Divorce after 1 month in US....Long-sad-story

[~Johnny~ 27]

It’s been almost 4 months since my last post on VJ. Mainly I’ve just been too embarrassed by recent events with my marriage and upcoming divorce. I’m mainly posting this story so others in this situation can learn and use this to help protect themselves from these horrible things that DO happen to good people. Some folks here know that I’ve been through the K1 process earlier this year and brought my fiancé over from the Philipines. I won’t go into the Visa process as it was very quick and effortless thanks to experts here on VJ, but here’s what happened after she arrived in the US:

We were originally planning to be married a month after her arrival but her family began freaking out about her living with me (in Sin) for a month and they said we need to be married immediately or my fiancé needs to live with relatives Las Vegas until the wedding. After much arguing and disagreeing, we decided to get married on May 15…about 12 hours after her arrival in the US. She had a very controlling aunty that lived in Las Vegas and we lived in San Diego. Her aunt was ultimately a big player in our separation. Exactly 6 days after our marriage, my wife found some old photos of me and some old girlfriends on my laptop. She immediately began yelling at me and then locked herself in the bedroom and called her aunt. Two hours later her aunt sent a cousin to come pick her up and take her to Vegas. I tried talking to her and telling her this was in my past, I’m sorry I forgot to delete old photos…nothing could change her attitude. Her aunt was even worse as I tried talking to her and telling her that we are having our first argument and she needs to just let us handle this on our own. Her aunt began yelling at me a cursing me out and telling me that I have no place in telling her what to do with her niece.

So, my wife is whisked away in the middle of a Friday night and taken to Las Vegas to stay with her aunt. For nearly a week she refused to talk to me and called me lots of bad names and such. Then a friend of mine emailed me about a profile on this dating website that looks like my wife. I had suggested that he try looking at the website Filipinaheart for his match (because that’s where I met my wife). Sure enough, it was her and she had a profile posted using the photos of her taken during our wedding (of course minus me)! I made copies of the profile and saved them in PDF format. I was at work and immediately became emotional and just made it to my car before I broke out in tears. I got home and called my parents as they were coming to San Diego in two days to meet my wife and my daughter was coming to San Diego the following day. I told my parents the whole story because I wasn’t sure my wife would be there to meet them and I figured they should know the scoop. Then I sent a few text messages to my wife and she knew that I was pretty upset and that I knew about her profile on the dating site. I told her I was filing for a divorce the following week and that I hope she finds her “Knight in Shining Armor” which was her profile’s statement. She tried talking to me but I just hung up the phone. Her aunt called me later and tried talking and I said it’s over. Her aunt apologized and said she didn’t know her niece was doing this, she said her niece told her that we were talking and getting along and she was coming back home to me soon. A side note: while I’m talking to her aunt, I can hear singing in the background….happened to be my wife singing Karaoke. Pretty distraught huh? I even told her aunt, wow sounds like my wife is really taking this badly. Her aunt said, she’s just having fun! And said “don’t start thinking bad.” I told her aunt I can’t deal with this any longer and that it just isn’t going to work and I told her goodbye and God Bless. Five hours later at 1 am, there’s a knock on my door and it’s my wife and her aunt. Her aunt dropped her off and said you guys need to work this out.

So we talked and decided to try to make it work again. I went to get my daughter the following day in Denver. I have a beautiful 8 year daughter. We both arrived back in San Diego that evening and we all went out for dinner. My wife and my daughter really got along well. My mom and dad showed up the following day. My mom agreed to be nice to my wife. My mom was not happy about my wife leaving me 6 days after the wedding for something as trivial as old pics on a laptop and then posting her profile on a dating site. BTW my wife said she only posted on that site because she was bored and wanted someone to talk to…..I said…well you could have talked to your husband instead of ignoring my calls.

She remained with me for three more weeks asking me on a daily basis to do her AOS. I told that we’ll do it when we have more money and when we know it’s right. Of course my mom/dad and daughter were all there on vacation as well. My wife seemed to change from the person I met in the Philippines. She spent ALL her time on the computer chatting with friends and doing her Facebook thing. Of course her Facebook had her listed as single and there was no mention or anything of me on there. She would lock herself in the bathroom for hours with the laptop and would be chatting with friends. About the second week, I was sitting on the sofa with her and I looked over on the laptop and noticed her chatting with a guy on that dating site. I said….whoa whoa whoa…not in my house you don’t and I closed the laptop and said..No you don’t not in front of me. I told her if that’s her game then she needs to go back to her aunt’s house because I don't want a wife talking with other guys on a dating site. We began arguing after that episode and at one point she called me a “stinky old man” in front of my daughter. My daughter said "daddy you don't stink, why did she say that?" I had to explain to my daughter that she was just being mean to her dad. She left on Jun 28. A week after she left, I notified ICE and sent them copies of that dating profile I saved, and copies of the original wedding photos she used for her profile. I gave them a complete write-up of events to date and gave them a copy of the divorce papers I filed in court. A very nice ICE agent from Las Vegas contacted me and told me that this appeared to be fraud and it appeared that it was a marriage of convenience. She said this is very common. She advised me to forget about the girl and please send them the final divorce decree when I get it so they can put her into removal proceedings.

That was in July, I have since moved to New Orleans and have taken a great job here and I'm trying to start a new life and forget this past summer. Three weeks ago I received a call from,,,guess who? Apparently she called me and wanted to know if I would “help” her adjust her status. I said no, I can’t do that because we are not living together and I filed for divorce and ohhh BTW I haven't heard from her in 3 months!! She then asked me what’s my plan? I said huh?? She said well…for her? I said I have no plans for you other than not seeing you again. She said that her and her aunty applied for AOS without my sponsorship and she said all they need from me is to sign the sponsor papers. Wow! I said uhhh NO! Well apparently, since they filed for adjustment, the USCIS now gave her 87 days to secure my signature or else her AOS will be denied which will be on November 20, 2010. And her last words to me 3 months earlier were “we got what we needed from you, we don’t need you anymore.” Well, after our conversation, I contacted the ICE agent in Vegas and she didn’t know about them filing AOS because sometimes the inter agencies don't communicate well between each other and then she said it just makes their case look more and more fraudulent by knowingly applying for status without the petitioner's involvement.

So, two days go by and I get a phone call from this guy. He apparently is her boyfriend in San Diego she is living with him and he is asking me to do her sponsorship. He said if I care for her I’ll do this for her! I said what??? Some %$# nerve for a boyfriend to call the husband.. and then I refused and he said…well then divorce her so he can marry her and she can stay in the US. I said…it doesn’t work like that dude but I am divorcing her. And told him good luck. Again, I contacted the ICE agent and she was shocked at the events and told me that everything to date that I have provided her is part of my wife’s “A” file. She said, she wishes more people would look beyond their hearts and notify ICE sooner when these problems first start. Her reasoning to me was; typically what will happen is the beneficiary will become desperate and begin an abuse claim (VAWA) as it’s usually the last ditch effort to stay in the US. And this is ususally the first time Immigration is even aware of a problem with the marriage. The unsuspecting USC is not even notified during a VAWA action and is never even given a chance to enter the other “side.” She said, most times the USC doesn't even know a VAWA case was filed against them and said it was something to do with protecting the abuse victim. She said that in my case, there’s more than ample evidence and data entered into her “A” file and that will all be reviewed during any possible VAWA action. She said if there’s ever a VAWA case started; the first thing the adjudicator asks for is the “A” file. Again, she commended me on keeping them informed and recommended I try to forget this experience and move on with my life. The ICE agent told me that it will be extremely difficult now for my wife to fabricate a convincing VAWA story that will stick without any very convincing evidence.

So, there’s my story. Also...I was kind of disappointed that it looks like ICE doesn't really go after Visa-dodgers but rather they wait for them to eventually show up and then catch them and deport them. The agent told me in some cases they do go after these folks depending on the circumstance. I really appreciated everyone’s helping me try and realize the dream and it was really just my fault for not paying attention to early red flags in this relationship. I have moved-on and have re-kindled an old flame, who until recently, I didn't know even cared for me so much.

[RichiJenny 14]

A sad story indeed mate. I hope you can indeed move on and be happy. You're lucky to have a daughter in your life and you obviously know that. Sorry to hear that people can be so callous in your life. Ive been on the end of it too. hang in there buddy

[patient2010 93]

wow sorry that happened to you and I am glad you have moved on good luck with your rekindled flame!!!!!

[indian guy 13]

its sad . people takes advantage and look for loophole in the system to get benifits. you did right thing tosend those papers. These papers will go into A file and will stay there. ( hope you had given A number too.) there is no chance she will get adjusted unless she have convincing evidence that she entered into good faith marriage. Once she had marriage fraud in file she will not get adjusted for marriage again. no waiver either.

[nane1104 146]

I am sorry that you had to make this experience with your soon to be ex-wife. I am applauding you though to the way you are handling the situation and yourself! I wished more people had the guts to stand up for themselves and not let the other person take advantage of them.

Involving ICE was a smart thing to do to protect yourself from any false abuse accusations, so I hope, you can soon put all this behind you and hopefully you will be happy again soon.

On another note: I think there were some red flags and some things I stumbled over while reading:

One was- did you guys never discuss when you would get married and what could be a factor in chosing a wedding date? It seemed like this all was kind of planned out and made up to make you marry her asap after her arrival, I would imagine if you had discussed this beforehand, it could have been a red flag.

I have to say though...my MIL is from the Philippines and I have met some of her family as well so yeah...their family bonds and way of handling things can be way different than what I was used to, i.e. my MIL went to a fair the day her husband died...she didn't think if that would look appropriate or not for (western) people around her.

[BB & MJ 3]

I agree. A sad story it is. I'm happy that you've moved on in your life. You deserve better. Good luck in the future and thanks for sharing so some of us can learn from this. God bless!

[TyandAllie 17]

Wow, I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I'm glad you really got on the ball from the beginning.

[~Johnny~ 27]

Thanks for the kind words. Honestly, involving ICE was one of the most difficult things I've done. It brought tears to my eyes. Because I knew once I did that, it would be a very rough road IF we ever decided to get back together. The ICE agents are extremely knowledgeable and helpful and they give good advice. I don't regret contacting at this point in time. My main point in this post is for those that are having these issues...don't sit around waiting for it to come to you!

Nane1104: We had planned the wedding several months before her arrival and had planned it for when my parents would be in town about a month after her arrival. Her family was aware of the plans when we made them but at the last minute they changed their minds and it was almost like a shotgun wedding. I almost cancelled her plane tickets the day before she left because it was a very threatening situation with her family. Either we had to get married when she arrived or she was going to stay in Vegas until the wedding. Yeah...I noticed red flags now that I didn't really see during the courting. For one, she was always on Facebook, hours each day, but there's never any mention of me and her status was always single and she had lot's of guy friends. During our time together, we took lots of photos and the only ones that ended up on her Facebook were those of her alone. It seemed as though she was doing a summer vacation in the US and was embarrassed of her husband. I even made her shut down her Facebook during the embassy interview for fear that she would be questioned or denied Visa because of her single status and of all the guys that comment on her photos. Also, she always wanted to know if I would ever let her go hang out with her friends when she was in San Diego. I always felt something wrong there because hanging out is one thing but she was talking about going clubbing, especially from a girl who initially said she didn't like going out. And...when we were courting she wanting to begin a family during the first year, after she arrived she said maybe we can have a baby in 5-7 years. It was becoming obvious that she was using me for a free ride.

[nane1104 146]

Thanks for the kind words. Honestly, involving ICE was one of the most difficult things I've done. It brought tears to my eyes. Because I knew once I did that, it would be a very rough road IF we ever decided to get back together. The ICE agents are extremely knowledgeable and helpful and they give good advice. I don't regret contacting at this point in time. My main point in this post is for those that are having these issues...don't sit around waiting for it to come to you!

Nane1104: We had planned the wedding several months before her arrival and had planned it for when my parents would be in town about a month after her arrival. Her family was aware of the plans when we made them but at the last minute they changed their minds and it was almost like a shotgun wedding. I almost cancelled her plane tickets the day before she left because it was a very threatening situation with her family. Either we had to get married when she arrived or she was going to stay in Vegas until the wedding. Yeah...I noticed red flags now that I didn't really see during the courting. For one, she was always on Facebook, hours each day, but there's never any mention of me and her status was always single and she had lot's of guy friends. During our time together, we took lots of photos and the only ones that ended up on her Facebook were those of her alone. It seemed as though she was doing a summer vacation in the US and was embarrassed of her husband. I even made her shut down her Facebook during the embassy interview for fear that she would be questioned or denied Visa because of her single status and of all the guys that comment on her photos. Also, she always wanted to know if I would ever let her go hang out with her friends when she was in San Diego. I always felt something wrong there because hanging out is one thing but she was talking about going clubbing, especially from a girl who initially said she didn't like going out. And...when we were courting she wanting to begin a family during the first year, after she arrived she said maybe we can have a baby in 5-7 years. It was becoming obvious that she was using me for a free ride.

Oh I see. Well, WOW!! I am glad it all came out rather quickly. I know a lot of the "fraud-spouses" hang in there for years and then drop the bomb after their ROC was approved.

Good luck for the future!

[~Johnny~ 27]

Oh I see. Well, WOW!! I am glad it all came out rather quickly. I know a lot of the "fraud-spouses" hang in there for years and then drop the bomb after their ROC was approved.

Good luck for the future!

That's exactly what the ICE Agent told me. She said your wife isn't too smart because normally they wait for at least 6 months until after the AOS has been filed and approved then they drop the bomb after they have established good faith marriage requirements and have an EAD and status change.

[Aztec&Taino 144]

Thanks for the kind words. Honestly, involving ICE was one of the most difficult things I've done. It brought tears to my eyes. Because I knew once I did that, it would be a very rough road IF we ever decided to get back together. The ICE agents are extremely knowledgeable and helpful and they give good advice. I don't regret contacting at this point in time. My main point in this post is for those that are having these issues...don't sit around waiting for it to come to you!

Nane1104: We had planned the wedding several months before her arrival and had planned it for when my parents would be in town about a month after her arrival. Her family was aware of the plans when we made them but at the last minute they changed their minds and it was almost like a shotgun wedding. I almost cancelled her plane tickets the day before she left because it was a very threatening situation with her family. Either we had to get married when she arrived or she was going to stay in Vegas until the wedding. Yeah...I noticed red flags now that I didn't really see during the courting. For one, she was always on Facebook, hours each day, but there's never any mention of me and her status was always single and she had lot's of guy friends. During our time together, we took lots of photos and the only ones that ended up on her Facebook were those of her alone. It seemed as though she was doing a summer vacation in the US and was embarrassed of her husband. I even made her shut down her Facebook during the embassy interview for fear that she would be questioned or denied Visa because of her single status and of all the guys that comment on her photos. Also, she always wanted to know if I would ever let her go hang out with her friends when she was in San Diego. I always felt something wrong there because hanging out is one thing but she was talking about going clubbing, especially from a girl who initially said she didn't like going out. And...when we were courting she wanting to begin a family during the first year, after she arrived she said maybe we can have a baby in 5-7 years. It was becoming obvious that she was using me for a free ride.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Hopefully, we can all be extremely careful and proceed with caution in our relationships. If you don't mind my asking, I would like to know your age and your ex-wife's age. I think age difference can, sometimes, be an important problem. It sounds like she was pretty much still in an almost "teenager" frame of mind. I am glad to know that you are moving on from this bad experience and found a good job elsewhere. I also want to congratulate you on "taking the bull by the horns" and proceeding to stop the relationship and notifying ICE.

Best wishes in your future love life!

[Rito 28]

So sorry to hear that you were taken advantage of so shamelessly. But, full credit to you for keeping a cool head and responding appropriately and rationally to events. When love and marriage are on the line, people can forget their sanity. I know it's been tough, but you behaved admirably.

[~Johnny~ 27]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Hopefully, we can all be extremely careful and proceed with caution in our relationships. If you don't mind my asking, I would like to know your age and your ex-wife's age. I think age difference can, sometimes, be an important problem. It sounds like she was pretty much still in an almost "teenager" frame of mind. I am glad to know that you are moving on from this bad experience and found a good job elsewhere. I also want to congratulate you on "taking the bull by the horns" and proceeding to stop the relationship and notifying ICE.

Best wishes in your future love life!

Thanks for all the support. This is part of my healing process too. I made some really good friends here on VJ the past few years and have even had lunch with folks from here. I actually stayed away for VJ for almost 4 months because this experience tore me up emotionally. Everyone seemed to be having such a wonderful time with their dreams coming true and I was stuck in this nightmare. I learned so much from good and bad experiences here on VJ that I decided to tell my story in hopes that someone may get some use of out it should the unthinkable happen. One thing I learned is to always keep good records and document everything. If the worse happens then you MUST be prepared to do what is VERY VERY hard to do. You have to be prepared to turn in the person you love to immigration and tell them the truth. I was in tears talking to the ICE agent but she was very understanding. She said this happens everyday but most people do not call ICE until it's too late.

To answer the question about age, that was also a big red flag. She's 21 and I'm 47. I would say I'm a young 47 but she is a much younger 21. I would come home from work and she's watching teen shows like Hannah Montana. I take life as a learning experience. And my lesson here is a 21 year from anywhere in the world is still a 21 year old!

[sleepy in Seattle 3]

Wow, I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I'm glad you really got on the ball from the beginning.

I agree with you, I am also glad that you got on the ball right from the start. Very sad story hope the old flame is going to work out for you

[Ban Hammer 13,293]

interesting reading. the bright part of this is you found out before instead of later, i.e. after doing the aos and the affidavit of support.

unrelated question - why is there a peru flag on your profile?