Who are the Filipinas here that received money before getting married to their foreign fiance and sending money when they got here in US?

[adiiann 163]

It seems like money (root of all evil) is the hot discussion in this forum.

Fiancé needs money

Wife’s family needs money

Alluring fiancé/wife with money (or material things)

Lots of lies because of money

Fight over money

Separation because of money

Now, my question is how many Filipinas here received money before they got married? How many Filipinas here send money to their family in regular basis? How many Filipinas here that have their husband send money to their family in the Philippines?

Start of…

I received money from my husband (fiancé then) to pay for my high cellphone bills (I was paying 5,000 Pesos almost monthly) because I have no control sometimes on calling him and texting him (esp. when I feel blue and terribly missing him). Well, I only asked him to pay for it whenever I run out of my own funds because I over spent my salary for having fun or I paid my tuition fee. I know when I was still single; I really live my life as a single and carefree. I spent only my own income for myself and didn’t really think of saving not until he proposed to me and I realized that I am getting married. I started saving for our wedding and of course for future.

I also received money from him when we were preparing wedding, to buy and pay for wedding stuff. And that’s about it. He didn’t pay for my medical, processing papers and airfare tickets.

As for sending money to the Philippines, nope, I didn’t send money. I only send gifts and packages to them.

I am wondering what do you considered as red flag when comes to “money” matters on this topic. Also, I want to hear why USC (esp men) keeps giving their wife/fiancé money and her family? For USC, what is your rationale on putting your fiancé’s life in luxury than what they used to?

Edited December 13, 2010 by adiiann

[BellaRose 7]

Umm obviously Im not deal with the Philipines however I did want to comment. I have been on both sides of the spectrum. At first I was getting a little annoyed that my husband kept on asking for money. There was always some problem, some fee, some anything that required my giving him funds. Which I did, I sent about 100 weekly and more for special circumstances. But, life in the US is hard also as a "single" mother waiting two years so far processing immigration papers.

Even when I visited his country the first time with our daughter (stayed one month) I was reluctant to hand him money because we were on a budget and he would just hand it to a family member. Anyway the second time I learned a lot more about the culture and understood that I was staying with his family members and some sort of payment had to be made and I took note of where the money was going all this time. The built us our own visiting house, he baught a taxi to create some income. Another family house that we stayed at was rebuilt after the tsunami hit. The church was rebuilt. I mean I feel like I am not only bettering his life, but his family, and their community.

I understand how some people flash money around to get someone to marry them or prove that there way of life is better to allure them to the states. Which I dont agree with. I had the privialage of meeting my husband in the states and when he had to go back to his country while we are petitioning I like knowing that he is taken of to some extent. The little luxuries that he had here which we take advantage of...like a fan, or a box of chicken, or a bottle of soda.

These are your future wives. It is your job to show them that they will be taken care of them. Unfortunately, when you are oceans away from them...it can only be shown financially.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

If someone could wave a wand and make the Philippines have a robust economy like other Asian countries such as South Korea and Japan, then we wouldn't have the kinds of discussions we have regarding money and it's influence on Fil/Am courtships.

One of the things that has taken my wife some time to get used to is understanding what a Middle Class is. When she first arrived in the states, we were living in Orange County, California, and every time she saw a Mercedes Benz or a Cadillac SUV, she thought those people must be rich. For Filipinos, they have no real concept of a Middle Class. Everyone is either dirt poor or well off. It's a country that miraculously stays together fairly peacefully despite the large income disparities. I'm surprised they haven't had more revolutionaries.

Edited December 13, 2010 by 8TBVBN

[John&Juvy 36]

IMO, Red flag is... Those woman that have no shame and consideration for asking and spending money more than her husband/fiance can only afford to give them.

Also a red flag, if the husband/fiance already sending her 300$, 500$ or hey a 1000$ monthly alowance and she still can't manage to last it in a month.

Red flag again if she is asking you to buy this and that for her family without any shame and thinking if what her husband/fiance financial status is and what you will gonna feel about it.

I dont think there is a problem helping and sending money to a family if you know that they do really need it as long it will never gonna affect your own financial status, and nobody taking advatage to who. We do send couple of hundreds monthly too to my parents and that amount stay the same and included to our monthly household budget. FYI, I am working full-time too lol.

Respect + Consideration + Care = LOVE.

IMO, Red flag is... Those woman that have no shame and consideration for asking and spending money more than her husband/fiance can only afford to give them.

Also a red flag, if the husband/fiance already sending her 300$, 500$ or hey a 1000$ monthly alowance and she still can't manage to last it in a month.

Red flag again if she is asking you to buy this and that for her family without any shame and thinking if what her husband/fiance financial status is and what you will gonna feel about it.

I dont think there is a problem helping and sending money to a family if you know that they do really need it as long it will never gonna affect your own financial status, and nobody taking advatage to who. We do send couple of hundreds monthly too to my parents and that amount stay the same and included to our monthly household budget. FYI, I am working full-time too lol.

Respect + Consideration + Care = LOVE.

[marriedtomrg 141]

Before I left the Philippines I made it pretty clear to my Mom that it would take some time for us to adjust here and I would lose several months waiting for my EAD, getting my SSN and finally finding a job. So far my Mom has been pretty great about that; there have been some family emergencies (my dad had to be hospitalized this year to have gall stones removed) but at no time has she ever made us feel that we have to send her or anyone in our family any money. We were pretty upfront that this was not what we will be about (cash cow).

I don't send money to the Philippines to support anyone; I send money to the Philippines to pay bills I had left behind and my mom helps me make sure they are paid on time. When I have a little extra I give it to her so she can play bingo. She is a retired school teacher and bingo is more of a privilege at this point (since my grandma kind of frowns upon her leaving the house).

My husband, before we were married, only sent me money twice. The first time was to help me pay for Pippo's tuition, and the second time was for our wedding (which I planned; it was not a lavish ceremony by any means...just an intimate gathering with 60 people, including us...and mind you, I paid for quite a number of significant things myself...including my husband's wedding band, which I had asked a family friend to customize for him). At one point, I sent him money to help him pay for his airfare. So what we have is mutual dependency on each other...it has never been one way.

There is no his money, her money...it's our money; that was a new concept for me...when I was married to Pippo's dad, he was terrible with money, so I had to save some for myself in case things got hairy.

Fast forward to the present, when I'm not sure about spending our money on something at the grocery store or at the mall, I always ask him. That has saved us so much grief. I never assume anything, even though we are married. Our 2nd year wedding anniversary is just around the corner...times are hard now, and so we are being extra careful with our money. (I'm still on the lookout for a better job...so far nothing...but on the flipside I am spending a lot of time taking care of our new baby )

Funny enough, we do not have a lot of money now (compared to when we were in the Philippines), but we are very happy.

Edited December 13, 2010 by marriedtomrg

[journey4life 0]

Before I left the Philippines I made it pretty clear to my Mom that it would take some time for us to adjust here and I would lose several months waiting for my EAD, getting my SSN and finally finding a job. So far my Mom has been pretty great about that; there have been some family emergencies (my dad had to be hospitalized this year to have gall stones removed) but at no time has she ever made us feel that we have to send her or anyone in our family any money. We were pretty upfront that this was not what we will be about (cash cow).

I don't send money to the Philippines to support anyone; I send money to the Philippines to pay bills I had left behind and my mom helps me make sure they are paid on time. When I have a little extra I give it to her so she can play bingo. She is a retired school teacher and bingo is more of a privilege at this point (since my grandma kind of frowns upon her leaving the house).

My husband, before we were married, only sent me money twice. The first time was to help me pay for Pippo's tuition, and the second time was for our wedding (which I planned; it was not a lavish ceremony by any means...just an intimate gathering with 60 people, including us...and mind you, I paid for quite a number of significant things myself...including my husband's wedding band, which I had asked a family friend to customize for him). At one point, I sent him money to help him pay for his airfare. So what we have is mutual dependency on each other...it has never been one way.

There is no his money, her money...it's our money; that was a new concept for me...when I was married to Pippo's dad, he was terrible with money, so I had to save some for myself in case things got hairy.

Fast forward to the present, when I'm not sure about spending our money on something at the grocery store or at the mall, I always ask him. That has saved us so much grief. I never assume anything, even though we are married. Our 2nd year wedding anniversary is just around the corner...times are hard now, and so we are being extra careful with our money. (I'm still on the lookout for a better job...so far nothing...but on the flipside I am spending a lot of time taking care of our new baby )

Funny enough, we do not have a lot of money now (compared to when we were in the Philippines), but we are very happy.

Very good post . in fact some of the best words i have heard anyone say yet. You and your husband is a very lucky couple to have each other and understand that meaning less things arent really important in life. How i wish to find this kind of nice girl for me.

[marklovetina 52]

IMO, Red flag is... Those woman that have no shame and consideration for asking and spending money more than her husband/fiance can only afford to give them.

--> i agree,

Also a red flag, if the husband/fiance already sending her 300$, 500$ or hey a 1000$ monthly alowance and she still can't manage to last it in a month.

--> i agree,

Red flag again if she is asking you to buy this and that for her family without any shame and thinking if what her husband/fiance financial status is and what you will gonna feel about it.

--> i agree,

I dont think there is a problem helping and sending money to a family if you know that they do really need it as long it will never gonna affect your own financial status, and nobody taking advatage to who. We do send couple of hundreds monthly too to my parents and that amount stay the same and included to our monthly household budget. FYI, I am working full-time too lol.

--> i agree, and we filipinos who are married/ have a foreign fiance/ fiancee should work and not be that dependent to them, it is also for our own good and growth.

Respect + Consideration + Care = LOVE.

IMO, Red flag is... Those woman that have no shame and consideration for asking and spending money more than her husband/fiance can only afford to give them.

Also a red flag, if the husband/fiance already sending her 300$, 500$ or hey a 1000$ monthly alowance and she still can't manage to last it in a month.

Red flag again if she is asking you to buy this and that for her family without any shame and thinking if what her husband/fiance financial status is and what you will gonna feel about it.

I dont think there is a problem helping and sending money to a family if you know that they do really need it as long it will never gonna affect your own financial status, and nobody taking advatage to who. We do send couple of hundreds monthly too to my parents and that amount stay the same and included to our monthly household budget. FYI, I am working full-time too lol.

Respect + Consideration + Care = LOVE.

i did vote yesterday when i read this thread i just didnt have a chance to post here but i will share too... i am receiving money too from my fiance but its not that big amount and he only gives me if i really need it bad here, i am also working here in PI so i dont ask him to send me some if its really not that important... honey sent me lots of money only when i am doin my annulment process that is bcoz i am paying for my annulment, he helped me with that, and he really want me to totally move on with my life.

[rlogan 2,036]

We met over there and I was away from her less than a month before I went back to build a house and stay a few months more before applying K-1.

We would have gone four months without sending any money here recently, but it was my idea to send $100 for Christmas.

So there was a lot of money initially, building the house, then furnishing it, and then a sea-wall. Then it tapered off as her father and brother got working full-time.

We're sending one to college next year. It's amazingly cheap compared to here, and he'll have a good career. We made an agreement that he takes care of the parents in retirement.

Money is not an issue for us. In the beginning, we had some issues but with honest communication and decisive planning we have things working well.

[rheanick 42]

This poll is interesting. So far, the result explains the "i could not believe" reaction of the filipino screener during my interview when i told her that i dont have any remittances to show. Also the additional comment from her that remittances from the USC is common for both fiancee and spousal visa.

And i felt insulted that time and i was really irritated with her remarks. I was thinking, why would i ask support from my american fiance when i could afford to support myself.

Now i understand that there is basis for her remark.

[adiiann 163]

This poll is interesting. So far, the result explains the "i could not believe" reaction of the filipino screener during my interview when i told her that i dont have any remittances to show. Also the additional comment from her that remittances from the USC is common for both fiancee and spousal visa.

And i felt insulted that time and i was really irritated with her remarks. I was thinking, why would i ask support from my american fiance when i could afford to support myself.

Now i understand that there is basis for her remark.

Neither I have remittances to show during my interview but the Filipino interviewer understands because he saw in my file where I was working and he told me that he has relative working there too, so he probably figure it out.

Though, my husband (fiance then)sent me some money to pay for phone bills 'coz its way too much for me and he didn't want me to sacrifice some of my fun funds because of my cellphone bill but only happened twice.

I also agree with asking support from fiance if you could support yourself. I believe in equality between relationship esp when comes to finances. Whenever my husband (fiance then) went to Philippines to visit me, we shared on our expenses being together. We combined our fun money together. I don't believe that because he is a guy (most esp foreigner), he should pay for everything even for our wedding.

[Matt and Evieve 1]

(This is Evieve)

My husband, Matt, was sending money before we got married for wedding bills and even for my own expenses. He always ask me if I have enough because he didn't allow me to go back to work because of the contract that I will be bound into. He is the one who will ask me if I need money but I'm the one who will say, "No, it's okay, I'm okay, you may not send." He is very open about money matters that I can see what is coming in and coming out from his bank account. He will always tell me, "It is OUR money, not mine only." Cause I always tell him that I can still take care of myself here and I just want him to save the money. He always tell me that I can ask him anytime because it is OUR money. To sum up everything, we don't have any problem dealing with money. Everything is transparent. And the important is trust and respect is there.

I wish everyone a peaceful journey regarding on money matters.

God bless!

[Princess_Maricar 0]

I won't deny the fact that I am also received money from my fiancé then my husband.When he saw me in dating site,he leave a message and asking my full name and address and phone number. When I open my account he leave a message that I need to go to western union and the tracking number. He didn't know me yet but he already sending a money for me every month. He only ask me one time what I did to the money he sent to me and I say nothing.I have job and my salary even though it's little But its enough for me and to my sister and sending money for my family in the province.GOD is really good. From January - September till his first visit ...believed me or not but I give back the money that he sent to me for 19thmonths. When I flown here in states ,I've never told them that my husband will gonna support them becauseI don't want they will think that my husband is rich. But he already promised to send school my siblings and by god grace it's going well.

[rlogan 2,036]

It seems like money (root of all evil) is the hot discussion in this forum.

One clarification, but I think worth pointing out.

It is the love of money that is the root of all evil.

You often see it misquoted as "money is the root of all evil".

Don't take this as a disagreement. Just clarification.

[R&W 5]

As a girlfriend, no, no. We're boyfriend/girlfriend for 18 months.

As a fiance, yes, for some wedding expenses. Our wedding was funded by both of us.

As a wife, yes. I did receive montly allowance from him. We agreed for me to resign from work and he felt there's a need for him to support his wife.

Do we send money to the Philippines? Yes. Every month.

We are 100% transparent financially. We know each other two years before getting married. We're now 5 years and 9 months married. Still blooming and happy.... even we send money to the Philippines. Money eh. That's just money baby and let's move on.

For Filipinas.. if your budget looks ugly... just don't do it. Don't let money pull your marriage down.

[marklovetina 52]

One clarification, but I think worth pointing out.

It is the love of money that is the root of all evil.

--> i agree,

You often see it misquoted as "money is the root of all evil".

Don't take this as a disagreement. Just clarification.