csh2020

UPDATE: Thank you all for your words of encouragement and, quite frankly, without VJ, I may have stepped into a trap of a person who may or may not be trying to formulate a VAWA (something I would have never known had it not been for VJ). She was served with divorce papers, and we are no longer corresponding. I haven't heard anything from her. My lawyer said that she will have to be contacted regarding a court date, but he may be able to send it to her last known address at best. At worst, we may have to run a publication for 30 days, which will cost more money. The local church and I met yesterday, and they unanimously approved my remaining. They said they did not trust her from the beginning, and they see it as I have "righted a wrong." Much to my surprise, they are actually supporting this divorce. I did petition to withdraw the I-130 a little over a month ago and I went into to the case status with the IOE number, but it is not showing as updated from December (showing case received). I don't know if there is anything else I can do other than just wait it out. I only sent the I-130 and nothing else. So, I only assuming that it will drop automatically anyway. I can't be stressed over UCSIS because I'm just wanting to walk away from this entire mess and move on with my life.

What you are saying is sobering. I was wondering why she tried so aggressively yesterday to get me to meet with her. She never texts me but then she was texting nonstop from about 2pm until about 7pm trying to persuade me to meet with her. The strange thing was that she would not accept meeting in public. It had to be at home. She was using every excuse in the book by saying things like she wants to see me one last time before she leaves for good (she supposedly has a ticket waiting on her), promising intimacy, and then saying she could come to sign papers. I told her to meet me at UPS to sign in front of a notary. She refused by only agreeing to meet at the house. She said that she could either spent the night or leave after saying proper goodbyes. After being told no, she said she was coming anyway. I told her it would be a wasted trip because I wouldn't be home. I told her I would be out working, which was true. I do some independent work on the side, so I keep myself busy. It had me stressed because I had no idea why this odd behavior. In either case, I got home later and spent the night at home. Didn't hear anything else. It was very odd because this aggressive behavior was coming from the same woman who avoided me for months. She said she had a lawyer and would leave the papers signed with him before leaving.

Thank you so much for the advice but frankly, I'm not concerned with my USCIS reputation because I won't be sponsoring any more immigrants for two reasons. First, it's highly doubtful that I will marry again and second, I'm really only open to American citizens when I'm ready to date again.

What does she stand to gain by building a VAWA? Educate me because I do not understand. People don't do things unless there is something in it for them. I can't see her as a spiteful person. She has to have something in it for herself.

Saying no is one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life because I truly love this woman. But I just have too much to lose, my job as a teacher, my 15-year-old daughter, my life. I can't replace those things. A woman who cannot tell me where she is working/staying and willing to lie to the government about her address, place or origin (Nicaragua for TPS purposes instead of Costar Rica) is one who is quite capable of a lot. It's also interesting that she never texts me at all but over the past three days, the texts have been machine gun one after the other in increments.

I just told her no. I don't want to see her. She said, bye and she will sign the papers. Okay. I just have to remain firm.

I'm just curious and learning. How do immigrants know about VAWA? I really think that is what this is. Again, thanks for VJ for educating me on this; otherwise, I would not have any idea and would probably agree to see her.

You think I'm being baited?

She is proclaiming her love for me. I told her love is expressed by honesty and openness. If she loves me then she will prove it by telling me where she is staying and working. She would not. I even told her that if she will tell me where she is living/working, I will consider dropping the divorce and working toward reconciliation. She still refused to tell me. Then about 10 minutes later, she pressured me into seeing her in person today. She knows that I will be home alone. She made all kinds of promises and told me that she will tell me where she is staying and working face-to-face. I told her that I need to know where she is living/working before she comes. Then turning it onto me by saying that I am choosing not to see her. I really don't know what she is doing by trying too hard to come here. I can't understand what the big secret is. Why can't she tell me where she is living/working via text or phone? Why does it have to be face-to-face. She said I'll understand why she didn't tell me when she does in person. I don't know. It seems that she is trying awfully hard to see me in person. This is the same woman who avoided me for months. I'm truly concerned that there is a motive. She has also stated that she left because I threatened her with immigration (not true, I never mentioned immigration but divorce court). She said that she left out of fear because I yelled at her. I never did yell. It was a disagreement - not even an argument. It is beginning to smell like a VAWA. Would an uneducated immigrant know about VAWA? Just curious. I told her that I will not see her unless she first tells me where she is living/working, and I want an address. Says she'll tell me when she gets here and gave me 30 minutes to respond. Thanks to Visa Journey, I learned about VAWA because, before participating in these forums, I never knew about it.

I haven't blocked her because she still has some things that she needs to pick up (tax forms, etc and she is saying that she is willing to sign the divorce agreement, which would make things easier. My attorney said that, even though she was served, she still has to be informed of the court date. If we can't locate her, then it will still have to be a publication - 30 days, which can cost a few more hundred dollars. I'm trying to save time and money. So, keeping her unblocked helps with planning to end this.

T-Bone, thank you for your words of encouragement. I must be honest and say that I have had moments of weakness, especially when she is asking to come home because I look back wondering if I made a mistake by filing for divorce and canceling the I-30 petition. Did I overreact? Does she really love me? Am I throwing away a woman who really does love me? Those are questions that are needling at me. It seems that now we are at the point of no return because the petition has been cancelled, I have already told the church boards and now in process of them making decisions of my fate as pastor, which will involve locating housing if the vote doesn't go in my favor (that is what I'm expecting to happen). Tradition and polity normally take precedence over grace in this ecclesiastical system. The damage has already been done. I went as far as I could by giving her opportunity after opportunity to return but she waited too late. Things would never be the same now. It's as one suffered irreparable tornado damage. She seems so convincing. But in these moments of weakness, I have to remind myself that she left over a disagreement and then stayed away for 2 months, wanted "weekly Monday dinner dates" for 30 minutes -1 hour with little to no contact between. And the avoidant behaviors before her leaving. What's more is I still do not know where she is or what she has been doing all this time. When she started texting, I had an attack yesterday while at work - severe headache, dizziness to the point of fainting, and trouble staying awake as if my body was shutting down. It might have been the onset of a stroke, I don't know. I went home and slept the rest of the evening and a full night and now I feel better. I just think it is too convenient that she did not want to come back until she got her EAD/SSN cards and now that she was served, she has upped the ante of wanting to come back. This is a woman who barely texted me even when we were together who now machine gun texts. It is stressful to say the least. I only wish I didn't love her but that is what makes it so difficult.

Now that she was served divorce papers, she is asking to come home and reconcile. My attorney predicted this would happen. She says that I have until the end of the month and if I decide no, then she will sign the divorce papers. She doesn't know that I cancelled the marriage visa petition with USCIS. Not surprised. And saying that she is in bad health because of this. I didn't choose to leave. It was her. I told her that apparently, she thinks gringos are gullible. Too old for games. If she signs, then the process will be over quicker and easier.

Thank you everyone for helping me navigate this process. Update: she showed up yesterday evening at a local meeting place and the process server served her. She kept saying that she was planning to come home yesterday and that she would never sign. I told her that her signature is not needed for a default divorce. She didn't make a scene but left immediately and blocked me on social media. Needless to say, last night was horrible because I do love this woman (it would be much easier if I didn't) but right is right at the end of the day. What has to be done has to be done. I don't want to harm anyone. I just want my daughter and me to be safe and okay and to move on. So, I guess the best thing to do now is let my attorney do his job and for me to begin channeling my energy into self-improvement so that I can be the father that my daughter needs and so that someone better may come along when the time is right. Feeling melancholy this morning but I will survive it. Thanks for your support because I truly feel part of this community and you all are awesome for that!

Keep you fingers crossed that today will go smoothly. I'm not looking forward to it at all. She and I are scheduled to meet in a public place for our "Monday meetings" and there, the process server will show up with divorce papers. After that, I'm blocking her because I'm pretty much done with the games and charades. What happens from that point forward is on her. My daughter and I were fine before I met her. We had housing for my pastoral salary. Now, that is in jeopardy. So, I'm angry with what this woman has put us through. After being done with this, I'll have to explain to the church board why I married a person whom I barely knew without coming to them first for wise counsel. The impulsive move nearly resulted in my removal and, after this, it likely will. There is a high probability that my daughter and I will have to locate housing because of this. This person was only interested in papers regardless of who is hurt in the process. That's just me thinking out loud. We'll make it through this but it's a process.

Thank you Ontarkie. Some of the things you said really made me think because it fits with the things that she has been saying. Yesterday, as I was working out, I got a text from her saying that she is really sick (bleeding in pain) and if I could take her to the doctor and for her to spend the night tonight and go back tomorrow (supposedly she is 2 hours away). (It's convenient for her to be sick after machine gun texting about coming home all evening). When she made that request, the only thing I could think of is what you had said about her trying to set up a VAWA. I had to go fully stoic, and I sent her a screenshot of the insurance card and told her to take herself and that I will see her Monday (when I plan to have her served with the divorce papers). Of course, she responded as one could imagine. Guilt tripping. But I ignored her. Stayed the course and said that I will see her Monday. Yes, I've got to shut off the emotions and get this done or my daughter and I both could end up paying a price. I'm pretty much done. Like I said, I'm exhausted with it and tired of this game. It's getting boring really fast.