The internet and you

[trailmix 77]

So based on the discussion in the vent thread today, I thought this might be an interesting discussion.

Why are some people more brutal online than they are offline - or are they? Is it easier to be nice online than offline. Why do people refer to meeting someone in 'real life' - are the people online not real to you?

Just brings up lots of interesting questions I think.

[The_Dude 1,142]

I am the same online as I am in real life. You can call me an a$$hole to my face, or sitting at your computer

I refer to people as "in real life" because they are in my real life. You are not in my real life, I don't know your real name, I've never met you in person. That is my insignificant litmus test.

[thetreble 19]

Good one, Trailmix.

Hm.

I'd say most people are more brutal online then they are in real life. I think as humans we tend to go with our gut which tells us if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. But then a screen comes into play where you aren't sitting face to face with someone, and you can't tell if you are hurting them, so you just blurt out what you want without considering that it may not be the right thing to say. I think even I am guilty of this, too. I'm sure I have said a few things on here that I wouldn't necessarily say in real life. But for the most part I feel I'm pretty honest online and I'm a pretty honest person in person. I don't beat around the bush. That doesn't mean I'm not nice!!! It just means that if someone tells me "do I look fat in this dress" if they do I will be honest in the nicest way possible.

I guess I don't like the concept of being fake. I'm a take me for what I am kind of person. I also think people tend to over-react a lot as well but that's another topic.

As for if people online or real or not...that's a hard one. They are definitely real people and I've met quite a few people offline over the years. (some good and bad! ) But I love hearing people talk and I love meeting people from all over the place. That is the beauty of the internet for me. If it wasn't for the internet, I can honestly say I wouldn't be the same person I am today. Most of us probably would say the same.

[trailmix 77]

I am not going to justify my decisons to use both to anyone. Go ahead and hate it. The less users on twitter, the less "we're over capacity" errors I get.

Nor should you have to justify any decisions, especially over the internet. But this is the internet, and people will fearlessly express their feelings and opinions on things

'Tis funny that you say that, Robbie and Mellie. I was thinking abotu this last week when my bridezilla situation was continuing. So many people are fearless on the internet and it leads them around to be people they are not or the real them comes out. Like, the maid of honour in the wedding is a total ####### over the internet to me, but then when she sees me face to face she's all nicey-nice because she knows that if she opened her mouth, I'd intellectually defend myself and put her down.

However, I am exactly on the internet as I am in real life and can also vouch for Nevada and Jill. The way they appear here and the things they both say are what they act like in real life. Nevada and I are ball-busters. We are kinda tough. Jill is very sweet. Nev and I are overly honest. Guess it's just the way we are and I don't understand why people are different on the internet. What are they so afraid of in their real life?

One word for why they show no fear on the internet...... Repercussions. There are virtually none on the internet, lest you anger some vindictive hacker

I'm a snide pr!ck in everyday life, and I imagine I come off as one on the internet as well. I'm not all bad though.

Repercussions are generally, in life, something you give to yourself, not something from the 'outside'. If you are only nice, for instance, to a person because they might hit you - then I would venture to say that is a problem you have - internet or not.

That's not directed at you rob btw, i'm just saying in general.

methinks this would be a good new topic.

I don't see it that way. You don't act in a civil manner at work because you decided it. It's a societal norm that directs how you behave yourself in life.

But isn't that self imposed? No one is holding a knife to your throat demanding that you act in a civil manner - while it might mean you would get fired if you didn't - it's still self imposed.

[SirJon 0]

It's similar to something that I was told by a bomb aimer about his time during World War 2. He never thought about the buildings in his sights as places with people in them. All they were to him were targets that needed to be destroyed to win the war. He said he had visited one of the places after the war and met people whose lives he had affected. That was when it became real to him.

The internet allows you to be harsh as you do not see the effects.

[thetreble 19]

Maybe it's a bit of both? It's definitely a societal norm but maybe it then turns into self imposed. I think that's a bit philosophical though.

It's similar to something that I was told by a bomb aimer about his time during World War 2. He never thought about the buildings in his sights as places with people in them. All they were to him were targets that needed to be destroyed to win the war. He said he had visited one of the places after the war and met people whose lives he had affected. That was when it became real to him.

The internet allows you to be harsh as you do not see the effects.

ie. the situation where the little girl committed suicide after a terrible mother told her she should.

[trailmix 77]

It's similar to something that I was told by a bomb aimer about his time during World War 2. He never thought about the buildings in his sights as places with people in them. All they were to him were targets that needed to be destroyed to win the war. He said he had visited one of the places after the war and met people whose lives he had affected. That was when it became real to him.

The internet allows you to be harsh as you do not see the effects.

I think that is a different situation though. In order for that man to do his, very disturbing, job, he had to detach himself from it. There is really no need for that here, you have time to ponder what you are going to say or how you are going to react.

There is no reason why someone here cannot take the time to think about how what they are saying may affect other people.

Edited May 21, 2009 by trailmix

[The_Dude 1,142]

I am not going to justify my decisons to use both to anyone. Go ahead and hate it. The less users on twitter, the less "we're over capacity" errors I get.

Nor should you have to justify any decisions, especially over the internet. But this is the internet, and people will fearlessly express their feelings and opinions on things

'Tis funny that you say that, Robbie and Mellie. I was thinking abotu this last week when my bridezilla situation was continuing. So many people are fearless on the internet and it leads them around to be people they are not or the real them comes out. Like, the maid of honour in the wedding is a total ####### over the internet to me, but then when she sees me face to face she's all nicey-nice because she knows that if she opened her mouth, I'd intellectually defend myself and put her down.

However, I am exactly on the internet as I am in real life and can also vouch for Nevada and Jill. The way they appear here and the things they both say are what they act like in real life. Nevada and I are ball-busters. We are kinda tough. Jill is very sweet. Nev and I are overly honest. Guess it's just the way we are and I don't understand why people are different on the internet. What are they so afraid of in their real life?

One word for why they show no fear on the internet...... Repercussions. There are virtually none on the internet, lest you anger some vindictive hacker

I'm a snide pr!ck in everyday life, and I imagine I come off as one on the internet as well. I'm not all bad though.

Repercussions are generally, in life, something you give to yourself, not something from the 'outside'. If you are only nice, for instance, to a person because they might hit you - then I would venture to say that is a problem you have - internet or not.

That's not directed at you rob btw, i'm just saying in general.

methinks this would be a good new topic.

I don't see it that way. You don't act in a civil manner at work because you decided it. It's a societal norm that directs how you behave yourself in life.

But isn't that self imposed? No one is holding a knife to your throat demanding that you act in a civil manner - while it might mean you would get fired if you didn't - it's still self imposed.

Maybe self-regulated, but not self-imposed. That would imply that you yourself directly determined them. You may decide not to follow some of the rules, but that won't stop others from enforcing them. It's the rules of living in a civilized society.

[trailmix 77]

Maybe self-regulated, but not self-imposed. That would imply that you yourself directly determined them. You may decide not to follow some of the rules, but that won't stop others from enforcing them. It's the rules of living in a civilized society.

You say tomato I say tomahto etc etc

[The_Dude 1,142]

It's similar to something that I was told by a bomb aimer about his time during World War 2. He never thought about the buildings in his sights as places with people in them. All they were to him were targets that needed to be destroyed to win the war. He said he had visited one of the places after the war and met people whose lives he had affected. That was when it became real to him.

The internet allows you to be harsh as you do not see the effects.

I think that is a different situation though. In order for that man to do his, very disturbing, job, he had to detach himself from it. There is really no need for that here, you have time to ponder what you are going to say or how you are going to react.

There is no reason why someone here cannot take the time to think about how what they are saying may affect other people.

There are people who go to those lengths to disturb others on internet forums and beyond. Some people just like to be a character other than themseles on the internet. Just check out 4chan forums. Here is a good article about the lengths that some people will go to.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/03/magazine...;ref=technology

[thetreble 19]

There is no reason why someone here cannot take the time to think about how what they are saying may affect other people.

Now are you saying here that people shouldn't be themselves? I mean I think we should all be nice to one another. But there have been times where people get upset and over react because people are just being honest.

I would never, ever call someone a name or be mean on purpose unless that person knew I was joking. However, being blunt is part of my personality. Do you know any Scots? It kinda runs in our blood

[SirJon 0]

The anonymity of the internet allows people to be different if they want to. Those who would normally never say boo to a goose when around people suddenly have the ability to be vitriolic without any real comeback. If they don't like what comes back to them, all they have to do is click the mouse and it goes away. It's hard for that to happen in real life.

I can think of many examples of real life and internet life personas being poles apart.

[The_Dude 1,142]

There is no reason why someone here cannot take the time to think about how what they are saying may affect other people.

Now are you saying here that people shouldn't be themselves? I mean I think we should all be nice to one another. But there have been times where people get upset and over react because people are just being honest.

I would never, ever call someone a name or be mean on purpose unless that person knew I was joking. However, being blunt is part of my personality. Do you know any Scots? It kinda runs in our blood

Yeah, but sometimes when you see someone completely overreact to something, it's a bit fun to push their buttons

[thetreble 19]

Yes...true. But I'd be pushing their buttons in real life, too. I was a debater in highschool and it was a lot of fun.

[The_Dude 1,142]

Yes...true. But I'd be pushing their buttons in real life, too. I was a debater in highschool and it was a lot of fun.

Myself too. But, on the internet, you can do it with no fear that they might punch you or go complain to your supervisor. Like SirJon said, if you dont' like someones reaction, you can just ignore them, or at the very worst, you can make another account.