Please Help

[repete12747 0]

Hello:

My wife and I were married in March She went back to Russia recently and returned about a week ago on an advanced parole.

Ou marraige has been perfect, everything is wonderful. She passed her green card with flying colors, she loves my children and grandchildren(she has two sons nd two grandchildren back in Russia)

All of a sudden two days ago, she quit talking to me...........the only thing I did was complain a little that she was sleeping too much(jet lag I guess) Nothing was differnt when she came home, in fact she was so warm and romantic it was wonderful.

Today I could barely figure out that she was really homesick but will not talk about it. She is not saying she wants to go back or anything but she just stopped talking to me, showing any emotion everything.

Has anyone experienced anything like this I can understand her being homesick, we have talked about it before but always she told me that she loved me more than anything and never wanted to go back to Russia except to visit.

She mumbled somethning about ten days she would be OK but I am really worried. I have over 2 years, $40,000 and my most important of all, my whole heart invested in her. It would just kill me to lose her at this point in my life. She speaks very little English and I speak very little Russian so that makes it even more difficult There are a few other women in the area from Russia but she says she does not want to talk to them.

I have translated several notes to her trying to find out what is going on, she just says do not speak to her right now.

I am devestated.

Any advice anyone....if there are any Russian Women outthere that have gone through this, write me, I will get it translated and print it and give to her.

Thanks, Larry

[JenT 0]

Larry,

Sounds like a severe case of homesickness brought on by her return home. Quite understandable. If she hasn't given you any reason to distrust her up until now, then I would try to respect her wishes and give her some time to re-adjust.

The number of couples who can't communicate because they don't speak each other's language, quite frankly, continues to amaze me. David is from the UK and technically speaks 'English', but we STILL have our share of mis-communication. I admire those who try to make a go of it... I don't think I could.

Jen

[MrsWhizz 0]

Larry,

When I lived in UK with my husband, I became so homesick that there were days I wouldn't even get out of bed. I didn't feel like talking either. I know it may sound silly but the best and most helpful thing my husband did for me was simply hold me. No words involved. He just let me know he was there for me.

I hope your wife feels better soon!

[motu 5]

Larry: This is kinda ... sorta ... normal. My wife goes through these phases from time to time also (she is from Colombia and my Spanish is quite limited.)

My wife was very depressed during Christmas (even though her niece was visiting us!) And from time to time she goes through these cycles. She has done this 3 times in one year (so its not menstrual). Be nice and attentive and this too shall pass. Good Luck

Edited August 23, 2006 by motu

[heishe 2]

It's weird that you mention how much money she cost. She's not a horse.

I hope she's alright. Just be really nice to her.

Edited August 23, 2006 by heishe

[Carlawarla 1]

Sometimes the best thing you can do is just BE there with her. Hold her yes, if that's what she's wanting, but leave her alone if she wants some space as well. I know it's an oxymoron, but sometimes when someone is really attentive, and you really want to be left alone, it's very annoying, and more depressing.

I'm sure she's homesick, and her recent visit and then coming back to the US has made it even more poignant.

While I'm sure you're trying to understand, I really don't know how easy it would be to do that when you've left everything you know to come to another country, and then to not even speak the same language. You commented that you translated a few notes to her asking her what's wrong. Her English, and your Russian must be VERY rudimentary.

I also had a twinge when you mentioned the 2 years and $40,000.00 invested. Yes, you mentioned that you had your whole heart invested and mentioned that was the most important, just that you mentioned the other, and then did that first....*gulp* Hope you've never said that to her!

Give her space...let her know you care.

Carla

[no name 1]

The number of couples who can't communicate because they don't speak each other's language, quite frankly, continues to amaze me.

Good god, I thought that too! How can one have a relationship if you can't even talk to each other?!?!

Good luck Larry.

[JenT 0]

It's weird that you mention how much money she cost. She's not a horse.

I hope she's alright. Just be really nice to her.

I chose not to comment on the $$, but who keeps track of how much someone 'costs'?

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Sorry to ask this as it will maybe offend you.... but.... did you buy your wife??? I find it very odd that you dont speak much of her language and she dont speak much of yours... how do you communicate? how can you tell your husband your inner most thoughts if you dont speak his language? how can she tell you her fears and how can you reassure her???

I had to spend a whole day with my husbands russian grandmother and I felt so much out of my depth.. we hardly said two words to each other and she at least understands english although she cant speak it very well....

I wish you both well and hope your wife can resolve the issues she has at this time...

Kezzie

Edited August 23, 2006 by Kezzie

[bebop + rocksteady 0]

Phew, if my parents decided one day to send me my "bill" I'd be up a creek....Between college, cars, insurance, food, and well....life. I'm sure I cost a pretty penny.

Cass (bebop the great)

I chose not to comment on the $$, but who keeps track of how much someone 'costs'?

[JenT 0]

Phew, if my parents decided one day to send me my "bill" I'd be up a creek....Between college, cars, insurance, food, and well....life. I'm sure I cost a pretty penny.

Cass (bebop the great)

I chose not to comment on the $$, but who keeps track of how much someone 'costs'?

Funny... I had added a sentence about the cost of kids, thinking that the OP did't have any, then I went back to re-read his post, saw that he did, and deleted the sentence... thought better of making any more comments.

He's gonna regret having made that comment, I'm afraid. Popcorn anyone?

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Phew, if my parents decided one day to send me my "bill" I'd be up a creek....Between college, cars, insurance, food, and well....life. I'm sure I cost a pretty penny.

Cass (bebop the great)

I chose not to comment on the $$, but who keeps track of how much someone 'costs'?

Funny... I had added a sentence about the cost of kids, thinking that the OP did't have any, then I went back to re-read his post, saw that he did, and deleted the sentence... thought better of making any more comments.

He's gonna regret having made that comment, I'm afraid. Popcorn anyone?

[JenT 0]

Sharing with Kezzie. Can someone get me a Diet Coke next time they're up? Thanks.

[repete12747 0]

Hello Everyone:

Thanks for the notes. I am sorry if it bothered some of you what I said about the money. The money is not important to me, I was just making a point, I would spend it all again and a million if I had it and had to. She is the most awesome women I have ever met in my life. I love her dearly I am just so upset right now. Up until 2 days ago I was floating on cloud nine. No she doesn't want me to hold her at the moment so I will just try and be patient and give her the space she wants. It is difficult and it breaks my heart that I can't hold her and comfort her.

Larry

[JenT 0]

It can be disheartening to not be able to 'fix' things when people we love are hurting... give her the space she needs and stay available when she's ready to re-engage. I'm sure she knows you love her... she's human and feeling conflicted. It doesn't mean she loves you less. She's just been reminded of home, a place where she's spent a lot more time than where she is now. Only natural for her to need some re-adjustment time.

Chin up...

Jen