Adjustment to the United States

[Marlita 0]

Ok so I dont know if this has really ever been talked about on here or not but I got to thinking about it and wanted some VJ Yardie insight.

So it sometimes seems....well most times seems...that once a yardies SO gets done with the initial visa process and their SO gets here that they seem to disappear off VJ. I understand it for the most part.....theres no need to be online as much, you are busy with your new family, you just dont like us...whatever. But I often wonder what happened to the chatty chatty ones who were here all day and then just up and fell off the face of VJ Yardie planet.

Where are the stories as to how adjustment for the SO is going?

What types of accomplishments has the SO obtained?

What types of obstacles with the move have they encountered?

How has the whole inital visa process shaped your now life?

Was it hard for the SO to assimilate into the American culture?

Do they like the States?

Was it what they expected?

How has climate affected them?

Are they in school or working?

Were there any obstacles here?

I guess this could be more of a question for many VJ'ers not just yardies. I am just more interested in the Jamaica culture to US culture experiences since that is the one I am in. However I think the experience from SO's in a developing nation to the US is always an interesting one.

I just find it odd that we dont hear more of these stories.

I know for myself I really had no idea of what the response my husband would initally have to moving here. What he would think? What he would like/dislike? What would make him comfortable? How long before he gets homesick?

So if you want to share any inital stories of your spouses adjustment please do...I think its good to know how everyone deals and what their first experiences are when settling into like in the US.

Edited November 12, 2008 by Marlita

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Lita, it's so nice that you did this. \

Where are the stories as to how adjustment for the SO is going?

Mi no know. We do talk about it in the room from time to time.

What types of accomplishments has the SO obtained?

He learned to pay the bills online, loves the internet, learned to get around on the bus, registered for non-credit classes. Once I show him something or someone else shows him how to do things he gets it (quick learner).

What types of obstacles with the move have they encountered?

None really...he doesn't like the food.

How has the whole inital visa process shaped your now life?

I don't know how to answer this one. I've been dealing with immigration from I've been in this country.

Was it hard for the SO to assimilate into the American culture?

Not at all. While this is not Jamaica, he does miss being able to walk outside and pick something off the tree to eat. He also misses going to the beach twice a week. It was a thing that him and his friends did every week. They would pray and then go for a swim...Wednesdays and Sundays.

Do they like the States?

Kind of, but he hasn't been here long enough to decide.

Was it what they expected?

Yes, but he didn't realize "FARRIN" was so fussy, people missearable a don't have no manners (don't say good morning), people always in a rush.

How has climate affected them?

Maybe the reason he's having hives. The cold dries out his skin and he says the water makes him itch.

Are they in school or working?

Yes. Not working yet.

Were there any obstacles here?

Says interviewing was a different experience, but a positive one. In Jamaica he would get a referral for a job and just show up and start working.

Edited November 13, 2008 by TRELAWNY PARISH

[Marlita 0]

Thanks for answering Lawny. These are great! Some of these things I have NEVER heard any yardie talk about. its nice to hear other Jamaicans experiences when they come here. I think I'll tell my husband to login tonight and read these....if he aint readin already

[Marlita 0]

I may have to come back and answer these better later but here is the first stab at it.

Evan has been here 2 weeks to date....feels much longer to me. He fits in our house very well...like he's been there all these years....dog loves him...he spoils the dog...teaches the dog patois so now its even more free range than before.

Where are the stories as to how adjustment for the SO is going?

What types of accomplishments has the SO obtained?[/b]

Not much, except he is a go getter and very friendly so he went to the DMV on his on and applied for his state ID.

Found the admissions office at the local community college and got info on applying.

Cleaned the yard quicker than i can ever imagine and cut all the bushes with a kitchen knife and rusty yard clippers.

What types of obstacles with the move have they encountered?

Nothing yet except applying for a job, the applications are much longer than he is used to, and it takes him awhile to fill out.

How has the whole inital visa process shaped your now life?

Its made us have to become more patient with one another. Its really been a HUGE part of our lives since its what kept us apart from one another. As of now though...it seems like it was so long ago that we dealt with immigration, so for those waiting the wait soon over and you will not even remember what all the fuss was for.

Was it hard for the SO to assimilate into the American culture?

No it was not. He dealt with american in his personal life everyday and lived with americans and worked with them so it was normal. However, he does get uncomfortable being the ONLY Jamaican and the only one with an accent, that he feels overwhelmed by groups sometimes. I think its hearing nothing but American english all day that makes him crazy. So now he and i are adamant about speaking patois at home.....otherwise he feels he will never get to use it.

Do they like the States?

Overall he likes what he knows, but he says its really quiet and lonely cause people are not very personal and very stiff....this bothers him. No cricket sounds or tree frogs....no loud music and patois in the streets...no roadside vendors or loud people everywhere....basically he missed the Yard vibe that my neighborhood doesnt have.

Was it what they expected?

not sure

How has climate affected them?

He's mad his skin color is changing....getting lighter....misses the JA sun and how it warms and moisturizes the skin and turns it a pretty redbrown. The cold is not that bad...he just needs a jacket.

Are they in school or working?

Neither yet....we found out he needs to be a state resident for a year to get the residency rate and finacial aid....he is looking for jobs now....hell bent on being a movie/tv extra.....I hate Hollywood.

Were there any obstacles here?

Many at times...but they are all apart of the adjustment to this new world.

[Shemmy 4]

Good post

Marlita - there used to be lots of adjustment conversations on previous VJ threads. I believe people stopped sharing their stories because they were "bashed" for saying certain things about the Jamaican culture. I've never had an issue sharing our experience...

What types of accomplishments has the SO obtained?

Obtaining employment and driver's license. Established good credit and buying 3 cars so far.

What types of obstacles with the move have they encountered?

The only thing I can think of right now is dealing with racism. We had a few issues when he first arrived.

How has the whole inital visa process shaped your now life?

Learning patience. It's been rough but have no regrets going the K-1 route. Glad he was able to go through and contribute financially to the process.

Was it hard for the SO to assimilate into the American culture?

Not really.

Do they like the States?

For the most part....doesn't like all of our rules and regulations.

Was it what they expected?

I believe so.

How has climate affected them?

For some odd reason, the cold doesn't bother him. He says it's hotter here in the summer than JA

Are they in school or working?

Right now, working. I would love him to get his CDL license so he can drive trucks. Once we figure out where we're going to settle down, he's going back to school. His job offered to help him financially.

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Lita, with the job applications. A month or so after Marcel got here, we signed him up for a work exchange program which is free to Maryland residents. I had to wait for him to get a state ID. The program is geared towards immigrants who are new to the country and one of the first things the showed them to do is fill out job applications. He stayed in the program for 2 months. The also teach you how to interview, make eye contact, shake hand, greet people and such. It was something very benifical to him. That was where we also found out about programs at the community college. Everyday is a learning experience. After he was here for 2 months, I didn't have to hear "if I was in Jamaica......" anymore.

You really have to let them find their way and Marcel has done a great job (even when his mom passed) one month after he got here. That was very hard for him and he couldn't be there.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Adjustment on a whole is/can be tough if too much is expected of the new "world" not being able to sit out and listen to music and go to the market and such.

What types of accomplishments has the SO obtained?[/b]

Kashi has gotten his license, has has 2 jobs 1 was seasonal and he's now working 1 which is PT and working to establish credit.

What types of obstacles with the move have they encountered?

hMM..WE HAVEN't had anything yet

How has the whole inital visa process shaped your now life?

It made us realize that separation makes the heart grow fonder and when ur together its back to the same ole same ole . Also perservarance that we can do anything if we went thru this process we can do/go thru anything

Was it hard for the SO to assimilate into the American culture?

It was for us, he didn't understand why there were so many rules/laws. I told him because some ppl in JA don't respect any rules or laws so it seems the country doesn't have any. He thought everyone here was crazy how they did things. He couldn't find some of the same foods...he got over all that

Do they like the States?

I can say yes he does like it now

Was it what they expected?

Nope he thought there were no potholes (flaws) here

How has climate affected them?

He loves it couldn't believe it..he hates when it gets hot

Are they in school or working?

He will start college when I finish my Masters, he is working

Were there any obstacles here?

see above

[*JG* 2]

First off, Marlita, I think sometimes people disappear because they find it really is harder to adjust then they thought it would be. They don't want to appear unhappy, so they just don't talk about it.

[*JG* 2]

Where are the stories as to how adjustment for the SO is going?

What types of accomplishments has the SO obtained?

He got his driver's license, a FT job with insurance he's had nearly 2 years now. One of these days, they really will finish his training and promote him to assistant manager like they claim they are going to.

What types of obstacles with the move have they encountered? Besides paperwork issus and delays along the way, I can't think of any.

How has the whole inital visa process shaped your now life? Well, since we are still in it, I suppose it will control our moves for a little while longer. Still deadlines you have to be aware of.

Was it hard for the SO to assimilate into the American culture? Not really. A few minor things....like Kimmy mentioned about all the rules and laws. We still argue about some of that from time to time.

Do they like the States? He says he does.

Was it what they expected? Not at all. He thought the streets were paved in gold, we all wore fur coats, drove pimped out cars, had big chains, and had money trees in our yard. Apparently, he thought we only worked a few hours a year and partied the rest of the time too.

How has climate affected them? At first, he was dry and cracking. Looked like an alligator. Having survived 3 St. Louis hot, humid summers, which he says are hotter then JA, and going into our 3rd winter, he's okay with it all now. He loves when the leaves change in spring and fall, when they fall in the late fall, and he loves, Loves, LOVES snow.

Are they in school or working? Working full time.

Were there any obstacles here? Just the DMV and the JA embassy in Washington, D.C.

[Marlita 0]

First off, Marlita, I think sometimes people disappear because they find it really is harder to adjust then they thought it would be. They don't want to appear unhappy, so they just don't talk about it.

You know I really thought this might be the case JG, and I respect everyones decision in how they handle their OWN personal family and marriage. So that makes complete sense. I mean...I'm not one to come online and blast all my dirty laundry too, but I do from time to time talk about the obstacles that I may be facing do to this process, or just the relationship in general.

But for the most part, I did start to think that maybe some people went away because they were dealing with some hard adjusment issues and didnt think it best to discuss them on here...i respect that.

[Marlita 0]

JG, you're too funny on the "cracking" issue....that seems to be a big problem for most Black folks here., haha.

[*JG* 2]

JG, you're too funny on the "cracking" issue....that seems to be a big problem for most Black folks here., haha.

The wierdest thing I ever saw was how dirty his shower water was for the longest time. I KNOW he took showers in JA. And, I knew he was taking them in the US. It was like it took at least a week for all the sand and dust in his poors to come out.

Dream Cream by Lush. Has solved all his skin issues.

JG, you're too funny on the "cracking" issue....that seems to be a big problem for most Black folks here., haha.

The wierdest thing I ever saw was how dirty his shower water was for the longest time. I KNOW he took showers in JA. And, I knew he was taking them in the US. It was like it took at least a week for all the sand and dust in his poors to come out.

Dream Cream by Lush. Has solved all his skin issues.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

JG

[*JG* 2]

First off, Marlita, I think sometimes people disappear because they find it really is harder to adjust then they thought it would be. They don't want to appear unhappy, so they just don't talk about it.

You know I really thought this might be the case JG, and I respect everyones decision in how they handle their OWN personal family and marriage. So that makes complete sense. I mean...I'm not one to come online and blast all my dirty laundry too, but I do from time to time talk about the obstacles that I may be facing do to this process, or just the relationship in general.

But for the most part, I did start to think that maybe some people went away because they were dealing with some hard adjusment issues and didnt think it best to discuss them on here...i respect that.

I am a big fighter against the silence, Marlita. So many people benefit from the lessons they learn and the fact that they see someone else shares/shared their experiences and they survived it. So much ####### comes out of my mouth. Many of it from learning lessons the hard way. You would not believe how many PM's I get saying "We went through that too" or "thanks for posting that". I have also learned from the postings of others.

YOU know what I meant when I said it's a tough adjustment and while he's here with you, it doesn't make everything all rosy. There are still things you have to deal with.

In the end, I want people to know that it's okay for it to be a tough adjustment and that you can survive it. I never wanted someone to come on the Yardie thread and having some adjustment issues, think why is it so hard for me when everyone else seems to have it so easy.....I must be doing something wrong.

JG, you're too funny on the "cracking" issue....that seems to be a big problem for most Black folks here., haha.

The wierdest thing I ever saw was how dirty his shower water was for the longest time. I KNOW he took showers in JA. And, I knew he was taking them in the US. It was like it took at least a week for all the sand and dust in his poors to come out.

Dream Cream by Lush. Has solved all his skin issues.

JG, you're too funny on the "cracking" issue....that seems to be a big problem for most Black folks here., haha.

Dang......Tre spelling today....I mean pores.

The wierdest thing I ever saw was how dirty his shower water was for the longest time. I KNOW he took showers in JA. And, I knew he was taking them in the US. It was like it took at least a week for all the sand and dust in his poors to come out.

Dream Cream by Lush. Has solved all his skin issues.

What is going on with this computer today??????????

I mean pores.....not poors.

[Marlita 0]

JG, what was in his skin. I never heard of such a thing. It is definitly good to get your man to exfoliate. Even the ones that live here dont do it till a woman shows them how good it is for their body. Evan said he gets more blackheads here on his face an such. Its the colder weather and water I think. I get them on my thighs sometimes, but when in JA I dont have to exfoliate at all, and my legs are as smooth as buttermilk and no hair. I miss that.