Kathryn41

Marriage is compromise and sacrifice. Going into it thinking less is a recipe for disaster.

I think it would be naive to believe you must be in love to have a successful marriage. Being in love is not always permanent.

I would like to echo Golden Gate's suggestion of counseling/therapy. You can consider individual therapy as well as couple's counseling. There's no shame in it, and unfortunately time is of the essence due to the requirement to get married within ninety days after PoE for K-1 visa holders.
As the thread progresses, I have to say this may appear to be more than just jitters or general nervousness. OP, I think you recognize the caring and support your fiancé is providing you and you realize your feelings may not be fair or make sense. But you simply sound unprepared for a serious relationship, not to mention marriage, especially an international marriage that involves visas, citizenship, moving halfway across the world, and the possibility that your fiancé will lose legal status and have to go back home because you decided you didn't feel like you thought you did.
Keep talking to him, talk to your family, seek counseling, and be honest to yourself and your fiancé. But don't lead him on. If either one of you decides you don't want to move forward and marry, I hope at the very least that you and/or your family can support him amicably during the time he is here. After all, he gave up his life to be with you and entered this country under the impression he was starting a new life with you, permanently. I am willing to bet he didn't have a plan B option prepared and really isn't in a mental or emotional state to figure out how to pack his bags and start over.
Also, one poster incorrectly stated that he gave up his foreign citizenship. That's not true and not possible at this stage.

I recommend you see a counselor to help you sort this out. This is a serious matter and no one's life should be played with. While he is understanding now, I can imagine that once he realizes you have no feelings of intimacy towards him, he will start to change his perception of you. If you love him, then please give counseling a chance to find out the roots of your issue. This is not a simple matter of someone giving you advice. There is some deep-seated issue here that you need to confront in yourself.

Why aren't you doing things with your family? Just because he is here doesn't mean you can't be with your family. Go out for supper make it a family thing, then out to see the sights.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I think you're not the right person for him.
He is the one that should be freaking out, being completely out of his comfort zone, in a foreign country, waiting for you, in a home that is clearly not his and yet, you don't mention him being frustrated and stressed.
Maybe you did rush into this. Maybe it's just cold feet. However, this person whom you claim to love is being denied an honest dialogue with the person he is willing to spend the rest of his life.
Moving in together is difficult. He gave up everything he knew, including his country. You must give up half of your apartment, and share your life with someone else.
Do yourself a favor and talk to him so that you can give him the opportunity to return home before it's too late. He deserves no less than your honesty.
I don't mean to sound ill spirited or judgmental, so if my words sound harsh is because it appears to me that you're being dishonest with yourself and with him. This is the person with whom you're going to vow to spend the rest of your life. Start sharing sooner than later. Sit down, alone and perhaps in a neutral place and share your fears and your doubts. Give him the option - and the opportunity - to stay or leave, and do so in his own terms. Nothing you can tell him will hurt him more than deceiving him would.
Place yourself in his shoes. What would you want him to do is the roles were reversed?

Just a correction or two - first, as a visitor, you are allowed to get married in the US. If you had the intention of getting married when you entered, you can still get married, but you are not allowed to remain in the US but need to return to Canada while a petition for a CR-1 visa is processed. (Your US spouse starts the process off by filing an I-130 petition)
If, when you entered the US, you had no intentions of getting married on that visit but ended up doing so, then you are allowed to remain in the US with your US spouse and instead of applying for a visa to enter the US, you would apply for permission to remain in the US instead. If you had no intention of getting married when you entered the US, you are allowed to do this and it is a legal option. You do not have to leave the US while this is being processed - in fact, you really can't until you receive either the green card (permission to live in the US as a permanent resident) or a special travel document called an Advance Parole (you apply for this at the same time as you apply for your green card).
As mentioned above, if your personal circumstances allow you the option to remain in the US for the months required to process either the AP or the Green Card, then you can apply for a green card and stay. If your personal circumstances are such that you need to return to Canada to tie up your affairs and can't wait a few months, then you will want to pursue a spousal visa - the CR-1 visa - which will give you permission to live in the US as a permanent resident after it is granted.
The choice is up to you.
One additional consideration - CR-1s are only handled through the US Consulate in Montreal. K-1s are handled by both Montreal and Vancouver Consulates.

K1's are handled through either Montreal or Vancouver - depending on your province of residence, You don;t apply directly to either consulate though. Take a look at the Guides (in the top nav bar) and you may want to ask questions specifically in the Canadian forum since we're familiar with the Canadian process,
Don't waste your money with a lawyer - they charge plenty of money and they CANNOT make your VISA process go faster...despite what they say, it is entirely doable by yourselves and you'll find most of us in the Canadian forum have done it all entirely.

To sum up:
Option 1: Get married now, in the US (nothing illegal about that) - stay here and apply for Adjustment of Status. This is the quickest process. You'd probably get the green card within 6 months. You can apply for an Employment Authorization Document at the same time, which is usually approved within 90 days. You can also apply for Advance Parole at the same time, which allows you to leave the country and come back (you need this permission, otherwise any time you leave while your adjustment of status is pending, they will count you as having "abandoned" your application). Upside: No time apart - overall a quick process. Downside: you're not going to have this permission in time to travel for Christmas, so basically you'd be stuck here.
See the guide: http://www.visajourney.com/content/i130guide2
Option 2: Get married now, in the US (nothing illegal about that) - leave and go back to Canada. Start the process to get a CR-1 spousal visa. You can visit while all that paperwork is processing, but you won't have the actual visa for over a year most likely. Upside: you're a green card holder upon entry after getting the visa - no need to adjust status after you arrive - you can get to work and travel right away. Downside: takes a long time.
See the guide: http://www.visajourney.com/content/i130guide1
Option 3: Become engaged. Go home to Canada. Star the process to get a K-1 Fiance visa. You can visit while all that paperwork is processing, but could still be nearly a year before you get the visa. The visa is a one-time-use thing - you enter the US and have 90 days to get married. Then you have to file for Adjustment of Status in order the get the green card. With this too you can apply for Employment Authorization Document and Advance Parole. About 6 months to get the green card, but would likely get the EAD/AP within 90 days. Upside: Usually quicker than the CR-1. You won't be spending your first year of "marriage" apart (this matters to some people - it would have mattered to me, personally) - you'll just be engaged the whole time. Downside: still takes a long time, and those first few months in the US being unable to work or travel while you wait for EAD/AP can be very tough on people.
See the guide: http://www.visajourney.com/content/k1guide
If I were you I'd take Option 1. If you entered the US without planning on getting married and staying, then you haven't broken the law. Lots of people object to this "back door" being available, when they've followed the conventional route and are waiting months to be together, but that doesn't change the fact that the option IS open and IS legal. But it's up to you if you're willing/able to spend the next few months unable to leave the US while waiting for Advance Parole.

It all depends on your situation. Since you are already legally in the US, you can technically skip the visa process (assuming you can reasonably demonstrate that you didn't have the intention to marry and stay until AFTER you had crossed the border). You just get married and apply to adjust status, but again, your decision to do so must be impromptu. Though technically legal, this is the "back door" route to a green card, and there are some potential pitfalls. You will likely encounter some additional scrutiny during the green card process. USCIS is under no obligation to grant you residency, so if they don't buy that your marriage wasn't preplanned, or if there are other red flags, they could deny your application and send you back to Canada. This means after all that you'd still have to start back at square one by going the visa route. You also need to keep in mind that you won't be able to leave the US for AT LEAST a couple of months after filing the paperwork.
If you have affairs that you need to get in order back home first, or better yet, just don't want to take the risks previously mentioned, the visa process is the "legit" method. Both types have their pros and cons, and you are allowed to visit while the process is underway (just be prepared to show strong ties to Canada when you cross the border), but in the end, once you have your visa, you know you're good to go. As others have said, read the guides to help decide which is best for you, should you go that route.

You are getting the I-130 (petition for alien relative...or spousal visa) confused with the I-134 (affidavit of support). You filed an I-129F petition for your fiancé. You do not get processed at NVC, they will not send you a bill and you pay nothing to them. You also do not fill out an I-130. Once your case is received at NVC, a case number will be generated for your petition and it will be sent off to the embassy where your fiancé will interview for the visa. Normally it only takes maybe a couple days before its in transit to the embassy. You can call NVC every day, ask them if they received your case yet and if so if they have a case number for you. They will ask for your USCIS receipt number. Once you have your NVC case number, you can track the case to see when it leaves NVC and arrives at the embassy. Track the case here: https://ceac.state.gov/CEACStatTracker/Status.aspx?eQs=o/iS8zDpeAKjMWCuebHqOw== Choose Immigrant Visa, and in the box below enter your NVC case number.
Once your case is at the embassy, your fiancé will need to do things to prepare for the visa interview. One of the things needed from you is the Form I-134 affidavit of support. You can print out the form for free here: http://www.uscis.gov/i-134
Here is the instruction packet for the K-1 visa for your fiancé's country: http://photos.state.gov/libraries/ukraine/895/pdf/K_Instructions_001.pdf
Here is also another guide from the embassy's website for fiancé visas: http://ukraine.usembassy.gov/fiancee.html

A cruise is problematic. Going to the Bahamas is leaving the US so it would be a bad idea if you plan to return to the US. Even if you choose a cruise where the ship may not plan on entering foreign territory or docking outside of the US, 'stuff' happens and the ship may end up having to dock outside of US territory for repairs or bad weather or other unexpected situations - which means that you would have left the US and will not be allowed to re-enter. As John R. mentioned, flying to Puerto Rico on a non-stop flight would mean you haven't left the US (it would be the same thing as flying to Hawaii), and you would be able to return to the continental US without a problem as long as you have proof of your valid I-129f status in your passport to show that you are not a foreign national trying to enter mainland US via this route.

Topic has been moved from Immigration News and Discussion forum to the CR-1/IR-1 forum as more useful location for this discussion.

A cruise is problematic. Going to the Bahamas is leaving the US so it would be a bad idea if you plan to return to the US. Even if you choose a cruise where the ship may not plan on entering foreign territory or docking outside of the US, 'stuff' happens and the ship may end up having to dock outside of US territory for repairs or bad weather or other unexpected situations - which means that you would have left the US and will not be allowed to re-enter. As John R. mentioned, flying to Puerto Rico on a non-stop flight would mean you haven't left the US (it would be the same thing as flying to Hawaii), and you would be able to return to the continental US without a problem as long as you have proof of your valid I-129f status in your passport to show that you are not a foreign national trying to enter mainland US via this route.

Hey there,
My husband and I were in a similar situation when we filed the petition. He was a USC living here in Canada (he is a dual citizen), but he had been here in Canada for about 7 years with no property, income or ties to the US, except his citizenship. He accepted a job to work in the family business, and when we found out that the petitioner has to be a resident of the US, he quickly moved down, moved in to a house to establish residence, changed his driver's license, opened bank accounts etc. Only after that did we file the I-130 for the immigrant visa (CR-1).
Not to discourage you, because I sincerely hope everything goes much faster for you and your spouse, but we are 18 months and counting into the process and while we have had virtually no complications at all with our application, the process has been EXTREMELY SLOW. I don't expect to get my interview before year's end, which means that is almost 2 years since we petitioned and essentially 2 years since we have officially lived together as a married couple in the same country. Good luck, and like I said, I really hope it goes faster for you....but in my experience, this family visa thing is the pits! I know people all around me who got student and work visas faster and got to move down while I have to wait and have to live apart from my husband.

it's not really 6 months btw, it's 180 days. Be careful about staying outside of your home province for too long as you may lose provincial health benefits.

As others have said, no waiver will be given unless he has applied for tourist visas, preferably several times, and has been denied.
There is two other things that USCIS will take into consideration too:
- The length of the USC's health condition. Ie if it is reasonable to assume that in a couple of years, she is well enough to travel, no waiver will be given.
- The severity of the USC's health condition: she she cannot travel half way around the world by plane to meet him, ok. But travelling by train or car across the border to Canada or Mexico, where he might be able to get a visa even if denied a tourist visa to the USA, may be possible.
In a nutshell, it is EXTREMELY difficult to get the meeting requirement waivered.

You are wrong, the meeting in person requirement can and has been waivered, generally speaking.

Yes but it goes both ways.
She cannot travel. He can.
They won't be able to get it waived. Because HE can travel still.
Unless he has a magical excuse that would count for extreme hard ship on his part too, then they cannot file for this.
Example- not too long ago there was a couple who had never met. He couldn't travel because he was on dialysis 12 hours a day. Which meant he couldn't travel (He was the USC), and she couldn't travel because she had finished school and her visas to visit were denied.
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/486244-never-met-my-fiance/
In the end, they were approved for hardship, got the NOA2, and then were approved at interview because they BOTH couldn't travel.
He needs a LEGIT reason, why he cannot go and visit her.

If she is the US citizen and the doctor will write a letter explaining why she cannot travel you may be able to get a waiver. Your friend would probably also have to show proof that he cannot travel to the US to meet her. (iex. denied tourist visa). I'm sure there are others on this site that can give much better info than I, but I do know firsthand of a friend of a family member of mine that was able to get a waiver because of a situation similar to this.

No No - I'm not seeking vengeance or retaliation. Closure, sure, but why to be even mildly violent about it? That's not me, not this decade, anyway.

Of course you wish she would. It's not like you have zero invested in this relationship emotionally (and otherwise, but IMHO, emotionally is what counts here.) You have 5 or 6 years of marriage that went well until she moved. It's sad that she can't get over whatever others are saying to her and trust you, her husband, when she did so just fine before.
I had a hard time when I first moved here. I threatened to move out twice (complete with packing my bags.) There was a point when I was so depressed I didn't want to be here, or there, or anywhere. But I pulled my head out of my butt and trusted that we could make it through this. I trusted that he was there for me. I was just so sad and worried that I'd made the wrong decision, and I missed my little girl. I turned towards my husband for my reassurance, to lean on him, because that's what a wife does in my opinion.
I don't feel like your wife has really done that for you. She kept looking outside your relationship for help in it. You noticed and tried to get her help outside the relationship that went along the path you wanted, but she didn't want to go that route. I'm sorry Darnell.

yes, ewok lets us download one from time to time.

Thanks Dakine,
This isn't a new membership group - it already existed but it doesn't have a lot of members, that's true. I am not actively moderating and don't receive the reports anymore, but I have access to them, and the Goodwill group does allow me to support the Mod team on an 'on call' or 'as needed' basis:-). I can lend a hand or fill in if there is a need, and I can continue to do some of the basic housekeeping admin type stuff such as moving posts, flagging spammers, etc. as I come across them.

When travelling by land - I show my Cdn passport on the way into Canada and when I return home to the US I show my US passport
When flying I use my US passport since my ticket needs to be associated with my passport and I need to be able to re-enter the US on my US passport