Billy and I met on the internet. Now wait--it wasn’t in a chat room or in the personals, not that there is anything wrong with meeting there. But, it was in a poetry group. You see, we are both writers and artists.
Let me tell you the strange way it began. I was in a writing group which was a bit disruptive. One of the ‘managers’ of this group would go into this group and delete all the messages and responses. If you haven’t been in a message board environment let me explain why this was so disruptive. It took away not only our work, but also comments made regarding our work from our peers. I vowed not to let some ‘jerk’ drive me out of the group. I am a very determined person and usually stick to my ‘vows.‘ Then one day, for no apparent reason, I decided I had had enough. I just quit that group.
I had applied to another group but hadn’t heard back for over a week. After I quit the first group, I got an email from the ‘manager/owner.’ In her letter to me she used computer abbreviations and sent the same message in a mass mail to two other people. She asked for more information about myself before approving my membership. I wrote back to her declining the membership and explained in detail that I didn‘t think much of that kind of email, i.e. poor grammar and the mass email. She still approved my membership. That was the best mistake someone has ever made for me! I became a member of Writers Fountain September 1, 2003.
I started seeing Billy’s writings and was amazed at his talent. My daughter Chenoa‘s birthday was September 15. (she was killed in 1999) I wrote about her birthday in the group and directed the members to a dedication page I made in her honor. Billy replied to my writing, after reading many of my writings. He asked if he could contact me by email. I said it would be fine. I didn’t think anything would come of it, since his profile said he was married. (His profile had not been updated for over a year.) I found out after emailing him on a friendly basis a couple times, he had been separated from his wife for over a year and the marriage was not going to be reconciled.
Billy and I connected very strongly and quickly after that. We had so much in common and had gone through many similar experiences. We were both from very fundamental religious backgrounds and had left them. We both had daughters who died about the same time. We had many of the same dreams of traveling and teaching art.
Our relationship grew. Billy told me when he read my writings, he knew if he was going to pursue a relationship with me, he had to really ‘guard your heart.’ He could tell I had had much hurt and sorrow in my life and he didn’t want to cause any more. He has been true to his word. Billy has not done one thing to cause me one moment’s pain. Any pain I have experienced since meeting him regarding him has been because of the doubt and fear I hold inside me.
He assured me he would never lie to me and he has kept his word about that, also.
Whenever I have doubts or fears, Billy listens and comforts me. He says my feelings were normal for someone who had gone through the experiences I have. Not once has he condemned me, humiliated me, judged me. He accepts my feelings and me unconditionally. He is the first person in my life to give me that gift. It truly is a gift and I am thankful every day for it.
Billy lives in England and had no desire to leave his country, but he will be moving to the USA to be with me as soon as his fiancé Visa comes through and money permits. He is the most talented, kindest, most loving man I have ever met and I love him with everything I have. I adore him; he makes me laugh, smile and feel warm in my heart, mind and soul. I am loved, and feel loved for the first time in my life.
I went to England in May, 2004 for three weeks to physically meet Billy. I had never been farther than 5 miles over the Canadian border my whole life. Billy showed me his country. We went to Derbyshire, Wales, Cornwall, and many other out-of-the-way places. It was an amazing vacation and I learned Billy was even more wonderful than I thought possible.
Billy had sent me an email on my phone before I came to England, asking me to marry him; so, when I was in England, he gave me a beautiful engagement ring to take home with me.
In June, when I returned to my home, my heart was with Billy. I was miserable without him and very frustrated not knowing when we would be together again. Billy said I should plan to come back in August or September. I was thrilled. We talked about how we would go to Scotland this time. I was very excited, not only to be going back to England and a new journey, but that I would be with Billy once more.
Then he said, ’How would you feel about me coming there instead? Would you be disappointed?’ I quickly replied, ’ I would totally NOT be disappointed! I would LOVE for you to come to the USA!’ Billy had only been to Hawaii, so had never been to the USA mainland. I really wanted him to experience this wonderful country and experience it with ME!
August 1, 2004, Billy arrived at Spokane International Airport. We started on a 3600 mile adventure traveling through six states-Washington, Idaho, Nevada, California, Oregon, and Montana. We took over 4400 digital pictures and had a astonishing ’holiday’ which included 2 days (and freezing nights) camping in Yosemite Nat’l Park and 3 incredible days and nights camping along the Oregon Coast. Neither Billy nor I had been camping in over 10 years, so it was quite the adventure and experience for both of us.
Now it is just a waiting game, just waiting until Billy will come back. Just waiting for when we will be married.
