Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

[Mirorgate 0]

Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

WASHINGTON, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities (AWNA) Act is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Barbara Boxer (D). "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

Members of Congress pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. Many of the State's Goverment Jobs also are filled by the Inept (72%).

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (70%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Senator Ted Kennedy (D), "It is our solemn duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

[Ban Hammer 13,714]

[dalegg 143]

[Fandango 1,440]

lol

[PlatyPius 5]

ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

[YuAndDan 153]

Sounds like welfare or communism or typical wealth redistribution, tax hard workers and give it to the non-workers!

Or how about No Child left Behind! All teachers are encouraged to give them all passing grades even if they can't figure out 2+2=4 and read or write.

[type2negative 0]

Sounds like welfare or communism or typical wealth redistribution, tax hard workers and give it to the non-workers!

Or how about No Child left Behind! All teachers are encouraged to give them all passing grades even if they can't figure out 2+2=4 and read or write.

So true.

Its really funny.

Before you realise how close America to this,,,

[gimygirl 0]

from the onion??

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

from the onion??

Must be. Love it!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

What a relief for Dubbya when his term is finally up.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

What a relief for Dubbya when his term is finally up.

Actually, Bush benefitted from this before it even existed. He certainly is an AWNA.

[Heracles 417]

Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

WASHINGTON, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities (AWNA) Act is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Barbara Boxer (D). "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

Members of Congress pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. Many of the State's Goverment Jobs also are filled by the Inept (72%).

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (70%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Senator Ted Kennedy (D), "It is our solemn duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

This sounds like an ideal left wing policy..

[yogib37 3]

Sounds like welfare or communism or typical wealth redistribution, tax hard workers and give it to the non-workers!

Or how about No Child left Behind! All teachers are encouraged to give them all passing grades even if they can't figure out 2+2=4 and read or write.

You mean that 2+2=4? I always thought it was 5...

you broke my bubble for the day..

can't you tell I am a product of the Public school system

I guess that teaching them other stuff like arts,socal science and other courses is more important to Reading writing, and Math.

What a relief for Dubbya when his term is finally up.

Actually, Bush benefitted from this before it even existed. He certainly is an AWNA.

well heck if Bush can lead this nation, I sure have a shot

And even before No Child left behind act, that he made up.. He was certainly part of that program.. The teachers were glad to hand him off to get rid of his lack of smarts

[Heracles 417]

can't you tell I am a product of the Public school system

The education system in the US is long overdue an overhaul and improvement. The only obstacle is that I can't see many US tax payers willing to increase their taxes to fund it. First things first, get rid of the county based school system and change it to a state based system. This way you eliminate bureaucracy and start paying the people who actually teach and directly work with the kids. The second benefit of a state based system is that it makes sure all schools are equally and appropriately funded. This way schools in poor counties can still receive adequate funding and attention.

Edited September 10, 2006 by Infidel

[Ban Hammer 13,714]

can't you tell I am a product of the Public school system

The education system in the US is long overdue an overhaul and improvement. The only obstacle is that I can't see many US tax payers willing to increase their taxes to fund it. First things first, get rid of the county based school system and change it to a state based system. This way you eliminate bureaucracy and start paying the people who actually teach and directly work with the kids. The second benefit of a state based system is that it makes sure all schools are equally and appropriately funded. This way schools in poor counties can still receive adequate funding and attention.

you're right about that. the county based tax system to pay for schools sucks. i also see people in a small school making 80-100k a year and they are not even teaching! who knew being the principle of a school that teaches 1-6 grade could make so much?

in kansas more than half my taxes go to pay for the schools. if you don't own a home and rent a house or apartment, you're not paying that tax, the owner of the property does. i think they should start hitting up those who rent also for school tax money too, maybe even have a flat tax on every resident for school taxes and drop the property tax. i believe it's unfair to tax people who own and not those who rent when it comes to school taxes. (and yes, before anyone comes in here and jumps on this, renting is way cheaper than owning here).