csh2020

UPDATE: She contacted me this morning and wanted to meet in a public place. She moved about two hours away with a friend and even quit her job here and accepted another job there where she is staying. She would not give me the address or any other information. The only information that I have is the city where she is residing. She said that I am quick to jump toward a divorce and that a divorce would certainly result in her deportation. I kept asking her how she is connecting the two: divorce and immigration? She proposed that we stay married so that I can maintain my housing (remember I am a pastor, and we live in a parsonage) and that I have to think about my 15-year-old daughter. She said if an ICE officer were to stop her that I would be the first person that they would call being her husband but if I were no longer her husband, then they would not call me. She mentioned Trump and the laws reversing TPS (remember she was born in Nicaragua) and she recognizes that she would be deported there in spite of her having lived in Costa Rica most of her life (because her Asylum claim is based on her Nicaraguan citizenship). She said if I divorce her then she might as well turn herself into immigration. She wants to continue living two hours away while working and to travel here (while driving with no license) to have "Monday dates" while getting to know me, though she barely calls or texts. I asked her repeatedly why she wants to remain married. She said it was because she wants to spend time getting to know me better. She also wants to keep her address here and keep receiving mail at this address. I asked her if she loves me, and she did not answer. I asked her why she left, and she said because I yell at her. I have never yelled at her. I treated her like a queen. The day she left I brought roses because I was truly trying to save our marriage and that was a week after she said she no longer wants to have intimacy. I have an appointment with an attorney in the morning and I really want to annul this marriage and I'm hoping I have grounds. She tried to make me feel guilty like it would be my fault if she gets killed in Nicaragua. This is so much to process, and it is stressing me out like one would not believe. And she did hug me before we left but it was more of a brotherly type of hug. Basically, I understand that she wants to live as a single person while making the government believe that we are cohabitating and for me to live as a single man while reaping the benefits of housing. What I believe is that she is scared and desperate. And if she gets killed, she said I will stand in judgment of God. Please respond. I really need to hear your thoughts.

One more question: I am going to send the withdrawal letter in the morning via certified mail after getting it notarized today. I have two versions. One version reads as: I am writing to withdraw the I-130 PETITION FOR ALIEN RELATIVE, filed on behalf of my wife, (name). Receipt # XXX and A# XXX, notice date: (date of notice of action). I married her out of good faith and true love on my part on (date of the wedding), but I discovered through many of her words and actions that it was not reciprocated. Therefore, I have plenty of reasons to believe that she may not have married me for the right reasons. We are furthermore not physically nor emotionally compatible. She abandoned our marriage by moving out of our home, by not saying anything to anyone. I have no idea where she is. So, I will be filing for a divorce or annulment asap. The second version is simpler: I am writing to withdraw the I-130 PETITION FOR ALIEN RELATIVE, filed on behalf of my wife, (name). Receipt # XXX and A# XXX, notice date: (date of notice of action) because the marriage is not viable. We are not physically emotionally compatible. She has abandoned the marriage and so I plan to file for a divorce or annulment. The reason I ask this question is that I am not vindictive, and I do not wish to cause unnecessary harm to her. I just have to wonder if the first version comes across as a bit accusatory. I suspect that she married me for a Green Card (as evidence shows) but I can't prove it beyond a doubt. At this point I am willing to let bygones be bygones. BTW: I need to correct myself and say that the FB posting about her boyfriend was over a year before we met. I read the date wrong. It was posted Feb 2023 not Feb 2024 (the year we met). So, I won't even bring that part up in the divorce/annulment or to UCSIS. There is no need because it is a non-issue. I just want to keep things simple and move on with my life. The marriage is over for certain. Enough people were harmed by this. Thoughts?

I stand corrected. It was December of 2024. The marriage lasted about 6 months since July 2024. We actually lived together less than 4 of those months since she would not move in until September. Sorry, I'm in a cloud and type the wrong year.

Here is what I wrote... I am writing to withdraw the I-130 petition filed on behalf of my wife, (her name) in December 2023. Receipt no: XXXX and A# XXXX. I married her out of good faith and true love on my part, but I discovered through many of her words and actions that it was not reciprocated. Please see the attached discovery. I have other reasons to believe that she did not marry me for the right reasons. Moreover, we are not physically or emotionally compatible. She abandoned our marriage by moving out of our home as of yesterday not saying anything to anyone. I have no idea where she is. So, I will be filing for a divorce or annulment asap.

I am about 90% sure. They were ready to put me out over marrying so quickly because it calls into question my "fitness to lead" based on an impulsive judgment. I told them that I am certain that I made a good decision and that if it fails then I will step down and never pastor again. I put my reputation and position on the line for her because I truly had no idea that this would happen.

One last question. At which point should I change my social media? Because there are still photos of us, and I'm listed as married on FB. I'm not sure if it is a big deal or not but I do not want to look complicit at this point. But I still have to keep this hush hush from the church for at least a few weeks to have room to sort this all out. Remember, my housing is connected to this marriage not failing.

She messed up because now immigration doesn't know where she is. Neither do I.

Last question. How much information would you give USCIS? I'm debating on telling them everything or just saying we were incompatible, divorcing her and washing my hands of the whole thing. That is the only hesitation of withdrawing the petition. Remember that I just filed it in December. So, it hasn't even been reviewed yet. I only filed the I-130 and not the I-485 for purposes of merely establishing that a marriage exists. So, very little has been done at this point.

And what's more is when she would take photos, it would be of herself or with my daughter. I always had to ask her to take one with me. When she would post on social media, she would rarely post one of us together. It was always me doing the posting of us as a couple, though she posted lots of pictures of herself and her with friends. I also found that to be quite odd. She was also extremely secretive with her phone. I could not even dare to ask her who she was talking to, or she would go into a meltdown thinking I am being "toxic." Everything she did, including the money she made and how she spent it remained a secret. I could not question anything whatsoever. Nothing shared. She had a separate life with her own plans.

Even though she married me for illegitimate reasons, I do think she does care about me though not in a romantic sort of way. I think she grew to care about me as would anyone living with another person. But I didn't reveal the part where when we were intimate that she would cover her face with a pillow. She told me that she has been violated in the past and I thought that was the reason but now I am questioning everything. The post about the other person was from a page that she no longer uses, and she posted in February 2023, four months before she married me. I think you are right that I should include it but just seems to be vengeful to do that and I am not a spiteful person. I try to get along with everyone and not try and cause harm. I'm truly trying to process this whole thing, and I will send take action very promptly, but I also want to think it through before doing so. I have to sleep at night with my conscience, you know. The last thing I want to do is harm a desperate immigrant woman.

How do I write the letter? Do I email it? Regular mail? Who do I send it to? I have no idea how to do it.

If that is the case, then she has certainly been coached because she isn't intelligent enough to figure that out. She is just a country girl from Nicaragua/Costa Rica. She is not highly educated.

I'm a little confused as to church wedding could strengthen the case of making it look bona fide? Since we were legally married in June (church wedding September), then wouldn't UCSIS look only at the legal wedding? This has been the question floating in my mind. If it was fraud her part (which I believe it was), then why go through the hassle and expense of a church wedding? It would seem that she would want me to spend the money on her immigration case rather than on a wedding. I'm just trying to figure out that piece of the puzzle.

An annulment would bar her from doing this again? Thanks for that information. I'm trying to protect the next poor sap. Would you think a divorce and withdrawing the petition would do the same thing?

Thank you so much. You live just up the road. I just moved back to East Tennessee from Nashville. What I am going to do is build a support network of friends and try and get busy while trying not to lose everything in the process. Again, I'm not thinking of sponsoring anyone else. If I can position myself, I will probably not remarry and if I do, it will be preferably an American citizen because I'm tired of all of this BS with immigration. Some of these people will go to great lengths to get into this country. She slept on the streets of Mexico for 30 days in the freezing cold with only a sheet and nearly died. She did that after leaving her "true love" behind in Costar Rica. So, if she can do that just to get a slice of the American pie, then I'm sure she is capable of defrauding a USC.

I am going to be extra cautious the next time. And in fact, my next partner will be an American citizen. I'm pretty much done with this whole immigration thing. It is like my son says, with an American, there is zero chance they are looking for a Green Card, but I do know that women (and men) in general are looking for other benefits. So, no more jumping into marriages so quickly.

Thank you for your encouragement. I'm not sure that I will do that because, while I do not want to harm her, I also do not want to put here in a place to victimize another USC. This needs to put a red flag on her UCSIS immigration papers. I'm not vindictive but I am truly upset that we were played like this and my 15-year-old daughter got hurt. That is the worst thing of all. This has strengthened my stance on illegal immigration because I now see evidence of how it is harmful.

Her true feelings were confirmed when I came home to find all of her belongings gone; closets cleaned out without even saying anything. My 15-year-old daughter is hurt over it because she won her over. She would hug her every morning before school and yet, this person left without even as much as saying bye.

Here is an update. She was off work yesterday. When I got home, all of her clothes were gone, and she took her car. No texts. No responses. I have no idea where she went or where she is. But she obviously panicked when I mentioned court. None of this make sense. I am trying to work, I had trouble sleeping last night, and I am in a cloud of confusion. What's worse is that I am a pastor and nearly lost my church (and housing) over marrying her too quickly. I had to do a lot of convincing for them to allow me to stay. With this happening, I will surely have to leave (which means my 15-year-old daughter and I will lose our housing). It is adding to stress because I am now faced with holding off as long as I can from telling the church leaders (luckily, she never attends because she is always working. So, they will assume... but that can only go so long until they find out she left). So, I have to continue preaching on Sunday without telling anyone. I will tell them but I'm trying to scramble to make a plan. My 15-year-old daughter loved her, and she is really hurt over this because this woman just vanished without saying anything while leaving us holding the bag. This is an example how real lives can be affected by immigration fraud. When I file for divorce, they may end up having to find her to serve her. I have no idea but one would hope that a divorce judge will understand that and grant the divorce based on her going AWOL.

But if the petition is pulled, does is that considered as "sponsoring" her? Since it wasn't even reviewed?

Let me add that I have already sponsored one immigrant spouse while she was in her home country, and we were together 7 years. If I withdraw this petition (just filed in December), will that disqualify me from future petitions if I ever meet anyone else? Not looking but just wondering how that might go.

She is 42 and I am 54. So, we are both adults. I just feel that she has used excuses to avoid me since we met, which makes me highly suspicious. I know if I am suspicious then certainly an immigration officer will be suspicious. My last thread needs correction: she is talking about going back to Costa Rica but then said last night that she can't.

Greetings, Fellow VJers. I just posted a few days ago and I hope it is okay to post again (not the same topic). My wife and I married in July through the courthouse after only having met two weeks earlier. I am a UCS, and she is from Nicaragua but lived in Costa Rica since she was a kid. She applied for asylum at the border when paroled on the basis of her Nicaraguan citizenship. She lived in another state about three hours away. I admit marrying that quickly was a rash decision, and I did not know or understand the parole/asylum process. After we married, she did not want to move in with me immediately because her church told her that we weren’t really married until we married through the church (so she said). So, we had very little relations. When she came to visit my house, she would bring a friend and she and I would sleep in separate rooms. I spent 18,000 on the wedding pulled from my retirement. We got married through the church in September. It was a beautiful wedding. She proclaimed her love and even sang to me! She moved in and then quickly went to work that took her out of the home over 15 hours a day, four days a week. I’m a pastor of a church and she conveniently worked during church time (an English-speaking church). While away, she does not text me at all. 15 hours go by with radio silence. Even when she is home, she does not text me and often is slow answering my texts. I have noticed a pattern in her behavior. In front of my family, her church, or anyone else in public, she is affectionate but in private she doesn’t even want me to put my arm around her at night. She only gives me a peck when she kisses me, and it is usually limited to one or two a day. Last week, things finally came to a head. She literally said to me that she wants to be married for the sake of the church and my kids but in private, we are not mates and even invited me to go out and fill my needs elsewhere if I need it because we are not doing anything else. When I tell her I love her, she doesn’t respond and says it is not something that she says often – though she tells everyone else, family members including my daughter that she loves them without a problem. Then I found on an old Facebook page her proclaiming love for a man in Costa Rica who she has been with for over 15 years and that was only four months before she met me. She said that one day they will be back together, and their hearts will beat as one. She is not active on that page, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt that it was a past love. I don’t want to get so personal here and air out my laundry, but many of you have seen and experienced this type of thing. I told her today that I’m thinking about a divorce based on the lack of communication, the feeling that she has avoided me since we met and the lack of affection (no touching, no holding, no kissing, very limited physical contact). When I brought up the word court, instead of taking it in context of what I meant – divorce court – she immediately assumed that I meant immigration court and went into a whole tirade about how she doesn’t need (…) papers. I am a pastor, and we live in a parsonage. I have put my whole life, my retirement and even my housing on the line for her and I am getting suspicious because the evidence is beginning to point in that direction. What are your thoughts? I'll probably need therapy after this, but I know that you all are familiar with this sort of thing. Your thoughts are appreciated.

Greetings, fellow VJers. Last summer, my wife and I married here in the United States. I am a USC, and she was born in Nicaragua. I didn't fully understand her status at that time. Turns out, she crossed the border, was detained and paroled. She was given a parole stamp and an appointment. An attorney also helped her start an Asylum petition based on her Nicaraguan citizenship. I think that Nicaragua was on the list as one of the asylum countries (along with Cuba, Venezuela, Haiti, and a few others). If I understand correctly that asylum country list has been suspended under the present administration. I took her to her Master hearing appointment in her state and she petition for a change of address based on her being married to me (I indicated on the change of address form that I am a UCS) that she resides in our state. The judge approved it and extended her next hearing date for 2026. That gave us time to get the I-130 started. I filed the petition in December 2023. I also included a notarized bona fide affidavit to accompany the petition, because I knew that she was facing deportation while seeking asylum. However, I didn't know it fully- or understand it fully until after we married. We kept the asylum case open while applying for the CR-1 visa. We know quite well that we will likely face extra scrutiny because of her status. So, we are mentally preparing for it. The latest is that she just learned that her sister is terminally ill and has been hospitalized. She is now talking about self-deporting and for me to continue the petition from here because she knows that, once she leaves the USA, she will not be able to return unless approved. Quite frankly, I am not in favor of her leaving, but I do understand that family is important and also her being home and I'm even thinking that applying while she is in her home country might make thing go a little easier with UCSIS, though I'm not certain. Here is the question: I've already filed the petition. So, if she goes home, do I withdraw this I-130 petition and start a new one as filing to bring her back? Or is there any way to adjust the current petition already filed by indicating that she returned home? Either way, UCSIS will have to be notified that she is not in the USA. Or is it even necessary to make changes? Do we address them later as the case proceeds? Will her going home make things go smoother even given the fact that she did cross the border but was technically in the authorized since she was paroled with a pending asylum petition? We are also quite aware that those laws are quickly changing. I am a professional and a law-abiding citizen and I always want to do things the right way, which is why I am coming on here to ask for opinions based on your own knowledge.

Hello VJers. Is it better to file an I-130 online or by paper? Does it make a difference? They have changed a lot since I filed several years ago and I just want to make sure. Thanks for your input.