marriage woes after entry into u.s.

[lifeisbigger 0]

hello.

this question is unrelated to my personal situation, thankfully. my wife arrived on a K-1 visa from mexico about 4 months ago and we have completed all of our AOS paperwork and are living very happily together.

however ...

i have a friend who has a friend who has a wife who entered the u.s. on K-1 or K-3 visa (not sure) from nepal.

unfortunately, the relationship between the nepali woman and the USC male has turned sour, as the USC has abused his wife -- both physically and in a general "controlling manner" (lying to her about immigration documents; controlling her friendships, etc; anger issues) and the nepali woman is in somewhat of a bind.

she is here in the u.s. but feels like she can't live with her husband any more for everything that has happened over the course of the past few months. however, she knows little english and is unable to drive a car, and has not received work permission (possibly due to the USC husband's control of the paperwork, etc.). stuck here, and in need of some help, she sort of has nowhere to turn.

if she returns to her native nepal, she is in danger of being viewed as "used goods" due to her divorce and will not only be a huge shame on her family, but also a potential victim of rape and/or murder.

has anybody heard about any cases like this one? what advice would you have for somebody in this unfortunate situation? either way, she's in a very difficult situation.

any response would be helpful ... and i will pass the information along to my friend.

thank you so much!

bryan

[dmartmar 1]

If she returns to her native Nepal, she's in danger of being viewed as "used goods," due to her divorce and will not only be a huge shame to her family, but also a potential victim of rape and/or murder.

Has anybody heard about other cases like this one? What advice would you give to somebody in this unfortunate situation? Either way, she's in a very difficult situation.

Any responses will be helpful and I will pass the info. along to my friend.

Thank you so much!

Bryan

Who cares how people view her back in her native country of Nepal? Why do you care? Shouldn't you be more worried about your friend's situation, instead of his wife's?

My advice to her is: go back home.

Edited June 25, 2006 by dmartmar

[lifeisbigger 0]

Why do I care about her? Because she's a human being, and she is at great risk of being hurt if she returns to Nepal.

And the guy who is abusive is a friend of a friend. I have just heard of the situation ...

[Jaylen Brit 0]

Bryan if your friend's wife is being abused she needs to report it to the proper authorities in the US so there is a RECORD (officially) of this - while it is good she has people she can talk to, they can do NOTHING to help her unless she helps herself (I;m not being harsh, but this is the bottom line in any abusive relationship, whatever the dynamics of country of origin).

She would be well advised to find a women's refuge type place - most do have access to interpreters for foreign women - or have a friend find one FOR her, and get info about her options.

She will need legal advice as well (also provided for small or no fee by battered women's refuges), and a plan of action that puts her at low risk when she decides to act; again only people who have been through this should be advising her - they will be all too aware of the possibilities.

[Reba 2]

yeah, first things first, she needs to get out of that situation and into a shelter away from the abuse. No one should have to endure abuse for any reason, and if she fears repercussions if she returns to Nepal, she can stay here in the US. To do that however she has to report the abuse and file charges. there are procedures for adjusting without the spouse, if she can prove that the marriage was entered into in good faith on her part, and that he's abused her. She may need sworn affidavits from friends who may have witnessed any of it.

[KarenCee 3]

If she returns to her native Nepal, she's in danger of being viewed as "used goods," due to her divorce and will not only be a huge shame to her family, but also a potential victim of rape and/or murder.

Has anybody heard about other cases like this one? What advice would you give to somebody in this unfortunate situation? Either way, she's in a very difficult situation.

Any responses will be helpful and I will pass the info. along to my friend.

Thank you so much!

Bryan

Who cares how people view her back in her native country of Nepal? Why do you care? Shouldn't you be more worried about your friend's situation, instead of his wife's?

My advice to her is: go back home.

Are you always so snotty to people on here? Geez man...lighten up!

Bryan if your friend's wife is being abused she needs to report it to the proper authorities in the US so there is a RECORD (officially) of this - while it is good she has people she can talk to, they can do NOTHING to help her unless she helps herself (I;m not being harsh, but this is the bottom line in any abusive relationship, whatever the dynamics of country of origin).

She would be well advised to find a women's refuge type place - most do have access to interpreters for foreign women - or have a friend find one FOR her, and get info about her options.

She will need legal advice as well (also provided for small or no fee by battered women's refuges), and a plan of action that puts her at low risk when she decides to act; again only people who have been through this should be advising her - they will be all too aware of the possibilities.

If necessary, like Jay says, maybe she could hide in a women's shelter...they are out there for abused women. Definately she needs some kind of legal counsel...maybe from Legal Aid (if there's one closeby). But like you said...she has to MAKE the first move herself. Reporting it AND getting out is the first step.

As a woman who was in an abusive marriage, it's not easy to make that first move. It's scary as h3ll to step out with absolutely nothing, so I think I can somewhat know how she's feeling. If you can, let her know what her options are. She will have to decide if she wants to be free of all this bad enough to take that first step. Trust me...I've been there.

[vicki/bala 0]

If she returns to her native Nepal, she's in danger of being viewed as "used goods," due to her divorce and will not only be a huge shame to her family, but also a potential victim of rape and/or murder.

Has anybody heard about other cases like this one? What advice would you give to somebody in this unfortunate situation? Either way, she's in a very difficult situation.

Any responses will be helpful and I will pass the info. along to my friend.

Thank you so much!

Bryan

Who cares how people view her back in her native country of Nepal? Why do you care? Shouldn't you be more worried about your friend's situation, instead of his wife's?

My advice to her is: go back home.

geeezzz...

not all cultures are the same.. Its hard for us to imagine someone being an outcast for a situation like hers. But that is exactly what she would be if she returned. To simply say she should just go back home is harsh. My ex husband was from Sri lanka, and he never told any of his family about our marriage, he just dropped out of their lives withouat a word. it wasnt because he was ashamed.. but for him it was better to let them think he was dead, than to face their rejection. He had a younger sister that would have an arranged married soon, and he said if the villiage new of our marriage, she would also be considered outcast and would not find a suitable husband. He said his family would consider him dead to all of them if they knew. I had a difficult time accepting that a family could be this way. But its true, in cultures like these its more important to have a good reputation in the community than to accept your childs decisions.

To the original poster, Kudos to you for having a compassionate heart. I hope that everything works out in the end for this lady.

Good Luck

vicki/bala

[rebeccajo 14]

Oooo...I don't know if I should say this or not....

As this is a 'friend of a friend' situation I would suggest you be careful.

Of course it is possible that things are the way you really state...that the USC is abusive and controlling. BUT....if they are not....if the immigrant is trying to set up 'evidence' of abuse in order to file to adjust without her petitioner husband.....do you see where I am headed?

All I am saying is that without seeing things with your own eyes and hearing them with your own ears, don't offer to be any sort of witness or offer any written statements regarding abuse.

If things are truly the way you state, there are avenues the immigrant can pursue to stay here safely and legally. A bit of web research can give the answers to that process. Legal counsel by an immigration attorney will also probably be necessary.

I feel for folks from these backward countries. It's highly possible she could have been duped by an American man. But you have to admit she could have been so desperate to leave her country that she might be willing to commit the unthinkable and charge an innocent man with abuse.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

hello.

this question is unrelated to my personal situation, thankfully. my wife arrived on a K-1 visa from mexico about 4 months ago and we have completed all of our AOS paperwork and are living very happily together.

however ...

i have a friend who has a friend who has a wife who entered the u.s. on K-1 or K-3 visa (not sure) from nepal.

unfortunately, the relationship between the nepali woman and the USC male has turned sour, as the USC has abused his wife -- both physically and in a general "controlling manner" (lying to her about immigration documents; controlling her friendships, etc; anger issues) and the nepali woman is in somewhat of a bind.

she is here in the u.s. but feels like she can't live with her husband any more for everything that has happened over the course of the past few months. however, she knows little english and is unable to drive a car, and has not received work permission (possibly due to the USC husband's control of the paperwork, etc.). stuck here, and in need of some help, she sort of has nowhere to turn.

if she returns to her native nepal, she is in danger of being viewed as "used goods" due to her divorce and will not only be a huge shame on her family, but also a potential victim of rape and/or murder.

has anybody heard about any cases like this one? what advice would you have for somebody in this unfortunate situation? either way, she's in a very difficult situation.

any response would be helpful ... and i will pass the information along to my friend.

thank you so much!

bryan

I'd think that the best course of action in a situation like this is to encourage her to an immigration attorney who can offer her any options available. If there is a Catholic Human Charities office nearby they might be able to assist her.

[dmartmar 1]

unfortunately, the relationship between the nepali woman and the USC male has turned sour, as the USC has abused his wife -- both physically and in a general "controlling manner" (lying to her about immigration documents; controlling her friendships, etc; anger issues) and the nepali woman is in somewhat of a bind.

I truly doubt that her USC husband went through everything immigration related so he could use it against his wife.

I'll help, file and do everything for you today b/c I love you, only to use it as blackmail with you tomorrow.

[Jaylen Brit 0]

unfortunately, the relationship between the nepali woman and the USC male has turned sour, as the USC has abused his wife -- both physically and in a general "controlling manner" (lying to her about immigration documents; controlling her friendships, etc; anger issues) and the nepali woman is in somewhat of a bind.

I truly doubt that her USC husband went through everything immigration related so he could use it against his wife.

I'll help, file and do everything for you today b/c I love you, only to use it as blackmail with you tomorrow.

There's nowt as ####### as folk, as the saying goes.

Why do you doubt people can be two-faced and underhanded (or even psychotic and dangerous)? It happens all the time ..and you know this firsthand I believe.

[almaty 19]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[luvaLimey 0]

unfortunately, the relationship between the nepali woman and the USC male has turned sour, as the USC has abused his wife -- both physically and in a general "controlling manner" (lying to her about immigration documents; controlling her friendships, etc; anger issues) and the nepali woman is in somewhat of a bind.

I truly doubt that her USC husband went through everything immigration related so he could use it against his wife.

I'll help, file and do everything for you today b/c I love you, only to use it as blackmail with you tomorrow.

Yeah, because men (or women) have never brought over a foreign fiance(e)/wife/husband and then abused/murdered them.

There really ARE some people out there who are such control freaks that they have to control all aspects of someone else's life... even if they supposedly love them initially. They are sick individuals, and it's precisely this situation that IMBRA was designed to help prevent.

She really does need to get out of his house, and into a shelter. Do not advise her to go to a friend's house, and especially not yours. That will put you and your wife and whoever else would be open hearted enough to take her in into danger. Battered women's shelters have security measures in place in case the abuser decides to tgo "teach her a lesson" and they would have the means and resources to care for her and help her navigate the legalities.

[dmartmar 1]

There really ARE some people out there who are such control freaks that they have to control all aspects of someone else's life... even if they supposedly love them initially. They are sick individuals, and it's precisely this situation that IMBRA was designed to help prevent.

IMBRA was designed to prevent immigration marriage fraud more than anything. Its purpose is to stop immigrants from abusing and/or misusing the Violence Against Women Act.

[aussiewench 9]

There really ARE some people out there who are such control freaks that they have to control all aspects of someone else's life... even if they supposedly love them initially. They are sick individuals, and it's precisely this situation that IMBRA was designed to help prevent.

IMBRA was designed to prevent immigration marriage fraud more than anything. Its purpose is to stop immigrants from abusing and/or misusing the Violence Against Women Act.

Interesting how you have interpreted the IMBRA this way, but not surprising