Lost

[depair 0]

Can I get advice on what I can do. I have filed a k-1 visa in April, 2009 and I now feel like I am not in love with my fiancee as I thought. The reasson is that I have asked my fiancee for help with half of the filing fee for the application k-1. He said that is all that I will have to pay, but he has also said that he does not have any money saved for the costs that he will need to pay for the fees for his permanent residence fees once he is in the USA. I am concerned that he will come here and have nothing to contribute to those cost. I am a single mother of three. I really want to say to him that he needs to prove to me that he has the money for these cost. I cannot incure any debt as I have small children that depend upon me. He says that he will borrow money from family. I am thinking that maybe at this point that he may have been interested in me for entry into the US only. I am so confused. I have a dear friend from his country that I talk with, who has concerns that once he is here and after we meet the requirements for his citizenship that he will leave me. My friend has been more support than my fiancee has. I have known him for 2 years longer than my fiancee. I am thinking that I made a huge mistake in accepting his proposal. I am wondering if I am really in love with my other friend, but I do not know what to do.?

Any advise???

[LiLMermaid 2]

Can I get advice on what I can do. I have filed a k-1 visa in April, 2009 and I now feel like I am not in love with my fiancee as I thought. The reasson is that I have asked my fiancee for help with half of the filing fee for the application k-1. He said that is all that I will have to pay, but he has also said that he does not have any money saved for the costs that he will need to pay for the fees for his permanent residence fees once he is in the USA. I am concerned that he will come here and have nothing to contribute to those cost. I am a single mother of three. I really want to say to him that he needs to prove to me that he has the money for these cost. I cannot incure any debt as I have small children that depend upon me. He says that he will borrow money from family. I am thinking that maybe at this point that he may have been interested in me for entry into the US only. I am so confused. I have a dear friend from his country that I talk with, who has concerns that once he is here and after we meet the requirements for his citizenship that he will leave me. My friend has been more support than my fiancee has. I have known him for 2 years longer than my fiancee. I am thinking that I made a huge mistake in accepting his proposal. I am wondering if I am really in love with my other friend, but I do not know what to do.?

Any advise???

You really need to think this through. Once he is here it is YOUR responsibility to support him. You are signing documents saying that you will. Being a mother of 3 myself...you're having doubts now is not good. Unfortunately I have seen a few stories here about people using Americans just to get in the country. If you suspect that is what he is doing then I suggest you contact USCIS and cancel your petition for the K1 visa. Also if your not even sure if you love him or your friend then that is a sure sign that this relationship is not meant to be.

[sjr09 155]

Can I get advice on what I can do. I have filed a k-1 visa in April, 2009 and I now feel like I am not in love with my fiancee as I thought. The reasson is that I have asked my fiancee for help with half of the filing fee for the application k-1. He said that is all that I will have to pay, but he has also said that he does not have any money saved for the costs that he will need to pay for the fees for his permanent residence fees once he is in the USA. I am concerned that he will come here and have nothing to contribute to those cost. I am a single mother of three. I really want to say to him that he needs to prove to me that he has the money for these cost. I cannot incure any debt as I have small children that depend upon me. He says that he will borrow money from family. I am thinking that maybe at this point that he may have been interested in me for entry into the US only. I am so confused. I have a dear friend from his country that I talk with, who has concerns that once he is here and after we meet the requirements for his citizenship that he will leave me. My friend has been more support than my fiancee has. I have known him for 2 years longer than my fiancee. I am thinking that I made a huge mistake in accepting his proposal. I am wondering if I am really in love with my other friend, but I do not know what to do.?

Any advise???

You don't know who you love? Let them both go and get your head screwed on right! your a bit nuts if you ask me.....

[Danu 19]

A relationship is all about gives and takes. Especially for this process it is about planning. My Fiance did the application costs, I will be doing my medical and visa costs, he will be covering my AOS because I am paying my moving fees. That said, when he got mugged I was ready to jump in an pay the application costs, I've now lost my job and he has offered to help pay moving fees for me. Its about us and our life together, we both know that one or the other may have to pick up the other one financially at any point. As LiLMermaid said though, you are agreeing to support him once he is here, and he won't be able to work for at least 3 months. You really need to talk a plan out with him about how your financial situation is going to work out. If you can't do this and you don't feel you love him, I would say its time to look at if this is really what you want to do.

In a relationship that will last you need to talk about everything, even uncomfortable subjects. If you can't talk about and come up with plans about things like money your life will be very hard, especially as a mom. You owe it to yourself, your kids and this man. Seeing as you just filed a short time ago, I would sit down and talk to your fiance, see if you can come up with some plan about the money, not just for the short term, but also for long term plans, and talk to him about how you are feeling...that because you have the kids you need to make sure that they are taken care of as well and that they are very important to you. If after all this you still feel horrible and like its the wrong choice, then its not the right choice and you should probably end it, write a letter to USCIS withdrawing the petition.

I wish you the best of luck.

[winifredbee 1]

If you filed in April you have some time to think this through. You paid 455 for the petition but the AOS is twice that amount and more. I suggest that you take all the time you have to really search your heart and see what your current fiance steps up to offer. Don't forget that the K-1 once approved is good for an additional 6 months. Good Luck! Don't be hasty but be honest with yourself. Love is not easy nor cheap when your dealing with the USCIS.

[depair 0]

A relationship is all about gives and takes. Especially for this process it is about planning. My Fiance did the application costs, I will be doing my medical and visa costs, he will be covering my AOS because I am paying my moving fees. That said, when he got mugged I was ready to jump in an pay the application costs, I've now lost my job and he has offered to help pay moving fees for me. Its about us and our life together, we both know that one or the other may have to pick up the other one financially at any point. As LiLMermaid said though, you are agreeing to support him once he is here, and he won't be able to work for at least 3 months. You really need to talk a plan out with him about how your financial situation is going to work out. If you can't do this and you don't feel you love him, I would say its time to look at if this is really what you want to do.

In a relationship that will last you need to talk about everything, even uncomfortable subjects. If you can't talk about and come up with plans about things like money your life will be very hard, especially as a mom. You owe it to yourself, your kids and this man. Seeing as you just filed a short time ago, I would sit down and talk to your fiance, see if you can come up with some plan about the money, not just for the short term, but also for long term plans, and talk to him about how you are feeling...that because you have the kids you need to make sure that they are taken care of as well and that they are very important to you. If after all this you still feel horrible and like its the wrong choice, then its not the right choice and you should probably end it, write a letter to USCIS withdrawing the petition.

I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you for your input. You have given me somethings to think about. I will try again to talk with him about a plan.

A relationship is all about gives and takes. Especially for this process it is about planning. My Fiance did the application costs, I will be doing my medical and visa costs, he will be covering my AOS because I am paying my moving fees. That said, when he got mugged I was ready to jump in an pay the application costs, I've now lost my job and he has offered to help pay moving fees for me. Its about us and our life together, we both know that one or the other may have to pick up the other one financially at any point. As LiLMermaid said though, you are agreeing to support him once he is here, and he won't be able to work for at least 3 months. You really need to talk a plan out with him about how your financial situation is going to work out. If you can't do this and you don't feel you love him, I would say its time to look at if this is really what you want to do.

In a relationship that will last you need to talk about everything, even uncomfortable subjects. If you can't talk about and come up with plans about things like money your life will be very hard, especially as a mom. You owe it to yourself, your kids and this man. Seeing as you just filed a short time ago, I would sit down and talk to your fiance, see if you can come up with some plan about the money, not just for the short term, but also for long term plans, and talk to him about how you are feeling...that because you have the kids you need to make sure that they are taken care of as well and that they are very important to you. If after all this you still feel horrible and like its the wrong choice, then its not the right choice and you should probably end it, write a letter to USCIS withdrawing the petition.

I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you for your honesty.

Can I get advice on what I can do. I have filed a k-1 visa in April, 2009 and I now feel like I am not in love with my fiancee as I thought. The reasson is that I have asked my fiancee for help with half of the filing fee for the application k-1. He said that is all that I will have to pay, but he has also said that he does not have any money saved for the costs that he will need to pay for the fees for his permanent residence fees once he is in the USA. I am concerned that he will come here and have nothing to contribute to those cost. I am a single mother of three. I really want to say to him that he needs to prove to me that he has the money for these cost. I cannot incure any debt as I have small children that depend upon me. He says that he will borrow money from family. I am thinking that maybe at this point that he may have been interested in me for entry into the US only. I am so confused. I have a dear friend from his country that I talk with, who has concerns that once he is here and after we meet the requirements for his citizenship that he will leave me. My friend has been more support than my fiancee has. I have known him for 2 years longer than my fiancee. I am thinking that I made a huge mistake in accepting his proposal. I am wondering if I am really in love with my other friend, but I do not know what to do.?

Any advise???

You really need to think this through. Once he is here it is YOUR responsibility to support him. You are signing documents saying that you will. Being a mother of 3 myself...you're having doubts now is not good. Unfortunately I have seen a few stories here about people using Americans just to get in the country. If you suspect that is what he is doing then I suggest you contact USCIS and cancel your petition for the K1 visa. Also if your not even sure if you love him or your friend then that is a sure sign that this relationship is not meant to be.

Thank you so much.

[depair 0]

Can I get advice on what I can do. I have filed a k-1 visa in April, 2009 and I now feel like I am not in love with my fiancee as I thought. The reasson is that I have asked my fiancee for help with half of the filing fee for the application k-1. He said that is all that I will have to pay, but he has also said that he does not have any money saved for the costs that he will need to pay for the fees for his permanent residence fees once he is in the USA. I am concerned that he will come here and have nothing to contribute to those cost. I am a single mother of three. I really want to say to him that he needs to prove to me that he has the money for these cost. I cannot incure any debt as I have small children that depend upon me. He says that he will borrow money from family. I am thinking that maybe at this point that he may have been interested in me for entry into the US only. I am so confused. I have a dear friend from his country that I talk with, who has concerns that once he is here and after we meet the requirements for his citizenship that he will leave me. My friend has been more support than my fiancee has. I have known him for 2 years longer than my fiancee. I am thinking that I made a huge mistake in accepting his proposal. I am wondering if I am really in love with my other friend, but I do not know what to do.?

Any advise???

You don't know who you love? Let them both go and get your head screwed on right! your a bit nuts if you ask me.....

Your response brought up many feelings like anger that you would state that I am wacko, despair because you did not see that my main concern is the financial situation that I may be in if he is not sincere. My main priority is my children. I love my friend because of his honesty not because I want a relationship with more than friends. In this unstable economy everything that I do will have a dramatic impact on my children, so I am right to think longterm if this relationship is not sincere. I hope that you never are faced with such decisions as those I must make. My love for my fiancee has diminished because of his lack of planning for his entry into the USA. Financial problems are the number one reasons for divorce in the US. The possibility that I could be a willing victim of Vias fraid will make anyone crazy.

[Ladylethal 12]

Sounds like this is something that VJ won't be able to help you with. You need to be sure before going through such a process.

[john & jean 37]

this process can be hard on relationships. maybe you should reconsider the alternatives. after awhile you become financially tied to it....

Edited June 23, 2009 by john & jean

[Susita 175]

I feel your pain it's like choosing between Zack & Slater

... what?

[depair 0]

this process can be hard on relationships. maybe you should reconsider the alternatives. after awhile you become financially tied to it....

I agree that this process is hard on relationships. I am trying to consider the alternatives while being fair to all involved. I am just trying to find a way to get some real answers from my fiancee without sounding like a A-typical demanding woman. The idea that I will support him for three months is not my only concern, but I am afraid that he will not have money for all those fees to start our lives here. If I must sacrifice his love to maintain a sense of security for my children, then that is what I need to do. I pray tha he is receptive to a hard talk of the realities that we will face upon his entry to the US.

Thanks

I feel your pain it's like choosing between Zack & Slater

... what?

that was cute, but I am not looking forward to hurting anyone in my confusion.

[sjr09 155]

Can I get advice on what I can do. I have filed a k-1 visa in April, 2009 and I now feel like I am not in love with my fiancee as I thought. The reasson is that I have asked my fiancee for help with half of the filing fee for the application k-1. He said that is all that I will have to pay, but he has also said that he does not have any money saved for the costs that he will need to pay for the fees for his permanent residence fees once he is in the USA. I am concerned that he will come here and have nothing to contribute to those cost. I am a single mother of three. I really want to say to him that he needs to prove to me that he has the money for these cost. I cannot incure any debt as I have small children that depend upon me. He says that he will borrow money from family. I am thinking that maybe at this point that he may have been interested in me for entry into the US only. I am so confused. I have a dear friend from his country that I talk with, who has concerns that once he is here and after we meet the requirements for his citizenship that he will leave me. My friend has been more support than my fiancee has. I have known him for 2 years longer than my fiancee. I am thinking that I made a huge mistake in accepting his proposal. I am wondering if I am really in love with my other friend, but I do not know what to do.?

Any advise???

You don't know who you love? Let them both go and get your head screwed on right! your a bit nuts if you ask me.....

Your response brought up many feelings like anger that you would state that I am wacko, despair because you did not see that my main concern is the financial situation that I may be in if he is not sincere. My main priority is my children. I love my friend because of his honesty not because I want a relationship with more than friends. In this unstable economy everything that I do will have a dramatic impact on my children, so I am right to think longterm if this relationship is not sincere. I hope that you never are faced with such decisions as those I must make. My love for my fiancee has diminished because of his lack of planning for his entry into the USA. Financial problems are the number one reasons for divorce in the US. The possibility that I could be a willing victim of Vias fraid will make anyone crazy.

I never used the word Wacko, I was to the point in your question... I would never put my slef in that kind of situation. If your thinking long term about this relationship thats good but in the way your talking the possibility that you be a willing victim of Visa fraid is nuts! And if your willing your not a victim... And it's clear to see your really thinking about it, now thats nuts! the writing is on the wall.

[john & jean 37]

no need for confusion, do the research, weigh the alternatives, make a decision!!! with that maybe the decision will be neither of them...

[depair 0]

Can I get advice on what I can do. I have filed a k-1 visa in April, 2009 and I now feel like I am not in love with my fiancee as I thought. The reasson is that I have asked my fiancee for help with half of the filing fee for the application k-1. He said that is all that I will have to pay, but he has also said that he does not have any money saved for the costs that he will need to pay for the fees for his permanent residence fees once he is in the USA. I am concerned that he will come here and have nothing to contribute to those cost. I am a single mother of three. I really want to say to him that he needs to prove to me that he has the money for these cost. I cannot incure any debt as I have small children that depend upon me. He says that he will borrow money from family. I am thinking that maybe at this point that he may have been interested in me for entry into the US only. I am so confused. I have a dear friend from his country that I talk with, who has concerns that once he is here and after we meet the requirements for his citizenship that he will leave me. My friend has been more support than my fiancee has. I have known him for 2 years longer than my fiancee. I am thinking that I made a huge mistake in accepting his proposal. I am wondering if I am really in love with my other friend, but I do not know what to do.?

Any advise???

You don't know who you love? Let them both go and get your head screwed on right! your a bit nuts if you ask me.....

Your response brought up many feelings like anger that you would state that I am wacko, despair because you did not see that my main concern is the financial situation that I may be in if he is not sincere. My main priority is my children. I love my friend because of his honesty not because I want a relationship with more than friends. In this unstable economy everything that I do will have a dramatic impact on my children, so I am right to think longterm if this relationship is not sincere. I hope that you never are faced with such decisions as those I must make. My love for my fiancee has diminished because of his lack of planning for his entry into the USA. Financial problems are the number one reasons for divorce in the US. The possibility that I could be a willing victim of Vias fraid will make anyone crazy.

I never used the word Wacko, I was to the point in your question... I would never put my slef in that kind of situation. If your thinking long term about this relationship thats good but in the way your talking the possibility that you be a willing victim of Visa fraid is nuts! And if your willing your not a victim... And it's clear to see your really thinking about it, now thats nuts! the writing is on the wall.

I am glad that you are or will never be in this situation. I would not wish that on anyone. I am just stressing again that all my decisions will dramatically affect my children and re-evaluating the stress that his entry to the US would have on my children. I think that if he is serious about marrying me then he should have a sound plan to avoid undue financial pressure on me for the sake of my children. I just cannot get him to give me tangible plan that would reassure me that he will do all he can to make this process easier, as much as that is possible.

[sjr09 155]

Can I get advice on what I can do. I have filed a k-1 visa in April, 2009 and I now feel like I am not in love with my fiancee as I thought. The reasson is that I have asked my fiancee for help with half of the filing fee for the application k-1. He said that is all that I will have to pay, but he has also said that he does not have any money saved for the costs that he will need to pay for the fees for his permanent residence fees once he is in the USA. I am concerned that he will come here and have nothing to contribute to those cost. I am a single mother of three. I really want to say to him that he needs to prove to me that he has the money for these cost. I cannot incure any debt as I have small children that depend upon me. He says that he will borrow money from family. I am thinking that maybe at this point that he may have been interested in me for entry into the US only. I am so confused. I have a dear friend from his country that I talk with, who has concerns that once he is here and after we meet the requirements for his citizenship that he will leave me. My friend has been more support than my fiancee has. I have known him for 2 years longer than my fiancee. I am thinking that I made a huge mistake in accepting his proposal. I am wondering if I am really in love with my other friend, but I do not know what to do.?

Any advise???

You don't know who you love? Let them both go and get your head screwed on right! your a bit nuts if you ask me.....

Your response brought up many feelings like anger that you would state that I am wacko, despair because you did not see that my main concern is the financial situation that I may be in if he is not sincere. My main priority is my children. I love my friend because of his honesty not because I want a relationship with more than friends. In this unstable economy everything that I do will have a dramatic impact on my children, so I am right to think longterm if this relationship is not sincere. I hope that you never are faced with such decisions as those I must make. My love for my fiancee has diminished because of his lack of planning for his entry into the USA. Financial problems are the number one reasons for divorce in the US. The possibility that I could be a willing victim of Vias fraid will make anyone crazy.

I never used the word Wacko, I was to the point in your question... I would never put my slef in that kind of situation. If your thinking long term about this relationship thats good but in the way your talking the possibility that you be a willing victim of Visa fraid is nuts! And if your willing your not a victim... And it's clear to see your really thinking about it, now thats nuts! the writing is on the wall.

I am glad that you are or will never be in this situation. I would not wish that on anyone. I am just stressing again that all my decisions will dramatically affect my children and re-evaluating the stress that his entry to the US would have on my children. I think that if he is serious about marrying me then he should have a sound plan to avoid undue financial pressure on me for the sake of my children. I just cannot get him to give me tangible plan that would reassure me that he will do all he can to make this process easier, as much as that is possible.

I wish the best for you and your children, Good Luck