Concerns and Trust

[lasso 0]

I feel your pain, But please don't waste a year like I did. This is my story,

I also was with a man from jordan I am muslim smart attractive funny. I loved him and thought he loved me. I waited for him for almost five years during that time I sent him money took care of his family when he came ect...

You name it I did it. I look Arab I speak Arabic and I cook Arabic I took on the role of being the perfect Arab wife.

I been around the culture my whole life trust me when I tell you this I did nothing wrong.

I went to see him every year his family loved me everyone treated me with respect and kindness inviting me for dinner going shopping with me ect...

We I thought where in love. He alwasy told me how much he loved me and I was his everything.

Behind my back last year I found out he got engaged to another women in his country!

When I first heard of it I thought the person telling me was jealouse of me because she is not happy wiht his brother so I thought our relationship made her jealouse.

When I comfronted him I was laughing and told him what she said.

And that is when I found out it was true! I could not beleive it! And even after I found out he said "I was his love blah blah blah"

I hung out even after that thinking maybe his family put presure on him ect...

Well he just had his wedding and I did nothing but feel misserable for almost a year thinking it was not true because he continued to lead me on making me think that he was not going to go through with it.

I am telling you those men from Jordan will lye cheat steal anything to come to the USA. And the sooner you realize it the faster you will be able to move on!

I have a hard head and I could not believe someone would use me like that. I also thought I am very attractive smart have a little money know the culture religion why would he not want me??????

But it is true they marry thier own kind no matter what and if they do stay with an american women it is because papers then the kids come and they are very loyal to thier children.

I was married before to a Palestinian that is how I know so much about the culture we had 3 children together whom I raised muslim and when I ended up divorced he was on a plane ASAP going back home to marry a women from over there.

Let me put you in the head of a middle eastern man

They are raised in an enviroment (remember I lived over seas for two years) watching the fatther go off to work all day long and left alone with the mother (Arab women have a hate for american women just like some black women do for white women because they feel like we take thier men) So the kids are at home being raised by women who dislike american women then they are raised seeing the mother never leave the home not even to shop. In thier country women do not leave the home unless she is older or escorted by a man. And most men do not want to escort their women out because they don't want to have a problem with other men.

The men are raised that women are below them and women are here to serve thier needs.

Now this will raise eyebrows but I am telling you this is a true statement (remember I am muslim) But the islam they practice in the middle east is to thier likeing.

They think of american women as slutty and they will date have fun with us but when it comes to staying married long term(unless you get knocked up when he is trying to get his papers) they want to marry thier own kind.

When they marry thier own kind they know the women will take care of them cook clean ect...and never complain.

They then have affairs because they look at the wife like the virgin marry who is the mother of thier kids so it is kind of hard for them to be sexually wild with the mother of thier kids.

If you look at the culture unless your blind you will see most Arab men secretly have affairs but will never leave thier wife.

Because they know 100% thier wife will never leave them it is thier culture and if she does her family will not accept it she will be an outcast.

The Arab women will cook clean take care of his mother bare his kids carry heavy thing and never complain!

She is bread like that. I know I live thier thier husband is thier life they are not a real women unless they are married.

And the women know if they do not do what they should he will take another wife.

They dont like american women because we dont listen.

If you want to go back to him start kissing his butt and he will take you back.

In the Holy Quran GOD promissing them virgins in heaven that is the ultimate heavan so what do you think then they want on earth???

Trust me when I tell you this I am telling you because I have a very very big heart and I hurt and had pain for almost a year living in a fantasy and it took me a real long time to get it in my head that this man used me.

The last words I had with him I was crying and told him I heard he was getting married this summer and he said yes his whole family was there for the party, laughing eating having a good time and then he said could he call me later?

I said no I want you to be happy good bye.

And that was that after five years of my life of doing nothing but giving and doing.

It made me sick to know that his family whom I did everything for and acted to me like I was so special behind my back was finding him a wife.

It made me sick to know that all his sisters and mother where dancing at his wedding and everyone laughing having a good time why I was hurt and crying.

This culture is monster have no feeling for man kind. I am not the only one that this has happen too. I just thought I was specail because I was muslim and I looked Arab but I am telling you the family will pretend to like you just to get what they can.

Thier whole purpose in life is to come to america! I lived in the middle east I was all over the middle east they are very very poor culture imagine you live in poverty where you are living 10 people in a house no one making decent money you will lye cheat steal to get what you want.

I beleive his plan was to marry her come here live with me and us work here make good money so he can support his family there.

I know a few Arab men(remember I been around the culture 20 years) that are married in thier country and living here in america with an american women that has no clue!

When the american women goes back home they send the wife to her mothers house!

The Arab women does not care because she is convinced her husband loves her and using the american girl.

Arab women are bread from little on to STAND BY YOUR MAN! They will never question him they are just happy to have someone take care of them.

I have arab friends now that are men and they tell me even though they are married when they go back home the mother is begging them to marry another one.

The women themself beleive they are not worthy they are convinced that they are nothing without the husband and they will do anything in thier power to keep him happy including letting him marry another women.

When I was over sea's my sister inlaw had 3 kids she went home one day and found a young girl in her home her husband married and told her to bad deal with it.

She left but ended up living in a very poor situation with her father and mother who where old so she ended up going back and accepting it.

When this happen all the women in the family where extra nice to thier husbands for fear it was going to happen to them.

PLEASE REMEMBER don't try to think like them they think different we marry for love they marry to reproduce!

Thier love thier life is not a women it is thier kids!

And they marry a women for her to bare kids and take and raise them to be good muslims.

If you go back to the middle east you will see the men have tons of male friends women are not thier friends we are just to bare kids.

They hang out all day with other males go home at night eat have another baby and then go back to work and to hang out with the guys.

Once a week they will stay home relax and family members will come to visit.

Think about it when ever you see an arab man here in this country he is with his friends and if he is with a women she is walking with the kids and he is rushing her through a shopping mall ect...

You will never seee them holding hands walking hugging. It is a rare thing and if you do you better beleive they are young or just got married.

I feel bad for you but I wrote all this in hopes that I help you because I was stupid and I really thought that he loved me.

I cannot beleive that another human being could use you but they can they are not like us american people have compasion for life.

God will protect you and will give justice you will be ok.

GOD BLESS YOU!

this was not intended to offend you I am trying to help I wish someone would have told me instead everyone did not want to hurt me so they kept telling me he loves me but is confused. In the end that only hurt more because I lost allot of good oppurtunities waiting for him.

GOD BLESS AND IF YOU NEED TO TALK SHOOT ME AN EMAIL

[doodlebug 3]

holy ####### now *I* want a divorce!!!!

[brnidokiegurl 0]

DOES MAKE YOU WONDER HOW MANY ARE HERE DOING THE SAME THING....

[AInfante-Saraireh 0]

I feel your pain, But please don't waste a year like I did. This is my story,

I also was with a man from jordan I am muslim smart attractive funny. I loved him and thought he loved me. I waited for him for almost five years during that time I sent him money took care of his family when he came ect...

You name it I did it. I look Arab I speak Arabic and I cook Arabic I took on the role of being the perfect Arab wife.

I been around the culture my whole life trust me when I tell you this I did nothing wrong.

I went to see him every year his family loved me everyone treated me with respect and kindness inviting me for dinner going shopping with me ect...

We I thought where in love. He alwasy told me how much he loved me and I was his everything.

Behind my back last year I found out he got engaged to another women in his country!

When I first heard of it I thought the person telling me was jealouse of me because she is not happy wiht his brother so I thought our relationship made her jealouse.

When I comfronted him I was laughing and told him what she said.

And that is when I found out it was true! I could not beleive it! And even after I found out he said "I was his love blah blah blah"

I hung out even after that thinking maybe his family put presure on him ect...

Well he just had his wedding and I did nothing but feel misserable for almost a year thinking it was not true because he continued to lead me on making me think that he was not going to go through with it.

I am telling you those men from Jordan will lye cheat steal anything to come to the USA. And the sooner you realize it the faster you will be able to move on!

I have a hard head and I could not believe someone would use me like that. I also thought I am very attractive smart have a little money know the culture religion why would he not want me??????

But it is true they marry thier own kind no matter what and if they do stay with an american women it is because papers then the kids come and they are very loyal to thier children.

I was married before to a Palestinian that is how I know so much about the culture we had 3 children together whom I raised muslim and when I ended up divorced he was on a plane ASAP going back home to marry a women from over there.

Let me put you in the head of a middle eastern man

They are raised in an enviroment (remember I lived over seas for two years) watching the fatther go off to work all day long and left alone with the mother (Arab women have a hate for american women just like some black women do for white women because they feel like we take thier men) So the kids are at home being raised by women who dislike american women then they are raised seeing the mother never leave the home not even to shop. In thier country women do not leave the home unless she is older or escorted by a man. And most men do not want to escort their women out because they don't want to have a problem with other men.

The men are raised that women are below them and women are here to serve thier needs.

Now this will raise eyebrows but I am telling you this is a true statement (remember I am muslim) But the islam they practice in the middle east is to thier likeing.

They think of american women as slutty and they will date have fun with us but when it comes to staying married long term(unless you get knocked up when he is trying to get his papers) they want to marry thier own kind.

When they marry thier own kind they know the women will take care of them cook clean ect...and never complain.

They then have affairs because they look at the wife like the virgin marry who is the mother of thier kids so it is kind of hard for them to be sexually wild with the mother of thier kids.

If you look at the culture unless your blind you will see most Arab men secretly have affairs but will never leave thier wife.

Because they know 100% thier wife will never leave them it is thier culture and if she does her family will not accept it she will be an outcast.

The Arab women will cook clean take care of his mother bare his kids carry heavy thing and never complain!

She is bread like that. I know I live thier thier husband is thier life they are not a real women unless they are married.

And the women know if they do not do what they should he will take another wife.

They dont like american women because we dont listen.

If you want to go back to him start kissing his butt and he will take you back.

In the Holy Quran GOD promissing them virgins in heaven that is the ultimate heavan so what do you think then they want on earth???

Trust me when I tell you this I am telling you because I have a very very big heart and I hurt and had pain for almost a year living in a fantasy and it took me a real long time to get it in my head that this man used me.

The last words I had with him I was crying and told him I heard he was getting married this summer and he said yes his whole family was there for the party, laughing eating having a good time and then he said could he call me later?

I said no I want you to be happy good bye.

And that was that after five years of my life of doing nothing but giving and doing.

It made me sick to know that his family whom I did everything for and acted to me like I was so special behind my back was finding him a wife.

It made me sick to know that all his sisters and mother where dancing at his wedding and everyone laughing having a good time why I was hurt and crying.

This culture is monster have no feeling for man kind. I am not the only one that this has happen too. I just thought I was specail because I was muslim and I looked Arab but I am telling you the family will pretend to like you just to get what they can.

Thier whole purpose in life is to come to america! I lived in the middle east I was all over the middle east they are very very poor culture imagine you live in poverty where you are living 10 people in a house no one making decent money you will lye cheat steal to get what you want.

I beleive his plan was to marry her come here live with me and us work here make good money so he can support his family there.

I know a few Arab men(remember I been around the culture 20 years) that are married in thier country and living here in america with an american women that has no clue!

When the american women goes back home they send the wife to her mothers house!

The Arab women does not care because she is convinced her husband loves her and using the american girl.

Arab women are bread from little on to STAND BY YOUR MAN! They will never question him they are just happy to have someone take care of them.

I have arab friends now that are men and they tell me even though they are married when they go back home the mother is begging them to marry another one.

The women themself beleive they are not worthy they are convinced that they are nothing without the husband and they will do anything in thier power to keep him happy including letting him marry another women.

When I was over sea's my sister inlaw had 3 kids she went home one day and found a young girl in her home her husband married and told her to bad deal with it.

She left but ended up living in a very poor situation with her father and mother who where old so she ended up going back and accepting it.

When this happen all the women in the family where extra nice to thier husbands for fear it was going to happen to them.

PLEASE REMEMBER don't try to think like them they think different we marry for love they marry to reproduce!

Thier love thier life is not a women it is thier kids!

And they marry a women for her to bare kids and take and raise them to be good muslims.

If you go back to the middle east you will see the men have tons of male friends women are not thier friends we are just to bare kids.

They hang out all day with other males go home at night eat have another baby and then go back to work and to hang out with the guys.

Once a week they will stay home relax and family members will come to visit.

Think about it when ever you see an arab man here in this country he is with his friends and if he is with a women she is walking with the kids and he is rushing her through a shopping mall ect...

You will never seee them holding hands walking hugging. It is a rare thing and if you do you better beleive they are young or just got married.

I feel bad for you but I wrote all this in hopes that I help you because I was stupid and I really thought that he loved me.

I cannot beleive that another human being could use you but they can they are not like us american people have compasion for life.

God will protect you and will give justice you will be ok.

GOD BLESS YOU!

this was not intended to offend you I am trying to help I wish someone would have told me instead everyone did not want to hurt me so they kept telling me he loves me but is confused. In the end that only hurt more because I lost allot of good oppurtunities waiting for him.

GOD BLESS AND IF YOU NEED TO TALK SHOOT ME AN EMAIL

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. We Americans don't want to hear this, but I have to tell you, most of what you wrote is true. This is why it took me so long to marry my husband. And I still fear it. Many tell me to go on, just live my life with him, but I can't fully. I have seen just way too many marriages for the green card only. Even though many will not want to read or listen to your message, it's good that you did post it. It also hurts to read the truth. Now, I almost feel like I don't want to go through the AOS again with my husband in September. Now, I almost feel like I want a divorce. I don't know about others here, but to find out my husband only married me for the green card would be a blow to my ego and a knife to my heart!

Andrea

[UmmSqueakster 54]

While this may be the experience of some, I have a problem with it being portrayed as THE TRUTH. This certainly doesn't describe my husband or my experiences.

[ya falaha! 0]

I've seen this kind of thing happen more times than I'd like to admit. The OP makes very valid points in her post. It may not happen to everyone but it does happen. Very sad and sickening.

[doodlebug 3]

I know it's not everyone's case but it's scarin the ####### outta me right now!!!!! I have a feeling a lot of mena men will be sleepin' on the couch tonight!!!!

Reminds me of a guy I used to work with. He said every freakin' Saturday he'd come home from being with the guys bowling and his wife would give him this nasty look and be in a p!ssy mood for a couple of hours till she calmed down. He knew after a while to go down to his "man room" in the cellar and chill for a while. She was watching Lifetime TV while doing the laundry and every single time it was about a man cheatin' on a woman or beating her or whatever and so here he was all innocent coming home like "what???? what did I do???"

btw welcome back Rahma!!! (even if it's only briefly )

((((hugs)))))

[Jenn! 918]

He said every freakin' Saturday he'd come home from being with the guys bowling

Mhmmm, likely story.

[yassmine2878 1]

An thus raises the question(s), how do you know? How do you know when you've been hoodwinked? How do you know the difference between the man you fell in love with and fought to bring here, and a man who's using you as a ticket to his green card? And once you know, then what do you do?

[ya falaha! 0]

You don't know until he's ready for you to know (if *he's* being dishonest). These men are extremely patient and will put up with a lot of BS to get what they want. Not saying that all MENA men are that way but many of them are.

[AInfante-Saraireh 0]

Well mine is good at saying he loves me, but at the same time, he can be distant too. He's gotten much better and has recently told me he will never leave me, that i will see. I said, never say never, this is when God will test you. But i have seen too many marriages come to and end after green card. This woman has really spoke a lot of truth. Possibly a lot of us dont' want to admit it. She's very right about the culture. It took me a long time to marry my husband coz i believe it was for the green card. I know how badly they all want out of their countries. And I have heard many stories about a fiance or wife back home while he's married to an American or European woman, not the first time i've heard this happen. I found out my husband sent a lot of money home to Jordan. I mean a lot, and all behind my back. She's right also about the complaining part. Their women do not complain like we do. I don't know. I just don't know. There is always this wonder. Wonder too when there friends start coming here too, or their counsin, etc. Please, not all of this is for love.

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

I can honestly say that the thought has crossed my mind various times and that is why I keep my feelings in check...You just never know so I live my life to the fullest and if one day this will be my reality I will deal with it to the best extend that I can - I guess by nature or because of my past experiences I just never fully trust anyone and I mean even my closest family. It seems to me that as I go thru life a always find out that people tend to have hidden motives behind many of their actions/decisions therefore I just take life day by day making the most of it...I don't hold grudges and believe in forgiveness as I know that bitterness will just poison my soul... This is my personal perspective on life and one may see me as a very cold hearted person but this works for me.

I am sorry for anyone that has ever found themselves in a disappointing situation when the life that you are living turns out to be a total lie - that must hurt when you immerse your total being into a relationship that is something opposite of what one may believe.

Everyone is different and deals in their own way with life's disappointments - let's not jump to conclusions and pass any judgments we are are dealing as best as we can.

My prayers go out to all that are suffering.

Love always,

Dorothy

[ya falaha! 0]

Oh they complain but most times they don't do it in front of their men. I've been with many an Arab woman and heard them complain. These women are just like any women. They're just a little different because of their culture.

Well mine is good at saying he loves me, but at the same time, he can be distant too. He's gotten much better and has recently told me he will never leave me, that i will see. I said, never say never, this is when God will test you. But i have seen too many marriages come to and end after green card. This woman has really spoke a lot of truth. Possibly a lot of us dont' want to admit it. She's very right about the culture. It took me a long time to marry my husband coz i believe it was for the green card. I know how badly they all want out of their countries. And I have heard many stories about a fiance or wife back home while he's married to an American or European woman, not the first time i've heard this happen. I found out my husband sent a lot of money home to Jordan. I mean a lot, and all behind my back. She's right also about the complaining part. Their women do not complain like we do. I don't know. I just don't know. There is always this wonder. Wonder too when there friends start coming here too, or their counsin, etc. Please, not all of this is for love.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Reading and will comment when I can see the screen.

Jackie

[AInfante-Saraireh 0]

well most of the ones who complain are the younger ones. Yes, they do rant and rage but not like we do, sorry, they are in check or they might just get hit. I watched my husbands sister, he would be at work, she was home watching the kids, making his dinner or he would have a fit. She does work becaus ethey both need to work in the house, but there lives are not like ours.