Dear Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

bosco got his autograph and this pix...

Goodness!

This is a much better view of his luscious velour sweater!

Love,

Joyce

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Dear Joyce,

I am sure you remember almaty, Bosco's keeper (I say the name and my knees get weak, goodness!)

Anywhooooo... almaty is sad because he thinks he made a bad investment of his retirement funds buying stock for this beauty:

I am sure you will find there is still a need for hot sauna pants; and we would like to know if you could suggest anything to make this trend come back in force. You did it for Tupperware, and I will always be grateful

Thanks, Mrs. Redhead.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I am sure you remember almaty, Bosco's keeper (I say the name and my knees get weak, goodness!)

Anywhooooo... almaty is sad because he thinks he made a bad investment of his retirement funds buying stock for this beauty:

I am sure you will find there is still a need for hot sauna pants; and we would like to know if you could suggest anything to make this trend come back in force. You did it for Tupperware, and I will always be grateful

Thanks, Mrs. Redhead.

Goodness!

Nice to hear from you, Mrs. Redhead!

Honestly (and maybe I'm a little out of the loop), I didn't know that Wonder Sauna Hot Pants ever went out of fashion! Why, the last Tupperware Party I went to--last week--nearly half the ladies and about a third of the gentlemen were wearing them in a variety of colors!* Usually I put on mine after I've had just a little too much Cool Whip, but for Tupperware parties, it's become a tradition that I wear my fuchsia Wonder Sauna Hot Pants to make my grand entrance. And a sea-green velour poncho with navy trim really makes it say, "Wow!" Which is appropriate because all the guests usually say "Wow!" too!

Anyway, I realize that my group of friends, acquaintances, and fellow Avon/Tupperware/Weight Watchers/G&T/Cool Whip fanatics may not represent the wider society (if only that were the case, the world would be perfect, wouldn't it?!), so I'll plug into my network and see if I can't have a few billboards put up all over town to remind folks of this slimming wonder product! I know that almaty wants to be solvent in his retirement so he can groove in Missouri's coolest tiki bars and shake his booty for the ladies!

Stay groovy!

Love,

Joyce

*I misplaced my glasses that day (thank goodness I found them eventually, right next to the Popov), so there's a slight chance that the guests weren't in fact wearing Wonder Sauna Hot Pants but were actually slightly chubby.

[Susita 175]

I just got a chain e-mail with this advertisment... coincidence much? Joyce is a miracle worker.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Dear Joyce,

My one and only child, Amber; is insisting that I need -desperately, she reckons- to get into the snuggies bandwagon. I must say, I was terrified that this would mean the end of my polyester blankets, which have always been well received by Mr. Redhead in those throes of winter passion

Amby says, and my politburo friends seem to agree; that a pink snuggie would be the perfect addition to my already staple hotness. Yet, you know me -not biblically, of course, Goodness!- and I never venture too much without consulting with you, the master of style.

What should I do? Join the snuggie revolution (I hear they also make them in animal prints, Rowwwr!!) or stick to the tried and true sensual pleasures of the footed pajamas???

With admiration, Mrs. Redhead in Jammies Confusion.

Edited December 3, 2009 by Chica Yeyé

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

Dear Joyce,

This is the first time I have come to you for advice. I must confess, I made my husband get his hair cut at a cheap salon so his hair would be short for his upcoming interview. Well, I guess you get what you pay for because it came out terrible. He looks like a big, bull-####### with a buzz cut! However shall I convince the CO at his visa interview that he is indeed my husband and not a butch lesbo girlfriend? Help!

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

My one and only child, Amber; is insisting that I need -desperately, she reckons- to get into the snuggies bandwagon. I must say, I was terrified that this would mean the end of my polyester blankets, which have always been well received by Mr. Redhead in those throes of winter passion

Amby says, and my politburo friends seem to agree; that a pink snuggie would be the perfect addition to my already staple hotness. Yet, you know me -not biblically, of course, Goodness!- and I never venture too much without consulting with you, the master of style.

What should I do? Join the snuggie revolution (I hear they also make them in animal prints, Rowwwr!!) or stick to the tried and true sensual pleasures of the footed pajamas???

With admiration, Mrs. Redhead in Jammies Confusion.

Why, thank you for writing, Mrs. Redhead in Jammies Confusion!

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit that I had to ask Dave "Baby" Cortez what a snuggie is! He said he used them all the time when he hosted Wesson oil parties! (I think these involved some extra fattening fondue, and maybe Florence Henderson! She's my hero!) I didn't get the details because I was distracted by my neighbor, Bob Stanley (yes, the former Red Sox pitcher), who was at my door seeking help greasing his clarinet corks! You can say it's been a busy day! Anyway, I think the snuggie is some sort of garbage bag dispenser? Anything that makes your life easier and more sensual gets a big green checkmark from me! Now, I hope I don't sound judgmental, but I never liked pajamas with feet. I want to show the world my sexy toes after giving them a good buff with my Avon Nail Essentials! Even in winter!!!! (I know, "You're crazy, Joyce!")

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

This is the first time I have come to you for advice. I must confess, I made my husband get his hair cut at a cheap salon so his hair would be short for his upcoming interview. Well, I guess you get what you pay for because it came out terrible. He looks like a big, bull-####### with a buzz cut! However shall I convince the CO at his visa interview that he is indeed my husband and not a butch lesbo girlfriend? Help!

Goodness!

Well, it sounds like you learned your lesson! You get what you pay for at the salon! No worries, though. Dash to your nearest wig shop and ask for "The Joycus Magnus," which is a Joycian helmet designed in a masculine style. It's not cheap, but your satisfaction is guaranteed! You'll have the grooviest husband around!

I suggest not taking the bull to the interview! My deceased aunt (bless her) used to have a bull, and he was a real handful!

Love,

Joyce

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Dear Joyce,

I am delighted. I received an invite to none other's Xmas party than the one and only Miss Piggy!!! I can barely contain myself, being always a follower of her makeup -and others- tips. Goodness! I want to wear something that represents how much I respect and admire her career. Do you think this outfit would be too, well, revealing? Please say it isn't so!!!

Mrs. Redhead.... must be said I've been known to call him Kermit in the woes od CoolWhip passion

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Every day I am reminded why I married an un-liberated Ukrainian woman. You are the reminder for today. Thanks.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Every day I am reminded why I married an un-liberated Ukrainian woman. You are the reminder for today. Thanks.

????

[scandal 951]

Dear Joyce,

I am delighted. I received an invite to none other's Xmas party than the one and only Miss Piggy!!! I can barely contain myself, being always a follower of her makeup -and others- tips. Goodness! I want to wear something that represents how much I respect and admire her career. Do you think this outfit would be too, well, revealing? Please say it isn't so!!!

Mrs. Redhead.... must be said I've been known to call him Kermit in the woes od CoolWhip passion

There's a lil' piggie nip' showing there ....

Edited December 19, 2009 by scandal

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I am delighted. I received an invite to none other's Xmas party than the one and only Miss Piggy!!! I can barely contain myself, being always a follower of her makeup -and others- tips. Goodness! I want to wear something that represents how much I respect and admire her career. Do you think this outfit would be too, well, revealing? Please say it isn't so!!!

Mrs. Redhead.... must be said I've been known to call him Kermit in the woes od CoolWhip passion

How nice to hear from you again, Mrs. Redhead! Did you ever get your plastic snuggie dispenser?

I have to admit that I've always had mixed feelings about Miss Piggy. On one hand, she was certainly adventurous with her eye makeup application, but sometimes I thought she was just a little too dependent on her Kermit fantasies...but that might just be me projecting! (Did I just admit that?! Goodness!) Now, you've probably gathered that this particular ensemble isn't exactly my style, but I think the asymmetry is quite daring! And I detect a synthetic material! So, three out of five stars! My primary concern is the hair--it seems, well, all over the place. But it's nothing that a triple perm and six hours in the salon couldn't fix! How's that for a compromise?

I hope you're keeping your cool (whip!) during the run-up to the holiday season! Just last Sunday evening, my neighbor across the street, Rose Finkelstein, was having a Hanukkah party and ran out of peanut oil for her latkes! (The irony! Can you believe it?!) She ran over in a tizzy and asked if I had any she could borrow. Unfortunately, I'd given my last bottle to Dave "Baby" Cortez to give to Florence Henderson for their snuggie dispenser party. Shoot! However, I did ask Rose in for a G&T. Next thing you know, she'd forgotten all about the latkes! And indeed her guests! Fortunately, they knew where to find her and carried her back to the house for a high-stakes dreidel game and goodness knows what else!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Every day I am reminded why I married an un-liberated Ukrainian woman. You are the reminder for today. Thanks.

Goodness! I suggest gin.

Love,

Joyce

[rebeccajo 14]

Every day I am reminded why I married an un-liberated Ukrainian woman. You are the reminder for today. Thanks.

Goodness! I suggest gin.

Love,

Joyce