Legal Advise Please Husband Abandoned Me

[Bumbellina 0]

First off,

Hello all VJers. This is my first post, and it's a horrible note upon which to start. I've come here, read faithfully, and taken advice on a great many topics during my own visa journey, but never registered or posted until now. This forum gave me comfort and patience through the long arduous wait for my sweet, handsome, kind amazing man to get into the country, so we could finally get married and begin our life together. I read a lot of trauma and drama, but never felt compelled to participate. I heard some horror stories, too. Well, now it's all too real and I need some advice.

We were so happy and so in love, or at least I thought so. I visited him four times and spent hours chatting with him and emailing him and waiting. He promised me everything, promised to never hurt me, to be faithful, to never leave me, to always take care of me. He was handsome, charming, funny, intelligent, really easy going, blended in perfectly, spoke perfect, English, not even an accent. Had a way of putting everyone, self included, very much at ease. Was almost off putting because it often felt like he was born here and not from another culture, let alone from half way around the world. I was as happy as could be, it all seemed a fairy tail. We laughed, frolicked, played, flirted, just had so much fun and such a great connection. I danced for him, he loved it. He said all he cared about was if I was happy, . If I was happy he was happy. Just unreal. Now, looking back, I feel like big, fat, idiot for believing something that seemed so real and wonderful could really be true.

The Visa Journey was the easy part. Once he got here, there was no work, and I was not really prepared to support him for an extended period of unemployment. California is expensive, esp, the SF Bay area. I wasn't working when I filed the petition but had a fairly large reserve of cash, so family member co sponsored because of the tax return thing. This was temporary, as I soon had enough income to meet the guidelines. However, we all know nothing is "temporary" once the immigrant touches down on US soil. We got on well, but there were issues, I always felt something was wrong. He was secretive. He hid things from me. He minimized chat windows when I walked in the room, he went outside to take calls. He said he's private and he doesn't really know me well enough yet, so I tried to let it slide. I felt unease though. Through all the love, it seemed he spent an inordinate amount of time online, on social networking sites and chatting. Too much chatter not enough work. Well things progressed and the fairy tail started to wear off. We got in a few fights, but always kissed and made up afterward. At some point though (after our adjustment of status was filed, mind you) he began to withdraw from the marriage. He became more secretive. He never introduced me to any of his friends, never helped foster a relationship between his family and myself. I don't speak arabic, his mother does not speak english. Yet, he always passed along their love and regards to me, as I passed mine along to his family.

Meanwhile, he wasn't working and I was struggling to get a better job. The debt kept racking up. He already owed me for all the filings, lawyer fees, and a large loan as well. He never had money for his half of the bills, and this caused stress. I began noticing things. Suspicious new email accounts on his iphone, the fact he never listed himself married on facebook. That he had pictures in his profile that he marked private so I couldn't view. His excuse: I don't use facebook much so I shouldn't be "spying" on him. I began to get more and more suspicious of him. Something just wasn't right. After we had our AOS interview and he was approved, he got money to relocate us to the bay area. This made me nervous because it would be a much longer commute for me, and my income alone would not be enough to cover the higher overhead. He insisted. So we moved in December. He had already checked out of the marriage by then, but I was the last one to get the memo. Once we arrived, his 2 year card showed up about weeks later. He got a low paying job, and gave me a total of $400 dollars toward the last 8 months of bills. We began having worse fights, and he withdrew his affection. His eyes no longer followed me across the room. He demanded a divorce in the middle of a fight in Jan, but changed his mind when I left for two days. In Feb on the 15th we had another fight. He told me I wasn't keeping the house clean enough, I wasn't taking care of myself, and that I turned him off (mind you I was working full time the entire time). I took offense and called him an explicit name, with the word pig thrown in. Bad move, he is muslim though he does not practice, other than we observe ramadan. He again said he would divorce me. So it went. I promised to never call him a name in anger again and kept that promise. He didn't believe I could keep my promise, so he found something else to blame me for. He told me everything is all my fault and I'm a nag and a bad wife. I was still paying for him.

He finally got a job that would allow him to pay his share and begin to pay me back. At this point he was in debt to me over $25,000 and I was in debt as a result of it. We sat down and calculated the bills (the first time he really saw how much went in and out, and even then, I didn't include everything, so his share was $1300 a month and pay me back $500 a month on the back debt. This amount barely covered food, and had nothing built in for gas, auto insurance, tolls, misc, emergency, co-payments, the like. His job would yield $2400 take home per month. He decided in his infinite wisdom that since we would be working 24 miles away and I used the car for my job as an outside sales person that he would purchase or lease a car. He decided on leasing a 50,000 BMW that we could not afford. The payment alone was over $500 a month, not including insurance, gas or anything else. This was after he was going to get 10,000 from his family. He would not listen to me when I explained this was a very risky decision in this economy. Would not listen when I suggested something less expensive, but still nice. Told me it's none of my business. I could not let it go. As a result he said he would give me the 10,000 but he would take a job anywhere in the world and I was to follow him or not. Things escalated from there and he told me he's moving out at the end of March. We have a year lease which I cannot afford on my own. I dipped deep into my credit to make sure the roof was over our head, but he would not listen when I told him how hard it was. Would not discuss, just said he was going. Unlike before, I didn't beg him to stay. I said fine, you go. My family is coming to collect me, help me move all the big furniture and things I bought to furnish our home. He is moving out to go rent a room and in all likelihood not pay me anything he owes me. He can't handle being married or my debt. This is what he told me. The romance is gone. Has been since before we moved in December. The look in his eyes, gone. The desire to make me happy, gone. I tried REALLY hard to make sure we were taken care of and looked the other way anytime he fed me a line about what he was up to, why he was flirting with other people, why he didn't try to make me happy anymore.

It's a done deal. I have to sublet this apartment or I'm on the hook for an additional 20K. I can't stay, with my debt and the rent, I can't cover the overhead. My family who co sponsored him, loved and trusted him because he loved and cherished me is coming to collect me, 43 years old and pathetic.

Well it didn't end there. Last night I googled one of his user names or passwords he likes to use. The google search returned 7 hits on that name, all of which were posts at an exclusive adult entertainment site, specializing in massage parlours, escorts, call girls and the like. There is a feature where users can ask about one of these no doubt high caliber ladies and the services they provide. There is also a feature where a patron of said EXPENSIVE ladies can rate the lady on looks and "as a provider" it's a scale of 1-10. Lo, and behold, there was my sweeties screen name rating his experience with three of these ladies and inquiring about a few more. I didn't want to jump the gun, accuse him unfairly, so I dug around. I couldn't find any info on the user, however the particular ladies listed all had their contact information under the listings. I pulled our cell phone bills. Lo and behold the numbers for the three "escorts (I so want to call them what they really are)" were all on our phone bill. He had been he had seen he had his conquest.

I woke him and asked him to explain. He packed his bags and walked out. Said he will never return. The floodgates opened. He began seeing these women before we moved to the SF bay area. How many others there were I don't know. This is all I had numbers for. I don't want to know. I caught him lying in October about "flirting" which was basically contacting prostitutes and trying to get pictures, or so he said. He begged me to forgive him. Said it was an addiction, he would never do it again. Yet I found empty condom packs tucked into his brand new luggage. Luggage he didn't own before he became engaged and then married to me. He said they were probably his brothers. He obviously lied. I never could trust him completely, because I always felt something was wrong, and something always was. He has lied to his family saying he is paying rent and he has, to date, not done so. Yet any time they send him money to "ship" something, he has a hard time shipping it because he manages to spend the money. I wonder on what? It sure isn't on paying any bills in our household. He is clearly too immature to be married, or the logical, in your face, obvious answer: He USED ME FOR A CARD. I never wanted to say that, but a man who would go to a prostitute and completely disrespect his wedding vows, would have no qualms about having sex with a woman for a card. He said if that were true he would have left the minute he got it. Well, he didn't have a good job the minute he got it. He seems to have left pretty immediately after he got a good job though. It hasn't been two weeks since he got a better job. Not a great job, but a job I am sure will make him far more comfortable if he is renting a room and not paying back debt he wracked up. He is still going to buy the BMW as well, he lied about not getting it and using the down payment money to pay me back. He is flat out going to stick me.

So now the advice part. I'm going to divorce him as he asked for a divorce, but won't actually initiate the paperwork on his own. He walked out without leaving a forwarding address. He has a conditional green card for two years, it was issued Dec 23 and in hand in January. His first verified documented visit to a prostitute was December 2, 2008. He didn't throw around the D-word till the card was in hand. Me and a family member sponsored him to come into the country. He is here for two years at the very least, as we are not going to go to immigration and cry "he used me for a green card" unless of course there is some grounds for this. That he was using me all along is obvious. A man committed to his new marriage does not visit prostitutes when his wife willingly and lovingly satisfies him any time he desires. But a man who shuns his wife and spends money he doesn't have on prostitutes is pretty much liar and a con, not to mention someone with a problem.

The marriage is irretrievably broken at this point. I tired to talk with him, work it out, seek counseling, numerous times but he refused. It seems he went from prince charming to a monster overnight, but it was gradual. Yet he was lying the entire time.

What steps can my sister (the co sponsor) and I take to protect ourselves? Can he file to remove conditions on his own when the card expires and are we still responsible for him? What steps can we take(if any) to get taken off as sponsors if he files to remove conditions on his own? Can or should we report fraud or will it just look like a case of bitter betty to the immigration department? Are we just on the hook and naive idiots who got hoodwinked? Do we notify immigration that he is acting strangely and that he moved out of his residence in the middle of the night?

If you would like to make fun of me, tell me I told you so, it's cool. I believed him. Some things didn't feel right, which caused friction, but the bottom line here is, I am left wondering if what we had was real or not. He is VERY good. Charming. Sweet, so like able. Everyone likes him. But there was something foul in dodge from day one. Not including the dating sites he still logged into AFTER we were engaged, but he was waiting. Yes, I did snoop. There wasn't much to find, but I did find it.

What a welcome to the forum, eh?

[Dakine 26]

No biggy! Happens more and more as more people get online.

If you divorce him you'll be doing him a favor as he can apply to remove conditions as soon as the divorce is final.

[Bumbellina 0]

No biggy! Happens more and more as more people get online.

If you divorce him you'll be doing him a favor as he can apply to remove conditions as soon as the divorce is final.

I'm not too interested in doing him any favors, I'm more interested in protecting my sister and self from any ramifications of our sponsorship. We don't care if he stays in the country, as long as it doesn't have any potential averse affect on either of us. If he files for and removes conditions on his own, are we off the hook as far as the 10 year sponsorship requirement?

[childress_london 3]

No biggy! Happens more and more as more people get online.

If you divorce him you'll be doing him a favor as he can apply to remove conditions as soon as the divorce is final.

I'm not too interested in doing him any favors, I'm more interested in protecting my sister and self from any ramifications of our sponsorship. We don't care if he stays in the country, as long as it doesn't have any potential averse affect on either of us. If he files for and removes conditions on his own, are we off the hook as far as the 10 year sponsorship requirement?

As far as I understand, you are responsible for ten years, no matter what - unless he becomes a U.S. citizen at some point.

[childress_london 3]

Here is what it says on the form instructions for affidavit of support:

Your obligation to support the immigrant(s) you are sponsoring in this affidavit of support will continue until the sponsored immigrant becomes a U.S. citizen, or can be credited with 40 qualifying quarters of work in the United States. Although 40 qualifying quarters of work (credits) generally equate to ten years of work, in certain cases the work of as pouse or parent adds qualifying quarters. The Social Security Administration can provide information on how to count qualifying quarters (credits) of work.The obligation also ends if you or the sponsored immigrant dies or if the sponsored immigrant ceases to be a lawful permanent resident and departs the United States. Divorce does not end the sponsorship obligation.

[nurse1967 287]

First off,

Hello all VJers. This is my first post, and it's a horrible note upon which to start. I've come here, read faithfully, and taken advice on a great many topics during my own visa journey, but never registered or posted until now. This forum gave me comfort and patience through the long arduous wait for my sweet, handsome, kind amazing man to get into the country, so we could finally get married and begin our life together. I read a lot of trauma and drama, but never felt compelled to participate. I heard some horror stories, too. Well, now it's all too real and I need some advice.

We were so happy and so in love, or at least I thought so. I visited him four times and spent hours chatting with him and emailing him and waiting. He promised me everything, promised to never hurt me, to be faithful, to never leave me, to always take care of me. He was handsome, charming, funny, intelligent, really easy going, blended in perfectly, spoke perfect, English, not even an accent. Had a way of putting everyone, self included, very much at ease. Was almost off putting because it often felt like he was born here and not from another culture, let alone from half way around the world. I was as happy as could be, it all seemed a fairy tail. We laughed, frolicked, played, flirted, just had so much fun and such a great connection. I danced for him, he loved it. He said all he cared about was if I was happy, . If I was happy he was happy. Just unreal. Now, looking back, I feel like big, fat, idiot for believing something that seemed so real and wonderful could really be true.

The Visa Journey was the easy part. Once he got here, there was no work, and I was not really prepared to support him for an extended period of unemployment. California is expensive, esp, the SF Bay area. I wasn't working when I filed the petition but had a fairly large reserve of cash, so family member co sponsored because of the tax return thing. This was temporary, as I soon had enough income to meet the guidelines. However, we all know nothing is "temporary" once the immigrant touches down on US soil. We got on well, but there were issues, I always felt something was wrong. He was secretive. He hid things from me. He minimized chat windows when I walked in the room, he went outside to take calls. He said he's private and he doesn't really know me well enough yet, so I tried to let it slide. I felt unease though. Through all the love, it seemed he spent an inordinate amount of time online, on social networking sites and chatting. Too much chatter not enough work. Well things progressed and the fairy tail started to wear off. We got in a few fights, but always kissed and made up afterward. At some point though (after our adjustment of status was filed, mind you) he began to withdraw from the marriage. He became more secretive. He never introduced me to any of his friends, never helped foster a relationship between his family and myself. I don't speak arabic, his mother does not speak english. Yet, he always passed along their love and regards to me, as I passed mine along to his family.

Meanwhile, he wasn't working and I was struggling to get a better job. The debt kept racking up. He already owed me for all the filings, lawyer fees, and a large loan as well. He never had money for his half of the bills, and this caused stress. I began noticing things. Suspicious new email accounts on his iphone, the fact he never listed himself married on facebook. That he had pictures in his profile that he marked private so I couldn't view. His excuse: I don't use facebook much so I shouldn't be "spying" on him. I began to get more and more suspicious of him. Something just wasn't right. After we had our AOS interview and he was approved, he got money to relocate us to the bay area. This made me nervous because it would be a much longer commute for me, and my income alone would not be enough to cover the higher overhead. He insisted. So we moved in December. He had already checked out of the marriage by then, but I was the last one to get the memo. Once we arrived, his 2 year card showed up about weeks later. He got a low paying job, and gave me a total of $400 dollars toward the last 8 months of bills. We began having worse fights, and he withdrew his affection. His eyes no longer followed me across the room. He demanded a divorce in the middle of a fight in Jan, but changed his mind when I left for two days. In Feb on the 15th we had another fight. He told me I wasn't keeping the house clean enough, I wasn't taking care of myself, and that I turned him off (mind you I was working full time the entire time). I took offense and called him an explicit name, with the word pig thrown in. Bad move, he is muslim though he does not practice, other than we observe ramadan. He again said he would divorce me. So it went. I promised to never call him a name in anger again and kept that promise. He didn't believe I could keep my promise, so he found something else to blame me for. He told me everything is all my fault and I'm a nag and a bad wife. I was still paying for him.

He finally got a job that would allow him to pay his share and begin to pay me back. At this point he was in debt to me over $25,000 and I was in debt as a result of it. We sat down and calculated the bills (the first time he really saw how much went in and out, and even then, I didn't include everything, so his share was $1300 a month and pay me back $500 a month on the back debt. This amount barely covered food, and had nothing built in for gas, auto insurance, tolls, misc, emergency, co-payments, the like. His job would yield $2400 take home per month. He decided in his infinite wisdom that since we would be working 24 miles away and I used the car for my job as an outside sales person that he would purchase or lease a car. He decided on leasing a 50,000 BMW that we could not afford. The payment alone was over $500 a month, not including insurance, gas or anything else. This was after he was going to get 10,000 from his family. He would not listen to me when I explained this was a very risky decision in this economy. Would not listen when I suggested something less expensive, but still nice. Told me it's none of my business. I could not let it go. As a result he said he would give me the 10,000 but he would take a job anywhere in the world and I was to follow him or not. Things escalated from there and he told me he's moving out at the end of March. We have a year lease which I cannot afford on my own. I dipped deep into my credit to make sure the roof was over our head, but he would not listen when I told him how hard it was. Would not discuss, just said he was going. Unlike before, I didn't beg him to stay. I said fine, you go. My family is coming to collect me, help me move all the big furniture and things I bought to furnish our home. He is moving out to go rent a room and in all likelihood not pay me anything he owes me. He can't handle being married or my debt. This is what he told me. The romance is gone. Has been since before we moved in December. The look in his eyes, gone. The desire to make me happy, gone. I tried REALLY hard to make sure we were taken care of and looked the other way anytime he fed me a line about what he was up to, why he was flirting with other people, why he didn't try to make me happy anymore.

It's a done deal. I have to sublet this apartment or I'm on the hook for an additional 20K. I can't stay, with my debt and the rent, I can't cover the overhead. My family who co sponsored him, loved and trusted him because he loved and cherished me is coming to collect me, 43 years old and pathetic.

Well it didn't end there. Last night I googled one of his user names or passwords he likes to use. The google search returned 7 hits on that name, all of which were posts at an exclusive adult entertainment site, specializing in massage parlours, escorts, call girls and the like. There is a feature where users can ask about one of these no doubt high caliber ladies and the services they provide. There is also a feature where a patron of said EXPENSIVE ladies can rate the lady on looks and "as a provider" it's a scale of 1-10. Lo, and behold, there was my sweeties screen name rating his experience with three of these ladies and inquiring about a few more. I didn't want to jump the gun, accuse him unfairly, so I dug around. I couldn't find any info on the user, however the particular ladies listed all had their contact information under the listings. I pulled our cell phone bills. Lo and behold the numbers for the three "escorts (I so want to call them what they really are)" were all on our phone bill. He had been he had seen he had his conquest.

I woke him and asked him to explain. He packed his bags and walked out. Said he will never return. The floodgates opened. He began seeing these women before we moved to the SF bay area. How many others there were I don't know. This is all I had numbers for. I don't want to know. I caught him lying in October about "flirting" which was basically contacting prostitutes and trying to get pictures, or so he said. He begged me to forgive him. Said it was an addiction, he would never do it again. Yet I found empty condom packs tucked into his brand new luggage. Luggage he didn't own before he became engaged and then married to me. He said they were probably his brothers. He obviously lied. I never could trust him completely, because I always felt something was wrong, and something always was. He has lied to his family saying he is paying rent and he has, to date, not done so. Yet any time they send him money to "ship" something, he has a hard time shipping it because he manages to spend the money. I wonder on what? It sure isn't on paying any bills in our household. He is clearly too immature to be married, or the logical, in your face, obvious answer: He USED ME FOR A CARD. I never wanted to say that, but a man who would go to a prostitute and completely disrespect his wedding vows, would have no qualms about having sex with a woman for a card. He said if that were true he would have left the minute he got it. Well, he didn't have a good job the minute he got it. He seems to have left pretty immediately after he got a good job though. It hasn't been two weeks since he got a better job. Not a great job, but a job I am sure will make him far more comfortable if he is renting a room and not paying back debt he wracked up. He is still going to buy the BMW as well, he lied about not getting it and using the down payment money to pay me back. He is flat out going to stick me.

So now the advice part. I'm going to divorce him as he asked for a divorce, but won't actually initiate the paperwork on his own. He walked out without leaving a forwarding address. He has a conditional green card for two years, it was issued Dec 23 and in hand in January. His first verified documented visit to a prostitute was December 2, 2008. He didn't throw around the D-word till the card was in hand. Me and a family member sponsored him to come into the country. He is here for two years at the very least, as we are not going to go to immigration and cry "he used me for a green card" unless of course there is some grounds for this. That he was using me all along is obvious. A man committed to his new marriage does not visit prostitutes when his wife willingly and lovingly satisfies him any time he desires. But a man who shuns his wife and spends money he doesn't have on prostitutes is pretty much liar and a con, not to mention someone with a problem.

The marriage is irretrievably broken at this point. I tired to talk with him, work it out, seek counseling, numerous times but he refused. It seems he went from prince charming to a monster overnight, but it was gradual. Yet he was lying the entire time.

What steps can my sister (the co sponsor) and I take to protect ourselves? Can he file to remove conditions on his own when the card expires and are we still responsible for him? What steps can we take(if any) to get taken off as sponsors if he files to remove conditions on his own? Can or should we report fraud or will it just look like a case of bitter betty to the immigration department? Are we just on the hook and naive idiots who got hoodwinked? Do we notify immigration that he is acting strangely and that he moved out of his residence in the middle of the night?

If you would like to make fun of me, tell me I told you so, it's cool. I believed him. Some things didn't feel right, which caused friction, but the bottom line here is, I am left wondering if what we had was real or not. He is VERY good. Charming. Sweet, so like able. Everyone likes him. But there was something foul in dodge from day one. Not including the dating sites he still logged into AFTER we were engaged, but he was waiting. Yes, I did snoop. There wasn't much to find, but I did find it.

What a welcome to the forum, eh?

So sorry for what you are going through. I wish I had some words to ease your pain and disappointment.

Betsy

[YuAndDan 153]

No biggy! Happens more and more as more people get online.

If you divorce him you'll be doing him a favor as he can apply to remove conditions as soon as the divorce is final.

NOTE, I would report this in detail to USCIS / ICE and then file for a divorce.

He will have to prove that marriage was in good faith in order to remove the conditions, the report on file will not help.

If all he was using you for was to get a green-card, USCIS will deny the I-751 Removal of conditions application.

[Bumbellina 0]

Here is what it says on the form instructions for affidavit of support:

Your obligation to support the immigrant(s) you are sponsoring in this affidavit of support will continue until the sponsored immigrant becomes a U.S. citizen, or can be credited with 40 qualifying quarters of work in the United States. Although 40 qualifying quarters of work (credits) generally equate to ten years of work, in certain cases the work of as pouse or parent adds qualifying quarters. The Social Security Administration can provide information on how to count qualifying quarters (credits) of work.The obligation also ends if you or the sponsored immigrant dies or if the sponsored immigrant ceases to be a lawful permanent resident and departs the United States. Divorce does not end the sponsorship obligation.

I guess I am asking about divorce before conditions are removed. He basically got the card and asked for a divorce one week later. He has been sleeping with prostitutes the entire marriage and not serious about the marriage. He stopped trying as soon as we filed for AOS, and his level of not trying decreased with each step in the journey. He's a good actor, but I'm questioning the "good faith" here. I entered into the marriage with good faith. In light of new evidence it does not appear he did as well. Knowing this, will he be able to remove conditions on his own, and if so, is there anything my sister and I can file to remove ourselves from obligation? I know divorce doesn't end the obligation, but that general statement about sponsorship doesn't seem to differentiate between two-year conditional card and ten year card. It's confusing.

BTW, I have gone from devastated that he would walk out on me, to completely disgusted at what I discovered. I'll be the first one to say if the marriage didn't work and the good faith was there, I love him and wish him well and am saddened he didn't see eye to eye with me and that he latched onto petty things and sought divorce without trying to reconcile or seek outside help. I would be inclined to believe he just wasn't mature enough to marry, and sad to see him go, but wish him well. However, having discovered hard proof about him romping with prostitutes really erodes my faith in him and his intentions toward me. That coupled with him walking out and abandoning me when we agreed he would help relocate me makes him REALLY suspect. That's all.

[YuAndDan 153]

Here is what it says on the form instructions for affidavit of support:

Your obligation to support the immigrant(s) you are sponsoring in this affidavit of support will continue until the sponsored immigrant becomes a U.S. citizen, or can be credited with 40 qualifying quarters of work in the United States. Although 40 qualifying quarters of work (credits) generally equate to ten years of work, in certain cases the work of as pouse or parent adds qualifying quarters. The Social Security Administration can provide information on how to count qualifying quarters (credits) of work.The obligation also ends if you or the sponsored immigrant dies or if the sponsored immigrant ceases to be a lawful permanent resident and departs the United States. Divorce does not end the sponsorship obligation.

I guess I am asking about divorce before conditions are removed. He basically got the card and asked for a divorce one week later. He has been sleeping with prostitutes the entire marriage and not serious about the marriage. He stopped trying as soon as we filed for AOS, and his level of not trying decreased with each step in the journey. He's a good actor, but I'm questioning the "good faith" here. I entered into the marriage with good faith. In light of new evidence it does not appear he did as well. Knowing this, will he be able to remove conditions on his own, and if so, is there anything my sister and I can file to remove ourselves from obligation? I know divorce doesn't end the obligation, but that general statement about sponsorship doesn't seem to differentiate between two-year conditional card and ten year card. It's confusing.

BTW, I have gone from devastated that he would walk out on me, to completely disgusted at what I discovered. I'll be the first one to say if the marriage didn't work and the good faith was there, I love him and wish him well and am saddened he didn't see eye to eye with me and that he latched onto petty things and sought divorce without trying to reconcile or seek outside help. I would be inclined to believe he just wasn't mature enough to marry, and sad to see him go, but wish him well. However, having discovered hard proof about him romping with prostitutes really erodes my faith in him and his intentions toward me. That coupled with him walking out and abandoning me when we agreed he would help relocate me makes him REALLY suspect. That's all.

Unfortunatly the only ways out of the I-864 obligations are:

• Immigrant Dies.
• Sponsor dies.
• Immigrant leaves the USA and gives up LPR status.
• Immigrant works and is credited with 4 quarters of work.
• Immigrant naturalizes and becomes a US Citizen.

Note I have yet to see the US government hold a sponsor to repay means tested benefits that the immigrant may apply for.

Best to report him to ICE, and USCIS and file for a divorce and move on.

[Bumbellina 0]

First off,

Hello all VJers. This is my first post, and it's a horrible note upon which to start. I've come here, read faithfully, and taken advice on a great many topics during my own visa journey, but never registered or posted until now. This forum gave me comfort and patience through the long arduous wait for my sweet, handsome, kind amazing man to get into the country, so we could finally get married and begin our life together. I read a lot of trauma and drama, but never felt compelled to participate. I heard some horror stories, too. Well, now it's all too real and I need some advice.

We were so happy and so in love, or at least I thought so. I visited him four times and spent hours chatting with him and emailing him and waiting. He promised me everything, promised to never hurt me, to be faithful, to never leave me, to always take care of me. He was handsome, charming, funny, intelligent, really easy going, blended in perfectly, spoke perfect, English, not even an accent. Had a way of putting everyone, self included, very much at ease. Was almost off putting because it often felt like he was born here and not from another culture, let alone from half way around the world. I was as happy as could be, it all seemed a fairy tail. We laughed, frolicked, played, flirted, just had so much fun and such a great connection. I danced for him, he loved it. He said all he cared about was if I was happy, . If I was happy he was happy. Just unreal. Now, looking back, I feel like big, fat, idiot for believing something that seemed so real and wonderful could really be true.

The Visa Journey was the easy part. Once he got here, there was no work, and I was not really prepared to support him for an extended period of unemployment. California is expensive, esp, the SF Bay area. I wasn't working when I filed the petition but had a fairly large reserve of cash, so family member co sponsored because of the tax return thing. This was temporary, as I soon had enough income to meet the guidelines. However, we all know nothing is "temporary" once the immigrant touches down on US soil. We got on well, but there were issues, I always felt something was wrong. He was secretive. He hid things from me. He minimized chat windows when I walked in the room, he went outside to take calls. He said he's private and he doesn't really know me well enough yet, so I tried to let it slide. I felt unease though. Through all the love, it seemed he spent an inordinate amount of time online, on social networking sites and chatting. Too much chatter not enough work. Well things progressed and the fairy tail started to wear off. We got in a few fights, but always kissed and made up afterward. At some point though (after our adjustment of status was filed, mind you) he began to withdraw from the marriage. He became more secretive. He never introduced me to any of his friends, never helped foster a relationship between his family and myself. I don't speak arabic, his mother does not speak english. Yet, he always passed along their love and regards to me, as I passed mine along to his family.

Meanwhile, he wasn't working and I was struggling to get a better job. The debt kept racking up. He already owed me for all the filings, lawyer fees, and a large loan as well. He never had money for his half of the bills, and this caused stress. I began noticing things. Suspicious new email accounts on his iphone, the fact he never listed himself married on facebook. That he had pictures in his profile that he marked private so I couldn't view. His excuse: I don't use facebook much so I shouldn't be "spying" on him. I began to get more and more suspicious of him. Something just wasn't right. After we had our AOS interview and he was approved, he got money to relocate us to the bay area. This made me nervous because it would be a much longer commute for me, and my income alone would not be enough to cover the higher overhead. He insisted. So we moved in December. He had already checked out of the marriage by then, but I was the last one to get the memo. Once we arrived, his 2 year card showed up about weeks later. He got a low paying job, and gave me a total of $400 dollars toward the last 8 months of bills. We began having worse fights, and he withdrew his affection. His eyes no longer followed me across the room. He demanded a divorce in the middle of a fight in Jan, but changed his mind when I left for two days. In Feb on the 15th we had another fight. He told me I wasn't keeping the house clean enough, I wasn't taking care of myself, and that I turned him off (mind you I was working full time the entire time). I took offense and called him an explicit name, with the word pig thrown in. Bad move, he is muslim though he does not practice, other than we observe ramadan. He again said he would divorce me. So it went. I promised to never call him a name in anger again and kept that promise. He didn't believe I could keep my promise, so he found something else to blame me for. He told me everything is all my fault and I'm a nag and a bad wife. I was still paying for him.

He finally got a job that would allow him to pay his share and begin to pay me back. At this point he was in debt to me over $25,000 and I was in debt as a result of it. We sat down and calculated the bills (the first time he really saw how much went in and out, and even then, I didn't include everything, so his share was $1300 a month and pay me back $500 a month on the back debt. This amount barely covered food, and had nothing built in for gas, auto insurance, tolls, misc, emergency, co-payments, the like. His job would yield $2400 take home per month. He decided in his infinite wisdom that since we would be working 24 miles away and I used the car for my job as an outside sales person that he would purchase or lease a car. He decided on leasing a 50,000 BMW that we could not afford. The payment alone was over $500 a month, not including insurance, gas or anything else. This was after he was going to get 10,000 from his family. He would not listen to me when I explained this was a very risky decision in this economy. Would not listen when I suggested something less expensive, but still nice. Told me it's none of my business. I could not let it go. As a result he said he would give me the 10,000 but he would take a job anywhere in the world and I was to follow him or not. Things escalated from there and he told me he's moving out at the end of March. We have a year lease which I cannot afford on my own. I dipped deep into my credit to make sure the roof was over our head, but he would not listen when I told him how hard it was. Would not discuss, just said he was going. Unlike before, I didn't beg him to stay. I said fine, you go. My family is coming to collect me, help me move all the big furniture and things I bought to furnish our home. He is moving out to go rent a room and in all likelihood not pay me anything he owes me. He can't handle being married or my debt. This is what he told me. The romance is gone. Has been since before we moved in December. The look in his eyes, gone. The desire to make me happy, gone. I tried REALLY hard to make sure we were taken care of and looked the other way anytime he fed me a line about what he was up to, why he was flirting with other people, why he didn't try to make me happy anymore.

It's a done deal. I have to sublet this apartment or I'm on the hook for an additional 20K. I can't stay, with my debt and the rent, I can't cover the overhead. My family who co sponsored him, loved and trusted him because he loved and cherished me is coming to collect me, 43 years old and pathetic.

Well it didn't end there. Last night I googled one of his user names or passwords he likes to use. The google search returned 7 hits on that name, all of which were posts at an exclusive adult entertainment site, specializing in massage parlours, escorts, call girls and the like. There is a feature where users can ask about one of these no doubt high caliber ladies and the services they provide. There is also a feature where a patron of said EXPENSIVE ladies can rate the lady on looks and "as a provider" it's a scale of 1-10. Lo, and behold, there was my sweeties screen name rating his experience with three of these ladies and inquiring about a few more. I didn't want to jump the gun, accuse him unfairly, so I dug around. I couldn't find any info on the user, however the particular ladies listed all had their contact information under the listings. I pulled our cell phone bills. Lo and behold the numbers for the three "escorts (I so want to call them what they really are)" were all on our phone bill. He had been he had seen he had his conquest.

I woke him and asked him to explain. He packed his bags and walked out. Said he will never return. The floodgates opened. He began seeing these women before we moved to the SF bay area. How many others there were I don't know. This is all I had numbers for. I don't want to know. I caught him lying in October about "flirting" which was basically contacting prostitutes and trying to get pictures, or so he said. He begged me to forgive him. Said it was an addiction, he would never do it again. Yet I found empty condom packs tucked into his brand new luggage. Luggage he didn't own before he became engaged and then married to me. He said they were probably his brothers. He obviously lied. I never could trust him completely, because I always felt something was wrong, and something always was. He has lied to his family saying he is paying rent and he has, to date, not done so. Yet any time they send him money to "ship" something, he has a hard time shipping it because he manages to spend the money. I wonder on what? It sure isn't on paying any bills in our household. He is clearly too immature to be married, or the logical, in your face, obvious answer: He USED ME FOR A CARD. I never wanted to say that, but a man who would go to a prostitute and completely disrespect his wedding vows, would have no qualms about having sex with a woman for a card. He said if that were true he would have left the minute he got it. Well, he didn't have a good job the minute he got it. He seems to have left pretty immediately after he got a good job though. It hasn't been two weeks since he got a better job. Not a great job, but a job I am sure will make him far more comfortable if he is renting a room and not paying back debt he wracked up. He is still going to buy the BMW as well, he lied about not getting it and using the down payment money to pay me back. He is flat out going to stick me.

So now the advice part. I'm going to divorce him as he asked for a divorce, but won't actually initiate the paperwork on his own. He walked out without leaving a forwarding address. He has a conditional green card for two years, it was issued Dec 23 and in hand in January. His first verified documented visit to a prostitute was December 2, 2008. He didn't throw around the D-word till the card was in hand. Me and a family member sponsored him to come into the country. He is here for two years at the very least, as we are not going to go to immigration and cry "he used me for a green card" unless of course there is some grounds for this. That he was using me all along is obvious. A man committed to his new marriage does not visit prostitutes when his wife willingly and lovingly satisfies him any time he desires. But a man who shuns his wife and spends money he doesn't have on prostitutes is pretty much liar and a con, not to mention someone with a problem.

The marriage is irretrievably broken at this point. I tired to talk with him, work it out, seek counseling, numerous times but he refused. It seems he went from prince charming to a monster overnight, but it was gradual. Yet he was lying the entire time.

What steps can my sister (the co sponsor) and I take to protect ourselves? Can he file to remove conditions on his own when the card expires and are we still responsible for him? What steps can we take(if any) to get taken off as sponsors if he files to remove conditions on his own? Can or should we report fraud or will it just look like a case of bitter betty to the immigration department? Are we just on the hook and naive idiots who got hoodwinked? Do we notify immigration that he is acting strangely and that he moved out of his residence in the middle of the night?

If you would like to make fun of me, tell me I told you so, it's cool. I believed him. Some things didn't feel right, which caused friction, but the bottom line here is, I am left wondering if what we had was real or not. He is VERY good. Charming. Sweet, so like able. Everyone likes him. But there was something foul in dodge from day one. Not including the dating sites he still logged into AFTER we were engaged, but he was waiting. Yes, I did snoop. There wasn't much to find, but I did find it.

What a welcome to the forum, eh?

So sorry for what you are going through. I wish I had some words to ease your pain and disappointment.

Betsy

Thanks so much, that is really sweet to say. I was completely devastated because I loved this dear sweet man and built my hopes and actions around us having a happy, successful and wonderful life together. But it's funny. After discovering his huge betrayal, it makes moving on easier for me. He promised to never be unfaithful and broke that promise repeatedly, early and often. I found other "evidence" as well, but turned a blind eye to it. I can't ingore it any longer. I am saddened that a seemingly good Egyptian man would come here and then slide into a the pool of filth and degenerate sex that is on offer in the big city. It's a shame, truly it is.

[Old Dominion 26]

This is a sad situation indeed. One would think you married a Nigerian guy. In addition to getting a blood test after all that evidence of screwing around, you need legal advice. But the sponsorship contracts that were signed are enforceable no matter what.

[Bumbellina 0]

Here is what it says on the form instructions for affidavit of support:

Your obligation to support the immigrant(s) you are sponsoring in this affidavit of support will continue until the sponsored immigrant becomes a U.S. citizen, or can be credited with 40 qualifying quarters of work in the United States. Although 40 qualifying quarters of work (credits) generally equate to ten years of work, in certain cases the work of as pouse or parent adds qualifying quarters. The Social Security Administration can provide information on how to count qualifying quarters (credits) of work.The obligation also ends if you or the sponsored immigrant dies or if the sponsored immigrant ceases to be a lawful permanent resident and departs the United States. Divorce does not end the sponsorship obligation.

I guess I am asking about divorce before conditions are removed. He basically got the card and asked for a divorce one week later. He has been sleeping with prostitutes the entire marriage and not serious about the marriage. He stopped trying as soon as we filed for AOS, and his level of not trying decreased with each step in the journey. He's a good actor, but I'm questioning the "good faith" here. I entered into the marriage with good faith. In light of new evidence it does not appear he did as well. Knowing this, will he be able to remove conditions on his own, and if so, is there anything my sister and I can file to remove ourselves from obligation? I know divorce doesn't end the obligation, but that general statement about sponsorship doesn't seem to differentiate between two-year conditional card and ten year card. It's confusing.

BTW, I have gone from devastated that he would walk out on me, to completely disgusted at what I discovered. I'll be the first one to say if the marriage didn't work and the good faith was there, I love him and wish him well and am saddened he didn't see eye to eye with me and that he latched onto petty things and sought divorce without trying to reconcile or seek outside help. I would be inclined to believe he just wasn't mature enough to marry, and sad to see him go, but wish him well. However, having discovered hard proof about him romping with prostitutes really erodes my faith in him and his intentions toward me. That coupled with him walking out and abandoning me when we agreed he would help relocate me makes him REALLY suspect. That's all.

Unfortunatly the only ways out of the I-864 obligations are:

• Immigrant Dies.
• Sponsor dies.
• Immigrant leaves the USA and gives up LPR status.
• Immigrant works and is credited with 4 quarters of work.
• Immigrant naturalizes and becomes a US Citizen.

Note I have yet to see the US government hold a sponsor to repay means tested benefits that the immigrant may apply for.

Best to report him to ICE, and USCIS and file for a divorce and move on.

That's very clear. How does one go about reporting him to ICE and USCIS? Is there a FAQ on that somewhere? If you are someone else would be so kind as to point me in the right direction, I shall be on my merry way. The work never ends. I tell you, next time, I marry someone already legally IN the country.

[Bumbellina 0]

This is a sad situation indeed. One would think you married a Nigerian guy. In addition to getting a blood test after all that evidence of screwing around, you need legal advice. But the sponsorship contracts that were signed are enforceable no matter what.

just what I need, the gift that keeps giving. I've got my appointment for that tomorrow. I feel filthy, petty, and diminished.

[YuAndDan 153]

That's very clear. How does one go about reporting him to ICE and USCIS? Is there a FAQ on that somewhere? If you are someone else would be so kind as to point me in the right direction, I shall be on my merry way. The work never ends. I tell you, next time, I marry someone already legally IN the country.

USCIS Info-Pass appointment.

http://infopass.uscis.gov/

ICE:

http://www.ice.gov/about/contact.htm

[Bumbellina 0]

That's very clear. How does one go about reporting him to ICE and USCIS? Is there a FAQ on that somewhere? If you are someone else would be so kind as to point me in the right direction, I shall be on my merry way. The work never ends. I tell you, next time, I marry someone already legally IN the country.

USCIS Info-Pass appointment.

http://infopass.uscis.gov/

ICE:

http://www.ice.gov/about/contact.htm

Thank you so much.