Hello all, not sure if it's the right place to post, but please redirect me, if anything. I have no one to talk with about this, considering the immigration-related context meaning and the weight of these matters, and I really need some perspective here. Sorry for maybe unnecessary details, but it's all been taking a serious toll on my mental health, so please trust me I did my best to stay coherent. My fiance arrived on K1 back in May, we married in July and filed for AOS a little after his 90 days visa expired. We are both in our early 30s and while he has an IT career mine is less than stellar and I was leaning to transitioning to his field as it has more money making hard skills. So we are tight on money at the moment, as we had to live off savings while waiting for the docs, and I cannot afford to rent an apartment solo here, so for now we rent the guest suite in my parents' house.
Since he arrived, he's been very vocal about my shortcomings on this journey, like that I should've gotten a better job, done better networking prior to arrival, and so on. He has no one here except for me, he does not drive and hasn't yet expressed desire to start learning, and the closest groceries shop is over an hour walking distance away. So every time we fight, I am the one who can get the fridge stocked and who can get him to his nicotine needs. There have been multiple instances where I would rather cool off for who knows how long, or have him approach me and attempt to apologize first, but I have to be non-hostile and monitor how much food we have left and whether he would like to stop by the tobacco shop on the way back. We don't go out ever, as I would be the one to both suggest, plan, and drive. I don't go out on my own, as I feel it's unfair he's physically stuck at home and it's provokingly rude to not invite him along. Over time, with nothing substantially changing documents wise and only seasons going and savings dwindling, our relationship became more and more strained. He's not comfortable with my parents always present in the house, to the point of avoiding going to the kitchen if possible, so I am the one doing the bulk of cooking as well (They are very nice to him and accepted him as family, more like you can't escape the small talk for a while if they catch up with you). Lately it's been getting to the point where he asks me to take pictures of the food we bought, because he does not want to eat their food, even though they eat the stuff I buy, mom likes to cook for everyone on occasion, no one has any problem with this except for him. So I cook, and then text him a pic of what is it and which shelf.
So, these past days he's been torturing me with night monologues, every night around 2-3 am he starts talking out loud in the bedroom, just criticizing me to the open window, for the parents to possibly hear it from upstairs bedroom, complaining he's wasted money, years, and that he's been starving for days and I abuse him with controlling food access, and so on. It seems it's either all done and he goes straight to the airport, or I need to keep eating up that attitude. I can't leave him with my parents and go rent another room, I can't kick him out to a rental, he has no car, and I can't keep doing this. Today's morning treatment is he's now demonstratively distancing himself with closed off doors. Can't believe it got here with my just not letting that one insult go. It's totally surreal at this point, where neither of us is able to even basic function. We can't divorce until it's been 6 months, he can't do anything without my input, I can't pretend I'm even remotely ok with what he's dishing out. I don't even truly want a divorce yet, I willingly married the dude less than two months ago, I'm just so hurt and exhausted. What would you suggest I do? I feel like I'm the one being abused at this point, even if it stems from my own inadequate response, all while I'm responsible to check his basic needs. He also has no SSN (he said he'll be applying to it after he gets EOD, as otherwise it's two different ones, creates confusion), so not even a joint bank account, so I'm the one paying most times, as we've spent most of his assets to get here (over two years journey, starting from escaping militant Russia having to tourist Asia until the docs come, having experienced bombing in Jerusalem, Israel being the only country eventually agreeing to take the transfer, then the move itself). His dad's very sick and he realistically won't be able to see him in at least a year. He says he also has itchy moles, but refuses to use "my money" to go check them, and again, I don't know how I can make him do what he doesn't want to do. Am I being too patient here, or maybe I should give him space? I think I will just stock the fridge with whatever I see fit, and limit active contact? If parents start asking questions, about the noise, or my state, I cannot keep his face without lying that nothing's going on, and I'm sure the atmosphere will be even more sour after I open up. Thank you for any input, I've been feeling very alone.