kiwibean

Even if you were to sign something saying you'd pay them back, life has a way of upending even the best laid plans. What if you were in a car accident and seriously injured? Most of the time it's the government coming after sponsors to pay back public assistance. The government does what it does, and it's a hard beast to go up against.

Ugh, I got caught in this. I now always try to show them my US passport when leaving the country, but it doesn't always work. I'm a dual citizen, and was pulled into secondary screening at immigration coming back into the US, because I had used my NZ passport. I assume it must have been leaving the US? Because I can't see that NZ immigration was sharing information with them about which passport I entered NZ on. They told me I had to ALWAYS use my US passport to travel. (Best part about this - my kids were both with me. My son was about 7. We're sitting in the very quiet room with all the detained people. No one was allowed to use electronics, so my kids are just looking around the room. My son asks me, quite loudly "Mom, what's sexual assault?" Thank you to the poster that told you who to call if the immigration officer sexually assaulted you!)

I just got one of those too. They ask for some pretty detailed information! I did some research and it is legit. Apparently legally you have to answer it, but there aren't really any penalties for not doing it

The advice for choosing a college is to go where they show they want you. And the US is doing a bad job of that! Maybe suggest to Microsoft that you're also open to moving to another country? But if you can get a visa for Canada it does sound like a good choice! Or Australia, NZ, UK - anywhere that is going to be better than fighting an uphill battle with the US immigration system (given where you are now)

This is a little to the side of your topic - because of course you should be eating. But I can answer part of the question. When I first came and my husband and I were newly-weds, he didn't do very well at helping me adjust to life here. He just went about his normal every day and didn't give much consideration to the fact that I now I had no life (having given up my job and all such things). I had no money and we had very little furniture. I stayed at home and watched daytime TV until it drove me crazy (about a day!). Then I realized I had to learn to occupy myself somehow. I became very good at taking the bus places. I went to library programs and other free events. Honestly, I wish I'd been able to express to my husband that he needed to do a better job of keeping me company outside of work hours. He was so used to me being far away, that he kind of figured I'd do my own thing -and he kept doing his own thing, and hung out with friends after work and such. But my own thing was nothing! I hope you can have those discussions with your husband. It doesn't mean you have to be each other's shadow, but he needs to be taking you into consideration every day.

It seems unnecessarily risky. Passports aren't backed up anymore - they're coming in about 2 weeks. Why not just wait and get it in hand first?

And I just wanted to emphasize that once you file to adjust from within the US he can't travel until the AP is approved. I don't know how long that is taking currently, but it's months and months. So if something happened to his parent in that time he'd be not able to leave (well, he could leave, he just couldn't come back again). You could also marry and not file any paperwork yet, if the sick parent is at a critical stage. You'd be married, and he'd be on his H-2B and nothing would change* (*I'd take others advice on this too - by marrying alone you shouldn't show immigration intent so should still be fine on the H2-B. I believe!)

My only comment is that the ceremonies can be LONG. Maybe they've shortened them post-covid, but all the ones I've been to took a long time to get done. Once you get through all the speeches and such, then you have to wait to get the actual certificate. It could be stressful for you if your toddler likes to be on the move. It's not like you can just get up and leave if your toddler wants to move around.

There's a chance he could get a B visitor's visa. I mean, maybe not a great one, but it's worth a try. Focus on what you can do to make that application tight. -what ties does he have to his home country? Job, family, rent/mortgage, that type of thing -has he traveled to other places and successfully come back (ie a history of obeying visa rules) This might be a long-term process, but love and immigration often are.

I think part of it depends on where you might be able to find a job. You can always start in one state and then move to another later on. I'd look for a lower cost of living, and a robust economy for whatever type of job you hope to have. I don't know what climate you're used to, but learning to live with snow when you've never seen it can be an adjustment (it was for me!)

Definitely health insurance/travel insurance. They're generally bundled together for a trip like this, and fairly cost effective. I don't think anyone should come on a visit to the US without health insurance. No matter how young or healthy you are, you never know what accidents might occur.

Me too! So many people seem to have this entitlement, that they "own" the spouses green card/visa because the spouse got it through marriage to them. Nope! The green card belongs to the immigrant and no longer has anything to do with the US citizen. Can you imagine how many bitter letters USCIS has to read every year?

When I finished university I came to visit my boyfriend for 3 months. I had no job, no ties to my country, really. No-one blinked an eye. It's only now I realize I was probably lucky to get in! But I came for three months, went back home again. I wanted to try it out and see if I'd be OK living in the US. There's a lot of privilege in being a white woman from a safe country like NZ/Australia. You might be surprised at what your privilege will get you, especially with the evidence that you are leaving again. Just be prepared to be stopped and potentially denied, I guess! (we later got married and moved to the US, all very legally)

There are also temporary work visas - think like camp counselor or ski lift operator. That would allow you to spend some time in the US and see what you think of living here. Here's an example: https://j1visa.state.gov/programs/camp-counselor

I was going to suggest temping too. It lets you get a good feel for the company (to decide if you really want to work there). Often companies hire temps into permanent jobs, as it is a way for them to try out the employee as well. Good luck! Looking for a job is soul destroying, so just remember what you are doing is hard and give yourself lots of grace.