Virgin Atlantic Customer Complaint

[webby's rose 0]

I received this in an email yesterday, and I'm still laughing about it; probably the funniest thing I've read online in a long time. Hope it makes you giggle a little bit.

This is a letter recently received by the Virgin Atlantic customer

complaints team and is currently being hailed on news blogs, as possibly

the funniest customer complaint letter ever.

We called the Virgin Atlantic press office and they confirmed they received

the letter and that Richard Branson himself called the author to thank him

for the feedback.

Here's the letter:

Dear Mr Branson

REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008

I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it

despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This

latest incident takes the biscuit.

Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a

thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell

I was subjected to at the hands of your corporation.

Look at this Richard. Just look at it:

I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were

racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been

given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter,

which one is the desert?

You don't get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a

generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted

the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it's

next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That's got to be the clue

hasn't it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they.

Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with

peas in:

I know it looks like a baaji but it's in custard Richard, custard. It must

be the pudding. Well you'll be fascinated to hear that it wasn't custard.

It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It's only redeeming feature was

that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of

the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter.

Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but

neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main

course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back

the tin-foil on the main dish and see what's on offer.

I'll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy

Richard. Now imagine it's Christmas morning and you're sat their with your

final present to open. It's a big one, and you know what it is. It's that

Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.

Only you open the present and it's not in there. It's your hamster Richard.

It's your hamster in the box and it's not breathing. That's how I felt when

I peeled back the foil and saw this:

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking it's more of that Baaji

custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It's mustard Richard.

MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we

have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on

the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had

obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass

the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.

Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit

of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.

By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a

sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye

earlier due to it's baffling presentation:

It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME

AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground

cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast.

You certainly wouldn't want to be caught carrying one of these through

customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer

on the teeth than the specimen above.

I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit

with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts

moved at one point.

Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard

entertainment. I switched it on:

I apologise for the quality of the photo, it's just it was incredibly hard

to capture Boris Johnson's face through the flickering white lines running

up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel:

Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again

throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this.

After that I switched off. I'd had enough. I was the hungriest I'd been in

my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling

screen.

My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either

food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did

it surpassed my wildest expectations:

Yes! It's another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the

white stuff.

Richard.... What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be

yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a

mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of

my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by

mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I'd

done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it

formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your

baaji-mustard.

So that was that Richard. I didn't eat a bloody thing. My only question is:

How can you live like this? I can't imagine what dinner round your house is

like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.

As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It's just a shame

such a simple thing could bring it crashing to it's knees and begging for

sustenance.

Yours Sincererly...

[Krikit 1,164]

[MrsAmera 41]

This is the most hilarious thing I've read in a long time!

[Ban Hammer 13,293]

and this is why i always take munchies with me on a plane - just in case.

[EstebanTrabajos 7]

brilliant,

Hope he got tons of free miles and booze coupons for this letter...absolutely brilliant

and let me tell you something, this is the first post that looks like a freaking bible that I've actually enjoyed and actually read completely w/o getting annoyed

Edited January 29, 2009 by TävôLuDô

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

Well bad food aside - at least he didn't have a flight cabin swimming in sewage while grim-faced stewardesses doggedly went ahead with the meal service.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19353374/

[Krikit 1,164]

Well bad food aside - at least he didn't have a flight cabin swimming in sewage while grim-faced stewardesses doggedly went ahead with the meal service.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19353374/

[Saddle Bronc 124]

Well bad food aside - at least he didn't have a flight cabin swimming in sewage while grim-faced stewardesses doggedly went ahead with the meal service.

Have you been on any airline recently where the last part is not two-lies-packet?

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

Well bad food aside - at least he didn't have a flight cabin swimming in sewage while grim-faced stewardesses doggedly went ahead with the meal service.

Have you been on any airline recently where the last part is not two-lies-packet?

Actually if you ask for the low-cholesterol meal on Continental you get something that's much better than what everyone else gets.

Granted its only grilled chicken with rice and broccoli, but it actually looks edible.

[Saddle Bronc 124]

Well bad food aside - at least he didn't have a flight cabin swimming in sewage while grim-faced stewardesses doggedly went ahead with the meal service.

Have you been on any airline recently where the last part is not two-lies-packet?

Actually if you ask for the low-cholesterol meal on Continental you get something that's much better than what everyone else gets.

Granted its only grilled chicken with rice and broccoli, but it actually looks edible.

Of course, only so long as you actually don't bite into it.

[Staashi 371]

OMG - I laughed so hard I think I peed myself. :rofl::rofl:

[EstebanTrabajos 7]

OMG - I laughed so hard I think I peed myself.

EW