homesick_american

My husband used to bring this up every time I wanted to eat beef. Now that I'm here and he's there, I'm eating more beef probably just in an effort to spite him.

Without seeming mean, I think you had better talk to your fiance and pretty pronto...

He came over from his country and gave up his life there to be with you.

You at least owe him some explanation!

Yup...that's similar to what happened to me and the more time that goes by, the less likely my husband and I are to reconcile because he is being a COWARD. That sort of behavior is extremely damaging and hurtful to your fiance. You owe it to him to figure out what the hell's going on and either fix it quickly. Interpret 'fix' any way you like.

I am a USC and spent 6 years in the UK (mostly studying). The job market can be very tough, the cost of living is higher, and salaries much lower. I have been back in the US for almost 2 years now and even though it means my fiance and I have to be a part, I don't regret it for one second. After I received my Masters, I went on about 20 job interviews all over the UK - I got one lousy job and I lasted 5 months, I couldnt take it any longer. I came back to the US to look for work and I had to fantastic offers in 2 days - earning double what I do in the UK.

I would never move back to the UK unless I was on an expat package and was transfered internally. It is just too expensive otherwise and your quality of life is much better in the US.

If you do end up having job issues, consider other locations within the US (I am from NJ but moved to Chicago for this job - I knew no one out here) before considering moving to the UK. IMHO of course.

Cheryl

Yup...I wouldn't bother with living in the UK for the reasons Cheryl discussed. She's 100% right.

My fiance is wholly dissatisfied with the state of Britain right now - pretty much with everything about how the country is run.

I'd be a helluva a lot prouder of Blair than I would of our own leadership debaucle.

Grass is always greener, I suppose. I have many friends who would gladly move to Canada or Europe if they only could get away from HIM.

That's kind of stupid and short-sighted. If all they want to do is to get away from Bush, all they have to do is be patient; he's out of there in January 2009. That's less than a year and a half away.

Blair is a slimy, smarmy, lying toad. He's no better than Bush. In fact, he's worse. He's at least smart enough to know better.

I always hate when the paps do this sort of thing...it's like they have to search for a flaw just to point out as if to knock the person down. But they do it because it sells....and many people all over the place are going to relish in her imperfection out of their own insecurities.

True, but she just makes it so easy. Plus, those photos are pretty shocking; those legs belong to someone my age. *shudder* Yikes. The sad thing is that that's not really fixable and it'll only get worse over time.

It just goes to show how crazy we are...first, we build em up, then we knock em down.

Pretty much, yup.

just wondering why ppl are always so willing to speed but never want to pay the consequences for speeding, like speeding tickets.. you broke the law, and if you got caught you should have to pay... it only makes sense... its not like speed limits are random numbers, they are there for a reason... just wondering...

Yeah, I wonder that too.

I've only gotten one truly bogus ticket in my life; that was a "speeding" ticket outside of Waco, Texas; my cruise was set firmly at 72mph in a 70mph zone. Cops in Texas won't usually bother with someone going less than 5mph over the posted limit. I was driving north on I-35 and a red sports car passed me on the right (that's illegal) going about 85mph, I estimated. A highway patrolman going south on I-35 turned around in the median and pulled me over. He said I was going 87mph. I told him that he must have confused my white 1994 Plymouth Sundance with the red Ferrari that had just flown past me. He clocked the Ferrari but pulled ME over. It was total, utter, complete B.S. I was willing to cop to going 2mph over the posted speed limit but that's ALL. He actually looked me in the eye and said "Ma'am, don't lie to me; you were going almost 90 goddamn miles per hour." Rubbish! I couldn't take time off to go to court either since Waco is 100 miles north of where I was living and I was a student doing a summer job so I wasn't making much money.

Another ticket was slightly bogus; I made a right turn on red and there was a sign saying I couldn't, but in my defense it was obscured by a tree. The cop admitted it and ripped up the ticket but still popped me for not having my insurance card. That WAS my fault. The other ticket I got was not bogus; my tail lights were out. I didn't realize they were out, but they were; it's illegal; and I couldn't get out of it. No sympathy for me, but I'm used to that!

I always hate when the paps do this sort of thing...it's like they have to search for a flaw just to point out as if to knock the person down. But they do it because it sells....and many people all over the place are going to relish in her imperfection out of their own insecurities.

True, but she just makes it so easy. Plus, those photos are pretty shocking; those legs belong to someone my age. *shudder* Yikes. The sad thing is that that's not really fixable and it'll only get worse over time.

good to see you online. how are you taking things?

The more time that goes by, the less I want my husband to join me over here. Right now if he came I'd let him stay, but I don't think there's much if any hope for our relationship...and I'm OK with that.

I understand how he feels; I thought the UK was a miserable country and I was miserable over there. My life has improved tremendously in the 3.5 weeks that I've been here; I have recruiters fighting over me for jobs, I've made a ton of friends, and the standard of living is just so much higher here than over there; there's really no comparison. I was insane for moving to the UK; the only good thing I can say about the time I spent there is that I made a good chunk of money off the sale of my house. That's about it. I have no desire to return to the UK in the short term and if I never set foot in that country again, I could deal with that.

Having said that...I don't think it's a good idea for him to renounce his citizenship. Usually it's a reversible decision but it's not easy to do and he could always change his mind in 5, 10, 15 years. I think he should keep his UK passport. It isn't as if he will have many if any obligations in the UK. He can just tuck his UK passport in a drawer and let it gather dust, but I'm a firm believer in keeping one's options open. I'm quite happy to let my permanent resident visa lapse, but I'm not British. I never turned my back on my native country and I never would.

Renting can be an option but you should use a broker to rent your house so they can market it for you and do the maintenance since you don't want to have to deal with that from overseas. The downside of that is that they take a chunk of your monthly rent payment for that and if you've just bought the house recently (within the last couple of years) you may find that you can barely cover the mortgage payment.

Also, with the Bank of England threatening to raise interest rates there could be a slowdown on the cards for the UK market. Your house is VERY reasonably priced and well within the affordable range for a lot of people including first-time buyers but every interest rate hike makes real estate less affordable for buyers. Plus the psychology of the market could shift and people could hold off on buying, expecting a fall. Right now prices are still going up, but the York market started to skid while our house was on the market. In our old neighborhood there are still houses on the market that have been on the market for almost a year and the general feeling around there was one of pending gloom. Then again, York is not a wealthy area and thousands of jobs have vanished just in the last couple of years so that's having a knock-on effect.

I'd be patient; six weeks is not really that long and with the introduction of HIPs the market is being flooded with property so there's a lot more competition. You could try multiple listings with multiple estate agents but make sure the house only appears once on rightmove.co.uk and that there isn't a forest of 'For Sale' boards out front because it makes you look desperate. The commissions will go way up on a multiple listing but in our case it was the right thing to do. We had ours on with three estate agents and did sell it. We had it on with Hunters for a while and they are RUBBISH. I see you're not on with them but if you're considering multiple listings then my advice is to steer clear of Hunters. Right Move were OK; they didn't sell our house but they had lots of people coming through the door. Rentons were the ones who sold our house in the end. They're part of the Countrywide group of realtors and they trade under the 'Bridgford' or 'Evans & Evans' name in Manchester. I can't say anything about those two organizations but we were VERY impressed with Rentons. In the end they sold our house and that's all that matters, but they were also reachable at all times during business hours and they kept us up to date at every stage of the sale.

Uh people in the UK DO make cheeky offers. We had an offer for 20k GBP below our original 195k asking price.

That's fine - at least it opens the doors for talks! I love to negotiate.

We eventually lowered the price to 185k and accepted an offer at 180k. The estate agent did all the negotiating though. We sure paid him enough to!

I don't think it's a big deal. Age is just a number. Course, I'm older than my fiance, but we get along better as a couple than I've ever gotten along with anyone.

Just a side note, I don't know much about you or your marriage and it's not my business, but often times a marriage is over long before it's over. So if you want to move

on, you are the only one who can make that call.

Yes, I am.

I do often wonder why the hell I continue to post here when some people are so extraordinarily judgmental. Not you necessarily; just some people. It seems that some people in exactly the same situation get a lot of cooing and sympathy, whereas I get kicked in the head. Funnily enough it doesn't bother me anymore; kick away.

Well, in Brazil if you order a .99 cent hamburguer from the dollar menu, it actually costs .99 cents, and not 1.08, which makes a difference if you only have a one dollar bill (has happened to me as a student).

Sales tax is different from state to state and even city to city. That's why it's not included in the price; we do expect people to be capable of simple arithmetic.

It certainly looks a nice house. The one thing about it which might stop me making an offer if I was in the market is the offers in access of. It conveys a certain amount of unknown about what you might accept whereas if potential buyers are viewing other houses which have the normal maximum asking price shown at least they know what the price is the seller will accept. With yours they don't known that, and that might put them off making an offer.

It is a bit of psychology. The person who brought our house paid 5 grand less then the asking price, but 5 grand more than the agent said it would probably make. They were happy because they had managed to get it below the asking price and to them saved money. Offers in access of doesn't give a potential buyer that possibility. Just my 2 cents worth, if it is worth that.

Thanks for your suggestion. Well we had it on the market for 134,950 with our a first estate agent and our new agent suggested the whole offers over situation. I was never really familiar with it and thought it was just the system that was done in Scotland. I think if we dont have an offer in a few weeks, we will reevaluate the price. I would be perfectly happy with 129 or even slightly less at this point!

I also think in the US that people are a bit more bold, putting in cheeky offers, etc. Whereas in the UK, people seem not to dare. I'd be happy with a cheeky offer - at least it is a starting point for negotiation!

Uh people in the UK DO make cheeky offers. We had an offer for 20k GBP below our original 195k asking price.

I'd kill for a beef stew with dumplings ready meal from Sainsbury's right now. Those were delicious.

Did you have to mention those, I used to take one into work when I was doing an over night at Heathrow. I had managed to put them out of my mind now I'll spend weeks wanting one again

Sowwee.

What do you think of a 26 year-old man dating a 32 year-old woman?

why does it matter what anyone on vj thinks? do what you feel is right and damn the naysayers.

Yup; this is pretty much exactly what I thought would happen.

Being single for awhile after being in long term relationship is a good thing, IMO.

Hey, it's not like I'm going to jump in the sack with the guy. He's nice, we hit it off. End of.

If either of you develop feelings for each other it will be another beginning, not an end.

Yep. Every day that goes by gets me to thinking about the state of my marriage with my husband. Basically, the guy is afraid of everything; afraid of his own damned shadow. He needs to visit a THERAPIST so he can figure out how he feels about himself and the state of our relationship. We've been in marriage counseling before and he has serious communication issues.

In the months before the move he was on the phone with his sister, his uncle, his mom...while he was at work so I wouldn't know...and even called my mother from his OFFICE to bawl to her about how SCARED he was of life in general. Basically the guy's having a damned nervous breakdown and he's never been strong anyway, but when I think about having kids with this guy and dealing with his evil mother for the rest of my life I just plain don't want to do it. I did not want to be married to a #####...I never wanted that. I thought he was just sensitive. Nope...he's a ##### and a coward. He talked to everybody EXCEPT me, so there's the 'communication issue' right there. I can be as communicative as I can be but if he's not communicative back, there's nothing I can do about that. I'm not going to tie him to a chair and pull his fingernails out to get him to talk to me because that's not how adults do things.

He lied to me about being OK with the move to the United States...he feigned enthusiasm for it for literally YEARS. He lied to me about his mother; I had felt for years that she did not like me and he lied and said she did and had told him as much, when in fact she loathed me and had been working behind the scenes for YEARS to break up our marriage. He lied to me about quitting his job; he actually took two weeks annual leave in the run up to our departure from the United Kingdom to keep up the ruse and EVEN BOUGHT HIMSELF LEAVING GIFTS AND FAKED A GOODBYE CARD FROM HIS TEAM. I woke up the morning the movers were coming and he was GONE. No note, no nothing. I had no clue where he'd gone. None. I had to call his MOTHER'S CELL PHONE to track his butt down. When I spoke to him he said he 'loved' me but was not 'in love' with me, he'd talked to a solicitor about a divorce, he had already told our solicitor to split the proceeds of our house sale 50/50 and even lied to the solicitor about my knowledge of this...he said I had agreed to it when in fact I knew nothing about it...and then had the nerve to call me the next morning, saying he'd 'made a mistake' and he'd 'changed his mind' about coming to America. So, I told him to hurry up and get his ### over to the house. I wasn't aware of the level of his deception yet. He calls an hour later and says he changed his mind AGAIN. Of course, his mother was staying at the bed and breakfast with him, since I'd told him not to bother coming home because he wasn't welcome there. So clearly, his mother heard every bit of his conversation with me and during the hour between his two calls to me had told him that if he went to America with me, she'd never speak to him again. He's terrified of his mother. I told him to get his a$$ over to the house and get his stuff the #### out of there, since I'd told the movers not to bother with it. Because of him we were 2 hours late handing the keys over to the new owners and they were FURIOUS. It was humiliating.

I had to fly back from the UK minus my husband, who was under his mother's thumb the entire two days between closing on the house and flying out of Heathrow. I couldn't contact him and he couldn't contact me. I called him the next day and the sonofab!tch was at WORK. At his DESK. Said he 'wants to want to come' to the United States.

Is it sinking in for anyone here just what kind of person my husband ACTUALLY is? Give him a chance to CHANGE? People don't change and even if he did, why the hell should I forgive him for what he did? Hell, I wish he'd just cheated on me; that would at least be NORMAL.

Nice house

I guess your selling up to move to USA. I can't see the words "No Chain" on the website anywhere might be a good idea to put that on.

Good point!

Being single for awhile after being in long term relationship is a good thing, IMO.

Hey, it's not like I'm going to jump in the sack with the guy. He's nice, we hit it off. End of.

Well I've only been separated a month and there's still a chance of reconciliation but I think that chance is getting smaller by the day.

Even less chance if you don't give him a chance to change.

With all due respect devilette, you don't know me and you definitely don't know my husband. Nobody in my life who knows us thinks that he will change. Pretty much everybody has told me to move on with my life. I think I've been MORE than fair. It has been almost a month...in fact, it will be four weeks tomorrow since we've seen each other...and on any of those days he could have gotten on a plane and come over here. Instead, he has stayed in England, bickered with me about money, worked at the job that he LIED to me about quitting, and in general been a miserable sod. I don't think I should ever trust him and I'm certainly not going to take advice from YOU about my marriage.

Do me a favor...where I am concerned, please keep your opinions to yourself in the future. I am not really interested in anything you have to say to me because it is without exception rude, cruel, or just plain low-class.

We put ours on the market in November 2006 and accepted an offer in early April 2007; we closed in late June 2007. It took a LONG time to sell the place and we had to drop the price.

Six weeks is nuffink. I understand your frustration but you don't want to list with too many agents. Too many boards in the front yard = desperation.

BTW I had a look at your listing and it looks like a nice house at a reasonable price. I hope it sells soon!

Well I've only been separated a month and there's still a chance of reconciliation but I think that chance is getting smaller by the day.

There was definitely chemistry.

What do you think of a 26 year-old man dating a 32 year-old woman?

I think socio-economic background is at least as strongly correlated, if not more so, than race when it comes to criminality. The POOR are more likely to be incarcerated for sure, no matter what color they are.

Agreed. And it also just happens to be that many of the poorest communities are actually in inner-cities - and which tend to be home to substantial minority populations.

Therein lies the rub.

Oh well...tough titties.