Kawika & Michelle

I'm definitely suggesting a lot of these things. I'm just at work for the most part during the day...so by the time I get home...we have barely enough time for dinner and maybe spending a decent 30-60 mins together before beds start calling for most of them. Add in shared time with their mom & the expenses of a wedding & other things and it gets to be hard to make it all work. I've suggested they walk to the area parks, ride bikes to our community pool, etc. just to get out of the house. When I am able to work from home, I am happy to take them somewhere as well. I know all of this will take time. She just has to be willing to do what it takes to make it work for all of us. Tampo plays a very big part of it...but I've told her many times before that it doesn't work on me. All it does is end up making her isolate herself and then she eventually apologizes. We literally almost ended everything because I had the audacity to make myself a box of Macaroni & Cheese in between lunch & dinner and did not ask her if she wanted any or save her any. She never mentioned that she wanted any and she also had just went in to the room to pout about how she felt the kids were ignoring her. I was busy working from home & just let her be. She saw me cooking it...but in her mind she assumed that I was either making it for the both of us or that I should have asked her if she wanted some. I totally understand her position...but not to take it to the point where you want to end our relationship over it. Simply explaining the situation to me would have been more than sufficient & we could have both learned from one another without the need for all of the extra drama. As far as the kids seeing these things...outside of her doing it during our visit to the Philippines...they have not been aware of any issues since she's been here. I suppose they do notice when she isolates herself in our bedroom versus when she is out in the living room with me as my son has asked before when he sees me alone on the couch. Yep. 17, 15 & 8. I have certainly taken the time to explain to her that kids these days are largely on their own...especially when devices are involved. I tried to keep that to a minimum & relatively controlled but my ex blew that out of the water a couple of years ago when she got all of them their own phones to use as they please. I definitely don't ask her to mother them or expect her to. I expect her to be an adult in the household when I am not there & just make sure everyone is safe. I've explained to my kids that I have no expectations for them to say I love you to her or call her mom or anything like that. For now we simply go by Ms. FirstName. Their mom allows them to call her boyfriend by his first name alone but both my fiancé & I find that to be a little too disrespectful. I have spoken to her about what her expectations are...and I just think that culturally most kids in the Philippines are just taught to be far more respectful than most kids are taught to be today. As far as the jealousy goes...it is real. For awhile I thought it was only a one sided thing with my fiancé being jealous of my youngest daughter...but when I spoke with my youngest daughter about things earlier today since she has been distancing herself from my fiancé lately...she finally told me that she wanted things to go back to normal. And when I pressed her to explain what that meant...she basically admitted that she wanted it to go back to when it was basically just she & I. I've basically raised my youngest from the time she was 6 months old until today. I was still married when she was born & after I was laid off...I decided to stay home to be able to raise her for at least 6 months or so...but that ended up turning into much longer & led to our eventual divorce...but from 2015...I was her primary caregiver. I was lucky enough to be able to work from home up until just recently (December 2022) which was another transition for all of us. So as you can imagine...my youngest & I have been super close all of her life. I tried to explain to her that I have enough love for the both of them. And nothing needs to change in terms of our relationship or closeness...but she can't expect me to be alone for the rest of my life. I told her that in the end...the person that is getting hurt the most in all of this is me. She's seen her mom go through her parade of boyfriends over the last 4 years...so this isn't the first time she's seen one of her parents with someone else...but it is the first time she's seen me with someone else. I was careful to never just date randomly & I even took my time to introduce my kids to my fiancé for their protection as well. My fiancé also regularly tells me that she knows my daughter is my #1 priority and that she is #2. I try to explain to her that the love I have for my daughter is different than the love I have for her as my future wife. They don't need to be competing for my attention as if I only have so many hugs or kisses to give out each day. We got them involved shortly after the meeting over Spring Break. Both girls have taken the time to pick their dresses they wanted to wear, etc. We definitely need to find more time to do things together as a family...but that has been a challenge when the kids have primarily been with their mom for the last few weekends. This is the first weekend since my fiancé got here that they will not be with their mom...and that is only the case because their mom is helping one of her friends move or something. So we get them for the next three weekends in a row before not seeing them again until one weekend in July (she gets them for all of July as the non-custodial parent except for one weekend). I've already reached out to my kids again this morning (we've spoken about this before during the first week after she got here) and explained the situation once more and how their isolation is causing my fiancé to feel. The older two claim to like her. What I was not expecting is how my youngest has reacted. She had often complained to her mom that the only thing they were missing at my house was a mommy...and she & my fiancé always got along over video calls & over Spring Break. When my fiancé pulled one of her I'm leaving moments...I was actually ready to let her walk away but when my youngest found out that she had left (she physically packed up her luggage and walked to the front desk area at the resort we were at to go home)...she screamed no...and was crying as she ran down the road to stop her from leaving. I guess their relationship changed once my fiancé arrived here & the dynamic changed in some way. I'm no less or more affectionate with any of them than I have ever been...so I'm not sure what triggered my daughter's response to all of this. My only thought is that my fiancé's jealousy was likely felt by my youngest & caused my youngest to change how she felt about her as well.

In retrospect, it definitely could have been handled differently...but just like you said...it's water under the bridge now & what's done cannot be undone. She has been nothing but a blessing in their lives & has lightened the load for them considerably. They were all out of town visiting their mom for the weekend...and with how everything just fell into place...it was definitely an oversight on my part...but it's not like we hadn't spent 10 days together over Spring Break just 2 months prior. If they had brought up legitimate issues or I had noticed anything concerning...we would not be where we are today. I think the primary issue is that my fiancé is highly emotional & I guess she never full prepared herself for the reality that step parenting can be...especially initially. Patience has never been her strong suit.

Hey Folks... So I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this topic...but I'm sure the moderators will move it to the right place if it isn't. For those who aren't familiar with my situation, I have been in an LDR with a Filipina since June of 2020. Our first meeting was in Costa Rica in August of 2021 (thanks COVID). We started our K1 process shortly thereafter (October 2021). I was blessed enough to be able to visit her in the Philippines 3 times in 2022 since then including a 30 day stay in July of 2022. My last trip included my three children (17, 15 & 8 ) in March of 2023. That was the first time my children got to officially meet her. Prior to that my youngest had been in some video calls with us & my other two had maybe a 1-2 time video call to kind of just say hello. The meeting was a little up & down. Everyone seemed to get alone fine...and she seemed to especially connect with my youngest. The main issue was there was a few moments of misunderstanding where she threatened to leave (like she always does)...but this time she did it a couple of times where my kids became aware of her behavior. I'm not sure how that may have changed their perspective on her for better or for worse. Fast forward to today...we finally finished the process & my fiancé joined us here in Texas on May 12th. For those who followed our story...it was a near miracle that she was able to pull it off & all of the puzzle pieces fell in to place to allow her to make it here. I wasn't even sure that she would be here & felt that we probably would need to postpone it for a week or two. In the rush of all of it...apparently, I didn't let my older two kids know that she was coming that weekend. My youngest (who I am closest with) knew. My kids were with their mom that weekend...so they didn't officially come back home until a couple of days after my fiancé was there. My youngest was excited to see her & gave her a hug. The older two hid out in their rooms & basically freaked out over the fact that "they were not told that this woman would be in their home". Since then we've had a series of ups & downs as a couple...as I'm sure most have experienced at first. There were no real issues with my kids other than my kids being considered disrespectful to my fiancé since they largely kept to themselves (like they always do) with my son playing his computer games & my oldest daughter coming & going with her friends. My youngest was still around and interacting with the both of us. Fast forward to today...and basically our house basically has all three kids primarily hanging out in their rooms (which is relatively normal) and my fiancé also hunkering down in our bedroom. I've told my fiancé that she needs to be more present and hang out in the living room if she wants to be able to develop any kind of relationship with my kids during the few moments that the opportunity arises. That's how I had been handling things prior to her arrival. I'd do my best to be in the living room area at least until 9 pm when my youngest would normally head to bed. This would give all of my kids access to me if they chose to interact with me or not. While my oldest have somewhat warmed up to her presence...my son will "warmly smile" at her when he sees her (his words)...and my oldest daughter will greet her when they see one another...my youngest has now started to ignore her as I think she & my fiancé feel as if they are competing for my time & affection. As a result...what has been happening is that around dinner time...my fiancé will once again isolate herself in our bedroom while I am out in the living room spending time with my youngest. Once my youngest goes to bed, then I will go into the bedroom. It just feels like a weird situation for all of us. My fiancé has expressed to me that she doesn't feel welcome in our home...largely because of how my kids are. She felt that she initially had the support of my youngest...but that has since changed as I believe they are both jealous of one another & feel threatened that they are going to lose time with me. I try to reassure them both that I have more than enough love & affection for both of them. I knew that being a step parent would be hard for anyone...but I also thought that if you willingly stepped into that role that you would need to be willing to accept that you would need to be willing to simply love those kids regardless of how they treated you in return. Kill them with kindness. Our wedding is supposed to be in less than two weeks...and I am sitting here wondering if having a wedding is a smart thing to do at this point. I feel like I am literally sitting between two high school girls fighting for my attention...as if my love & affection has limits and I can't love them both as my future wife & my daughter. Any insight, guidance or past experience would be greatly appreciated. Thanks... Kawika

Interesting. Since we are not allowed to pick our physicians for the medical exams, I simply assumed that these were already selected & verified by the US as acceptable medical facilities & by extension their medications as well. I personally would want my loved ones vaccinated as quickly as possible if they weren't already vaccinated previously especially if they are in countries where some of the diseases we take for granted here in the US may still be running rampant or at least in the general populace. It's also interesting to think that they are allowing some travelers to enter our country unvaccinated & potentially carrying diseases with them.

Which is why we are holding off on our K2's medical exam until next year when we plan to bring him over to join us. The OP was asking about whether or not the K2 needed to be at the K1 interview which is a moot point as all of the prior prerequisites which I listed was not completed nor would be able to be completed by the designated K1 interview date. You'll have to explain the methodology behind stretching the follow to join to potentially 18 months as when we spoke with the Manila embassy they said that there was no way to extend the K2 follow to join option beyond the 12 months from K1 visa issue date. We had originally planned to renew our vows in the Philippines in June of 2024 to allow her family to celebrate with us & then bringing her son back with us when we returned to the US. Since she was issued her K1 visa in May the embassy indicated to us that this was not possible. As a result we've changed our plans to renew our vows in June of 2025 so that we could bring her son over before the 12 month window closed. In our case we just needed an additional month to make our plans work but the Manila embassy was pretty adamant about that not being a possibility.

What would be the benefit or reason to not take the vaccinations when it is offered if you fully intend to do so later in the process?

It sounds like you are assuming things. There is no mention as to when these things need to occur only that they are steps in the total process to get to the K2 interview. We are currently in that same process, so I am well familiar with what needs to be done and when.

I'm well versed with Mr. Gottman as well as a plethora of other relationship gurus/books like His Needs, Her Needs, The Five Love Languages, Love & Respect, etc. The issue is....like with most every situation...is that you can only control your actions & how you respond to others. You cannot force your partner to want to be a better partner or to understand certain things, etc. We've had issues throughout our relationship which I believe primarily revolves around circumstances from her past that she has never fully healed from or worked through. My fiancé has had to deal with both mental & physical abuse from her last relationship as well as from her own family, this naturally taints her view on most anyone or anything that happens or may potentially happen in her life. None of the issues we've had involve anything serious but typically revolve around simple misunderstandings or assumptions that she often makes regarding what I mean when I say certain words. Remember that while they may know some English...they are not going to know all of the meanings associated with a specific word or term...especially when you start including slang or colloquialisms. While you & I may know several meanings to specific words or phrases....they may only be familiar with one of them...and at least in my case...the majority of the time it is taken in a negative way. My situation is primarily due to my fiancé's past experiences as she tends to look at anything a person says in a negative light. If you're a sarcastic person like me...that adds a whole other dimension of potential issues with someone who may not know the English language like we do. It's all part of the learning process for the both of us. You just have to make the decision early on whether or not your partner is worth it or not. The sooner you can make that decision...the sooner you can both either start working towards making things better or the sooner you can end it & start to heal.

As far as vaccines go...it doesn't matter until the medical exam phase. When you schedule your medical exam, part of the fees you pay include all of the required vaccinations your fiancé may need to go from her country to the US. If she has proof that she received them in the past, then she is good to go...if not...they will simply be provided to her as part of the initial medical exam fee. My fiancé was unsure about what vaccinations she had as a child & the hospital nor her mom had any records we could use so she got all of her required vaccinations during the medical exam.

Yes. I believe that is part of the guide they have here on the site. We re-did it in March (when I last visited) so I could sign it personally & give it to her in person to take to the interview. As noted, our interview ended up being in May. For the CFO...she will either need the paper certificate (which my fiancé had with her) or she will need to go to the local CFO office to get the sticker added to her visa. They supposedly updated the system on May 1st to forego the use of the sticker in favor of a digital certificate, but up through our departure from the Philippines, the immigration officers were still looking for the sticker or original paper certificate.

To also add...they will need a passport before you can fill out the separate DS-160 & separated MRV Fee required for her child. They will also need a separate medical exam done & as noted a separate interview. If the passport, DS-160, MRV Fee & medical exam was completed for the child prior to her interview, then they could have "interviewed" together. I think the age of the child dictates whether they are actually interviewed or just there to capture their biometrics. In addition, for the child to follow to join they need to be included in the initial I-129F application.

Our interview was on May 4th...we went with premium delivery to her home in the province of Cebu (near Toledo City). It never made it there so she had to arrange with LBC to hold the passport package at the Cebu office on the morning of her flight (12th). When she got there, they had no idea where the package was (despite her calling the day before & having them put it aside). Luckily they were able to find it in time for her to make it to the airport to make it for her flight at noon that day. As far as I understand it, the CFO is specific to the country AND the individual the person is going to see. We had to go through the CFO process back in 2020-2021 prior to our initial meeting in Costa Rica. The documents required is specific to your situation & the counselor you are assigned. It definitely needs to be completed before they will allow her to leave the country.

Lol...hard to believe it's been 12 days now. We did indeed hold hands the entire way home...and she stayed awake the whole way. I had ordered food & had it waiting for us at the house when we got there. It's been a constant up & down rollercoaster ride since she's been here of both good & bad.

She landed at 11:05 pm or so...I think we finally made it out of there around 12:25 am...and then finally back home in Katy around 2:30 am.

Oh...and with FlightAware...it magically course corrected & went from the latest of over 3 hours late to being right on time again. I'm glad I didn't try to show up late...

Yeah...I know her well enough to know that she would be much more comfortable for me to meet her there versus trying to pick her up at a column. Maybe in future trips she may take back home alone we'll use that method as it makes the most sense.

If you don't have a record of having vaccinations, they will give you all required vaccinations during your medical exam.

Ugghh...thanks for the suggestions on picking her up. I've never picked anyone up from the international terminal but am very familiar with having to walk to the next terminal to get to my parking lot pick up van. She hasn't traveled much, so I think she would be very confused & out of place trying to figure everything on her own. I'll just plan to park in Lot C (if that's the closest one) and just walk with her there. How long has Terminal E been hosed? It has been under repair at least since 2021. I've also been tracking the flight using FlightAware. Right now FlightAware has the flight arriving over 3 hours late. It left on time, so I'm not sure why the lengthy delay. EVA Air website indicates that it is about 20 minutes behind. I'll have to look for some maps so I even know where to park & where to go.

She's coming in on EVA Air & should land at IAH around 11 pm CST.

If you have time, it's definitely worth it to go to the CFO office prior to your flight. It is ultimately the decision of the immigration officer to let you on board or not...and you don't want to give them a reason to deny you. We just didn't have enough time to get to the CFO office in our situation...otherwise we planned to.

I'm pretty sure this is the service we used: https://www.identogo.com/services/history-check/fbi-history-check

Interview was on Thursday, May 4th. She picked up her visa from the CFO office in Cebu on the morning of Friday, May 12th. It was originally supposed to be delivered to her home, but we were told on Monday, May 8th that her address was outside of their delivery range so she had to choose a local LBC office. It never got to that office, so we tracked the shipment down & had them hold it in Cebu so she could pick it up from them on her way to the airport. Other folks who had interviews on the same day as my fiancé got their visa before she did. I think we just got unlucky & LBC sat on our package for some reason & it just got lost in the process for a few days. I think we could have hired a guy with a canoe & a bicycle and it would gotten to her sooner.

She’s on her way. The visa was never delivered to the local branch office so my fiancé was able to contact someone who agreed to hold if for her at the LBC office in Cebu. She picked it up Friday morning…albeit after a long search as they initially couldn’t find it. Then she went on to the airport where she was allowed to board her flight with just the visa, her passport and her original CFO certificate. We were unsure if she would be allowed to board without the discontinued sticker or the new digital certificate but they let her go anyways. They did ask a few questions about our relationship before letting her go. She should be on her way to Taiwan right now and should be leaving in the morning for Houston.

For anyone that cares…my fiancé was allowed to board her flight with just her visa, passport and original CFO certificate.

As noted, what is required is what the assigned counselor requests of either of you. Failure to produce it could result in the CFO being denied. I had to get my police clearance for my fiancé. I had to request it through the FBI. All I had to do was fill out a form and go to a local office to get my fingerprints scanned. About a week or so later they sent me a report. My background was blank so I’m not sure if others may take longer. Our counselor asked for all kinds of obscure things. A lot of which had to be apostilized by the state of Texas. That took about a week and a chunk of change. Be flexible. The counselor is basically vetting you as a decent human being. If they don’t like something about you, you may get denied.