Wife wants to move to Seattle

[phong+mai 0]

My wife's been here in the States about 3 months and just recently told me that she wants to move to the Seattle area to learn the hair stylist trade from her sister. Of course she wants me to go with her, but I think if I were to go with her, it would break my parents' hearts. I've personally been to Seattle (beautiful place) and I loved it during the time I was there, but I've lived in CT pretty much my entire life and never pictured myself living anywhere else. I always knew there would a possibility she would want to move there, even before she came here but I still wasn't prepared for it when she told me. I'm trying to be as understanding as I can, but can't help but feel a small sense of abandonment - betrayal might be too harsh a word.

I work for a global company and can pretty much perform my job from anywhere with an Internet connection so logistically it could work. All of our assets are liquid (minus my car) so there isn't anything really holding us back. I would miss my family and friends but she's assured me that it would be a temporary move (1-2 years). The immigration process only took us 9 months but I can't imagine going through the torture of being apart again.

I think we've both made sacrifices in order to be together (I try not to forget that she's already relocated to the U.S. in order to be with me), and I realize that these sacrifices need to be made to ensure a better future for the both of us, but right now I'm not sure what to do. We've talked about alternatives such as going to a hair academy locally, or even going back to college, but she feels like she would be happiest and most successful learning from her sister. Most importantly, I want to be supportive of her goals, but should that mean putting our happiness on hold? Has anyone else gone through this?

Phong

[Dan J 277]

My wife's been here in the States about 3 months and just recently told me that she wants to move to the Seattle area to learn the hair stylist trade from her sister. Of course she wants me to go with her, but I think if I were to go with her, it would break my parents' hearts. I've personally been to Seattle (beautiful place) and I loved it during the time I was there, but I've lived in CT pretty much my entire life and never pictured myself living anywhere else. I always knew there would a possibility she would want to move there, even before she came here but I still wasn't prepared for it when she told me. I'm trying to be as understanding as I can, but can't help but feel a small sense of abandonment - betrayal might be too harsh a word.

I work for a global company and can pretty much perform my job from anywhere with an Internet connection so logistically it could work. All of our assets are liquid (minus my car) so there isn't anything really holding us back. I would miss my family and friends but she's assured me that it would be a temporary move (1-2 years). The immigration process only took us 9 months but I can't imagine going through the torture of being apart again.

I think we've both made sacrifices in order to be together (I try not to forget that she's already relocated to the U.S. in order to be with me), and I realize that these sacrifices need to be made to ensure a better future for the both of us, but right now I'm not sure what to do. We've talked about alternatives such as going to a hair academy locally, or even going back to college, but she feels like she would be happiest and most successful learning from her sister. Most importantly, I want to be supportive of her goals, but should that mean putting our happiness on hold? Has anyone else gone through this?

Phong

Personally I would put my wifes wishes ahead of my parents. If there is nothing holding you back, I would say go for it. You can always go back and visit your family regularly.

[rob&ana 0]

This is a very tough question. I can totally understand her wanting to move to Seattle, if my sister was anywhere in the US, I would certainly want to be close to her, and probably it would have absolutely nothing to do with learning anything, it would simply be that I feel really lonely, and that I’d want to be as close as I could to any family that I had.

On the other hand, well, you’ve settled in your area, you have your supporting network of family and friends, you know your area (since you’ve been there all your life) and it’s where you work. Uprooting can be pretty difficult, but then again, she has done it for you. I am not trying to take her side, because my advice is that you both need to be wherever you’re going to be most comfortable.

Talking is the best remedy in this kind of situation, be blunt honest with her. Ask her if this is really about learning to do hair or if she simply wants to be close to her sister, compromise (both of you), because that’s what matrimony is all about, if you decide to move to Seattle but you want to come back, then make sure that you both understand what’s the time period you’re going to consider. Don’t use the my parents, family and friends are here, cause that definitely doesn’t help when you’re talking to an immigrant who has left all behind.

Understand her situation, and maybe experiencing the distance from your own friends and family will help you understand how she feels, being in a foreign place with no one but you on her side (which should suffice if you ask me – she should’ve considered that when she made the decision to move to the US), communicate above all things…

Good luck with your decision, I hope it turns out the best for both of you…

Ana

[Nancy2015 2]

I'm always for a change! If you can afford to move - go for it.

[Jenn! 918]

Most importantly, I want to be supportive of her goals, but should that mean putting our happiness on hold?

It sounds like your collective happiness would also be on hold if you were to stay in CT, since she really wants to be in Seattle. I know that you've both made sacrifices, but are you willing to sacrifice your marriage? You're lucky your job is so flexible. I think it's a no brainer.

[phong+mai 0]

Thanks for the comments everyone. Money is really a non-issue as I have plenty saved, and even if it were, her sister has offered to let us stay with her. As I've mentioned, this would be an easy move logistically - I've consolidated all of assets, even sold my boat. I just feel that if I were to leave my parents, it would be like a slap in the face to them. Perhaps it's a cultural difference that I'm perceiving.

Thanks,

Phong

[john_and_marlene 162]

I find that the happier my wife is, the happier I am. I wouldn't look at it as detracting from your happiness, but rather having the possibility of increasing your happiness as a result.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Why would your parents feel that your and your wife moving to another area to make a better life for you both would be a slap in the face for them..... if your wife's parents felt like that would she have moved to the USA to be with you???

Kez

[MaydayDas 1]

Sometimes a change is good....it is not like moving at the end of the world...support your wife as she supports you. Good luck for you both

[*JG* 2]

I know you are trying to be supportive; but my thought is WTH is she thinking? She just got to the US. She is in no way completely settled in yet. I know for a fact that during the visa process and then after your SO arrives, things are spinning out of control. There is so much to do to get settled in and make life normal again. Even today, exactly one year after Andre has arrived here, we are still working through what seems like endless paperwork and adjustment to life together. To uproot and mess with the instability of moving and settling into another city and all that entails, so soon after she got here, would be more then I could take.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

If you can make the move go for it. I do have a question however. Is her sister an instructor, and would she actually receive a beauticians license by learning from her sister? If not it would seem a large waste of time if she doesn't not get any credit for it.

[Yodrak 7]

Phong,

She can learn the hair stylist trade from anywhere in the country, including Connecticutt. Make sure that you understand what her true motives are, as well as your own.

Yodrak

My wife's been here in the States about 3 months and just recently told me that she wants to move to the Seattle area to learn the hair stylist trade from her sister. Of course she wants me to go with her, but I think if I were to go with her, it would break my parents' hearts. I've personally been to Seattle (beautiful place) and I loved it during the time I was there, but I've lived in CT pretty much my entire life and never pictured myself living anywhere else. I always knew there would a possibility she would want to move there, even before she came here but I still wasn't prepared for it when she told me. I'm trying to be as understanding as I can, but can't help but feel a small sense of abandonment - betrayal might be too harsh a word.

I work for a global company and can pretty much perform my job from anywhere with an Internet connection so logistically it could work. .....

Phong

[Tom99 0]

If you have plenty of saving, why did she wanna move to somewhere else after just 3 months, if she loves you?

If she'll go somewhere alone, you might loose her.... cuz you'd never know what she'd do in elsewhere since she already in the US... yes, your parents will get mad if you'll move because of our cultural thinking, good luck man!

[Ta Ta 1]

Get settled a little longer and if in a year or so she still wants to go you

may feel better about it having had more time for you and your parents to

come to terms with it. Nothing says you have to move tomorrow.

I think it is more about her being around her sister than learning

the trade which she can learn anyhwere.

Take it slow!

[phong+mai 0]

You're right, there really is no rush... financial or otherwise. Thing is, she had a respectable job in Vietnam and had a comfortable lifestyle. Since coming here, she seems almost like a failure for not earning a living, but I think what she misses the most is the daily interaction with co-workers and peers.

If nothing else, I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels she's making a half-baked decision.