Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear you had so much trouble! Our ROC was also taking a long time, but this time around, it should "just" be the N-400 on a 5-year basis, so I hope, hope, hope, it won't be too long.
I just checked the VJ Timelines and none of the recent N-400 filers who entered their data had the oath ceremony on the day of the interview, so at this point, I'm not even hoping for that anymore. All I'd like to see is some movement. It was honestly hard enough to lose my spouse so soon after ROC was completed and without my spouse getting to see me for the oath ceremony whenever it will be.