Kathryn41

As others have said, being angry is normal, especially when the split is new. Heck, I still get angry on occasion when I think about how my ex cheated on me, and that was over five years ago! We tried to get back together for a year, but eventually I realised I just didn't care enough about it any longer. There was so much drama, so many tears, so many outright lies that one day I was over it. I took my ring off and it was over.
For me, the moment I understood I could really live with everything he had done, all the pain he had brought into our lives, was when I chose to forgive him. It was my choice -- no one made me do it -- but when I did, it was like the heaviest weight in the world had started to be lifted from my back. I could breathe again. It was wonderful! And in the intervening years I have let go of more and more. First, I stopped obsessing over the other woman. Then, I didn't care when he started dating someone else. Then one day, I stopped feeling responsible for his happiness and let go of all my pity for him. Sometimes these things were conscious, others were more organic and I hadn't even noticed they'd happened. But letting go will happen, must happen in order for your life to go on and for you to keep growing as a person.
I also chose not to exact any revenge. I knew that even if it would have felt great for a moment, I'd have to live with my actions for the rest of my life. I chose the high road and have zero regrets.
I'm now happy, healthy and sane, and in a long-term relationship with the best man I have ever met. We're moving in together soon. My life isn't perfect, but I have so much joy to be thankful for. All I can do is to encourage you to understand your feelings are normal, and that living well is the best revenge.

I dont know about Fedex but i'm assuming its the same as UPS..they always charge brokerage fees no matter what and its a real pita. Usually i send stuff USPS since its cheaper, even if it takes forever.

Quite the opposite. As new Queen Penguin of VJ, I have decreed Kathryn and her kitty posse may not leave!
No seriously- some of the changes take a while to get done, and a security patch applied yesterday re-set some permissions, but I am sure it'll all be sorted in a week or so.

It is only a matter of time . . . how many will be joking and making fun of it all then?

Kezzie-
You will certainly be missed and never forgotten. Your legacy both here on the site and in the the real world stands by itself showing you to be a caring and loving person who gained the respect and friendship of many many people. Thank you for taking the time to share some of your final thoughts and insights into life with us. One of your specific comments I took very close to heart and I know will help me in my personal life as well.
I also want to send my best wishes condolences to your family and Jon. My thoughts are with them during this tough moment in life. From reading your letter I can see how loving and special Jon and your family are and have been in your life. I can only hope that one day when we all reach our end that we can have such love around us as well.
Thank you Kezzie for everything -- you will not be forgotten.
Always,
"The Captain"

This is the final word on this off-topic discussion in this thread as it has already hijacked the OP's thread far more than is acceptable. Visa Journey is a private site. If you wish to participate on this site you will observe the Terms of Service as you agreed to do when you joined this site. It is not our job to prove to you whether the Terms of Service are justified or not. If you do not wish to observe the Terms of Service then you do not have to participate.
Any further comments on this issue in this thread will result in at least a thread ban for the poster and possible suspension for violation of the Terms of Service.
5 posts violating the Terms of Service have been removed. If you wish to respond to the OP's questions without violating the Terms of Service, please do so.

It is only a matter of time . . . how many will be joking and making fun of it all then?

This is the final word on this off-topic discussion in this thread as it has already hijacked the OP's thread far more than is acceptable. Visa Journey is a private site. If you wish to participate on this site you will observe the Terms of Service as you agreed to do when you joined this site. It is not our job to prove to you whether the Terms of Service are justified or not. If you do not wish to observe the Terms of Service then you do not have to participate.
Any further comments on this issue in this thread will result in at least a thread ban for the poster and possible suspension for violation of the Terms of Service.
5 posts violating the Terms of Service have been removed. If you wish to respond to the OP's questions without violating the Terms of Service, please do so.

Just weighing in here . . .
To the OP, you lose nothing by filing concurrently for the K-3 and CR-1 since there is no extra cost and only the time needed to prepare the K-3 paperwork. You would submit both the I-130 -which is already required - along with the I-129f. The paperwork will continue as a K-3 until it reaches the head of the line and is processed. Then, if the I-129f petition is first processed, it is likely to continue on with a K-3 visa. The waiting time for the I-129f, however, is currently longer than for the I-130 (and has been for a number of years now) so what is likely to happen is when the I-130 is processed, USCIS will administratively close the I-129f K-3 visa and officially transfer the file to the CR-1 process. Regardless of what you think would be the better visa, the route that is selected will be the one that will provide the greatest benefit 'sooner'. You do need to remember that having a green card is seen as being a greater benefit than the physical presence in the US, so that is the route USCIS will prefer. (It is also cheaper in the long run).
Belinda stated very clearly the pros and cons about having a baby in the US on a visitor visa and having the baby in New Zealand. As much as you would like to have the baby born here in the US the liabilities and expenses are much greater in your current situation. There are far more benefits to having your wife give birth in New Zealand while you are waiting for the immigration paperwork to process. Your child is automatically a US citizen because you are the father. You just need to register the birth abroad at the US Consulate, then arrange to get a US passport for your child. You can do this while your wife's immigration paperwork is being processed so that they should both be ready to travel when she receives her visa. Unless you added her to your health insurance when you were married, a US birth will cost you between $15,000 for an uncomplicated in and out the same day delivery upward to $45,000 or more if there are problems and she needs to stay overnight.
I will also add that it is easy for someone who is not in your shoes to suggest you try routes that short-circuit or try to bypass the legal immigration processes set in place. Please remember that they are risking nothing and you are risking everything. They will not be the one who is subjected to a refusal or a denial or a penalty such as a multi-year ban. Just because others appear to have 'got away' with doing something not quite kosher doesn't mean that it won't come back to haunt them at a later date, nor does it mean that you would be as 'lucky'.
Visa Journey's Terms of Service are in place to protect members from receiving information or 'advice' about the immigration process that could actually end up causing them harm, thus a moderator will leave a warning when the 'advice' crosses that line of safety or will actually remove posts that violate this Term of Service.
So, good luck to you and your wife and much joy with the coming birth of your son or daughter. For their safety and well-being, I know you will want to make sure everything about their immigration journey is above board and legal, because they are important enough to you that you won't want to put your lives together in the US at any sort of risk.

Thank you, Soloenta. It's always good when people want to help keep Visa Journey a productive and useful site.
Becoming a Moderator, unfortunately, isn't a matter of volunteering nor even of wanting to be a moderator. Moderators do a variety of jobs from keeping the peace, removing inappropriate comments, issuing cautions and warnings to members who are posting inappropriately or whose posts are causing problems, making difficult decisions about members who fail to comply with moderator's requests or whose violations of the Terms of Service are so egregious that their account needs to be suspended temporarily for a 'cooling off' period, or in some cases permanently banned.
In addition to this they also do basic 'housekeeping' activities, like moving posts and threads to the correct locations (along with Organizers who also do this job), removing duplicate threads, merging duplicate threads that have answers so all of the information is in one place, removing posts that members wish removed, keeping an eye out for sensitive personal information that needs to be edited out for security reasons (done by lead Mod or Administrator), removing spam and spammers, reviewing reported threads and responding appropriately, keeping all of the documentation and 'paperwork' about these activities, interacting with the other mods and administration about these activities, and participating in Moderator meetings. They also assist with technical site issues, if necessary.
Moderators are generally chosen from a list of potential moderators who have been identified by other moderators or site administration and sometimes recommended by other members for their general knowledge of the immigration processes, their familiarity with all of the different parts of the Visa Journey site including the Terms of Service, the level-headedness of their own responses when posting, their ability to remain outside of any disputes or controversies that develop in the forums (important as they will be the ones who have to adjudicate or moderate site controversies), their integrity (demonstrated through their posting history) and their demonstrated ability to deal with people from many different cultures, and address many different concerns, with a sensitivity to the needs of other posters. They are also selected from members who have been active and participating on Visa Journey for several years.
The Moderation Team consists of the Lead Moderator, 6 or 7 Global Moderators, and generally 1 or 2 General or Regional Moderators, along with about 15 to 20 organizers. That is 25 to 30 volunteers actively involved in making sure Visa Journey runs smoothly for its members.
Visa Journey is a large forum web-site with over 100,000 members so while the Moderation Team is 'small' in reference to the number of members, it is large enough to do the work of a 'report-driven' site where members report problems and the next Moderator who reads the report responds. All Moderators are volunteers and have their own personal lives, which often involve their own Visa Journey, along with their family, careers, etc. so a team of this size works well together while ensuring that most of the reports are addressed in a reasonable amount of time, even overnight. We would require hundreds of moderators if we were expected to read and moderate every single post that makes it to the forums. That is just too overwhelming and a moderation team that size becomes unmanageable and would soon lead to chaos. So, while this process isn't perfect, it works, especially when we consider that the members of Visa Journey are generally responsible adults and the majority of them never cause or create or become the focus of any sort of moderation 'issue'.
I hope this helps:-).

It is only a matter of time . . . how many will be joking and making fun of it all then?

Just to clarify . . . The OP was the one who mentioned that someone had told him about a ten year ban and Ning responded stating that the OP should not pay attention to 'someone's' who make such comments. She was responding to the statement from the OPs post about the ten year ban and did not state or imply that another responder made this comment, although she addressed other comments in the same response.
Instead of making personal attacks or getting upset with each other, perhaps we can just move on for now with the OP's concerns rather than continuing discussing what responders did or did not say.
-VJ Moderation

Please remember that there is a fine line concerning 'intent' when adjusting status from a visitor's visa. If the OP entered the US on a visitor's visa with the intent to adjust status while in the US, then that is considered visa fraud and can lead to serious repercussions if USCIS decides to act if that was a fraudulent action. If the OP entered the US without the intent to adjust status and after arrival, their circumstances changed and they decided to apply for residency from within the US, that is not considered fraud.
The OP stated in his first post that he was told by someone that if he starts the immigration process by filing an I-130 while his wife is in the US on a visitors visa that she will be denied entry on subsequent visits and will incur a 10 year ban when she leaves. As Ning pointed out, it can be dangerous to listen to 'someone's who give inaccurate information, and the OP has come here to find out first if this is true (it's not) and second, what are their options.
The OP has two options available. He can file the I-130 for his wife while she is here on a visitor's visa and they can proceed with a CR-1 visa which will require her to have her interview at a US Consulate outside of the US and then, when approved, enter the US as a permanent resident. Or, they can decide that their circumstances in the US have changed and as she is here legally and did not intend to file for permanent residency when they entered, they can also file for Adjustment of Status (green card) from her Visitor's status and file it jointly with the I-130 sponsorship petition. Both options are legally available to the OP, although the second one may require them proving that they did not have this intent upon entry.
If the OP decides to follow the first option, there is always a risk that his wife may be denied entry on subsequent visits as the border authority may determine she is an immigrant risk. It would be up to the OP's wife to satisfy the border guards that she is not an immigrant risk on that visit.
The only way she would incur a 10 year ban is if she overstayed her visa by more than 360 days, which would incur a ban if she left the US without adjusting status. It does not sound to me like the OP and his wife have any intention of trying to bypass the legal immigration process and no one should make that presumption.

Zimmermann will kill again. It's not a question of if but a question of when. It's in his blood.

I'm predicting the weather. My legs are killing me.
Hillbilly would be 6' under if he tried...

Just weighing in here . . .
To the OP, you lose nothing by filing concurrently for the K-3 and CR-1 since there is no extra cost and only the time needed to prepare the K-3 paperwork. You would submit both the I-130 -which is already required - along with the I-129f. The paperwork will continue as a K-3 until it reaches the head of the line and is processed. Then, if the I-129f petition is first processed, it is likely to continue on with a K-3 visa. The waiting time for the I-129f, however, is currently longer than for the I-130 (and has been for a number of years now) so what is likely to happen is when the I-130 is processed, USCIS will administratively close the I-129f K-3 visa and officially transfer the file to the CR-1 process. Regardless of what you think would be the better visa, the route that is selected will be the one that will provide the greatest benefit 'sooner'. You do need to remember that having a green card is seen as being a greater benefit than the physical presence in the US, so that is the route USCIS will prefer. (It is also cheaper in the long run).
Belinda stated very clearly the pros and cons about having a baby in the US on a visitor visa and having the baby in New Zealand. As much as you would like to have the baby born here in the US the liabilities and expenses are much greater in your current situation. There are far more benefits to having your wife give birth in New Zealand while you are waiting for the immigration paperwork to process. Your child is automatically a US citizen because you are the father. You just need to register the birth abroad at the US Consulate, then arrange to get a US passport for your child. You can do this while your wife's immigration paperwork is being processed so that they should both be ready to travel when she receives her visa. Unless you added her to your health insurance when you were married, a US birth will cost you between $15,000 for an uncomplicated in and out the same day delivery upward to $45,000 or more if there are problems and she needs to stay overnight.
I will also add that it is easy for someone who is not in your shoes to suggest you try routes that short-circuit or try to bypass the legal immigration processes set in place. Please remember that they are risking nothing and you are risking everything. They will not be the one who is subjected to a refusal or a denial or a penalty such as a multi-year ban. Just because others appear to have 'got away' with doing something not quite kosher doesn't mean that it won't come back to haunt them at a later date, nor does it mean that you would be as 'lucky'.
Visa Journey's Terms of Service are in place to protect members from receiving information or 'advice' about the immigration process that could actually end up causing them harm, thus a moderator will leave a warning when the 'advice' crosses that line of safety or will actually remove posts that violate this Term of Service.
So, good luck to you and your wife and much joy with the coming birth of your son or daughter. For their safety and well-being, I know you will want to make sure everything about their immigration journey is above board and legal, because they are important enough to you that you won't want to put your lives together in the US at any sort of risk.

If you ever feel moderation or another poster is being unfair please feel free to hit the report button. Everyone does better with some constructive criticism.

Just weighing in here . . .
To the OP, you lose nothing by filing concurrently for the K-3 and CR-1 since there is no extra cost and only the time needed to prepare the K-3 paperwork. You would submit both the I-130 -which is already required - along with the I-129f. The paperwork will continue as a K-3 until it reaches the head of the line and is processed. Then, if the I-129f petition is first processed, it is likely to continue on with a K-3 visa. The waiting time for the I-129f, however, is currently longer than for the I-130 (and has been for a number of years now) so what is likely to happen is when the I-130 is processed, USCIS will administratively close the I-129f K-3 visa and officially transfer the file to the CR-1 process. Regardless of what you think would be the better visa, the route that is selected will be the one that will provide the greatest benefit 'sooner'. You do need to remember that having a green card is seen as being a greater benefit than the physical presence in the US, so that is the route USCIS will prefer. (It is also cheaper in the long run).
Belinda stated very clearly the pros and cons about having a baby in the US on a visitor visa and having the baby in New Zealand. As much as you would like to have the baby born here in the US the liabilities and expenses are much greater in your current situation. There are far more benefits to having your wife give birth in New Zealand while you are waiting for the immigration paperwork to process. Your child is automatically a US citizen because you are the father. You just need to register the birth abroad at the US Consulate, then arrange to get a US passport for your child. You can do this while your wife's immigration paperwork is being processed so that they should both be ready to travel when she receives her visa. Unless you added her to your health insurance when you were married, a US birth will cost you between $15,000 for an uncomplicated in and out the same day delivery upward to $45,000 or more if there are problems and she needs to stay overnight.
I will also add that it is easy for someone who is not in your shoes to suggest you try routes that short-circuit or try to bypass the legal immigration processes set in place. Please remember that they are risking nothing and you are risking everything. They will not be the one who is subjected to a refusal or a denial or a penalty such as a multi-year ban. Just because others appear to have 'got away' with doing something not quite kosher doesn't mean that it won't come back to haunt them at a later date, nor does it mean that you would be as 'lucky'.
Visa Journey's Terms of Service are in place to protect members from receiving information or 'advice' about the immigration process that could actually end up causing them harm, thus a moderator will leave a warning when the 'advice' crosses that line of safety or will actually remove posts that violate this Term of Service.
So, good luck to you and your wife and much joy with the coming birth of your son or daughter. For their safety and well-being, I know you will want to make sure everything about their immigration journey is above board and legal, because they are important enough to you that you won't want to put your lives together in the US at any sort of risk.

Topic has been moved from Site Discussion forum to K-1 Fiance Visa Process & Procedures forum as a more appropriate location for this discussion.
~~~~~~~~~
You mention the RFE was delayed. When did you receive it? Was it delayed in the mail? Was it misplaced and you have only just found it again? Was it misdirected to a wrong address? Most RFE's will have a date stated on the form or its instructions specifying when the evidence needs to returned. If that is not stated, then there is a good chance you have up to a year in which to supply the missing evidence. The fact that you were told on the phone that it is still open is somewhat reassuring, but unless you spoke to an actual immigration officer rather than to the front line call center staff who answered the phone, that may or may not be accurate.
Was the RFE for the I-129f petition or was it for something requested by the overseas Consulate? If it was for the I-129f petition then I would take the RFE notice, the requested evidence, proof of why you have delayed in responding (postal stamped envelope showing more recent date or statement from your postal carrier/post master about when the letter was delivered) or proof of change of address where they sent it to the wrong address, etc. and send it by the fastest courier method available (usually overnight by USPS) along with a cover letter requesting that they consider your late submission and giving the reason for its late submission to the specified address. It would absolutely need to be received prior to the September 25, 2014 year deadline if it is to have a chance.
If it was for documentation requested by the Consulate, you would do the same thing but send it to the overseas address listed on the RFE.
The best case scenario is they will accept it and continue the processing on your case. The worse case scenario is that they will not accept it and the file will be closed for failing to respond to the RFE. This would not stop you from re-filing all over again, although the money and time spent on this particular processing would be lost.
Good luck. Act quickly.

Just weighing in here . . .
To the OP, you lose nothing by filing concurrently for the K-3 and CR-1 since there is no extra cost and only the time needed to prepare the K-3 paperwork. You would submit both the I-130 -which is already required - along with the I-129f. The paperwork will continue as a K-3 until it reaches the head of the line and is processed. Then, if the I-129f petition is first processed, it is likely to continue on with a K-3 visa. The waiting time for the I-129f, however, is currently longer than for the I-130 (and has been for a number of years now) so what is likely to happen is when the I-130 is processed, USCIS will administratively close the I-129f K-3 visa and officially transfer the file to the CR-1 process. Regardless of what you think would be the better visa, the route that is selected will be the one that will provide the greatest benefit 'sooner'. You do need to remember that having a green card is seen as being a greater benefit than the physical presence in the US, so that is the route USCIS will prefer. (It is also cheaper in the long run).
Belinda stated very clearly the pros and cons about having a baby in the US on a visitor visa and having the baby in New Zealand. As much as you would like to have the baby born here in the US the liabilities and expenses are much greater in your current situation. There are far more benefits to having your wife give birth in New Zealand while you are waiting for the immigration paperwork to process. Your child is automatically a US citizen because you are the father. You just need to register the birth abroad at the US Consulate, then arrange to get a US passport for your child. You can do this while your wife's immigration paperwork is being processed so that they should both be ready to travel when she receives her visa. Unless you added her to your health insurance when you were married, a US birth will cost you between $15,000 for an uncomplicated in and out the same day delivery upward to $45,000 or more if there are problems and she needs to stay overnight.
I will also add that it is easy for someone who is not in your shoes to suggest you try routes that short-circuit or try to bypass the legal immigration processes set in place. Please remember that they are risking nothing and you are risking everything. They will not be the one who is subjected to a refusal or a denial or a penalty such as a multi-year ban. Just because others appear to have 'got away' with doing something not quite kosher doesn't mean that it won't come back to haunt them at a later date, nor does it mean that you would be as 'lucky'.
Visa Journey's Terms of Service are in place to protect members from receiving information or 'advice' about the immigration process that could actually end up causing them harm, thus a moderator will leave a warning when the 'advice' crosses that line of safety or will actually remove posts that violate this Term of Service.
So, good luck to you and your wife and much joy with the coming birth of your son or daughter. For their safety and well-being, I know you will want to make sure everything about their immigration journey is above board and legal, because they are important enough to you that you won't want to put your lives together in the US at any sort of risk.

To divorce her husband and then get married to her ex is a definite red flag to USCIS and would be seen as visa fraud. Another flag is the reason given - her children miss their dad. This is not unusual, and as far as immigration is concerned, parents need to prepare kids for the adjustment of the separation and the new parent; it's a part of life. It is natural that they will miss their dad and one way to make the kids feel close is to allow them to speak with dad regularly - there are calling cards that gives great prices for calls to the Philippines. As GC holders, the children also have the option to visit their father. Getting a divorce so that they can be close to their father is not considered a valid reason for divorce and marriage to the children's dad (her ex) will cause USCIS to question the mother's intent and open a case for immigration fraud.

Actually you have a longer wait than you planned. You can't file an I130 if you immigrated based of a 1 or spousal I130 in the last 5 years. Once you hit 5 years they will look closely at your contact with this ex during your supposed bone fide marroage to your USC husband and uncover any hidden relationship that invalidates your original immigration.

You need to consider all the consequences to all the persons involved. Your children miss their dad which is normal but they will also miss their new father. How will you explain to them the separation from the real dad, the integration with a new dad, and then the loss of the new dad? And how will your now husband feel when you file for divorce right after you receive citizenship. Of course he will feel like you used him, especially when he finds out you are going to marry your ex boyfriend. And what about the year or more to get your ex to the US? Will you uproot the children again and move to the Philippines while you wait for the visa process to finish? Will you act as a single mom supporting your children while you wait for the process to bring your ex? And what about your feelings? You say it is a real marriage to your now husband so how will it affect you to divorce someone you say you love to marry someone you didn't love, I guess this since you never married him and married someone else. While your concern for your children's feelings are real you need to look at the long-term picture and everyone who is involved.
What will happen if immigration denies the dad's visa? What will you and the children do then? Or even worse what if they decide you committed visa fraud and strip you and the children of your citizenship/green cards and deport you?
I am in no way advocating you remain married to your spouse if you do not love him. I am just suggesting you look at everything.
Now to the immigration issue. There is a very likely chance they will not grant your ex a visa, either K-1 or CR-1, due to the circumstances as have already been pointed out. You having two children with him, married a USC, divorced the USC right after you gained citizenship, petitioned your ex....it all smells of immigration fraud.

I'm sorry, but this all sounds too convenient. You came here by marrying a USC, you want to divorce after getting your GC, remarry your first husband and then petition for him to come here, it sounds much like immigration fraud.
It doesn't matter that the marriage to your first husband was legit. They will look at why you married him the second time. Even if you genuinely got back together, you will still be heavily scrutinized.
Now, I'm not accusing you of fraud, but that is what it sounds like and that is what USCIS and the CO will see. I don't know you and I don't know your situation, but here is what would happen:
If you do decide to divorce your current husband because you want to marry your ex, you will have to prove with a very great deal of evidence, facts, and I don't know what else, that:
One: You didn't divorce your ex to marry a USC. (Sham divorces are also a very big deal for USCIS)
Two: That you didn't marry your current husband for immigration purposes.
Three: That you didn't marry your ex again for immigration purposes.
There are people that are married, divorce, marry other people, divorce, then marry their ex's. But when immigration is involved, the suspicion of fraud is going to be very very high.
If your plan is to get married for the purposes of bringing your children's dad and not because you genuinely want to get back with him, then don't, just don't. Let one of them petition for him when they are 21 and is a USC.
If you and your current husband aren't working out, then that is another story and something that the two of you would have to deal with.