'Forced' to marry

[Jenn! 918]

we had fun on ####### years eve

I'm still recovering...

[Fandango 1,439]

we had fun on ####### years eve

I'm still recovering...

I'm still sick!

[bostonparis 0]

we had fun on ####### years eve

I'm still recovering...

I'm still sick!

I'm still entertained.

[luvaLimey 0]

I feel like I need to share my opinion... and that is purely what it is: an opinion.

We wouldn't be getting married if there were any other way to be together. He has never wanted to get married, and after the marriage I had before, I wanted to just be with him purely because we wanted to be together. But neither of our governments will allow us to just live together. So because we do love each other and want to be together, we're going to do something neither of us really wanted, and get married. It's a means to an end, for us: the thing that will enable us to do what we want to do. And that is, to be together.

In my opinion, the statistic which is being thrown around here so much about divorce rates between those who live together before marriage being greater than those who don't could mean many things. One extrapolation from this data was an opinion that those who cohabitate aren't as committed to marriage as those who wait. Another might be that those who wait to get married might have some moral reasons for waiting, which may also apply to the way they view marriage: as a sacrament, rather than a legal agreement.

As such, those with moral reasons for wanting a marriage sacrament will be less likely to divorce, even if divorce is the most healthy choice for them. When you're in a bad relationship, it's not failure to end it, to recover from whatever abuse you received and/or gave. I don't think of divorce as a failure, and people staying married for years as a success. You can't know the inner workings of someone else's marriage. What may be smiles and laughter where other people can hear, might just be torment once the doors are closed.

I'd rather be with someone because we both wanted to be with each other, rather than out of some sense of obligation. I don't want him to feel chained to me. And I don't want to feel that way either. Yeah, maybe I'm just not committed enough to desperately desire a white dress and a honeymoon. What I desire is something deeper; I'm committed enough to move to another country to be with the man I love, and he's committed enough to move back here with me. That means more to me than any "I do" ever would.

[bostonparis 0]

What I desire is something deeper; I'm committed enough to move to another country to be with the man I love, and he's committed enough to move back here with me. That means more to me than any "I do" ever would.

You gave me goosebumps a little bit.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

There are many variables to why people divorce. That was acknowledged all along. However, religion has something to do with it. Catholic Christians would have a problem with divorce, but I'm Muslim, and Islam makes no shame of divorce, so it would be wrong for me to stay in a marriage that was doing an injustice to either of us. I've also never had a wedding and don't want one. For someone to legally obligate themselves to me gives me goosebumps because their preference to fu@k me but not want to marry me would be an insult.

Edited January 2, 2007 by szsz

[KarenCee 3]

There are many variables to why people divorce. That was acknowledged all along. However, religion has something to do with it. Catholic Christians would have a problem with divorce, but I'm Muslim, and Islam makes no shame of divorce, so it would be wrong for me to stay in a marriage that was doing an injustice to either of us. I've also never had a wedding and don't want one. For someone to legally obligate themselves to me gives me goosebumps because their preference to fu@k me but not want to marry me would be an insult.

Okay....I am foncused. Seriously. You have never had a wedding yet you are married? Are you saying "wedding" and "marriage" are two different things? Is it also your opinion that to be in a relationship without marriage is an insult to you (purely from a intimacy standpoint)? *sigh* It appears that I'm not as intelligent as you are, after all, I am merely a schoolteacher of children......(insert sarcasm here, since there's not a smiley to express this).....

[Sofiyya 1,687]

There are many variables to why people divorce. That was acknowledged all along. However, religion has something to do with it. Catholic Christians would have a problem with divorce, but I'm Muslim, and Islam makes no shame of divorce, so it would be wrong for me to stay in a marriage that was doing an injustice to either of us. I've also never had a wedding and don't want one. For someone to legally obligate themselves to me gives me goosebumps because their preference to fu@k me but not want to marry me would be an insult.

Okay....I am foncused. Seriously. You have never had a wedding yet you are married? Are you saying "wedding" and "marriage" are two different things? Is it also your opinion that to be in a relationship without marriage is an insult to you (purely from a intimacy standpoint)? *sigh* It appears that I'm not as intelligent as you are, after all, I am merely a schoolteacher of children......(insert sarcasm here, since there's not a smiley to express this).....

Perhaps this is a cultural disconnect you are experiencing. One need not have a wedding to be married. You do know that, don't you?

PS - Here are some sarcasm avatars for you to choose from.

Edited January 2, 2007 by szsz

[mawilson 2,133]

You say youre' not ready for marriage wihich means you're not ready for committment, anecdotal assertions aside, when you are looking for an easy out, marriage is not what you aim for.

You're right. Marriage was not what we aimed for. Do you have a better solution for people like us

who just want to be together?

[KarenCee 3]

There are many variables to why people divorce. That was acknowledged all along. However, religion has something to do with it. Catholic Christians would have a problem with divorce, but I'm Muslim, and Islam makes no shame of divorce, so it would be wrong for me to stay in a marriage that was doing an injustice to either of us. I've also never had a wedding and don't want one. For someone to legally obligate themselves to me gives me goosebumps because their preference to fu@k me but not want to marry me would be an insult.

Okay....I am foncused. Seriously. You have never had a wedding yet you are married? Are you saying "wedding" and "marriage" are two different things? Is it also your opinion that to be in a relationship without marriage is an insult to you (purely from a intimacy standpoint)? *sigh* It appears that I'm not as intelligent as you are, after all, I am merely a schoolteacher of children......(insert sarcasm here, since there's not a smiley to express this).....

Perhaps this is a cultural disconnect you are experiencing. One need not have a wedding to be married. You do know that, don't you?

PS - Here are some sarcasm avatars for you to choose from.

Aye, I do know that, it was just your apparent *aversion* to having a wedding since for most people the terms wedding and marriage are interchangeable and for most mean the same. Cultural disconnect? Eh, no, I don't think so.

You say youre' not ready for marriage wihich means you're not ready for committment, anecdotal assertions aside, when you are looking for an easy out, marriage is not what you aim for.

You're right. Marriage was not what we aimed for. Do you have a better solution for people like us

who just want to be together?

Careful Mark...your FEAR of commitment is showing

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Aye, I do know that, it was just your apparent *aversion* to having a wedding since for most people the terms wedding and marriage are interchangeable and for most mean the same. Cultural disconnect? Eh, no, I don't think so.

I haven't taken a poll to see if most people interchange the terms marriage and wedding, but I know I'm not one of them. As for my apparent *aversion* to weddings, it would be best for me state to if that is so. Otherwise, it isn't so apparent.

You are quite the argumentative one yourself.

Edited January 3, 2007 by szsz

[luvaLimey 0]

There are many variables to why people divorce. That was acknowledged all along. However, religion has something to do with it. Catholic Christians would have a problem with divorce, but I'm Muslim, and Islam makes no shame of divorce, so it would be wrong for me to stay in a marriage that was doing an injustice to either of us. I've also never had a wedding and don't want one. For someone to legally obligate themselves to me gives me goosebumps because their preference to fu@k me but not want to marry me would be an insult.

As opposed to someone who married you simply so they could f@ck you without going to hell?

I'd rather have love be the bind between us, rather than shame and fear of fire...

[Sofiyya 1,687]

There are many variables to why people divorce. That was acknowledged all along. However, religion has something to do with it. Catholic Christians would have a problem with divorce, but I'm Muslim, and Islam makes no shame of divorce, so it would be wrong for me to stay in a marriage that was doing an injustice to either of us. I've also never had a wedding and don't want one. For someone to legally obligate themselves to me gives me goosebumps because their preference to fu@k me but not want to marry me would be an insult.

As opposed to someone who married you simply so they could f@ck you without going to hell?

I'd rather have love be the bind between us, rather than shame and fear of fire...

Then don't. You're not putting words in my mouth.

[rebeccajo 14]

I think a lot of people who were not losers like me on New Year's Eve missed this one...

Hey!!!! My husband was at work and I was BORED!!

Mine too! But you're still a loser like me!

I know! We are so PATHETIC!!!!!!!

[rebeccajo 14]

Oh......and this thread is pathetic too. At least at this point it is.

Just my opinion.