'Forced' to marry

[bostonparis 0]

I was reading the 'sex before marriage' thread, and saw some questions and answers being raised about feeling forced to marry because of the immigration laws, and this being the only way to be together.

I got to thinking, how many people would be getting married as soon as they are if their SO (or they) could move here and live together without getting married?

[Jenn! 918]

We had talked about marriage before, but not really seriously until we began to look into immigration. Had our lives not brought us back to the U.S. at that moment in time, we probably would have waited longer.

[rebeccajo 14]

LOLOL! What a question!

I have ALWAYS told the story about how I discovered VJ while looking for a way for my Irish boyfriend to come over to the US, work here, and live with me while we tested our relationship and I drew out my alimony!

[KarenCee 3]

We weren't forced to marry per se....we knew we were going to eventually marry each other. I guess you might say we married sooner than we planned. We discussed living together as well...and we were both willing to do that too. Eh, what does it matter...we're together.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

The only regret I have about marrying my husband is that I didn't marry him sooner!

[chri'stina 190]

We got married 3 years after knowing each other. And to be honest, if he had lived in the US originally we would have gotten married sooner.

We would have waited maybe a couple months after his actual arrival into the US to marry if not for the need to apply for EAD soon. But that would be to plan the wedding over a longer period of time than to rush like we had do. Though, I don't regret anything. But it would have been nice if we had been from the same country and could have married a year or so earlier than we were able to because of being so far apart and going through the visa process.

[rebeccajo 14]

Stina, did you make that little thing in your avatar?

[chri'stina 190]

Stina, did you make that little thing in your avatar?

No, I wish! I was doing a search for snail pictures...long story ...and found it on a website about yarn and thought it was too cute. I've never gotten so many questions/comments about an avatar before, this is funny! I know it looks so weird yet cute.

[Alex+R 0]

Neither of us believes in marriage particularly. We're not religious and I don't think our generation got the same messages about the institution as some other ones have. I always said I would get married if and when I wanted to have kids, but not for any other reason. I guess I had not thought I might want to marry someone foreign!

So if immigration weren't an issue, we would not be getting married. If we did want to be married, we would have waited longer than two years into the relationship. Neither of us wants to stay long distance for a long time, though, since there isn't really a reason to do it.

[Jenn! 918]

Neither of us believes in marriage particularly. We're not religious and I don't think our generation got the same messages about the institution as some other ones have. I always said I would get married if and when I wanted to have kids, but not for any other reason. I guess I had not thought I might want to marry someone foreign!

That's exactly like me, Alex.

[Canuck Carrie 1]

We knew we wanted to get married, immigration slowed it down.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Replace the word "marriage" with the word "commitment" in the above comments, and see how that comes across.

[Jenn! 918]

Replace the word "marriage" with the word "commitment" in the above comments, and see how that comes across.

Why would I do that? They don't mean the same thing.

[Alex+R 0]

Replace the word "marriage" with the word "commitment" in the above comments, and see how that comes across.

Why would I do that? They don't mean the same thing.

Yeah, I think that's the problem. For me, commitment and marriage are not even CLOSE to synonymous. I know a couple who have been together for 20 years and are very devoted. My best friend's parents have been married that long and are basically roommates who hate each other. Which couple shows more commitment?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

You say youre' not ready for marriage wihich means you're not ready for committment, anecdotal assertions aside, when you are looking for an easy out, marriage is not what you aim for.