How hard was it for your spouse to learn English? How did you help?

[sashitaski 3]

Hello! This question is for those of you who brought over a spouse who didn't know that much English. For those of you who have spouses that already spoke good English--that is really great! My husband only speaks a little English, and as we are planning on moving to the U.S. this summer (as long as the interview goes well!) I am getting worried and trying to figure out what to do to help him maximize the rest of his time here before he gets thrown in the deep end.

One of our problems is that I speak fluent Russian, so that's how we usually communicate. I know I need to speak more English to him, but after work, studies, etc. it's hard when you just want to talk about how your day went without explaining every second word.

That said, I do help him with his English. We bought books with exercises and explanations, I also found online English activities. But it's very hard for him. Unlike me, he is not a very language-oriented person, so although he is really motivated and is really trying, it's frustrating me that the process is moving so slowly.

He has tried two different English courses (in so-called "English schools"), but they both turned out to be a joke. Different teachers all the time, no grammar explanations, no coherent order, just skipping around from one topic to another, without explaining or repeating anything. It would be great to work with a private teacher, but the going rate in Moscow seems to be a minimum of $50 an hour, and we unfortunately can't afford that.

So, do any of you have any suggestions?

I would assume that once we move he will improve much more quickly, since he will be surrounded by English all the time (there is not a big Russian community in my area). And I will also look for some courses once we are there.

I am worried that it will be very hard in the beginning, especially to find a job.

What are your experiences with this?

[John24689 0]

I suggest that you speak English with him at least one hour a day. Then increase the time. Have him read from English books. He will definitely need to learn English to be able to work and communicate in America. It will be a long, slow process, but you both will see the rewards in time. Make sure he pronounces the words correctly. They say that total immersion is the best way to learn a foreign language. Just make sure he understands it is for his good that he learn English and not get mad at you for trying to teach him. Good luck.

[mox 298]

You're going to have to practice some tough love here. ONLY speak English to him when he gets here. You'll of course have to give him a pass occasionally when he really needs to understand, but otherwise stick to it. He's an adult, he'll know this is the way it has to be, so it shouldn't impact your relationship negatively. You'll feel bad about it while he's struggling, but it really is the best way.

[sashitaski 3]

You're going to have to practice some tough love here. ONLY speak English to him when he gets here. You'll of course have to give him a pass occasionally when he really needs to understand, but otherwise stick to it. He's an adult, he'll know this is the way it has to be, so it shouldn't impact your relationship negatively. You'll feel bad about it while he's struggling, but it really is the best way.

Thanks, guys! Yes, I guess the best way really is to speak more English in him. We both know how important this is. And especially once we arrive in the U.S. we will be speaking much more English at home.

In the meantime I found some good DVDs for learning English where they speak slowly and you can also read English subtitles.

Does anyone else have any stories of personal experiences they would care to share?

[K1researcher 0]

good methods that I have found for learning languages and used with success in practice:

1. Get movies in the target language and watch them with CC subtitles (same language) this aids in reading and listening comprehension

2. Find enjoyable music in target language. This trains the ear to understand the sounds with different inflections

3. Childrens books and TV shows! pickup some kids books and Sesame Street. Disney movies are excellent as well for enlgish

4. Praise! be sure to let him know he is doing well. you must be VERY patient. Unless he is a linguist he will find the process tedious and painful

5. Speak to him in WELL pronounce full spoken words. Do not speak casual at first. Be sure to speak correct enlgish. As he begins to understand you better move closer to your normal speech speed and "mumbling"

6. practice practice practice

Having taught language to students before i find that these tips help a great deal The more excited the student can get about the language the better. That said since my fiancee already speak english we are planning on setting up alternating speaking days so i can get my russian to be native sounding :-)

[sashitaski 3]

good methods that I have found for learning languages and used with success in practice:

1. Get movies in the target language and watch them with CC subtitles (same language) this aids in reading and listening comprehension

2. Find enjoyable music in target language. This trains the ear to understand the sounds with different inflections

3. Childrens books and TV shows! pickup some kids books and Sesame Street. Disney movies are excellent as well for enlgish

4. Praise! be sure to let him know he is doing well. you must be VERY patient. Unless he is a linguist he will find the process tedious and painful

5. Speak to him in WELL pronounce full spoken words. Do not speak casual at first. Be sure to speak correct enlgish. As he begins to understand you better move closer to your normal speech speed and "mumbling"

6. practice practice practice

Having taught language to students before i find that these tips help a great deal The more excited the student can get about the language the better. That said since my fiancee already speak english we are planning on setting up alternating speaking days so i can get my russian to be native sounding :-)

Excellent tips! Thank you! Will definitely try some of those. I especially liked the Disney idea. I thought of Sesame Street too, but don't think I would be able to find it in Russia. I do have some children's books though. Also, as you said, being patient is very important (and very hard!).

[slim 1,525]

You have plenty of time so start small. Keep in mind when transitioning to English, it's not so imperative that he learn grammar and a lot of rules. Start with basic vocab words of things around the house and basic verbs. (Point and grunt transitioning to "Juice" and "I want.")

I had about 1,000 yellow sitickies (3M Post It notes) on almost everything in our house with a Russian word on them and then the English translation. It's hard to not notice when you sit down on a chair and the sticky says "стол/chair" on it. Couple that with a sign on the wall next to your table and chairs with a few related sayings or verbs. "To sit. To eat. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, I'm hungry, etc." I ordered a few children's books with big pictures and words (My first 1,000 words in Russian, Russian street scenes, etc.) from Amazon and then made the signs based on what I saw inside the books. You should be able to do it without books being that you speak Russian already, however, your husband may benefit from seeing the pictures.

Knowing 100% spelling and grammar rules, etc. isn't so important when first learning the language. However, it will be important later so make sure he knows the ABCs and has a general idea about spelling. I will say oral communication is 1,000 times more important than written but he will eventually need to transition so it is important that he at least be able to read English. Writing will come once he learns reading.

Lastly, keep in mind men are puppies. He needs to be given a treat when he does good. Reward him when he makes progress and he'll always want to play!

[sashitaski 3]

You have plenty of time so start small. Keep in mind when transitioning to English, it's not so imperative that he learn grammar and a lot of rules. Start with basic vocab words of things around the house and basic verbs. (Point and grunt transitioning to "Juice" and "I want.")

I had about 1,000 yellow sitickies (3M Post It notes) on almost everything in our house with a Russian word on them and then the English translation. It's hard to not notice when you sit down on a chair and the sticky says "стол/chair" on it. Couple that with a sign on the wall next to your table and chairs with a few related sayings or verbs. "To sit. To eat. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, I'm hungry, etc." I ordered a few children's books with big pictures and words (My first 1,000 words in Russian, Russian street scenes, etc.) from Amazon and then made the signs based on what I saw inside the books. You should be able to do it without books being that you speak Russian already, however, your husband may benefit from seeing the pictures.

Knowing 100% spelling and grammar rules, etc. isn't so important when first learning the language. However, it will be important later so make sure he knows the ABCs and has a general idea about spelling. I will say oral communication is 1,000 times more important than written but he will eventually need to transition so it is important that he at least be able to read English. Writing will come once he learns reading.

Lastly, keep in mind men are puppies. He needs to be given a treat when he does good. Reward him when he makes progress and he'll always want to play!

Going out to buy post-its tomorrow! That is really a great idea! You're right about oral communication being more important at this point. Fortunately, he already knows the alphabet and can read English. Spelling is a bit of a problem (as it is even for some native speakers of English) but I'm sure that will come in time.

I will also keep in mind what you said about puppies and rewards (my husband agrees with you, by the way)

[mox 298]

Thanks, guys! Yes, I guess the best way really is to speak more English in him. We both know how important this is. And especially once we arrive in the U.S. we will be speaking much more English at home.

To clarify, speak exclusively English. Don't back down unless it's imperative he communicate something like a broken arm. A full immersive environment is the best and fastest way to go. I know some are suggesting to take it slow, but until he has a grasp on the language he's going to feel isolated. It will be painful, but it'll also go quickly. Trust me, this works.

Sticky notes, videos, and the like will help, but speaking--constant speaking--is where it's really at.

[slim 1,525]

Sticky notes, videos, and the like will help, but speaking--constant speaking--is where it's really at.

Save that for when you get here. While still in Russia it's not going to do much good because everything around you is still Russian. I will agree in that you should do as much as possible, but you're still in a Russian world so still be Russian. Once you transition to the States, then hit him with the English only.

[mox 298]

Sticky notes, videos, and the like will help, but speaking--constant speaking--is where it's really at.

Save that for when you get here. While still in Russia it's not going to do much good because everything around you is still Russian. I will agree in that you should do as much as possible, but you're still in a Russian world so still be Russian. Once you transition to the States, then hit him with the English only.

Yeah, I said this in my first post ("when he gets here") but should have reiterated in my second post. As slim says, it's useless to try it in Russia. He has too many ways out, and when his head hurts he can just walk outside and speak Russian to anyone. The true "boot camp" begins when you get stateside. He will literally be a captive audience, and it will be up to you to be rigid about speaking English only, even when you feel sorry for him. The more disciplined you are about it, the faster he will learn.

[sashitaski 3]

Sticky notes, videos, and the like will help, but speaking--constant speaking--is where it's really at.

Save that for when you get here. While still in Russia it's not going to do much good because everything around you is still Russian. I will agree in that you should do as much as possible, but you're still in a Russian world so still be Russian. Once you transition to the States, then hit him with the English only.

Yeah, I said this in my first post ("when he gets here") but should have reiterated in my second post. As slim says, it's useless to try it in Russia. He has too many ways out, and when his head hurts he can just walk outside and speak Russian to anyone. The true "boot camp" begins when you get stateside. He will literally be a captive audience, and it will be up to you to be rigid about speaking English only, even when you feel sorry for him. The more disciplined you are about it, the faster he will learn.

Agreed. I know that it would be impossible here in Russia. However, I still make an effort to speak to him in English some of the time. Once we get to the States, I am not sure that I will be able to speak only English with him 100% of the time(we will have to have some conversations where I need to be sure he understands everything), but at least most of the time. Full immersion is definitely the way to go, provided you are in the right environment (i.e. the U.S. in our case).

[slim 1,525]

Agreed. I know that it would be impossible here in Russia. However, I still make an effort to speak to him in English some of the time. Once we get to the States, I am not sure that I will be able to speak only English with him 100% of the time(we will have to have some conversations where I need to be sure he understands everything), but at least most of the time. Full immersion is definitely the way to go, provided you are in the right environment (i.e. the U.S. in our case).

Go wait for him at a bar or restaraunt, have him approach you, and then tell him, "I don't speak Russian. I speak Engish." Then have him kick his best English lines to you. If he doesn't do so well, no dessert for him!

[sashitaski 3]

Go wait for him at a bar or restaraunt, have him approach you, and then tell him, "I don't speak Russian. I speak Engish." Then have him kick his best English lines to you. If he doesn't do so well, no dessert for him!

[Danno 1,228]

My wife has been here for a year and her progress is or seems slow to me... but then I talk to other Russians who have been here for like 5 years and I guess she is doing okay compared to them.

One bad habit I have is to used "code language" when we talk.. safe words I know she will understand even if a more accurate unknown word should be used.

I have to break this habit.

Another thing I need to do is hide this one phrase-type book she studies out of every day.

Good Lord she has been here a year and is not halfway through it.

We recently started getting kids book from the library, sometimes I have to bully her into reading them but when she does she will copy down all the words she doesn't know on a paper and translate for study them.

Some times the silliest phrases will get stuck in her head, such as.

"Take it easy Cowboy" I have to hear this every time I try to get her to hurry up.

Perhaps another reason to get rid of the Phrase book.

I tend to believe different people learn better in different methods.

For me the "stickies" notes would be very helpful and a way to get vocabulary up, which I think is a key to getting "in the game".

Another for me is Repetition, if my wonderful wife would actually use simple conversations I would learn them in no time.

It might be helpful if anyone knows links to web-sites (or products) they think might be helpful to others... to post'em.

Perhaps either to learn Russian or English.