I came to the US, for a German Company I worked for since 1992, in 2016 on a E-1 visa. All was fine in my life. I had a partner and we were together for 12 years and still in love like on the first day, I had my parents which I love so much. I had a life that could not be better. I worked hard but therefore could fullfill many of my dreams and because of my company I could travel to 32 countries around the world, some for business, some for pleasure. Always with my partner and sometimes parents joined us, especially when we were doing cruises twice a year.
Then, in May 2020, while countries around the world banned eachother from travelling, my partner died because of cancer. And I couldn’t be there when I was needed most. I will never forgive this to myself. Then, in November 2020, my father died because of Corona. And I could not be there when I was needed most. I will never forgive this to myself. Then, a few days later, my mother died because of Corona. And I could not be there when I was needed most. I will never forgive this to myself. The next day, a Monday morning, I went to office, took a sheet of paper, wrote „ I Quit “ onto it and left. I wrote these words because I could not speak anymore. Not one word. Now I should have to leave the US, but I wasn’t possible. I knew nobody would be there anymore. I stayed in my nice apartment with lake view and just sat there. I wanted to end my life. But 2 times the police was faster. So I sat there, day in and out and used all my savings to pay rent and for the car and so on. Until the money was gone. Then I lost the apartment and short time later the car was repoed. Now I was without partner, parents, money, car. And became homeless. Friends then took me to their house. They did their very best to help me. I will forever be thankful. Then the day arrived where my I-94 expired, that was in February 2022. But I still had fear to return to Germany. I still could not speak a word. I could not imagine that when I saw them the last time they were alive. And now nobody would be there at the airport to pick me up. Because they were no longer there. I bought since then 5 tickets full fare to fly back to Germany. And every time at the day or departure .. I could not make it to the airport and was a no show. How I could pay for the ticket? I illegally started driving for a Rideshare company to safe money . So every time I saved enough I bought a ticket. And let it go with no money back. Now it’s 2023, May. I finally wish to visit their graves. I want to be there as much as I can. Every day. As many hours I can. I know I will get banned from entering the US ever again or at least 10 years. I would not care but getting banned makes me feel that I now also loose my friends here that helped me so much. This feeling contributed to leave the US, first I couldn’t, then I tried but knew I could not return . I don’t want or need a visa ( I will never get one again is the better wording) but I would like to use ESTA from time to time to visit the friends. I would like to have just the opportunity to visit them again, and not taken away the possibility. My heart can not cope with all of this . I want to go to the office of CBP or whoever is responsible at report myself. Maybe get a chance to explain everything. Will there be a chance left to not get banned from ESTA? I’m sorry for writing so much and bother you with the problems in my life.
