I've been living in Vietnam for little over a year.

[Dai. 7]

Well I just realized that I've been living in Vietnam continuously for a little over a year. I've been here since the beginning of February 2008 and My wife and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary of our đám hỏi on February 16th and it just made me realize that I miss being in America. It's great that I am fortunate enough to be here with my wife but I really want to be back driving my own car in open roads with organized traffic. I really miss being able to have American Television with 100+ channels to just channel surf whenever I get off work. Over here I only watch like 8 channels here maybe less. I miss the health care that I am able to get and the vast number of medication that I can get over the counter that really works, not like the 5-6 horse pills they make you take when you ask for cough medicine.

Being a Việt Kiều I understand the culture but I can't stand the way the majority act like savages, pissing all over in public, swearing in ever sentence they can, and even some people speaking as loud as they can like they can't control their voice (maybe because their deaf because of the honking all the time in the city). I hate the site of people crowding around on the streets causing more traffic when there is an accident and the people involved getting into fights without anyone stopping it. I am grossed out by the lack of hygiene seen in the majority of the people here. A couple times that I was walking around seeing vendors selling food and they let their customers drink beverages with one cup that everyone shares and no one ever washes it after every use. That just spread hepatitis all over the place. I am really really really tired of the corruption here. Getting paperwork cost us couple hundred thousand dong more or else they give you the excuse of the paperwork not done yet because someone blah blah blah needs to sign it. I think it's totally wrong that even the doctors here are corrupt. If you are going into some sort of surgery or procedure you got to give the doctor under the table money so he doesn't snip the wrong tube or cut off the wrong body part and so he is more careful as oppose to if you don't pay him I guess he's purposely negligent.

There are lots of other things I can list but I need more time to think about them cause there are so many. I really dislike being in this country and my wife and I are ready to go back to the United States. I am just creating this thread to rant about how much I dislike being in this country.

What are some of your pet peeves and dislikes while being in your spouses foreign country?

[mkg265 2]

Not East Asia but I know how you feel. I just spent 2 and a half months with my husband in Albania. My favorite phase was "Your government is insane." and "Please no more dubbed bad American movies from the 90's!" I think I watched Legend of the Fall three times a week.

[Jasman0717 9]

Other than the humidity I really enjoyed the Philippines

[Uncle Wally 2]

What are some of your pet peeves and dislikes while being in your spouses foreign country?

When General Douglas MacArthur said of the Japanese that they are "a nation of 12-year olds", he wasn't kidding. The combination of their peculiarly juxtaposing superiority/inferiority complex vis-à-vis Westerners and the passive-aggressive manner in which they deal with it make it an odd place to live for the long-term as a Westerner.

If you visit Japan on a sightseeing trip, or even if you stay there for a summer- you're likely to think they are unmatched in their politesse and hospitality. But the longer you stay and the more of their language you pick up, you begin to see them differently. Long-term Western expatriots in Japan tend to either have a love/hate relationship with the Japanese, or they've attempted to go native and have become irrational apologists for Japanese shortcomings in their dealings with Western residents.

There are always many exceptions, but the Japanese are by and large socially inept on a personal level, especially when dealing with foreigners. Racism is truly "deep and profound" in Japan, to quote a recent report that was written up at the end of a UN fact-finding mission regarding the subject of racism in Japan. Racial discrimination is not illegal there. While Japan is a signatory to a UN resolution to outlaw racial discrimination, they have thus far refused to abide by its terms and ratify it in their national legislature. As a non-Japanese, finding housing willing to accept you, employment unrelated to English education willing to employ you, and sometimes even a bar willing to admit you can be a headache. And there isn't a goddamn thing you can do about it, unless it has happened in one of the odd few municipalities that have taken it upon themselves to outlaw such practices, and even then you'll have an uphill struggle.

While it's certainly rude for one Japanese to speak crudely to an unfamiliar compatriot, it is not uncommon for a Western man to be approached by a total stranger in a bar or restaurant in Japan and be asked about the size of his #######, his sex life, to be told that "Japan is number one!", or challenged to arm wrestle. Likewise, a Western woman is unlikely to spend an extended period of time in Japan without being groped, sexually harassed, or stalked. This may (or may not) be less likely to happen in relatively cosmopolitan cities like Tokyo, Osaka, or Kyoto (where the short-term visitor is most likely to spend his time), but in the heartland, many Japanese will either see you as some sort of monkey to be made sport of, or at the very least a guinea pig to try out every socially unacceptable conversational faux pas he can't bring himself to raise with his fellow countrymen.

I like Japan, and I like Japanese people for the most part. I lived there for years, and I will return to visit. My wife's family and many of my friends are there, afterall. But socially, I hold most Japanese people to a lower standard. I cut them a lot of slack. If I didn't, I would have a lower opinion of them than I do now.

You asked, and I answered. If the question was "What do you love about your spouse's country?", I could have written much more than I did here.

[Teacher Mark 53]

At least you blend in! I went to a carnival last night where I felt like the main exhibit. I told Thuy that we should set up a tent with a living area for me. We could charge 10K Dong to come and see the American in his natural habitat.

[Dai. 7]

Shoot! I don't blend in. I am 5'8 and 280 pounds. I am huge compared to most Vietnamese. They stair at me all the time asking why I am so big. People here always think im Japanese, Korean, or Taiwanese.

[Marc & Solika 1]

I do understand the OP's comments! I spent some considerable time in a few small cities in China before. Their sense of personal space is mostly non-existant! It's nothing to look a foot away from you to see someone starring at you intently for what seems to be FOREVER without even blinking.....AND all the while...picking their nose with reckless abandon and thinking nothing of it!! Walking down the street and trying not to step in all the SPIT that seems to be incredibly common, expelled from as young as 5 year old kids to as old as 90 year old ladies. Never understood the spitting thing. I guess for the most part, it's just different culture, different upbringing and just overall different life experiences. I assume it's all about tolerance and if we are in another country, just have to accept it. But I do understand your feelings!

[Ursa Tripudio 2]

You just mentioned the thing that bothers me the most: Being stared at.

My wife comes from a part of China that is not a tourist destination and rarely has western (Caucasian) visitors. I've got you beat on the size difference, I'm a 6'4" former linebacker. Add to that a big beard, and I am so noticeable that people actually hang out of passing busses and go out of their way to get a look at me.

The people are, for the most part, just curious and almost too friendly. Everyone seems to know one word in English: HELLO!!! They seem very happy when I smile and respond with a hello. So, the problem isn't that the people respond in a bad way. The problem is there are SO MANY OF THEM, and they are all wanting to say hello to me.

When I first arrive, it doesn't bother me too much. But, my stays are typically for a couple months (or longer). By the time I leave, it feels like a physical pressure every time I go out of the house.

When I get back to America, I always take walks in places like a mall: Just to be in a crowd and to be ignored. It's refreshing.

[Marc & Solika 1]

You just mentioned the thing that bothers me the most: Being stared at.

My wife comes from a part of China that is not a tourist destination and rarely has western (Caucasian) visitors. I've got you beat on the size difference, I'm a 6'4" former linebacker. Add to that a big beard, and I am so noticeable that people actually hang out of passing busses and go out of their way to get a look at me.

The people are, for the most part, just curious and almost too friendly. Everyone seems to know one word in English: HELLO!!! They seem very happy when I smile and respond with a hello. So, the problem isn't that the people respond in a bad way. The problem is there are SO MANY OF THEM, and they are all wanting to say hello to me.

When I first arrive, it doesn't bother me too much. But, my stays are typically for a couple months (or longer). By the time I leave, it feels like a physical pressure every time I go out of the house.

When I get back to America, I always take walks in places like a mall: Just to be in a crowd and to be ignored. It's refreshing.

Yes, I understand your feeling! It was not so bad in Shanghai or Nanning or Guangzhou, but in smaller cities....Luoyang , Kaifeng and Shaolin it was more noticed. When I got back to the US....the first place I went was Waffle House. Just had to have a good ol' greasy American breakfast!!

[Dai. 7]

I hear and speak the language here in Vietnam so fluently that I always here them say "Oh my god! You are so fat" and they always ask me how much I weigh. People are just out right rude when you can speak and understand the language here in Vietnam.

[Melrose Plant 1]

I have a somewhat different perspective on Vietnam because my family there is professional and well connected. I never worry about medical care when I am there because my father-in-law is a retired doctor who still treats patients in his home for next to no money because he feels it's the right thing to do. He's got a mini-pharmacy back in the kitchen. Part of the morning ritual is counting out pills in the morning for different patients before breakfast.

We had and have plenty of television channels to watch (although my Vietnamese needs to get a lot better to really care about that).

I really didn't notice people pissing and spitting in public in Hanoi and Ha Dong City (now Quan Ha Dong). People tend to be rather soft spoken there, from what I could see, with one major exception: When trying to get service.

Now for the complaints: Vietnamese are incapable, at least when in their country of origin, of queuing. They swarm and try to "Em ơi!" their way to the front. One of the first times I went to the Asian market back in the U.S., we were standing in line to check out, and this lady said, "Go ahead, you can go first." I kind of laughed and said, "Now I KNOW we are not in Vietnam any more." "How is that?" she asked. I playfully shoved past her shouting, "Em ơi, em ơi!" She understood and laughed.

The other problem I have with Vietnam is that their moral compass is set on a different bearing than ours. Let me give you an example. My brother-in-law just bought a used Mercedes. When he got it, it had about 200,000 km on it. He and his son were trying to get some software from China, probably itself pirated, to reset the odometer to zero. I don't know if they were successful or not. I told them that if they got caught doing such a thing in the U.S., they would be in BIG trouble. And quite aside from that, how can you possibly think that is even a little bit OK? Even my own wife really didn't see anything wrong with resetting the odometer. Different world.

Oh, and one more thing. I hate the way Vietnamese will just chuck trash out the window of a car when they are done with something.

It sure is nice to be able to drive your car or motorbike down the road without worrying too much, isn't it? I wish y'all a speedy visa!

[Melrose Plant 1]

I hear and speak the language here in Vietnam so fluently that I always here them say "Oh my god! You are so fat" and they always ask me how much I weigh. People are just out right rude when you can speak and understand the language here in Vietnam.

Most of my family in Vietnam is on the heavy side, believe it or not. They don't seem to care about calling each other fat, or other people calling them fat. I guess they don't consider that rude or insulting. Mai understands that is not acceptable in the U.S.

[RalphandHanh 1]

I can relate. I was there for a month last year and that was enough for me. But... I'm heading back to stay for a couple months and I'm not really looking forward to it. I don't speak the language. I understand bits and pieces and can say some very very basic things. I was shocked about guys just peeing anywhere and everywhere they want. Some places have rates as big as my cat. Luckily, my fiance's family have some kind of cable tv with a lot of American channels. But I'm not much for TV anyway. When I was there both times, I really missed my car. Big time. I'm also a big guy. I'm 5-7 and 230lbs. I changed my plans to go back in June and I'm trying to lose as much weight as possible. Also, I have some tattoos. I was getting some strange looks for sure. It's a very challenging experience to say the least. However, I am looking forward to getting back and seeing my girl and maybe getting back to the beaches there. But thats about it. The traffic, the heat and humidity, the smog and pollution, language issue... ooffaah. What have I gotten myself into

[Dai. 7]

I have a somewhat different perspective on Vietnam because my family there is professional and well connected. I never worry about medical care when I am there because my father-in-law is a retired doctor who still treats patients in his home for next to no money because he feels it's the right thing to do. He's got a mini-pharmacy back in the kitchen. Part of the morning ritual is counting out pills in the morning for different patients before breakfast.

We had and have plenty of television channels to watch (although my Vietnamese needs to get a lot better to really care about that).

I really didn't notice people pissing and spitting in public in Hanoi and Ha Dong City (now Quan Ha Dong). People tend to be rather soft spoken there, from what I could see, with one major exception: When trying to get service.

Now for the complaints: Vietnamese are incapable, at least when in their country of origin, of queuing. They swarm and try to "Em ơi!" their way to the front. One of the first times I went to the Asian market back in the U.S., we were standing in line to check out, and this lady said, "Go ahead, you can go first." I kind of laughed and said, "Now I KNOW we are not in Vietnam any more." "How is that?" she asked. I playfully shoved past her shouting, "Em ơi, em ơi!" She understood and laughed.

The other problem I have with Vietnam is that their moral compass is set on a different bearing than ours. Let me give you an example. My brother-in-law just bought a used Mercedes. When he got it, it had about 200,000 km on it. He and his son were trying to get some software from China, probably itself pirated, to reset the odometer to zero. I don't know if they were successful or not. I told them that if they got caught doing such a thing in the U.S., they would be in BIG trouble. And quite aside from that, how can you possibly think that is even a little bit OK? Even my own wife really didn't see anything wrong with resetting the odometer. Different world.

Oh, and one more thing. I hate the way Vietnamese will just chuck trash out the window of a car when they are done with something.

It sure is nice to be able to drive your car or motorbike down the road without worrying too much, isn't it? I wish y'all a speedy visa!

I too am in sort the same situation being in Vietnam as far as professional and well connected. I work over here as upper management for an American company and if I go anywhere I have a driver that takes me everywhere in a company car. As far as on healthcare for me I have only been sick once, since I've been here for a year, and I went to a french hospital for well-off people or foreigners in saigon and their standards are almost up to par as the ones in the US. I only commented on the healthcare because the employee's in my work place told me horror stories about the corruption that goes on in the hospitals for the common folk and it just seemed that human life means nothing unless the patient has money to pay the doctor.

I didn't mean that cable TV in Vietnam had 8 channels total, They have like 50+ channels here on cable but most of them I don't watch because I don't care for Vietnamese television programming. Their programming is so unoriginal as far as shows because they copy so much of American TV. I saw them copy American Idol with Vietnam Idol, Who wants to be a millionaire (exact same format) but I guess they call it who wants to be a gagillionaire, they copied ugly betty, they had deal or no deal, and I've seen them copy family feud. It's just all Vietnamese programs bore me. I only watch the 8 channels like discovery channel, national geographic, star world, hbo, pretty much all American programming.

I totally understand and agree what you see as far as morality goes for the majority of Vietnamese people. They have no shame when it comes to cutting in line or show any regard to their common folk.

I went to Ha long bay for my honey moon last summer and the people in the north seem more aggressive to me compared to saigon. Don't get me wrong saigon people are rude too but I noticed in Hanoi people were fighting alot more running more scams and deceived people alot. I was only in Hanoi for one day and spent 3 days in ha long bay so I probably don't know how everyday living is like there, it's just my observation. I loved Ha Long Bay because it was beautiful and we were on a luxury boat the whole time, but I don't plan go up to Hanoi any time in the near future. Vietnam as a whole is a little savage to me. It's getting a little bit better and I see people trying to fix things so that foreign companies can come do business in their country.

Thanks for your wishes.

Edited February 28, 2009 by Dai_VN

[patricks 0]

Top Three Complaints:

1.) Noise

2.) Nosey People getting into your business

3.) One way of thinking, everything is either black or white (good or bad), no grey areas

Top Three pluses:

1.) Never know what to expect & less stress in general

2.) Usually cheap good food & drink (both VNs & Western)

3.) As a male, more attention from females (not in a sexist way) people like attention.....

Homesick from USA:

1.) Yes, missed multi-cable channels

2.) Selection of quality western food

3.) More quiet life, car and privacy.....