Please Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...

[lmnop123 0]

Thank you all for your time.

I am female lawyer living in the US. I met my fiance, "E", in May 2008. E is 25. I am 33, with a youthful look. I can pass for 23/24. I also have a 9 year old son. His last girlfriend of 3 years was 5 years his senior and he prefers older women. He is very mature and everything about him and our "distance" relationship is more than I could have imagined. Prior to meeting him I was generally pretty negative in regard to marriage.

Anyway, we met online via a Nigerian forum that I visit as guest. I have always dated foreign men and since childhood I have always been intrigued about other cultures. I watch a lot of foreign movies, including Nigerian. We are in love, want to get married and have decided to see this prcoess through to the end. We talk daily by phone. Our first conversation was 5 hours and we talk a minimum of 1 hour per day but most times up to 3 hours per day, including text messages, and occasional webcam. To be brutally honest, E, set out to scam me initially but after 1 week of talking and my inquisitive nature he confessed, revealed his true identity and met me on webcam. For various reasons, we know we are meant for each other and we will be together. We/he understand that EVERYTHING must be authentic and legal from confession time forward. I am not posting this for warnings or negative commentary because we will be together. I am disclosing this information because I want to be honest so that I can receive help and advice. Since we have been talking he does not visit the cyber cafe unless I tell him I specifically emailed him something. We don't really do webcam because we want to limit his visits to the cyber cafe. HE HAS NEVER ASKED ME FOR MONEY OR GIFTS. After his confession, for my own peace of mind, I personally found and paid a private investigator out of Lagos to meet with him in his town near Benin to verify his identity and to interview him. He agreed without hesitation because he said he wanted us to move pass this. The private investigator met him at his apartment, took pictures of him, his home, various locations, checked his criminal record at the Delta State CID HQ, verified his educational background and other personal information, and inquired as to his reputation in his community with random people. The findings were positive.

I have purchased my ticket to Lagos for 10/8-10/13. Because of work and limited help with my son I can only travel for this short 1 week period of time. He has told his friends and family about me. He told his parents that he initially tried to scam me. I am sure I don't have to say that his parents were disappointed to learn he was scamming. His family is not poor. Disputes with his father and his stubborness to do things his way and live on his own led to this dumb choice. They have since questioned him about our age difference and if this is something he really wants to do and he said yes. So, they have given us their blessings.

I am so confused. Even though I am a lawyer, because of the increased scrutiny on Nigeria, the quickest method to marry him and for us to be together is overwhelming to say the least. We are prepared to do a K1 or K3 visa. It doesn't matter. We and his family are prepared to marry in both a traditional and white (registry with counseling etc..) marriage in Nigeria in October or on a K1 visa in US whatever me and E decide. The real issue is we want to go the quickest (1 year or less) and best route based on Nigeria's scrutiny. I am struggling yet stable so I don't need a $ sponsor. They know absolutely nothing about the process, so all things written in this post are at my advice and direction. He is relying on me and everyone on his end is willing to do whatever I suggest is best.

K1 visa plan:

Through research I have read that the K1 visa is faster. As of right now, unless we can get better advice, after 2 days in Lagos we are planning to fly via Virgin Nigeria to Benin on 10/11 for 2 days so that I can formally meet his parents and receive their blessings. His parents are going to arrange for some elders from his village to come to the house when I meet them (more if we decide to marry). We will have a gathering with food/drinks for anyone at the house and we plan to wear native wear. Later that evening we will have an engagement pool party at a local hotel with about 30 guests and everyone is asked to wear white. Instead of getting a hotel because of the cost I am renting a villa in Lagos for the 2 days I am there and I will be staying at a hotel or with his family (he lives alone) while I am in Benin. We will return via plane back to Lagos on 10/13 so that I can return home. Even though there is only a 3 hour delay between me arriving at Lagos airport from Benin and me boarding my return flight home he is refusing to see me off from Benin and insists on escorting me until I leave the country.

While I am in Lagos, we plan to take a lot of pictures around the city and at important places. We intend to buy fabric for our garments and courier them to Benin, we plan to open a joint bank account, we plan to get "notarized" statements from his parents and other family members testifying that our relationship is geniune, because he is friendly with his ex, and she is getting married in August, we may be able to get a statement from her as to their age difference while in the relationship if necessary. We are making all Nigeria based flights, accommodations, purchases and party arrangements in both our names when possible, we intend to videotape and photograph all important events while in Benin.

Should we do a K1 visa or K3?

Any advice as to what we should do to make our case stronger or any evidence we should get is greatly appreciated.

Any advice on HELPING US BE TOGETHER will be greatly appreciated.

Again, thank you so much.

[lmnop123 0]

Edits:

I have never sent him money or gifts.

Our K1 Visa Plan:

We will be sure to make sure it is clearly documented that it is an engagment party and not a wedding in the photos.

[Asante Maroon 0]

If you want to be with you fiance sooner than later...I would do a K-1... only downside is that he will have to wait months maybe 6months or so before his status is adjusted. It might actually be shorter...time usually relies heavily on your service center.

The K-3 is a better choice if you can wait a year or more before your husband gets here. Upside is that he will get his green card and work authorization much faster. Downside is that some people have waited a longgggg time before being able to bring their hubby up.

You should check out the Sub-Saharan forum and post your question there. You will get a lot of insight form others who have or are in the process of bringing their loved one here.

I have seen a good amount of successful unions through K-1 for Nigeria...

Hope this helps a bit...but I would really suggest that you re-post in Sub-Saharan for more feedback from those who file for their Significant Others (SO's) in Nigeria.

Good Luck to you!

[stevi1123 0]

Um....

What advice do you need? Your story sounds like a synopsis of every visa info web site and Nigerian/African discussion forum post that I've come across on the internet.

You seem to have it all planned already with every "t" crossed and "i" dotted.

Being an attorney, who no-doubt has excellent researching skills, you should have no trouble whatsoever in deciding which route to take.

Maybe someone else can offer you some "advice" but what more do you need?

Good Luck with your decision.

[Asante Maroon 0]

If you want to be with you fiance sooner than later...I would do a K-1... only downside is that he will have to wait months maybe 6months or so before his status is adjusted. It might actually be shorter...time usually relies heavily on your service center.

The K-3 is a better choice if you can wait a year or more before your husband gets here. Upside is that he will get his green card and work authorization much faster. Downside is that some people have waited a longgggg time before being able to bring their hubby up.

I have seen a good amount of successful unions through K-1 for Nigeria...

Hope this helps a bit...You should get more feed back pretty soon. Sub-Saharan is usually very prompt with feedback....Just as soon as they are able to rub the cold out of their eyes

Good Luck to you!

Sorry for the previous post...did not realize that you did post in the Sub-Saharan. I guess I'm tooo sleepy

If you want to be with you fiance sooner than later...I would do a K-1... only downside is that he will have to wait months maybe 6months or so before his status is adjusted. It might actually be shorter...time usually relies heavily on your service center.

The K-3 is a better choice if you can wait a year or more before your husband gets here. Upside is that he will get his green card and work authorization much faster. Downside is that some people have waited a longgggg time before being able to bring their hubby up.

You should check out the Sub-Saharan forum and post your question there. You will get a lot of insight form others who have or are in the process of bringing their loved one here.

I have seen a good amount of successful unions through K-1 for Nigeria...

Hope this helps a bit...but I would really suggest that you re-post in Sub-Saharan for more feedback from those who file for their Significant Others (SO's) in Nigeria.

Good Luck to you!

Edited July 27, 2008 by Asante Maroon

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

From what I understand of Nigerian law you can't have a legal marriage in less than 2-3 weeks because of some sort of posting requirements of your licience. That being said anything in Nigeria can be had for the right price from quick wedding to stellar character references. For someone struggling you are spending lots of money there. This may set you up for future issues as they will be expecting the money to continue flowing.

Nigeria is a country where people are subject to addditional reviews more than most others which can add months to the process.

Your age difference isn't abnormal really. Your biggest issue is the fact he is/was a scammer. Even if you bury that fact there is a chance that it will come out and that will be an issue.

During your 5 days there make sure you take lots of pictures, you and him and you and parents/siblings. Take the forms with you for the 129F and the g325. That way you can make sure everything is filled out and signed so you can submit it when you return. The process through Nigeria is painfully slow and there isn't much that changes that. The average time is over 200 days .

[lmnop123 0]

From what I understand of Nigerian law you can't have a legal marriage in less than 2-3 weeks because of some sort of posting requirements of your licience. That being said anything in Nigeria can be had for the right price from quick wedding to stellar character references. For someone struggling you are spending lots of money there. This may set you up for future issues as they will be expecting the money to continue flowing.

Nigeria is a country where people are subject to addditional reviews more than most others which can add months to the process.

Your age difference isn't abnormal really. Your biggest issue is the fact he is/was a scammer. Even if you bury that fact there is a chance that it will come out and that will be an issue.

During your 5 days there make sure you take lots of pictures, you and him and you and parents/siblings. Take the forms with you for the 129F and the g325. That way you can make sure everything is filled out and signed so you can submit it when you return. The process through Nigeria is painfully slow and there isn't much that changes that. The average time is over 200 days .

Thank you for your reply.

No, I/we have no intention of doing anything illegal or using area boys to get the job done. We are pass that. I read an article posted by a US based woman (nigeriansinamerica.com) about bringing her spouse to the US. She said that they married at the Marriage Registry in Apapa, Lagos, where they received a certificate, had to undergo counseling and received a witness book with fingerprints. Believe it or not, I am not spending a lot of money for this trip. My actual budget is $3,500 including airfare & accommodations and to reserve the pool at a local hotel in his city is $350. The hotel already has a band playing that night and we are not serving food at the party just buying drinks. I am not paying for anything his parents house like food, drinks, etc.. his family is going to prepare those items for whoever shows up. There is no immediate rush or desire to sidestep but we don't want to go the wrong visa route and have to wait 2 years or some crazy timeframe like that if we can avoid it.

[lmnop123 0]

Um....

What advice do you need? Your story sounds like a synopsis of every visa info web site and Nigerian/African discussion forum post that I've come across on the internet.

You seem to have it all planned already with every "t" crossed and "i" dotted.

Being an attorney, who no-doubt has excellent researching skills, you should have no trouble whatsoever in deciding which route to take.

Maybe someone else can offer you some "advice" but what more do you need?

Good Luck with your decision.

Thank you.

I guess I am just nervous. All the information and bad stories are a bit unsettling and you begin to feel discouraged. I guess I want to hear from some people who are currently going through this process in this corner of the world, which is so stringently scrutinized, even if there is cause. Much of the info I have found was outdated. I just need to hear from people that are having a good step by step experience for support.

[lmnop123 0]

You should check out the Sub-Saharan forum and post your question there. You will get a lot of insight form others who have or are in the process of bringing their loved one here.

I have seen a good amount of successful unions through K-1 for Nigeria...

Hope this helps a bit...but I would really suggest that you re-post in Sub-Saharan for more feedback from those who file for their Significant Others (SO's) in Nigeria.

Good Luck to you!

I was confused for a moment. I rechecked the site and couldn't find it so I figured you may have inadvertantly made a mistake. Thank you for your reply. I see you are loving Ghana I love Ghanian movies. They are really giving naija a run for their money. The collabos are great too. From what I have seen both countries have so much beauty and a lot to be admired. I am afro american but I hope to one day settle in Nigeria or Ghana after saving some dollars of course.

[We_Destiny 1]

K1............. ROCKS

[totes 0]

Thank you all for your time.

I am female lawyer living in the US. I met my fiance, "E", in May 2008. E is 25. I am 33, with a youthful look. I can pass for 23/24. I also have a 9 year old son. His last girlfriend of 3 years was 5 years his senior and he prefers older women. He is very mature and everything about him and our "distance" relationship is more than I could have imagined. Prior to meeting him I was generally pretty negative in regard to marriage.

Anyway, we met online via a Nigerian forum that I visit as guest. I have always dated foreign men and since childhood I have always been intrigued about other cultures. I watch a lot of foreign movies, including Nigerian. We are in love, want to get married and have decided to see this prcoess through to the end. We talk daily by phone. Our first conversation was 5 hours and we talk a minimum of 1 hour per day but most times up to 3 hours per day, including text messages, and occasional webcam. To be brutally honest, E, set out to scam me initially but after 1 week of talking and my inquisitive nature he confessed, revealed his true identity and met me on webcam. For various reasons, we know we are meant for each other and we will be together. We/he understand that EVERYTHING must be authentic and legal from confession time forward. I am not posting this for warnings or negative commentary because we will be together. I am disclosing this information because I want to be honest so that I can receive help and advice. Since we have been talking he does not visit the cyber cafe unless I tell him I specifically emailed him something. We don't really do webcam because we want to limit his visits to the cyber cafe. HE HAS NEVER ASKED ME FOR MONEY OR GIFTS. After his confession, for my own peace of mind, I personally found and paid a private investigator out of Lagos to meet with him in his town near Benin to verify his identity and to interview him. He agreed without hesitation because he said he wanted us to move pass this. The private investigator met him at his apartment, took pictures of him, his home, various locations, checked his criminal record at the Delta State CID HQ, verified his educational background and other personal information, and inquired as to his reputation in his community with random people. The findings were positive.

I have purchased my ticket to Lagos for 10/8-10/13. Because of work and limited help with my son I can only travel for this short 1 week period of time. He has told his friends and family about me. He told his parents that he initially tried to scam me. I am sure I don't have to say that his parents were disappointed to learn he was scamming. His family is not poor. Disputes with his father and his stubborness to do things his way and live on his own led to this dumb choice. They have since questioned him about our age difference and if this is something he really wants to do and he said yes. So, they have given us their blessings.

I am so confused. Even though I am a lawyer, because of the increased scrutiny on Nigeria, the quickest method to marry him and for us to be together is overwhelming to say the least. We are prepared to do a K1 or K3 visa. It doesn't matter. We and his family are prepared to marry in both a traditional and white (registry with counseling etc..) marriage in Nigeria in October or on a K1 visa in US whatever me and E decide. The real issue is we want to go the quickest (1 year or less) and best route based on Nigeria's scrutiny. I am struggling yet stable so I don't need a $ sponsor. They know absolutely nothing about the process, so all things written in this post are at my advice and direction. He is relying on me and everyone on his end is willing to do whatever I suggest is best.

K1 visa plan:

Through research I have read that the K1 visa is faster. As of right now, unless we can get better advice, after 2 days in Lagos we are planning to fly via Virgin Nigeria to Benin on 10/11 for 2 days so that I can formally meet his parents and receive their blessings. His parents are going to arrange for some elders from his village to come to the house when I meet them (more if we decide to marry). We will have a gathering with food/drinks for anyone at the house and we plan to wear native wear. Later that evening we will have an engagement pool party at a local hotel with about 30 guests and everyone is asked to wear white. Instead of getting a hotel because of the cost I am renting a villa in Lagos for the 2 days I am there and I will be staying at a hotel or with his family (he lives alone) while I am in Benin. We will return via plane back to Lagos on 10/13 so that I can return home. Even though there is only a 3 hour delay between me arriving at Lagos airport from Benin and me boarding my return flight home he is refusing to see me off from Benin and insists on escorting me until I leave the country.

While I am in Lagos, we plan to take a lot of pictures around the city and at important places. We intend to buy fabric for our garments and courier them to Benin, we plan to open a joint bank account, we plan to get "notarized" statements from his parents and other family members testifying that our relationship is geniune, because he is friendly with his ex, and she is getting married in August, we may be able to get a statement from her as to their age difference while in the relationship if necessary. We are making all Nigeria based flights, accommodations, purchases and party arrangements in both our names when possible, we intend to videotape and photograph all important events while in Benin.

Should we do a K1 visa or K3?

Any advice as to what we should do to make our case stronger or any evidence we should get is greatly appreciated.

Any advice on HELPING US BE TOGETHER will be greatly appreciated.

Again, thank you so much.

Sounds like you've done your homework which is a good thing! I wish I could advise you on the best approach but I can't We chose the K-1 for time sake however as you can see by my timeline, it has been less than speedy. We've been waiting for over a year with no end in sight. We chose the K-1 because we felt the Consulate may have issues with us marrying the first time we met. As it turns out, the Consulate has issues with us only knowing one another 6 months before we became engaged, that we had only met each other in person one time and our age difference which is 11 years. I traveled back to Africa this past May and while there met with the Embassy. It cleared up alot of questions for me. I too had my SO investigated prior to my traveling to Africa the first time, not because he ever tried to scam me but because I had never met him in person and was planning to travel to a country that has a reputation (unfounded in retrospect) for being dangerous for American's. I even told the investigator that I had had him checked out. PM me if you would like to discuss the details of my experience.

Having said all that, from what I have seen, K-1 appears, for the most part, to get the SO over here the quickest but you must be prepared whichever way you decide to go, that you could be in for a lengthy wait. There are just no guarantees.

Wishing you much luck with your journey!

hugs,

tess

Edited July 27, 2008 by tony and tess

[Asante Maroon 0]

I was confused for a moment. I rechecked the site and couldn't find it so I figured you may have inadvertantly made a mistake. Thank you for your reply. I see you are loving Ghana I love Ghanian movies. They are really giving naija a run for their money. The collabos are great too. From what I have seen both countries have so much beauty and a lot to be admired. I am afro american but I hope to one day settle in Nigeria or Ghana after saving some dollars of course.

Yeah. I like the collabos too

My long term plan is too move too Ghana. It's an absolutely beautiful country

How did you fine Nigeria when you went? I think it is so wonderful and important for Blacks from outside of Africa to visit the homelands. It's such an enriching and profound experience.

Have you traveled to Ghana yet?

By the way....I would go for the K-1...you get to see your man much sooner. For me...I could not wait for the K-3.

You seem to be on point with everything so you should have no problem with your evidence and the evidence is all it boils down to in the beginning.

[Ta Ta 1]

Thank you all for your time.

I am female lawyer living in the US. I met my fiance, "E", in May 2008. E is 25. I am 33, with a youthful look. I can pass for 23/24. I also have a 9 year old son. His last girlfriend of 3 years was 5 years his senior and he prefers older women. He is very mature and everything about him and our "distance" relationship is more than I could have imagined. Prior to meeting him I was generally pretty negative in regard to marriage.

Anyway, we met online via a Nigerian forum that I visit as guest. I have always dated foreign men and since childhood I have always been intrigued about other cultures. I watch a lot of foreign movies, including Nigerian. We are in love, want to get married and have decided to see this prcoess through to the end. We talk daily by phone. Our first conversation was 5 hours and we talk a minimum of 1 hour per day but most times up to 3 hours per day, including text messages, and occasional webcam. To be brutally honest, E, set out to scam me initially but after 1 week of talking and my inquisitive nature he confessed, revealed his true identity and met me on webcam. For various reasons, we know we are meant for each other and we will be together. We/he understand that EVERYTHING must be authentic and legal from confession time forward. I am not posting this for warnings or negative commentary because we will be together. I am disclosing this information because I want to be honest so that I can receive help and advice. Since we have been talking he does not visit the cyber cafe unless I tell him I specifically emailed him something. We don't really do webcam because we want to limit his visits to the cyber cafe. HE HAS NEVER ASKED ME FOR MONEY OR GIFTS. After his confession, for my own peace of mind, I personally found and paid a private investigator out of Lagos to meet with him in his town near Benin to verify his identity and to interview him. He agreed without hesitation because he said he wanted us to move pass this. The private investigator met him at his apartment, took pictures of him, his home, various locations, checked his criminal record at the Delta State CID HQ, verified his educational background and other personal information, and inquired as to his reputation in his community with random people. The findings were positive.

I have purchased my ticket to Lagos for 10/8-10/13. Because of work and limited help with my son I can only travel for this short 1 week period of time. He has told his friends and family about me. He told his parents that he initially tried to scam me. I am sure I don't have to say that his parents were disappointed to learn he was scamming. His family is not poor. Disputes with his father and his stubborness to do things his way and live on his own led to this dumb choice. They have since questioned him about our age difference and if this is something he really wants to do and he said yes. So, they have given us their blessings.

I am so confused. Even though I am a lawyer, because of the increased scrutiny on Nigeria, the quickest method to marry him and for us to be together is overwhelming to say the least. We are prepared to do a K1 or K3 visa. It doesn't matter. We and his family are prepared to marry in both a traditional and white (registry with counseling etc..) marriage in Nigeria in October or on a K1 visa in US whatever me and E decide. The real issue is we want to go the quickest (1 year or less) and best route based on Nigeria's scrutiny. I am struggling yet stable so I don't need a $ sponsor. They know absolutely nothing about the process, so all things written in this post are at my advice and direction. He is relying on me and everyone on his end is willing to do whatever I suggest is best.

K1 visa plan:

Through research I have read that the K1 visa is faster. As of right now, unless we can get better advice, after 2 days in Lagos we are planning to fly via Virgin Nigeria to Benin on 10/11 for 2 days so that I can formally meet his parents and receive their blessings. His parents are going to arrange for some elders from his village to come to the house when I meet them (more if we decide to marry). We will have a gathering with food/drinks for anyone at the house and we plan to wear native wear. Later that evening we will have an engagement pool party at a local hotel with about 30 guests and everyone is asked to wear white. Instead of getting a hotel because of the cost I am renting a villa in Lagos for the 2 days I am there and I will be staying at a hotel or with his family (he lives alone) while I am in Benin. We will return via plane back to Lagos on 10/13 so that I can return home. Even though there is only a 3 hour delay between me arriving at Lagos airport from Benin and me boarding my return flight home he is refusing to see me off from Benin and insists on escorting me until I leave the country.

While I am in Lagos, we plan to take a lot of pictures around the city and at important places. We intend to buy fabric for our garments and courier them to Benin, we plan to open a joint bank account, we plan to get "notarized" statements from his parents and other family members testifying that our relationship is geniune, because he is friendly with his ex, and she is getting married in August, we may be able to get a statement from her as to their age difference while in the relationship if necessary. We are making all Nigeria based flights, accommodations, purchases and party arrangements in both our names when possible, we intend to videotape and photograph all important events while in Benin.

Should we do a K1 visa or K3?

Any advice as to what we should do to make our case stronger or any evidence we should get is greatly appreciated.

Any advice on HELPING US BE TOGETHER will be greatly appreciated.

Again, thank you so much.

Sounds like you've done your homework which is a good thing! I wish I could advise you on the best approach but I can't We chose the K-1 for time sake however as you can see by my timeline, it has been less than speedy. We've been waiting for over a year with no end in sight. We chose the K-1 because we felt the Consulate may have issues with us marrying the first time we met. As it turns out, the Consulate has issues with us only knowing one another 6 months before we became engaged, that we had only met each other in person one time and our age difference which is 11 years. I traveled back to Africa this past May and while there met with the Embassy. It cleared up alot of questions for me. I too had my SO investigated prior to my traveling to Africa the first time, not because he ever tried to scam me but because I had never met him in person and was planning to travel to a country that has a reputation (unfounded in retrospect) for being dangerous for American's. I even told the investigator that I had had him checked out. PM me if you would like to discuss the details of my experience.

Having said all that, from what I have seen, K-1 appears, for the most part, to get the SO over here the quickest but you must be prepared whichever way you decide to go, that you could be in for a lengthy wait. There are just no guarantees.

Wishing you much luck with your journey!

hugs,

tess

I agree with Tess about the quick marriagge when you see him the first time is something the CO may frown upon.

My advice is the K1 route for that reason. Other than that you seem to have a handle on everything.

Best wishes for your journey and welcome to the forum.

[Simply_Uno 1]

I have a question, how would the CO know if you met and married during your first visit?

Who's to say that you did not have a lengthy, intense, and fulfilling LDR?

I think (jmo) that sometimes we anticipate entirely too many variables and obstacles to our own success. Personally (jmo) if you want to meet and marry, go for it; I did, but then again, my situation has been a fiasco

[totes 0]

I have a question, how would the CO know if you met and married during your first visit?

Who's to say that you did not have a lengthy, intense, and fulfilling LDR?

I think (jmo) that sometimes we anticipate entirely too many variables and obstacles to our own success. Personally (jmo) if you want to meet and marry, go for it; I did, but then again, my situation has been a fiasco

In my opinion if you really did meet and marry on the first visit and tried to convince the CO that you had a lengthy long distance relationship, the burden of proof would be on you to prove the "lengthy" relationship and also to prove that you had been to see your SO previously. They have access to all of your travel details based on your passport. If you went this route and got caught deceiving the Embassy, your SO could be banned. That's not a chance I personally would want to take. I agree that if you want to meet and marry you should definetly do it but I think you should make an informed decision. I don't necessarily think we anticipate too many variables, I sure didn't, I was shocked at the ####### we've had to deal with. I think that we all just give our opinions based on personal experience and I believe we're all clear that THIS Embassy's goal is delay, delay, delay.

Just my opinion.

hugs

tess