TBoneTX

Wednesday -- time to laugh at our Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke: ============================================================== DAD JOKES I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and which pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money. What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad. My friend got kidnapped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to him. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web-designer. My wife completed a 40-week bodybuilding program this morning. It's a girl and weighs 7 pounds 8 ounces. Job interviewer: "At the start, you'll be earning $20,000; later, it will increase to $40,000." Me: "OK; I'll come back later." I tried donating blood today. NEVER AGAIN! Too many stupid questions: "Whose blood is it? Where did you get it? Why is it in a bucket?" I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He asked, "How do you know I'm not a serial killer?" I replied, "The chances of two serial killers in one car are astronomical." I'm reading a horror book in Braille. Something terrible's about to happen... I can feel it. My teenage son treats me like a god. He acts like I don't exist until he wants something. My wife: "You need to do more chores around the house." Me: "Can we change the subject?" Wife: "OK. More chores around the house need to be done by you." Doctor: "Relax, David. It's just a small surgery... don't panic." Me: "But my name isn't David." Doctor: "I know. I'M David." My neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. -- can you believe it? Luckily, I was still up playing the drums. Yesterday, my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen. She sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly. Today, I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

MLB Reminds White Sox That Games Televised CHICAGO—With the franchise on track to have what may be the single worst season in the modern history of the sport, Major League Baseball sought to remind the Chicago White Sox on Friday that the team's games were televised. "Based on the way you're playing, we just wanted to make sure you understand that there are people watching you—that pretty much anyone can go on TV and see what you're doing on the field," said MLB commissioner Rob Manfred [...] https://theonion.com/mlb-reminds-white-sox-that-games-televised-1851590284/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nation Confused As To Why Joe Biden Still On TV Sometimes WASHINGTON—Asking whether he was somehow still running for president or promoting an upcoming reality show, the nation was reportedly confused Friday as to why Joe Biden was still on television sometimes. "I saw him on TV the other day and immediately assumed he had died or was sick or something, because why else would I be seeing him on there?" asked Sandy Wolcott, 52, who noted that she thought there was some guy from Minnesota or a woman she was supposed to be seeing instead. [...] https://theonion.com/nation-confused-as-to-why-joe-biden-still-on-tv-sometimes/

Iowa State Fair Visitor Gored By 500-Pound Yam DES MOINES, IA—With onlookers panicking and officials struggling to contain the violence, Iowa State Fair visitor Lee Brandberg was reportedly gored Friday by a 500-pound yam. "Yep, the young man was leaning so close over the enclosure that the yam was easily able to knock him in with its stem," said onlooker Greg Thomson, 52, noting that the large starchy tubers were usually docile but [...] https://theonion.com/iowa-state-fair-visitor-gored-by-500-pound-yam-1851607877/

China Reduced To Barren Wasteland After Exporting Every Last Object SHENZHEN, CHINA—Wandering nude among the hollowed-out foundations where apartment buildings and factories once stood, Chinese citizens reported Friday that their nation had been reduced to a barren wasteland after exporting every last physical object in the country. "We turned quite the profit after we sold our car, clothes, furniture, and house—which was shipped as a prefab to Brazil—but unfortunately [...] https://theonion.com/china-reduced-to-barren-wasteland-after-exporting-every-last-object/

Increasingly Concerned Tim Walz Asks DNC Volunteer Where Giant Corn Dog Stand Is CHICAGO—Grabbing the worker's sleeve and stopping him in his tracks, an increasingly concerned Tim Walz reportedly asked a Democratic National Convention volunteer Tuesday where the giant corn dog stand was. "Excuse me, sir—I seem to have missed the jumbo corn dog stand," said the Minnesota governor and vice presidential nominee, who explained that [...] https://theonion.com/increasingly-concerned-tim-walz-asks-dnc-volunteer-where-giant-corn-dog-stand-is/

Ooo! ~~~~~~ Sad: Black People Turned Away In Droves As Democrats Require Photo ID To Enter Convention CHICAGO, IL — According to reports, black people trying to attend the DNC were turned away in droves as Democrats required photo IDs to enter the convention. Despite knowing that black people are not capable of obtaining photo IDs, Democrats inexplicably chose to require everyone in attendance to show identification, leaving thousands of black people unable to enter. "I wanted to come, but everyone knows I can't get an ID," said one black man who was refused entry to the DNC. "You'd think the Democrats would be aware of this fact. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/sad-black-people-turned-away-in-droves-as-democrats-require-photo-id-to-enter-convention

Hunter Biden Desperately Trying To Offload Leftover Painting Inventory At DNC CHICAGO, IL — Amid the excitement of attendees and volatility of protesters outside, Hunter Biden was seen desperately trying to offload his leftover painting inventory at the Democratic National Convention. The son of the sitting U.S. president and one-time power player in the influence-peddling arena has experienced a sharp decline in the sale of his artwork in recent months following his father's decision to abandon his bid for re-election, leaving Hunter with overstocked inventory. "Step right up, people! Nice paintings for sale!" Hunter was heard shouting to passersby at the DNC. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/hunter-biden-desperately-trying-to-offload-leftover-painting-inventory-at-dnc

'Choose Joy!' Bellows Angry Old Man CHICAGO, IL — Attendees at the Democratic National Convention and potential voters watching on television at home were treated to a special historic moment last night, as an angry old man bellowed at them to vote for a happier, brighter future. President Joe Biden was dug out from storage and dusted off to make a brief appearance on the DNC stage, where he ranted irately at viewers and attendees to make their choice in November's presidential election based on happiness and positivity. "CHOOSE JOY!" screamed a red-faced Biden as he repeatedly pounded his fists on the podium. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/choose-joy-bellows-angry-old-man

Jewish Groups Forced to Meet in Private and are STILL Harassed at DNC This is repeated often, but stop and imagine what the corporate media would be doing if this was happening at the Republican National Convention? What if ANY minority group had to meet under heavy security at the RNC? The Press would be running wild with it. Rachel Maddow would be practically shrieking her head off and Morning Mika would need medical care after all the breathless reporting. [...] https://twitchy.com/justmindy/2024/08/20/jewish-events-dnc-heavy-security-n2399903

Disney's Woke Star Wars Show 'The Acolyte' Crashes, Burns, and Gets Canceled After Just One Season [...] you wouldn't find a lot of Star Wars fans watching this wreck. The fan base has been bleeding off for some time, thanks to the mishandling of the brand by "the force is female" Kathleen Kennedy and her obsession with injecting socio-political messaging into the shows. Each new additional Star Wars release has driven off more and more people, ultimately resulting in "The Acolyte" having abysmal ratings. And it appears that we'll be spared a second season, as The Verge reported that the show has been canceled: [...] https://redstate.com/brandon_morse/2024/08/20/disneys-woke-star-wars-show-the-acolyte-crashes-burns-and-gets-cancelled-after-just-one-season-n2178310

Disney Folds on Wrongful Death Lawsuit After Thorough Public Shaming [...] the story got out about the case and pervaded social media, making Disney look very, very bad and Disney has now decided to pull back its claim for arbitration. While Disney does not say public pressure played a part in its decision, many highly doubt that the company suddenly grew a conscience. [...] https://redstate.com/brandon_morse/2024/08/20/disney-folds-on-wrongful-death-lawsuit-after-thorough-public-shaming-n2178317

Hee hee hee! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WATCH: Trump Drops the Mic After Reporter Asks Why He Visited a City 'Linked to White Supremacy' Donald Trump appeared in Howell, MI, on Tuesday as part of a sprint through several battleground states, with the Republican nominee seeking to offer voters some counter-programming to the Democratic National Convention. As campaign stops go, there wasn't anything unique about this one. The former president appeared with local police and laid out his vision for the country, something he's done many times. The press wasn't interested in that part of the trip, though. Instead, they've spent the last few days obsessing over the fact that some KKK members once marched in Howell. Naturally, that means Trump must be showing some form of tacit support for white supremacy. Yes, it's as stupid of a contention as has ever existed, and when Trump was asked about it by a reporter, he was ready. It was a mic drop moment, rhetorically speaking at least. [...] https://redstate.com/jeffc/2024/08/20/democrats-pretend-to-be-mad-about-trump-speaking-at-a-town-with-historical-ties-to-the-kkk-n2178336

Kamala's America: Border Czar Harris Has Lost Track of 290,000 Unaccompanied Minors [...] In 2020, then-Senator Kamala Harris tweeted about the "outrageous" separation of 545 unaccompanied minors, attaching a link to an NBC article directly blaming the Trump administration. Fast forward to 2024, and under Border Czar Kamala Harris, ICE has now reported that over 290,000 undocumented minors are not only separated from their parent or guardian, but no one in the Biden-Harris administration knows where they are. Not a peep from NBC News, and the few headlines from other news organizations use the generic designation of "The Department of Homeland Security" instead of attaching this gross incompetence to the Biden-Harris administration. [...] https://redstate.com/jenniferoo/2024/08/20/kamalas-america-border-czar-harris-has-lost-track-of-290000-unaccompanied-minors-n2178345

Israel Military Retrieves the Bodies of Six Hostages From Gaza Israeli forces say they've recovered the bodies of six hostages taken on October 7 in what was described as a "complex operation" that they carried out in the tunnels beneath the city of Khan Younis. Five of the six hostages had been identified as deceased by the Israeli government earlier. They were identified as Yagev Buchshtab, Alexander Dancyg, Avraham Munder, Yoram Metzger, Nadav Popplewell, and Haim Peri. All but Munder were already known to have lost their lives in captivity. The cause of their deaths was not immediately known. Hamas says they were killed in Israeli bombings. More than 100 captives remain in Hamas custody with at least 30 believed to be dead. [...] https://pjmedia.com/rick-moran/2024/08/20/israel-military-retrieves-the-bodies-of-six-hostages-from-gaza-n4931797

This is both funny and striking. Comments? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Everyone Gets to Caucus at the DNC Convention…Well, Almost Everyone An X user got hold of the schedule for Tuesday's fun and games slated for the convention. Specifically, they found a list of the morning caucuses. From 9:30 to 11:30, the following caucuses were scheduled to be in session: • The Black Caucus Meeting • The Hispanic Caucus Meeting • The AAPI Caucus Meeting • The Native American Caucus Meeting • The Ethnic Council Meeting The author accuses the Democrats of being segregationists. Since the caucuses are separated by race, there is a case to be made for that. But my guess is that is what the Ethnic Council Meeting is for. Maybe no one at the convention knows how to spell "intersectional." [...] https://pjmedia.com/lincolnbrown/2024/08/20/everyone-gets-to-caucus-at-the-dnc-conventionwell-almost-everyone-n4931803

Fascinating, whatever your beliefs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Is the Shroud of Turin Real or Fake? New Research May Shed Light on Its Authenticity [...] The Shroud of Turin first came to prominence in the 1350s, and by the 16th century, it had a permanent home in Turin, Italy. For hundreds of years, the faithful believed that it was Jesus' burial cloth, and plenty of people believe it today. But in the '80s, some researchers concluded that the shroud only dated to the Middle Ages. Now, a group of Italian researchers have [...] https://pjmedia.com/chris-queen/2024/08/20/is-the-shroud-of-turin-real-or-fake-new-research-may-shed-light-on-its-authenticity-n4931819

Another Fabrication: Tim Walz and His Wife Never Used IVF Tim Walz really has a habit of just saying whatever he thinks will help him win an election. When he ran for congress the first time he outright lied about his DUI record and also fudged some details of his service record. He never served "in war" as he once claimed (the campaign admitted he misspoke). He also didn't retire as a Command Sergeant Major. He was actually a rank below that after retirement because he never finished the work for the higher rank. Here we are nearly 20 years after he started lying about his own biography. Walz is on the biggest stage of his life and he's still just making stuff up. In this case, he has been saying for months that he and his wife used IVF to have kids. He's been saying this, not coincidentally, just as the Democratic Party has been trying to turn conservative opposition to IVF into another winning campaign issue. [...] https://hotair.com/john-s-2/2024/08/20/stolen-infertility-valor-tim-walz-and-his-wife-never-used-ivf-n3793404

We already HAD a Master Thread for the DNC, also started by me. The two are merged.

And another company! This article has more information in it than just the title's topic. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Harley Davidson Has Second Thoughts on DEI After Backlash A couple weeks ago Beege wrote about Harley-Davidson CEO Jochen Zeitz and his push to turn the company into one guided by DEI principles. After it was exposed by Robby Starbuck on X, the company sent out an email saying they were evaluating their policies. They didn't back off exactly but they seemed to be laying the groundwork for it. Today, Harley announced it was dropping the woke initiatives in a statement posted on X: [...] https://hotair.com/john-s-2/2024/08/20/harley-davidson-has-second-throughts-on-dei-after-backlash-n3793416

THIS would be really big... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ RFK Running Mate: We May Back Trump to Stop Kamala [...] RFK running mate Nicole Shanahan -- a Silicon Valley progressive -- casts Kamala Harris as the real threat in this cycle. On an 'Impact Theory' podcast published earlier today, Shanahan declares that the campaign right now is considering a withdrawal and endorsement of Donald Trump to prevent Democrats from taking the White House: [...] https://hotair.com/ed-morrissey/2024/08/20/rfk-running-mate-we-may-back-trump-to-stop-kamala-n3793411

Is Kamala Scared to Debate Trump on Fox? That's how this formula works, right? Isn't that the precedent Kamala Harris herself set when demanding Donald Trump stick to the debate he set with Joe Biden? A refusal to do any proposed debate indicates fear? In this case, it could be true. Trump and Harris have agreed to two debates already, but Trump had worked on a September 4 Fox News debate before reopening negotiations with Harris after The Anointment. Harris has apparently refused to appear, Trump announced this morning: [...] https://hotair.com/ed-morrissey/2024/08/20/is-kamala-scared-to-debate-trump-on-fox-n3793400

As Expected, Columbia Gave Student Protesters a Pass You may remember there was a brief moment back in April when Columbia University finally seemed to be getting serious about dealing with student protesters who were breaking the rules. The situation at the time was that students had set up a tent camp on campus and the school was giving them an ultimatum to clear out, even saying at one point that they could be expelled if they refused to comply. But instead of going along with the demand, a group of students escalated by taking over a building on campus. The police were called in and they were arrested. Here were are four months later, the students are returning to school after summer break and contrary to all the tough talk in the spring, it turns out almost no one was punished for their behavior. The House Education and Workforce Committee released the information today. [...] https://hotair.com/john-s-2/2024/08/20/as-expected-columbia-gave-student-protesters-a-pass-n3793423

Let's bankrupt everybody! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kamala Harris Supports a 25% Wealth Tax on Unrealized Gains [...] the Harris campaign says it supports all of the tax increases in Biden's last budget which includes the 25% wealth tax on unrealized gains. [...] https://hotair.com/john-s-2/2024/08/20/kamala-harris-supports-bidens-plan-for-a-25-wealth-tax-on-unrealized-gains-n3793442

Sean Hannity said that he had to show his own ID four times today. "Oh, hi, Mr. Hannity! May I see your ID, please?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Democrats Demand ID To Get Into Their Convention But Not To Vote For President The Biden-Harris administration has called voter photo identification laws "burdensome" and "unnecessary." The administration has let hundreds of thousands of unvetted illegal immigrants pour across the border with no questions asked about who they are. But the administration's political party has implemented identification requirements for anyone who wants to attend the Democratic National Convention (DNC). Individuals seeking to get into the DNC must show proof of identity "for security screening" to pass through a security perimeter and physical barriers, NewsNation reported. In fact, Chicagoans who live in the "areas around the United Center and McCormick Place" where roads will be closed for the convention "will still be able to go in and out of their homes" but they are only "allowed guests as long as those guests have photo ID." This is all done under the guise of protecting attendees. "Security" is suddenly important to Democrats. So why not protect and secure our elections? [...] https://thefederalist.com/2024/08/20/democrats-demand-id-to-get-into-their-convention-but-not-to-vote-for-president/