MTL Review

[BH45 0]

I know, I know - pokey in posting this but I needed time to get my head around it all.

We stayed at La Tour. The room is clean, warm and the bed is comfy (or for us anyway). Good place to stay at a reasonable price within a minute walk of the consulate. We did leave our bags there until after the interview.

We arrived at the consulate at roughly 7:40 am. We went directly in after being asked by the security guard why we were there. The 2nd security person we dealt with was pleasant. Everything went through the x-ray machine and we went through the security check. I cleared no trouble, but Kelsie seemed to require further scanning. You know, spead your legs and arms. Anyway, the security person watching the x-ray machine noticed something in my file folder. He mentioned a round dark object. Took me a minute, then I realized it was a medallion that Larry had sent me after being sober for 3 months from AA. So once he saw that, they proceeded to clear us to go downstairs to the elevator.

Once downstairs, another security guard asked for all those with letters A, B, C, and D. That happened to be us and there were 5 other people come forward as well. Up to whatever floor it is and into the room with window 9. A lovely young lady called each letter and took our appointment letter. We were then told to go to the waiting room until called. One by one we were all called back in to give our documents over to her. Once again, it was back out to the waiting room to wait to be called back in for fingerprinting. After this, back to the waiting room to be called for our interview.

At 9:10 a.m., they began to call us in for our interviews. The first lady in was there like 3 minutes and approved and on her way. The next young lady was applying to join her dad and brothers in the US. She was in for maybe 5 minutes, done and approved.

I said to Kelsie I hope we get that same interviewer. Sure enough, into room 8 we go. He swears us in. We go through the process:

Where did you meet? How long have you known each other? Where does he work? How often have you met?

He asked Kelsie what grade she was in and when she would be following me.

Then, he says "Everything is in order. I just seem to be missing the permisson from the other parent."

I says, "Excuse me, I have sole custody. He has only seen her for 10 days in the last 2 1/2 years. It doesn't make any sense."

He replied, "Give me a minute". Away he went to consult with other officers. When he came back, he says, "We all think we should have that letter. It will protect us from a possible lawsuit and you as well."

I told him that it seemed totally useless to have sole custody if it isn't recognized. I basically said at that point it would be almost impossible if not impossible to get that letter and I may as well resign myself to remaining here. He claims to understand but continued to give me a letter indicating what is required.

I have one year to get the letter until our file will be closed. He informed me that should I get the letter all I have to do is send the letter and our passports to the office for approval.

So, here I sit. Firstly, trying to get over the shock. Secondly, I'm trying to give myself time to come to grips with this before writing to ask for that permission. I need to be sure of what to say. I don't want to write it based on emotions or anger that he can hold this kind of control over my life.

Last June, he had no issues with the move. Then in December, he decided he didn't think it was a good idea cause he wouldn't get to see his daughter. D'oh!!!!

So there you have it. My MTL review and why my case is now pending. I'm not giving up but just not sure where to head from here.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

oh wow

This is sad. You must feel so deflated.

Take some time to collect your thoughts, you'll get through this.

Do you think you'll be able to get something from him? I hope you will.

Sending you big hugs

[Emancipation 2]

My heart is breaking for you gal...

Stay positive.. this will work itself out.. sending thoughts your way.

[SpiritAlight 1]

Oh dearest BH45,

How calm your post seemed...and i can only just imagine what you must be feeling.

Yes do breathe first, then breathe again.

Ask a good solid friend to come over when you get home and she/he will help you with this.

Do not go through it alone.

It is totally possible to get this letter and you may need to be with someone to get it.

Maybe do not go and see your ex alone, or talk to him on the phone without a friend right by your side.

Okay, darling?

I am wishing all the strength in the universe for you.

Call me any time.

[frustrated1 0]

I can feel for you. Things have a way of working out the best and, hopefully, getting the letter will not be hard.

However, you could get a legal opinion on the exact meaning of sole custody. if he has visitation rights then I think you do need the letter. if he's aware of your current relationship then he knows that this change is coming.

I wish you the best and quick resolution of this.

[kimmbo 0]

So sorry to hear about this speed bump in the process....Sending good thoughts that you can get the letter without problems and get it sent back to Montreal so you can complete this part of the process quickly...I see them trying to cover their butts, but having sole custody *in my opinion* should have been enough..please keep us updated!

[Carlawarla 1]

Oh my dear...I'm so sorry you've hit this glitch in your process. You have all of our support here, albeit virtual, but it also has a LOT of power. I hope you can resolve this soon and with little difficulty. Best wishes and hugs are sent your way!

[Krikit 1,164]

I'm not sure what to say, BH. Why don't you try posting in Major Changes to see if you can get any helpful advice and/or anecdotal situations from the people in there?

When you talk to your child's father you could explain to him the advantages of your daughter becoming a dual citizen, and the scope of opportunities she will have for any future career. You could also discuss an arranged visitation schedule due to his concern with not seeing his daughter. From the sounds of it, this will be something you need not worry about him following through on, since he hasn't seemed to take an interest so far. However, if he does take an interest, that can only be a good thing, since it's important for children to know that their father loves them and cares.

I hope all works out well for you and your daughter, BH. All the best.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

BH - I can totally understand how you're feeling. I am in the same situation...I have sole custody and my daughter hasn't seen her dad for 12 yrs now.

Within my original custody order it indicated how long we had not had contact with him (at that time about 2 yrs) . The lawyer was unable to contact him at that time. Then...last year while we were getting into the K1 process, I was worried and went to the lawyer again...convinced that what I had wouldn't be enough proof. I knew myself that it would be virtually impossible to find him since it had been another 10 yrs.

The lawyer drew up papers which indicated that we had not seen him in the last X years since the previous court order and that all parental rights on his part were no longer in place.

I realize this isn't exactly the same situation, but I wonder what the lawyer could come up with in your case? Perhaps, based on how little he has seen your daughter, they could draw up a custody order indicating that you can take her but she must have the opportunity x times a year to return to Canada(based on how much he's actually seen her recently).

This of course costs $$ Which about now I'm thinking we're all low on) .... but the last set of papers I had was roughly $300 for the meeting, the lawyer's time and then the 8 identical copies of the current order.

You could always just try for a whole new custody order period which incorporates the notion of you living in the US and providing X number of visiting opportunities per year. Where will you be moving to and how old is she? She may have a right to say with whom she wants to live and if you're only a little over the border, maybe it's not so big a deal.

I don't know all the details, but hang in there. It probably has seemed impossible to get a handle on this the past few days, but everything pans out in the end.

[trailmix 77]

Hi BH,

I don't really have anything concrete to offer but I'm sorry this has happened! However, as everyone has said, this will work out, hang in there!

[Lona.C. 16]

oh wow this is bad , am so sorry , but I do agrea with the previouse posts ,

try not to talk to him while your alone , and maybe get your laywer to write up a visitation schedule and you financing the travel expenses for your daughter if it comes down to it ,( as krikit said he probly wont live up to his commitment )

but at least you would have something in written that hes ok with the whole process ,

also how old is your daughter ,( if you dont mind me asking ) cause depanding her age maybe she can also talk to her dad on how much she realy wants to move with you but would come to visit him as much as he likes to see her ?? ( but like I said that depands on her age if shes old enough to make that kind of decision ) I hope things will work out for you and good luck

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Really like that visitation schedule idea! Maybe it's possible to put in writing that the first visit is contingent on the AP document -with an estimate of the date range.

You'll want to come home to visit anyway Believe me...can get a little lonely without family and friends close by

I also like that when he doesn't live up to it...he doesn't have a peg leg to stand on

[Lona.C. 16]

Really like that visitation schedule idea! Maybe it's possible to put in writing that the first visit is contingent on the AP document -with an estimate of the date range.

You'll want to come home to visit anyway Believe me...can get a little lonely without family and friends close by

I also like that when he doesn't live up to it...he doesn't have a peg leg to stand on

exactly

another idea I had ( again depands on your daughters age ) but if he makes a big fuss about it maybe let her spend a weekend with him , where he can take her shopping and places wich will open his eyes to the fact oops wow kids are kinda expensive to suport on a long term bases now a days ,

( if shes a teen should be easy , teens like malls and lotsa cloaths and CD"S and going to cinemas and arcades and and and , you know what i mean )

[Ontarkie 14,226]

Ok i know the sound of a visitation schedual sounds good and paying for it but really its not. The way my lawyer put it when i was fighting my ex was complainning now how he cant afford to come get his kids and we live in the same town, a year goes byand he never wants to see no calls no nothing then later he decideshe wants his kids and I didnt bring the kids he can take me to court on hardship cause he cant see his kids and its in the court order i'd be screwed.

So anyways she refused to set up any type of visitation to protect us plus it also made the consent form look better when it said resonable access and resonable phone calls. I have to give him our number and address thats all marked on the consent form. All he asked me later was any time we came back to let him know so he can see the kids. I know its easier said then done we were actually set to go to court cause my ex didnt want to give consent but when he got served and read the papers he gave in.

Good luck with everything.

Danielle

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Good advice ONT....

Ok i know the sound of a visitation schedual sounds good and paying for it but really its not. The way my lawyer put it when i was fighting my ex was complainning now how he cant afford to come get his kids and we live in the same town, a year goes byand he never wants to see no calls no nothing then later he decideshe wants his kids and I didnt bring the kids he can take me to court on hardship cause he cant see his kids and its in the court order i'd be screwed.

So anyways she refused to set up any type of visitation to protect us plus it also made the consent form look better when it said resonable access and resonable phone calls. I have to give him our number and address thats all marked on the consent form. All he asked me later was any time we came back to let him know so he can see the kids. I know its easier said then done we were actually set to go to court cause my ex didnt want to give consent but when he got served and read the papers he gave in.

Good luck with everything.

Danielle