to figure out a way over or around it…heck, I’d even be willing to go under it.

My thanks,

Mr. Singed

I speechless, i dont know what to say ... Sorry for this... Well there is one thing for sure, if she really did all of these to you... WHAT SHE SOWS SHE WILL REAP, OUR GOD IS A GOD OF JUSTICE. WILL KEEP YOU IN OUR PRAYERS... GOD BLESS...

Singed · July 23, 2011

Thank you so much for the prayers and kind words. I cannot lose my faith.

belinda63 · July 23, 2011

I don't see how she can force you to file for her removal of conditions. You would have to commit fraud to do so and NO court can order you to do this. She, of course, can file herself showing she entered the marriage in good faith.

You are a very tolerant man and put up with a lot more than most people would. I admire you for all your attempts to please her and all you did for her as undeserving as she may have been. Good luck to you and I hope you and your children can put this behind you.

jameugiekaxavilon · July 23, 2011

Oh no, I dont know what to say. I know she is a filipino too, but wow, she is kinda evil, no heart at all. My fiance is widowed and diabled and has 3 wonderful kids, inspite of this all I love him and would spend the rest our my days helping each other. Im feel so sad reading your story, I hope everything will be okay with you and your kids and that kind of scam will stop.

Dean_De · July 23, 2011

So sorry that you and your children get this ####### from an EVIL woman like your soon to be X-WIFE.. I wish I have advice to give but I honestly have no knowledge yet. Me and my fiancee's visa journey had just started. Tho, your story reminded me of what my fiancee went through with his x-wife. How heartbreaking the divorce was. I had witnessed how emotionally, physically, and financially it drained my fiancee and which even until this time he is trying to go back up to life. My prayer goes to you and your family..I know everything has a reason why things happen..keep up your hope and stay positive..I know, there are much better blessings in life yet to come your way.

HopeFaithLove · July 23, 2011

Alright, I have finally stumped my toe and need some advice for our current situation--primarily because my children are caught in the middle, and I am nearly worn down to my wit's end. My family has been virtually destroyed by what I am about to tell you, and I hate even having to share this information.

Please be advised, if you do not like reading, then you may as well stop at this point--my story is slightly long-winded (and this is the short version).

I met a Filipina lady on American Singles back in late 2006 and went to meet her a few times after that--spending a good 12 total weeks in her country. We of course fell in love and I petitioned to bring her to the US on a Fiancée Visa.

When she arrived into the US, we married right away to fulfill the 90 days obligation and begin our lives in forward motion.

So far, so good at this point I thought. Additionally, I have full custody of two wonderful children from a previous marriage--which are quite well behaved considering the trauma they endured from their biological mother some years prior--she was physically abusive and abandoned us for another man at the time.

I was sure it would be somewhat of a struggle for my new wife to adjust to both the children and culture shock as well, and I tried to make things as easy as possible.

We moved from the apartment I lived in, and I bought a home which she both loved and demanded we get--investing most of my savings into the down payment--although I must admit, it was too quick and made me uncomfortable financially. She also demanded I trade in my car--she could not stand it (even though it was nearly paid off and less than a year old). She wanted a larger vehicle and argued until I gave in an agreed to go into debt to upgrade vehicles. My mother also moved and took a job nearby and offered much assistance with the children so my wife and I could spend more quality time together during the adjustment.

My wife and mother were nearly best friends at this point, so it seemed, and my wife asked to let my mother rent the guest room in the far corner of the home. The house is somewhat divided so that it is nearly like two homes attached by a kitchen and foyer. After much discussion, we agreed to the idea--especially since the payments were pretty high, and my wife still needed to get an EAD to legally work and help pay the bills we incurred.

I took a change in companies during the move, and went awhile without any income, and additionally, my wife had borrowed money from relatives while in the Philippines--which she wanted me to pay back to them right away. Problem was, in order to do so it nearly left us broke and paycheck to paycheck once I finished changing jobs--putting on the financial strain.

Of course, now we were in a fix with obtaining her adjustment of status--seeing it cost more than a thousand dollars, and we were literally strapped. Also, my company insurance wouldn’t take effect until open enrollment, and meanwhile we both had medical emergencies I had to pay for upfront--her conditions, my surgery and an injured child, etc.

As a result, we could not file for her Adjustment of Status right away. As soon as we would have saved up the money, either something would happen, or she’d take it and go shopping or send our money to her family.

She seemed to make sure we never had enough money for the AOS (while blaming me at the same time), and then made some friends within a local Filipina community, and right away her attitude changed significantly. I found out later these “friends” were coaching and instructing her on ways she could get expedited citizenship, and do so at my expense.

Right away she became unbearable to be around. She was crying, screaming and throwing fits of rage--even tossing herself into the floor at times like a poisoned cockroach with hands and legs in the air--over the silliest of things. If you said anything to her, normal or jokatively, she would change the words you said around and accuse you of making an attack against her. It was evident she was trying to provoke a physical attack--which I was never foolish enough to engage in. I called her relatives in desperation wondering if she needed some medication I was unaware of, and her sister told me she acted this way as a child when she didn’t get her way (like not getting toys on a siblings birthday), and she was known for her “Tampos”--which I learned was the Filipino variant of “Temper Tantrums.”

When she failed to get my temper beyond a raised voice, she then left me alone and went after my mother and children instead. She started abusing my children physically and emotionally on so many levels while I was at work, and then started a heated argument with my mother. No matter how hard my mother tried, my wife refused to work things out. Then a couple of weeks later while I am at work, she locks my mother out of the house by getting her keys and locking the door while she was cleaning her car. My mother calls me, and I came home to find out what was going on. When I went inside, my wife had some luggage and bumped my shoulder while leaving and said, “Bye.” She left, and of course I followed to try to talk to her and find out what to do. She hops in a car with one of her Filipina community friends and leaves without a word.

I did not hear from her again for about 45 days. Turns out she had gone to a women’s shelter and tried to get asylum as a battered woman to obtain expedited citizenship via the advice of her friends--using a verbal argument with my mother as means to do so--and declaring I was some kind of a monster. Fortunately, I never so much as laid a hand on her violently, and the women’s shelter kicked her out after 30 days and told her to either go home or find another place to stay--because there was nothing wrong with her.

She elected to go to her sister’s home, and the shelter paid for the bus ticket. Unfortunately for her, there was a rat in the shelter which called ICE and as soon as the bus reached its first stop, the officials came on board to arrest her. She had left her ID’s in her luggage, which they confiscated, and gave her no chance to retrieve them--arresting her for not having them on person. Later, when I picked up her impounded luggage, I spoke with the ICE officer who took her into custody to get the story.

Meanwhile, I had saved up the money for the AOS just before she had left the home, and was going to surprise her over dinner--but when she abandoned us, I had mixed feelings. I still went ahead with filing the AOS a couple of weeks later, in hopes she would come home and I could soothe things over and try to find out why she had become so angry. I started listening to marriage counseling tapes, and even paid for professional marriage counseling to make sure there was nothing wrong with me--hoping I could refine myself to be the best husband. I wanted to be irresistible for her, and chalked her behaviors up to simply being her going through culture shock.

As it turns out, though, she had been arrested and was taken to prison to be detained until deportation proceedings. I tried to be the good husband in this case when they finally allowed her to call me. Rather than focusing on how she abandoned us, I instead tried to work things out and find out how to get her out of the prison she got herself in to. She goes on and on blaming me for putting her in prison, and says she got arrested because she had not filed her AOS in time--when the documentation states she was arrested for travelling without identification. Either way, both issues were pending against her, although I had already filed it prior to her arrest, and had she came home or contacted me, she’d known that. Instead, I spent 6 weeks driving 16 hrs each way back and forth to visit her at the detention facility every weekend until her trial before a judge.

Since her plans of asylum failed, she was forced to turn to me again. In all, I had to sell items, borrow from friends, and skip payments on my house in order to pay for the bail bond, attorney fees and court costs it took to get her out of the prison--totaling more than $15,000. The judge was very specific when she blamed me in court, and told her that the Adjustment of Status and any costs associated with her immigration was ultimately her responsibility--not that of the American Citizen. I am not sure I fully agree with that myself, but he made those statements. Anyway, he then stated she must re-file the AOS through the court, rather than USCIS--which meant I had to pay for the AOS a second time, and my USCIS filing would thus be rejected and monies lost! She was also ordered to remain in good faith marriage for a minimum of two years before she could file for her Removal of Conditions.

Well, she returns home, and I spend the entire year recovering from the financial disaster that event put me through--paying people back and covering additional attorney fees, etc. When she returned, however, her ultimatum was I could have nothing to do with my mother. My mother had moved out when she left, and was living in a small camper at this point. If the children even mentioned their grandmother, they were yelled at, hit or slapped--of course when I wasn’t around. My children had constant signs of bruises and scratches on them, which they hesitantly told me in front of her was from horseplay (more on this later).

My wife was now playing a waiting game, and was quite intolerable at times. She did start working when the EAD arrived, which help somewhat, but she sent most of the money to her family and friends in the Philippines--even if it meant we didn’t have enough food for the week. The rest, she enjoyed taking and spending on shopping sprees--including running up some debts on credit cards we obtained for her to help build her credit--since mine had been nearly ruined by the house payments I had skipped. We also built her credit up by buying some much needed furniture, which I paid off early.

I was forced to re-modify the mortgage to bring payments current from the hardship--although my finance company raised the monthly payments in doing so--rather than lowering them as promised.

Well, fast-forwarding to the present time, I come home one day from work and check the mail. There was a notification letter which stated my wife was eligible to remove conditions, etc. I gave her the letter, and hoped it would cheer her up. She obtained it, read it, and walked away straight-faced without any apparent emotion. I thought she’d be excited, but oh well.

That weekend, I went on a fishing trip with some friends of mine from Atlanta, and while we were there on the pier, a storm brewed and winds were very harsh. They left and went to go eat, while my dumb self stayed behind trying to secure my items. Once I secured my stuff with rope, I called them and asked if I could take shelter in their hotel until the storm died down, but they were at Hooters eating dinner and asked if I would join them there. So I went to the restaurant, had dinner with them, and then we went to the hotel and waited the storm out for a few hours, and returned back to fishing.

Why is this important? Well, after receiving that notification letter, my wife had become unbearable again--going back into her fits of rage. Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I got the feeling she was trying to provoke an attack again--one day got so bad, she took her anger out on the children and hurt them. She even drove me to the point where I told her to stop acting like a b**ch, and I was even contemplating requesting a divorce over the behavior if it continued. My children later informed me that she held a knife to my daughter’s wrist and squeezed her arm, threatening to cut off her hand if she told her daddy--I was told her brother gave her the bruises in horseplay; and my son was terrified she was going to kill him because she had taken one of my high-powered pellet guns and held it to his face and said she would shoot him if he said anything. I did not find out about these things until later unfortunately, and my attorney said if I went to the authorities at this point, it would just appear like retaliation. Although due to recent events I am considering ignoring his advice real soon. My children are not even teenagers yet--so young and innocent, and they did not deserve this abuse.

These issues took place around last year’s Christmas, and in spite of what was going on, I still went on and purchased gifts and tried to make the best out of the Holidays as possible. Well, on the Monday following Christmas, I came home from work, my wife is frothing at the mouth and screaming “CHEATER, CHEATER” at me when I walk through the door. I asked her what on earth she was talking about, and she pointed at my computer screen and was on Hooters Restaurant’s website--which was displaying some provocatively dressed women. She started screaming, “You have been having sex with these prostitutes at HOOTERS CLUB.” She was saying this right in front of both of my children, over and over. Apparently she found the bank transaction on my account where I paid for the meal at Hooters that night I went fishing with the guys, and according to her, that meant I was having sex with prostitutes.

She then went violent on me and started to attack when I told her it was just a restaurant and bar with waitresses, not a strip club with prostitutes. I picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, while she thrashed about, and told her to stop screaming that filth in front of my children.

When we got into the bedroom, I pulled out my phone and called the guy who set up the fishing trip, and said “here, you talk to him--we had five guys there, and they can all vouch for my whereabouts.” She said she didn’t want to talk to him, and then said I was talking to women on the phone every day. Of course, I speak to my company’s various office clerks every day, and most of them are women--but it is strictly business, and usually regarding hiring or firing employees and payroll. I told her to review all of my calls--as 90%+ of them were to the offices, and the phone keeps track of every call for months. She refused to look at the phone, and just started screaming again, “CHEATER! You cheat on me with Hooters prostitutes!”

I really didn’t know what to say at this point, as I have never cheated in any relationship and am strongly against it--especially with disgusting prostitutes, and this was one gross accusation. I am not sure what kind of spirit this was, but it certainly wasn’t the Holiday Spirit--and for a girl supposedly raised devout Catholic, it certainly wasn’t very Christian-like either.

I really stand amazed that a woman 5 years my senior could act so immature and childish. Anyhow, when I denied her claims, she retaliated by hitting me multiple times while backed against the door in the abdomen, chest and neck--once she reached my neck, I grabbed her arms and pushed her away from me before she hit my face. Then she darted into the closet, and fell over the luggage she had already packed--screaming loudly that I pushed her into the closet and made her fall (as if to make my children believe I did so).

She then gets up and pulls off her wedding rings, and throws them on the ground, and said, “I NEVER LOVED YOU ANYWAY! I NEVER, NEVER LOVED YOU! I DON’T LOVE YOU AT ALL!”

She then said she was taking a Taxi and going to the Greyhound bus station to live with her sister. I told her I didn’t want her spending money on a Taxi (since it would be my money), and elected to drive her there myself. When I dropped her off, I told her she had already abandoned us once, and I got her out of all of that trouble then, if she abandoned us again this time, I would consider it over. I told her if she failed to return home by the 6th of January, I would file for divorce and let her move on with her life--as would my children and I. I also asked why she would accuse me of cheating, since she knows I never would. She responded by saying she simply “wants all of the furniture in the home to give her sister, and that is her way of getting it (she actually SAID that to ME outloud!).”

We were still struggling financially at this point, and when she left, she took all the money thanks to joint accounts (unbeknownst to me at the time)--leaving the children and I with $17.00. I had to wait until my next paycheck before I could even pay the bills--and I was begging the power company to not turn off my lights since I was late.

I find it ironic that she left on the EXACT day that she fulfilled the 2 years of good faith marriage the judge had ordered her to fulfill the day of her trial when she had gone to the detention facility--December 27th. . . as if it was elaborately anticipated or planned--which leads me to feel it was an orchestrated scam the whole time.

This is certainly no sweat on her back as her sister is wealthy (lead nurse at a top hospital) and has the means necessary to put her up and get her off to a great start. Additionally, my wife has two masters’ degrees (business and education), and has no issues getting employment making 10 times what she earned in her country. She also has no children, and lived independent for more than 35 years--she should have no problem taking care of herself.

On January 6th, I went to an attorney as promised and filed for divorce when she failed to return--having to borrow from a friend to do so, sadly (yes I paid him back already). Anyhow, she started sending awful texts (along with biblical texts about infidelity, oddly enough), and would make demands saying she’d not give me the divorce I wanted unless I paid off all her credit cards, etc.

Meanwhile, the only good news out of all of this is a few weeks after filing the divorce, I went looking for a dog for the children since my wife would not allow us to own animals in the home. In doing so, I bumped into a sheltie dog trainer who I actually knew from a summer program more than 20 years ago. At the time she was my best friend for awhile, but we lost touch over the years after marriages, children, etc. Well, I had a chance to reunite with her briefly, and my mother took a photo of me giving her a hug after those 20+ long years and sent it via email (yes, my mother was now a part of our lives again, and could actually visit the home and participate in things like holidays since my wife was gone). In addition, my friend from the past ended up giving me a nice show dog because I helped her save thousands of dollars on a remodeling quote on her home by getting her in touch with one of the better vendors I am acquainted with at work--I also adopted a blind and deaf Australian shepherd from her to provide the animal a good home and allow the kids to participate in caring for a disabled creature. The vendor, however, thought she was my wife, and sent me an email stating, “Here is your quote, Mr. and Mrs. “Singed.” I immediately replied back to him and let him know that was an obvious mistake, and let him know she was only a friend I was helping--not my wife. He apologized for the error, of course.

Well, you guessed it, my “ex-wife to be” got into my email account and forwarded the picture and that quote to her email and told everyone we knew, both online and over the phone (including my co-workers), that I had a mistress, etc., and that I owned two homes, and was having an affair, etc. I thought this was quite laughable at best, seeing as I couldn’t even afford the home I was in, let alone having bought another one with my destroyed credit.

Once we got to court, she had acquired a defense attorney and made many ludicrous demands and accusations against me. She demanded that she be awarded the home, the furniture, 75% of my income in alimony, have me pay her taxes, and that I pay all of her debts acquired in the marriage--additionally, she wanted me to pay for 100% of the bills and home while she lived in it. The children and I were to go to the streets I suppose, while she lived free of charge, and received alimony--all because I have agreed to “support” her from signing the Affidavit of Support.

Her attorney actually presented these things in court. I was disappointed that when she accused me of the cheating and abuse, the court did not allow me to elaborate the way they allowed her to carry on for 25 minutes with grossly falsified story telling. I was strictly allowed to answer in “Yes or No” format--although my attorney did question why she did not contact the authorities or go back to the shelter if she was “abused.” My attorney assured me that such rhetoric was not necessary since it was not relevant to the case. With a woman judge, however, I felt uneasy with being made out as a cheater--especially when she presented the email photo where I was giving another woman a hug, which she had taken from my email account (pretty sad since we’re known to hug just about everyone--church members, friends, etc.). Yeah, I know, should have changed the passwords… but you know, I didn’t feel I had anything to hide with not having done anything wrong, so didn’t really think about it--otherwise, I’d been all over that security stuff if I was that kind of person.

In the end, the judge gave the children and I the home and furniture, and said all debts in her name are to be paid by her and debts in my name to be paid by me--except for one credit card, where she added me as an authorized user without my knowledge, and I was made to pay that even though it was hers. Additionally, I was required to pay $1500 for her defense attorney, and the remaining balance on her previous immigration attorney.

But wait, there’s more! It doesn’t stop there; the judge awarded her $500 a month in alimony because of the Affidavit of Support. Ahem, you heard me correctly--$500! We haven’t even been married for 3 years, and she is awarded that? Seriously … I am pretty sure American Citizens must be married for 10+ years to be eligible for any alimony--why should an immigrant spouse obtain special treatment? The only real good news was my divorce was final at this point, and the children and I were keeping our home--for now.

Well, I appeal this decision. Neither the attorneys, nor the judge, seemed to even know what an Affidavit of Support was until I explained it in court. I assumed the judge did not read it clearly, and with an appeal, I could have my attorney explain it with better clarity once I had a chance to meet with him and discuss.

She testified in court to currently making earnings almost double of the 125% federal poverty guidelines (which is currently just under $14000) spelled out in the Affidavit of Support. The AOS states I do not have to offer her support unless she falls below that level of income, and even then, only if she is utilizing government benefits and becomes a public charge.

I decided to present that evidence, and we got a new hearing. I was told by my attorney to arrive at 9am, and when I arrive, I wait for 1.5 hours and he never shows up. I turn my phone on to call him and noticed an email from his office asking where I was, and why didn’t I show up for court? I am perplexed, and assume that the hearing was at 8am, and I must have made a mistake, but I reviewed the paper, and nope, it was 9am. So I go to the court clerk and asked what time my hearing took place, and she said my attorney had another hearing an hour away and they held at early at 8:30am. Of course when I question the attorney in an email, he says he waited until 10 after 9am, and then left. I was sitting in the courtroom at 9am, so that’s not possible, but whatever. Either way, my presence wasn’t really required at the appeal, but I was very curious to know what took place in my absence. I was starting to feel also that my attorney might be in cahoots with the defense, and I was just being drained dry financially while being taken to the cleaners. Attorneys love to carry these things out, and of course the person with income gets targeted--regardless of evidence or faults. Maybe I am wrong and this is far-fetched, but things sure seem suspicious to me.

Based on the papers I received a few days later from my attorney, my ex-wife is now making more demands, and now I am just at a loss for words in this all.

Now, she is demanding tax relief for last year and the next two years, and wants me to accept all tax liabilities for any and all work she does and has done (even though we’re divorced?!)--demanding that I sign the IRS forms. Additionally, the credit card which she added me on as an authorized user (which I never once used), she is demanding I sign a document declaring me as primary card holder. Next, there are forms where they are demanding I fill out all of her necessary I-751 papers to remove her conditions and pay for them myself; and to top it all off, she has been diagnosed with Tuberculosis last month from a skin test, and is demanding that I pay for the $1100 doctor bill. There was no response in the paperwork given on any changes to the alimony.

My attorney has now tripled my payment requirements, putting me in the neighborhood of $7000 fighting this case in just two hearings, and is demanding the monies upfront to continue. My home finance company is in the process of pursuing foreclosure on my home because I cannot catch up the payments due to all of these legal fees and demands being made of me--not to mention the current bills were obtained originally with two incomes in mind.

My children and I are on the verge of losing everything because of this woman, when we were doing very well on our own prior to bringing her to this country. Her attorney makes it as though we forced her to come to this country, and have done her some great disservice by bringing her here--demanding that I should be responsible for anything and everything until the end of the AOS--and it seems the judge is catering to that ideology. Meanwhile, my attorney is charging me a great deal to achieve what feels like nothing with his “let’s play the politically correct good guy approach” while the other attorney arrogantly dances around the courtroom and is having his way making me into a fiend and giving her everything she wants.

Now, I am financially ruined with no savings and wallowing within insurmountable debt; my credit is ruined beyond repair--forcing me into bankruptcy and foreclosure. The car I upgraded into has been repossessed, and if it wasn’t for the company car--I’d have no transportation and would have otherwise lost my job. My children are emotional and psychological wrecks due to the abuse she put them through, and it has been extraordinarily difficult to get through to them--once over-achieving, and enthusiastic children. I could no longer afford medical insurance and was forced to cancel it--leaving myself and children vulnerable and in the face of emergency room visits and urgent clinics.

I am terrified as to what to do now, and most of all, what my children have to go through, while this woman continues to bask in the glory of her victory; and constantly posts her new rich-style clothes and beach vacations, etc. on facebook and brags to her friends about how well off she has it.

I started looking for advice and was reading some stories here on Visa Journey, and was hoping someone could tell me what I should do.

Is it possible to relieve myself of the Affidavit of Support? Can I turn her in for what seems to be possible marriage fraud? Would it be a good idea to try and get the case moved into an immigration court, rather than a family court, so individuals educated in immigration law could hear my appeals?

Our system has certainly gone corrupt if decisions like these can be made in such fashion. Here I was, just an ordinary single father of two children trying to make it in the world, and recovering from a spouse who DID cheat and left us, and thinking I could move on with someone else seemingly family-oriented--only to get used in the end until nothing is left, and put in the worst possible situation. Now, this single independent woman is putting an end to the future of my family.

I feel I have put my children in harm’s way by trusting this woman with both our hearts, lives and resources, and now our well-being has been placed in substantial risk. I take responsibility for my foolish choices by undertaking this relationship, but now I just want this to end so the kids and I can move on with life. I am sure I have left some details out, but my story is certainly long enough, so thank you for your patience if you took the time to read it.

If anyone has some solid and sound advice, please share it with me. We have reached a wall too high to climb, and need to figure out a way over or around it…heck, I’d even be willing to go under it.

My thanks,

Mr. Singed

Hello, I read all throughout your post, so scary ! I feel so sorry for you! I'm also a Filipina, but I find your experiences very very awful. She is just too focus on material things not on the relationship. I'm lost for words after reading the whole story --too much cruelty and selfishness. I'm sure she didn't love you truthfully. Love is kind, patient, compassionate, enduring.... Let us thank God at least she is no longer living with you. Just continue taking care of yourself, your kids and your mom. I know you will certainly move on. I know how it feels, but, I'm sure God has a good reason why this happened. Thank you for sharing your life. This is a very good lesson to learn. Will keep you in prayers ! We have a good living God -- Keep seeking & trusting on HIM.

Glyn and Kathy · July 23, 2011

Wow, I'm so sorry. I was reading your post and just thinking how unbelievably evil this woman is. I'm not knowledgeable enough to give advice on the divorce proceedings or with her immigration, but I will pray for you and your children.

cardigans5 · July 23, 2011

Ok...no offense but the only person you need to blame is yourself! You knew she was evil to you...your mom...and YOUR CHILDREN! Yet when they were ready to deport her you helped her out. I have a philosophy...if someone gets hit by a car I feel sorry for them. If they throw themselves in front of that car they got what they deserved. I was sympathetic until you kept helping and trying to be with that woman. From that point on you're to blame for your misery. Sorry...don't use love as an excuse and make better decisions for your kids!

Kengux · July 23, 2011

Wow! This is so heartbreaking... All i knw is that, what goes around, comes around. She cant escaped being punished and having used u all these while when ur trying to petition to bring her, she was pretending to love u....

Oh my, she came cos of the papers and i can tell u that she would get in trouble and would likely spend rest of her life behind bars..

She's still gonna loose everything i promise u..

Stay focused and move on with life. I'm sure she's not your wife, otherwise, love is enduring, caring, full of passion for the other fellow and is above all things. May God be with u and your children. Amen!

Singed · July 23, 2011

Ok...no offense but the only person you need to blame is yourself! You knew she was evil to you...your mom...and YOUR CHILDREN! Yet when they were ready to deport her you helped her out. I have a philosophy...if someone gets hit by a car I feel sorry for them. If they throw themselves in front of that car they got what they deserved. I was sympathetic until you kept helping and trying to be with that woman. From that point on you're to blame for your misery. Sorry...don't use love as an excuse and make better decisions for your kids!

No offense taken. I agree with you wholeheartedly. It was definitely my fault which I stated at the end of my story, and the only thing I can say is the marriage counselling I received, along with advice from my church and pastor was behind providing me the "hope" that she was sincere and would change. Of course, at that time, no one "suspected" she was scamming me.

I have a philosophy on her too--There's a good reason she left us and went to California--it was to go to work for Hollywood, because she was a great actor! Maybe we'll see her on the next soap opera.

In hindsight, I should have simply allowed her to be deported and let her deal with that crisis on her own, but I really believed she'd change--and certainly hoped she would seeing as we had endured a huge investment bringing her here, and acquired bills needing to be supported by two incomes.

Perhaps "excuses" now, but they were enough at the time to convince me to give it another shot. I guess some people don't give up as easily as others, and I can be hard-headed at times in that regard.

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-sigh- Here We Go - Divorce, Scam, Legal Woes - HELP!

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