ginger1981

Same old same old. It's interesting how the same few guys always gang up together to bash any woman who isn't what in their minds is the perfect woman (according to one, apparently uneducated and ignorant).

I really don't care if these guys believe that the "westernized" women are feminazi's. Anyways what woman would want to be with a guy who has such a low opinion of most "westernized women" (which would include their mother, sisters, aunts and daughters).

It is better off they go elsewhere. Though I will laugh the day their wife/daughter starts becoming influenced by these "westernized" women. It won't happen overnight, but they are fools to think that living in this country they are immune to the influences of us feminazis.

Now I need to go find some bras to burn...

I'm all for advocating the truth to, but surely there are exceptional circumstances and this would be one of them. Why should mild past experimentation be punished so harshly? Surely there are exceptions to the rules and in this situation this isn't something that the OP's wife wasn't given a criminal conviction for (and the immigration officials can't detect in any other way)...I don't see the point in telling the truth in this situation.

This isn't about what we think or what we would do if we were the Consulate. These are the rules, regardless of what we personally think. Their are no procedures where exceptions can be made. I don't know if you were stating your opinion or asking if there was some way this couple could overcome this issue given the circumstances.

Again, while it's the individual's ultimate decision about whether or not to lie, we cannot on VJ advocate to do this, as it's against TOS.

There are certain situations in which the truth in fact does not set you free (I'm sure if some husbands gave an honest answer to "do I look fat" to their wives they'll live to regret it). Like I said I don't advocate lying, but the consequences are extremely harsh for the occasional joint...especially when it was several years ago. I suppose I was more or less stating an opinion...and the USCIS has a different opinion from mine.

I would imagine though if everyone was 100% truthful on that subject that there would be far fewer approved applicants. I just think it is prudent to leave the past to the past and just carry on with your life

I'm all for advocating the truth to, but surely there are exceptional circumstances and this would be one of them. Why should mild past experimentation be punished so harshly? Surely there are exceptions to the rules and in this situation this isn't something that the OP's wife wasn't given a criminal conviction for (and the immigration officials can't detect in any other way)...I don't see the point in telling the truth in this situation.

My fiance and I have applied for the K-1 fiance visa and I'm just learning that they perform a drug test. He smoked weed recently but it will be over a month until the test will take place. How long until the drug is out of his system and how far back is the test for? Please help I'm so worried!

I know you weren't asking for a morality lesson so I'll just answer your question. From what I've heard, the time frame is about 6 weeks. But that's usually for people whom are moderate to heavy smokers. Moderate could mean 4-5 times a week and heavy is pretty much an everyday smoker. If his smoking is sporadic then a couple of weeks should be enough time to flush out the THC. A month is much better. But just in case, he can take those detox kits. They shouldn't be too hard to find.

Oh and one more thing. When he gets to the "do you do drugs" question...lie.

#######? We do not advocate lying as part of the visa process. It is against VJ's Terms of Service.

Actions have consequences.

Me and my fiance are very honest people. We are going to say it was "experimentation", which is exactly what it was. His tests would come up negative but we would still be lying, and after a long thought, I'm not sure I could do that.

I have heard so many stories about how people are separated from their loved ones for 3 years, even if they are clearly not a threat. I fully intend on writing to the president about this sort of thing. Our own president has used drugs in the past and see how he turned out? I'm sure he would understand.

It is a difficult decision but one must live with the choices they make in life. I wish you the best in whatever decision you make because you will have to live with it for the rest of your life.

Oh jeez guys, if EVERYONE admitted their past drug use 100% honestly there would be hardly anyone getting approved to get in this country. The world isn't black and white, and honestly jasman you could use a joint to help you relax a bit. It isn't like the guy is using smack on a regular basis...heck he isn't even a garden variety pot head. Even if he was I'd rather have him as a neighbor than a raging alcoholic.

I am not here to tell you to lie to the medical staff or the consular officer.

Like I said, actions (i.e. doing drugs) have consequences. Seriously.

I'm not stupid and I know that. He's only done it once and he was just hanging out with a friend. I can't live without him for 3 years.

bullshit, i hear that daily from clients of mine..who get tested at work and test positive..he is a liar..so lying to the CO, will be business as usual for him

Yeah a lot of people don't admit how often they really do use, but I'm one in the category where the odd j once or twice a year doesn't bother me. I don't seek it out but if someone has it around I don't mind it to add to an evening of relaxation.

What is interesting is how many closet pot smokers there are in the business world. I've had several collegues admit it to me after a few drinks how they like to relax after a stressful day with a j and a scotch (men) or a cosmo (women).

He doesn't want someone who is overweight but he wants women to look past weight when making a decision about his friend? Uh huh.

I noticed that one...so she has to keep fit and trim while he can let himself go? HUGE double standard!

Steve, have you perhaps thought as well that if you married a foreign woman that she would change after living her for a while and being exposed to our culture? Do you not think that maybe she would like things like new appliances, shoes and clothing? I think the second thing that bothers OP here is that you are totally and absolutely unrealistic about women in general! Yeah you can go on match.com and find women who have certain income level expectations but you can also turn it the other way around and I betchya that most of the men have certain expectations regarding women's looks/weight as well. It's a two way street bro, and finding the right person for you isn't as easy as finding the first girl on the match.com pages.

I'm guessing she is...

what makes you so flabbergasted at such a statement? parts - in fact most, if not all - of the UK are extremely expensive, compared to here; even after more than eight months I still catch myself thinking or saying 'wow, that's so cheap!' about all sorts of everyday things

let alone things like housing...

I want to go back to the UK as soon as it's feasible, but certainly financially it's making a lot of sense for us to be in the US (although that's not the reason we're here, and I wouldn't let it stop me going back)

Yes - I'm flabbergasted by a comment like this:

"We could both have very poorly paid jobs and survive far better than on one well paid job here."

I've lived here all my life, STP. You haven't. I've WATCHED couples who were always in "very poorly paid jobs" and I've seen how they fare in the US. Two people with "very poorly paid jobs" probably have no health cover; they probably have no 401K's; they probably live in sub-standard housing and struggle to transport themselves to their jobs in an old car.

In the UK, at least they would have health insurance. They could take public transport to work. They would have the advantage of work tribunals and believe me - they could use that in their "poorly paid" US job. And they could live in council housing that is probably far better than what they are living in in the US.

I understand that things are expensive in the UK. I get that. But - IMO - you can't live well in the US on two low-paying jobs. Not long term, anyway. IMO you would be far better off in the UK.

I've lived here all my life too but to think the UK is a fairytale land where all is well isn't quite an accurate picture. I suppose some parts of the UK are better than others...and this is especially true when it comes to the Northeast of England. The town my husband is from certainly wasn't well connected transport wise and if you lived in some of the outlying villages the bus only comes twice a day. On top of that the few jobs there are almost exclusively ag related...which isn't exactly the best paying sector either. Public services are spotty at best, and unless you send your child to a private school the schools are underfunded and are mills to churn out factory and farm workers.

From my experience, people living on low paying jobs where my husband is from aren't living it up exactly.

Anyways, as for Nicky and I we thought initially that the US would be the best place for us to start out. However, with the economy tanking and his job opportunities nil here we've considered moving back to the UK at some point. He can get a decent job and advance without a bachelor's degree...and he seems to think that me having a university education would be a plus. But it goes beyond that...I have three younger sisters and the one sister my husband has has some learning disabilities and issues...so if one of our parents becomes ill I have three sisters to help cover while his mom wouldn't have anyone to help her. Of course those aren't our only reasons but we think it is a distinct possibility that we will move to the UK in the future.

To me, it seems that he doesnt care enough to get here and be married as fast as possible. He seems content to wait months and months. He hasnt even concidered an option other than his mom driving him.

I think you've answered yourself here. You may be ready to take the plunge, but from what info you've given it sounds like he's not. It might be time to seriously re-evaluate your relationship with him. If he's not willing to try to navigate and learn how to get around in his own country, do you think he will in America?

I guess you must not read the WJS! It would be a good way to get out of the parent's basement

apparently you don't read it either, it's the wsj.

typo, you know what I mean.

So in theory, someone who is 50 and decides to go back to college can move back into their parent's basement/guesthouse?

Btw...what is uncalled for is a snooty attitude...especially when one has yet to do anything of serious merit in life. I called it like I see it...

Don't worry Dames you'll be back soon! Remember the haters keep you strong

Ever since when does someone using common sense means they are a hater?

Talk about an immature response.

Here and there babe! I PM'd ya.. you don't know who you can trust on the UK forum anymore.

Can anyone else smell the irony?

I'm sure every single person who reads the Wall St Journal is rich.

it's the first step to becoming rich

you gonna hang with poor people who can't manage their money and sit around and talk about how much money you have? poor people who have no money sit around and talk about being poor, not what they can to to get more money. i'm telling you read the journal. it's the first step to financial success.

Is that how you personally got rich? Or anyone you know?

I know someone who sat around and read the journal. learned some stuff. hung with the journal readers. learned some more stuff. now worth millions.

I guess you must not read the WJS! It would be a good way to get out of the parent's basement

My husband's parents like me a lot and I get on with his entire family. They have been nothing but welcoming and accepted me with wide open arms.

However, my poor husband had to deal with my mom...my parents were far from thrilled at first. I always dated people they just didn't understand...basically anyone other than the typical small town midwest guy next door who was the allstar on the high school sports teams. I think they thought it was a passing phase so when I told them I was getting married they were in a state of shock. My dad was completely rational but my mom was beyond irrational...she said some pretty horrible things and basically threw me under the bus when it came to her saying bad things about my decision to other family members. I took the high road and remained calm and never let myself get rattled and retaliate...which was good because it made me look good and I think my dad came to bat for me and spoke some sense into my mom. By the time of my wedding my mom was ok with everything and although they are far from close she is more welcoming towards my husband now.

I think this is to determine if the income earned at M&S can be excluded from US taxes. It can, but answering the questions does get confusing. Right now I think you answer the questions as if he were at M&S all year and don't get muddled by his future intentions. Yes he was a bonafide resident of the UK and paid taxes to the UK. I think somewhere along the line you put a date his bonafide residency ended which is June.

What they are working toward is say he earned US equivalent dollars of $10,000 at M&S and paid taxes while he was a bonafide resident of the UK. He was bonafide resident because he had a residency there, is a UK citizen, and he lived there 330 days of the 12 months prior to June 08. He has to be a bonafide resident to exclude the M&S $10k.

These laws and questions get complicated because the same thing would be asked of a US citizen who might have been on assignment in the UK. So they have to establish if that USC really lived in the UK or was just there 3 months, more like a temp visitor. That's why the questions to determine if a person is a bonafide resident. For your husband, he was a real bonafide resident of the UK.

Thanks for your help!

I don't remember exactly how it went when I was doing the online TurboTax and I didn't register or save it. I still havent bought a copy or started my real return. BUT I think where you are now is the drill down part to determine if he is able to exclude the UK income. So you say yes he was bonafide, but they keep asking questions to make sure he meets all the requirements. A person could claim to have lived and worked in the UK with a residence, but he didn't pay taxes to the UK because he was getting paid by an American company. Aha, they say...then you can't deduct those earnings. Very complicated because it tries to fit too many scenarios onto one form.

I think I worked it out...I agree they are fitting too many scenarios into one form. Then again I imagine it is difficult to cover all scenarios on their end, although this is likely relatively common. I felt some of the questions were ambiguous..such as the income tax question. To me the way it was worded seemed like they were asking if he has ever income tax in the UK....but what they seem to be getting at is "is he still paying income tax in the UK."

I look forward to next years taxes...they should be a breeze compared to this year!

Ok, I'm really confused. I'm using Turbo Tax to file our return...my husband came here on a k-1 visa in June 2008. He worked for Marks & Spencer until about June 1, 2008. We filed the AOS, and he got his green card this past december. The part I'm having a hard time understanding is the Bona-Fide residency. Even though he has no intention of returning permanently to the UK, does he still need to be checked off as a Bona-Fide resident.

Also, he paid income tax when he lived there but he of course is no longer employed by M&S so he doesn't pay income tax any longer. When Turbo Tax asks "Is Nicholas Required To Pay Income Tax To The Country Where Bona Fide Residency Is Claimed" does this mean is he currently paying in income tax, or has he paid in any income tax at all?

If anyone has any advice to give I'd appreciate your help!

And for those that say "princess women expect a man to financially support that"...I worked hard, studied- great career and I've never, ever asked nor expected a man to support my lifestyle! Done and do great job of that myself! The fact that Mark has been hugely successful here bears no weight on our standard of living, nor did it carry any weight when we first met -only in the fact that I admired ( and still do) his ambition and tenacity....Something we had in common, and I can relate to.

Steve, do you realize that what you're saying insults your mother, sister(s), daughters etc?

It depends on the man if I'm marrying a guy making 18K a year. If he's making that much doing an honest job and working on trying to better his situation, I would definitely consider that man...actually, I married that guy. Since moving here in June my husband hasn't been able to work until recently nor go to school...and with the economy jobs at McD's are even at a premium. But I love him, and he wants to make something of himself. I love him dearly and I'm willing to support him in whatever he does. I knew that until he got a greencard he'd be at home...and when I worked he stayed home and kept the house tidy and pulled his weight. Now that he's in school I'm going to step up on the cleaning so he can have more time to study. That is what couples do...work together towards a common goal.

I think as it has been mentioned by several other women, I was raised to be able to take care of myself whether or not I was in a relationship. My grandma always tells me her biggest regret was going from her father's house directly to my grandpa's...she never had a career, or went to college or had her own independent time and she would always impress upon me how much she wanted that for me. I'm now glad I got my education and had my independent time...I feel that I got my wild oats out of my system and I'm ready and responsible enough to take on a marriage.

If your preference is a woman of child-bearing age, Asian women, thin women, even more "humble" women (though I personally feel that coming from the USC that is quite a loaded word) is fine...everyone has their particular tastes. But when you disparage American women (even though they apparently throw themselves at you...hmmm) by making sweeping generalizations and statements that do not apply to any but a very few women that I know or can think of, that reflects greatly upon your character. Your insecurities through your statements are loud and clear, and I hope may try working on resolving those issues first before you continue seeking a mate.

What I don't understand is this incessant need to label any one group as "better." My ex-husband was a right ####### to me and our kids and he is American. Do I think all American men are scum? Nope. Shall I assume that all German men are superior to American men because my husband is kind, witty, incredibly intelligent, loving, the perfect match, etc (and clearly has good taste in women)....

I have many Philipina friends who are lovely women. I also know a couple who are total b!!tches. In addition I have some German friends who are amazing, an Italian friend who knows the meaning of loyalty, a Dutch friend ..... etc. Women and men who are kind and loyal and great lovers and friends come from all countries and all socio-economic classes. To classify in one lump all American women as fat, cheating, lying, uneducated gold-diggers tends to make those making the accusations look like right bastards as well.

Seriously, what the heck is wrong with everyone here with the exception of the two or three people posting similar sentiments as mine? Of course you love your wife/husband and think they are the best. It would be pretty sad if you didn't. However, that doesn't mean that American/French/Dutch/German/Indian/Insert Nationality of Choice Here women or men are awful.

And for the record, when you are pointing out how stupid someone is and in your post you have completely misspelled words and used improper grammar and YOU SPEAK ENGLISH AS A NATIVE LANGUAGE, your argument kind of falls flat.

Just saying.

I'm with you. Yes of course it bothers me that there are brushstrokes painted so broadly in here Home Depot has to make them special order. Throw in the anti feminist/atheist/pro-choice/homosexuality to boot and you have a very controversial post where reason is as non-existent as fairies.

I agree nothing wrong with saying your spouse is the best, but throwing American women (say, like some of the commenter's mothers/sisters/daughters) under the bus and the subtext of the possible exploitation of another group of women because they seem more "docile" and "easy to control" is really extremely disturbing.

All I hear is whining Rockhouse...talking about how horrible and empty American women are. Sheesh...I'd love to hear the other side of the story from the ex's as I'm sure you weren't such an angel yourself. Whatever happened to personal responsibility...or is that only convenient when it comes to not placing any blame on yourself?

A note to why this is a topic for those who aren't Filipino...it's a public forum. I'm sure if there was a conversation in another regional thread about how awful Filipina women are you would go in and defend yourselves all the same.

Lol, yeah, i guess i need to take a look at myself and be honest, like how i have custody of both my kids now because my ex went to jail for beating up her new husband forcing my kids and him to lock themselves in their bedroom as she beat holes through the door while she screamed that she was gonna stab him in the heart. You dont know ###### about me. The TS asked why we prefer Filipinas. I prefer them because AS A WHOLE, ALL the American women i have dated, as well as those friends have dated/married don't hold a candle to the Filipinas. Sorry if it pisses you off, it's not whining, it's observations and experiences that i am typing on a forum....deal with it.

BTW, if your not an American woman then why get so bent outta shape?

I am an American woman...my husband is the non-USC. But I don't make sweeping generalizations about American men because I ended up with a Brit.

Sorry you had a bad time with dating/marrying before, but I don't think every woman in the US is hardly like your one ex wife. Chalk it up to bad luck, but women aren't all like those in the Texas Hill Country. Then again women who seek to be independent aren't your flavor...good luck finding that in most places in the world.

All I hear is whining Rockhouse...talking about how horrible and empty American women are. Sheesh...I'd love to hear the other side of the story from the ex's as I'm sure you weren't such an angel yourself. Whatever happened to personal responsibility...or is that only convenient when it comes to not placing any blame on yourself?

A note to why this is a topic for those who aren't Filipino...it's a public forum. I'm sure if there was a conversation in another regional thread about how awful Filipina women are you would go in and defend yourselves all the same.

well i would be glad to answer this question. First i will state the common known fact that most Filipina make the best wives! In the states this is common knowledge. Next, on a more personal note, I have also had 2 divorces from American wives. I am not saying that it was their fault but it was a difference between western and filipina value systems. Most western women that i have experienced have a value system based on being "spoiled" growing up, not to say that they are spoiled but the life they experienced is far different than the average filipina. This makes a filipina much more grateful for the hard work and things here Bana can provide as well as having a strong devotion to family and her husband. Most American men find these to be the most important qualities in a wife. Filipina are most times loyal to their husbands with little desire to have other "men experiences" clouding their minds, thinking about what else might be out there or what they might be missing. The thing I personally looked for in my wife was a good heart, strong compassion for others, and a solid belief in the marriage vows we took. I have learned that these are values most Filipina have in common with each other and I believe this makes them very desirable for a spouse. I hope this answers your question.

I have not met ONE American woman who i felt was worth marrying, and i have met lot's. Untrustworthy, spoiled, uncaring, irreverent, selfish, etc.

The feminist movement ruined the American woman IMO. They don't glory in their womanhood, in what it means to be a REAL woman like the average Filipina does.

They are too busy trying to rule over their husbands.

BUT, the men here are not the same either. For instance, the kind of young men who built hoover dam, fought WWII, led by example, are all but gone.

They have been replaced by scared, lazy, video game playing punks. Even the men who actually work are so full of fear its pathetic. Take away their cell phone, their tivo, or watch them get a flat tire on a highway and they turn into women.

This country is seriously screwed. Atheism/homosexuality/abortion/drugs/porn/greed and feminism have completely wrecked us.

The Filipina is a throwback to what an American woman used to be, and i praise God that i found one that is truely my soulmate.

Is this not the gallery of the insecure men! I'm sure these guys haven't looked into the mirror and asked why they are rejected by American women and have to find subservient women to make them feel "like a man?"

Btw...fair enough to say if you have a particular flavor. But I think these examples here prove that many of these men have serious issues that goes beyond having a companion and someone to love.

Anyone want to give communism a go?

And people say to those of us who never had kids: "who will take care of you in your old age?"....

Here here!!! Just because you have kids does not guarantee you have a nurse when you get old...much less a neglectful nurse.

Best wishes on your fresh start!

Lindsay

My husband is in the same boat. He got a job at Wal-Mart as a seasonal employee but he and all the other seasonals were let go after only a few weeks due to "poor sales" (even though they posted company wide gains for the Christmas season...hmmm...)

Basically, it came to this for us: either he can sit around at home in the crappy economy and continue to apply for jobs he likely won't be considered for due to his lack of US work experience, or we can invest in him taking a course to become a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant). It isn't a glamorous job by any means, but the pay is ok and it is one of the few job areas where there are plenty of openings right now. Also, the course is a 8 week intensive course and the college assists in job placement. Thankfully his dad is helping us out by sending us money to pay for the course, but maybe consider doing a program at a community college that will get you certified in a field that is in need of workers.

Just had to call home, cos I was doing christmas cards (i know they'll be late, but I'm sending them anyway) and I couldn't remember the name of one of my cousins! Oh lord, I've been away from home a while.

My mom has 87 first cousins...so if you have as many as she does I wouldn't feel too bad for not remembering their names!

However, I only have 5 first cousins...you can certainly tell my mom was a baby boomer!

That was very interesting! However, the music was distracting, as it is the soundtrack from The Last of the Mohicans! It made me think of hot Daniel Day Lewis on Madeleine Stowe during a fortress seige action.

Well, Shane MacGowan I think is the exception that proves the rule, though he could go either way as British or Irish

Ta da! I finally got a pic of my Xmas tree uploaded. Here it is in all its glory.

Please to note authentic 1970s wood panelling and AWESOME mocha brown carpet.

SWEET!!! Too bad that carpet wasn't shag.

I once used to babysit these kids and every once in a while I'd have to watch them at the grandparents house. Not only was their den in the basement wood paneled but one wall had a wallpaper mural of Mt. St Helens (or some other Rocky Mountain/Sierra peak). 70's-tastic! All that was missing was a framed photo of Tom Selleck