TBoneTX

Here is Wednesday's Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke: =========================================== THE BLONDE AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A blonde woman came in for a routine physical at the doctor’s office. "Here you go," said the nurse, as she handed the blonde a urine cup. "The bathroom is there on your left. The doctor will see you in a few minutes." Soon, the blonde came out of the bathroom. She handed an empty container back to the nurse. With a relieved look on her face, the blonde said, "Thank you! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn't need this after all."

Drones Turn Out To Be Elaborate Gender Reveal Party U.S. — Recent drone sightings across the eastern United States are apparently nothing more than an elaborate gender reveal, Pentagon officials announced Monday. The revelation came as [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/drones-turn-out-to-be-elaborate-gender-reveal-party

Joe Biden Pardons Wife Jill For Impersonating A Doctor [...] The pardon reportedly covers "any and all instances" of impersonation as far back as 2007, when Jill Biden first began calling herself a doctor. Ancillary clauses in the pardon are said to also cover the various news organizations that have misleadingly referred to Jill as a doctor, especially during the 2016 and 2020 election seasons. "I am very proud to present this award to my wife... whatever her name is," Biden told reporters when announcing the pardon. "My... my wife... the gal over there... she deserves this pardon, and if you don't think she's a real doctor, then you're... then all it means is you're... the idea... who is this, now?" [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/joe-biden-pardons-wife-jill-for-impersonating-a-doctor

McDonald's Presents Employee Who Caught Shooter With Coupon Good For 1 Free Large Drink With Purchase Of A Food Item ALTOONA, PA — The McDonald's employee credited with identifying Luigi Mangione, a suspect in the murder of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, was honored on Friday with a small ceremony in which he was presented with a coupon good for one free large drink with the purchase of any food item. Logan Jameson said it seemed like any other shift until he noticed the suspicious customer in the corner munching on a hash brown. He then pointed out the individual who turned out to be Mangione to his coworkers before calling the police. The part-time employee and full-time hero was now the proud recipient of a prestigious award. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/mcdonalds-presents-employee-who-caught-shooter-with-coupon-good-for-1-free-large-drink-with-purchase-of-a-food-item

By 2035, All California Vehicles To Be Replaced By Little Tikes Cozy Coupes SACRAMENTO, CA — California Governor Gavin Newsom has adopted a plan set forth by the California Air Resources Board to phase out all gas-powered and EV automobiles and replace them with Little Tikes Cozy Coupes no later than 2035. "California now has a groundbreaking, world-leading plan to achieve 100 percent zero-energy vehicle sales," Newsom said in a statement. "By the year 2035, every new car sold in California will be a Little Tikes Cozy Coup." Government vehicles are exempt from the order. https://babylonbee.com/news/by-2035-all-california-vehicles-to-be-replaced-by-little-tikes-cozy-coupes

Mysterious User 'OrangeMan47' Snatches Up All Border Wall Materials In Online Auction U.S. — Just days after news leaked that President Joe Biden was quietly selling unused border wall construction materials via online auction, presumably as a gesture of defiance against incoming President Donald Trump, a mysterious user named "OrangeMan47" swooped in to purchase every listing. Evidence indicated OrangeMan47 was a new account on GovPlanet, the online auction house used by the Biden administration. The account has zero user feedback and an incomplete profile, but [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/mysterious-user-orangeman47-snatches-up-all-border-wall-materials-in-online-auction

Ray Epps Announces Resignation From FBI WASHINGTON, D.C. — Federal agent Ray Epps will step down from his role as head of PSYOPS at the end of the Biden administration, the agency said Thursday, ending a distinguished career of covertly manipulating the American people. Epps said it was important to retire now and preserve his pension before he was forced out by Trump and lost it all. "I've paid my dues," Epps said with a smile. "I've secretly been pulling the strings for the deep state a long time and it's time for me to enjoy my retirement before Trump gets on my case about inciting January 6." FBI Director Christopher Wray, who is also stepping down at the end of the Biden administration, praised Ray Epps for [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/ray-epps-announces-resignation-from-fbi

Assassin Luigi Mangione Takes Lead In 2028 Democratic Primary Polls U.S. — Despite currently being in custody and charged with the murder of a health insurance company CEO, alleged assassin Luigi Mangione has now taken the lead in 2028 Democratic primary polls. Though more well-known candidates like Kamala Harris, Gavin Newsom, and Gretchen Whitmer remained in the running, Mangione had surged to the top of the polls in just a matter of days following his rise to stardom among Democrat voters after committing a cold-blooded murder. "He's the perfect representative of everything the Democratic Party stands for," said MSNBC host Rachel Maddow. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/assassin-luigi-mangione-takes-lead-in-2028-democratic-primary-polls

Kamala Harris Named 'Person Of The Year' By Wine Enthusiast VALHALLA, NY — In what the media hailed as the most prestigious award announcement of the season, Vice President Kamala Harris was named "Person of the Year" by Wine Enthusiast magazine. The annual honor, given to a person to recognize outstanding achievement in wine consumption, was voted unanimously to be awarded to Harris after the awe-inspiring work she did throughout 2024 to promote and exemplify the enjoyment of wine. "She blew every other candidate out of the water," said Jacqueline Strum, the magazine's editor and publisher. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/kamala-harris-named-person-of-the-year-by-wine-enthusiast

Liberals Sadly Wish Each Other 'Happy Holidays' One Last Time Before Trump Makes It Punishable By Death [...] "Happy Holidays," a tearful Sarah Stone said, holding her children tight. "I love you and I — I just want to tell you Happy Holidays before it's too late. Before Trump kills us all." Though Trump has been silent on the matter, liberals are already preparing for the inevitable day the phrase "Happy Holidays" is replaced with the dark, Christian Nationalist greeting "Merry Christmas." Many experts believe this is everyone's last chance to say the more politically correct "Happy Holidays" before the hammer drops and they are all condemned to death. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/liberals-sadly-wish-each-other-happy-holidays-for-last-time-before-trump-makes-it-punishable-by-death

'Now Now, Let's Not Be So Hasty To Find And Assassinate Everyone Responsible For The Healthcare Crisis,' Says Nervous Obama [...] In an only slightly nervous statement to the nation, a visibly sweating Obama reminded people not to jump into hunting down and killing everyone who might be considered responsible for causing the terrible state of American healthcare. "Now, now, let's not get carried away here," said Obama, tapping the floor faster and faster as an eyebrow inadvertently twitched. "Surely the answer here isn't more violence. After all, we can't [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/now-now-lets-not-be-so-hasty-to-find-and-assassinate-everyone-responsible-for-the-healthcare-crisis-says-nervous-obama

Scintillating Tuesday repartee, yawn man. ----- Thrilling Tuesday report, see man: First doc caucus was orthopedic, need body-transplant we man. Doc refused to inject our aching wrists, case of awristed development man. Instead referred us for Many sessions of Occupational Therapy, man. Lunch was at Panera Bread, first time there man. All staff and most customers looked like rejects from hippie days, weird man. We went to see how much a long-lost gift card had on it, inquire we man. Card was so old that it had too many numbers to check, must call HQ we man. We consumed a Tuna Salad sandwich, ingest we man. Prices nothing to write home about unless gift card ultimately has something on it, conclude we man. Went to Aldi to return unwanted slippers for Mama T-B., long wait inside man. Store was completely mobbed at 1 p.m. on a Tuesday, unbelievable man. Was several minutes late for second doc caucus, sinus CT man. CT normal, They X-Rayed Our Head And Found Nothing man. Had audiology test, The Better To Hear You With man. We have "moderate to moderately severe hearing-loss," man. We went aysheep and were completely depressed, man. They urged us to get hearing-aids, $Many,000 therefor man. We called Mama T-B. about it, we man call senior she man man. Mama T-B. told us to use these results as baseline and to retest in a year, sensible senior she man man. We can still hear if people don't mumble while turned away from us, conclude we man. We are less aysheep than before, si yet sigh man. Returned to casa in time for an under-hour siesta, crucial necessity man. Many (2+1) old guys were out walking, si man. First one said, "Windy, isn't it, huh man?" si man. The second one said, "No, it's Thursday, si man!" si man. The Many'rd one said, "So am I, si man. Let's go get a beer, si man!" si man. Din-din was shepherd's pie from Aldi, new din-din ingest Two Guys man. Mini-B. heartily high-Many'd us afterward, approving wee man man. Movie night was Just Go With It, very good man. Many (2+2+1) -- si man, Many (2+2+1) bowls of Costco popcorn were consumed, ingest Two Guys man. This tallies to Many (2x2x2) popcorns for the week already, just 2 more needed for quota man. Junior Chica from south Texas texted us that she misses us, major admission man. We told her that this made us feel good, admit we man to JC man man. JC responded with smiling foto of JC's self, hope springs eternal in we man man. Nothing formal on calendar for Wednesday, no man. We shall probably take care of nagging administrative poop, si man. And that was/is our thrilling Tuesday, report we man.

Agreed. Poor family.

Jeez... 15 years old.

The OP appears to want this thread closed, so it's now closed.

Donald Trump, ABC News, and the toxic legacy of the E. Jean Carroll case The story stunned much of Washington late Saturday afternoon. ABC News had agreed to settle a lawsuit filed by President-elect Donald Trump last March, accusing ABC anchor George Stephanopoulos of defaming Trump during a discussion of the E. Jean Carroll case. ABC and Stephanopoulos agreed to pay $15 million toward a future Trump Presidential Library, plus $1 million toward Trump's attorneys' fees. Trump has filed or threatened to file a lot of lawsuits over alleged defamatory coverage. But he hasn't won one, hasn't even come close to winning one. Now he has. The development particularly shocked Trump's most determined adversaries. He’s not supposed to win a case like this! The media have a right to say virtually anything they want about the former president and current president-elect and not have to worry about Trump having some legal recourse to fight back. That, at least, was their implicit assumption. [...] https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/daily-memo/3261490/donald-trump-abc-news-toxic-legacy-e-jean-carroll-case/

VDH nails the country's mood as only he can. ~~~~~~~~~~~~` Are the Years of Madness Ending? Never in U.S. history has a president-elect been welcomed as the real president before his January 20 inauguration. And never has the incumbent president so willingly surrendered his last two months in office and all but abdicated—to the relief of his nation and the rest of the world. One reason so many are welcoming Trump's return is the universally desperate hope that his election spelled an end to a collective madness at home and its ripples abroad during the last four years. And why not? Nations overseas had never quite witnessed anything like the [...] https://amgreatness.com/2024/12/16/are-the-years-of-madness-ending/

JONATHAN TURLEY: What ABC's apology to Trump reveals about the media landscape [...] So what happened? Well, two things and both are related to the timing of the settlement. [...] https://www.foxnews.com/opinion/jonathan-turley-what-abcs-apology-trump-reveals-about-media-landscape

Veterinarian's Clever Trick for Transporting Cats Who Hate Carriers Works Like a Charm Cats are so sweet sometimes. If you catch them on a good day, they're just about the cuddliest little babies in history. They adore you, they love to cuddle, and they love life in general. When the carrier comes out, however, so do the claws, and cat parents have spent decades trying to find a way to stay safe when it's time for transport. Recently, one veterinarian was taking her own cat in so she could perform a semi-annual checkup when she shared her tip with us. Her cat hates the carrier, so she found another solution that works just as well: [...] https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/veterinarians-clever-trick-transporting-cats-170000892.html

Scintillating Monday repartee, yawn man. ------- Thrilling Monday report, see man: Skooled Mini-B., then blew back to casa to prep self for Uncle T-B.'s doc caucus, prepped we man. Uncle T-B.'s knee completely arthritic with no cartilage, no surprise man. Replacement inadvisable, forget that man. Pain-management recommended, only option man. Uncle T-B. got shot of meat-tenderizer, relief for 2 or Many days anyway man. After off-dropping Uncle T-B., we embarked on Mama T-B.'s errands, dutiful we man. Mama T-B. then kept us for 2 hours as she tried on Many (2+2) slippers multiple times each, man. She finally decided on 2 pairs but did not sound thrilled, buzzkill man. She then began lecturing us about long-standing topics, not the time or place man. We had eaten nothing and were about to fall over, lightheaded we man. After extricating ourself, we went to Walmart Optical to get lenses ordered, si to See man. The good news is that they can do everything on the Rx, Nikon focus included man. The bad news is that it costs $Many00 -- si man, $Many00 -- man. The good news is that we didn't have to surrender our current frames, everything traced right there man. We were afraid that we'd have to wear an obsolete pair until the new lenses arrived, OK then man. By now, it was well after 2 p.m., nothing eaten by we man man. At the casa, we serviced demanding miu and decided to siesta, always a priority man. Awoke in time to de-skool Mini-B., retrieve we man wee man man. Din-din was bagged salad + hot dogs, ingest Two Guys man. Mini-B. desserted on donated chocolate cake from Mama T-B., dessert wee man. After din-din, some backyard football was participated in, still enough sunlight therefor man. Movie night was the 2 recent Georgie & Mandy episodes, watch Two Guys man. Many (2+1) bowls of Costco popcorn were consumed, ingest Two Guys man. This is a good start toward weekly popcorn quota, agree Two Guys man. Got Mini-B. embedded, resistant wee man to zzz man man. We have 2 doc caucuses on Tuesday, orthopedic and ENT man. We then plan a siesta, great way to celebrate any day man. And that was/is our thrilling Monday, report we man.

Interesting. Comments? (Note: Idi Amin was my favorite dictator.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What Assad can expect from a life in political exile After more than two decades in power and countless lives lost, Bashar al-Assad has fled to Moscow with his family. But when regimes collapse and bloodthirsty dictators end up abroad, what happens next? Just as tyrants themselves differ, so does their time in exile. The former Nicaraguan dictator Anastasio Somoza Debayle was shot to death shortly after fleeing, while Juan Perón managed to retake power in Argentina after spending 18 years in exile. Most rulers end up in-between, living a life of comparative safety and relative irrelevance. [...] https://www.yahoo.com/news/assad-expect-life-political-exile-170000797.html

He'll find a way to clean out the offenders at least, and optimally to apply due retribution.

Crooks will always find a way to scam.

But Camden is where they stick the enema-tube!

At least you have it on record that you tried. If your fiancé is given flak, he should stand up for himself consequent to your efforts. Be sure that he has copies of what you e-mailed.