How would you feel

[LucyLovesRicky 0]

This is really none of my business but since you laid it out there, how can you not afford health insurance but can afford to go away on a $6,000 trip for 7 months and have money to file for divorce? How will the rent get paid while you're gone? These are things I'd be worried about but that's just me. Plus I have kids so I guess I think about things like having a roof over my head all the time. *sigh* To be free to just roam about the world would really be wonderful!!!!! Can I live vicariously through you?

I was thinking the same but afraid to say anything.

[teenutty 0]

What is a REAL HUSBAND????

I am not not muslim. So what is haram does not appy.

1) I am ALWAYS HONEST with my feelings

2) I don't cry (not anymore)

3) I don't whine. I bring to his attention where he can be more helpful and what specifically I am requesting.

4) Running to others: interesting issue

In middle eastern cultures, when a husband and wife have serious problems, it is usually the family of the respective parties that sit down and try to arbitrate so the couple can reconcile.

In the beginning, it was hard. I did everything to get him settled and even found him a job. Yes, there were some hurdles. But throughout, I tried to explain that, "if you aren't working, can you help with the laundry and pick up the mail?"

Where I have snapped and lost my love for my husband is that over the past months working in a very stressful job (to the point of having chest pains and needing a cardiologist work up because I have a heart problem anyway and now this kidney problem) he has not been supportive. Are those the actions of a real husband?

crying whining, running to others and not being honest of feelings with husband now that is Haram and not healthy in any husband wife relations. Some time honesty may hurt , but it solve probelm eiather way soon be done and over.. nothing Haram about that. Cheating husband out of real wife now that not good at all

[teenutty 0]

Thank you! I realize I am in a difficult marriage.

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had decided to live in Iran instead of coming back here. I certainly know I would not be working as hard in an office and doing all the work at home too. More than likely I would be teaching English part time and making excellant money by Iranian standards.

just a note but often times when we are not happy in the present we put those feelings in the past I forgot the psyc term but whatever feelings we have now is how we feel about the past. I would suggest not rushing but I truly can tell how hard it would've been to hear such words from the man you love.

I wish you all the best and know we are always here for you.

[bhajishah 4]

Oh yah Iranian boyz, bunch of sissy la la pouty pizzy momma boys. girly boys, send them all back to ami!!!

[teenutty 0]

Not loaded I assure you!!!

I never planned to go away for a long time. When this all first started I was only planning a month or two. It has just been that as things got worse, I felt like "why not just take off for a long time to regroup after a failed marriage."

And to be honest, he has been planning from day one to go back to Iran in April for a month.

I have been travelling to India and Thailand off and on for the past 12 years. I am a jack of all trades, administrative assistant, who did a lot of temping (long term assignments of 4 to 6 month periods) that allowed me to travel in the between time. Usually, I could come back and stay with my mom or friend (split rent and living expenses) and get another temp job in a snap. I always keep a saftey reserve of cash of approximately $4000.00 to cover rent.

I book my airline tickets through a broker: So I get some excellant fares (about $1500.00 for RTW)

India: Daily cost of living on a budget $10.00 to $15.00 a day. ($1.00 = 48 rupees) - average room costs 300 rupees, simple food, you get the picture

Thailand: About the same ($1.00 = 39 baht) (average room 300 baht, average food cost about the same for a day)

If you don't travel a lot, roaming around, and instead stay in one place for a while, you can negotiate a cheaper hotel price.

I don't usually reply to posts but this one caught my eye and I've been reading it with interest. Something doesn't sound right in this one.

Someone doesn't just up and decide to take a 7 month trip abroad to clear their mind unless they are loaded. In this economy even a budget friendly trip is still a gamble because once you return home jobs are not easy to come by today. So is it possible this trip has been planned for some time now. Plus why would anyone write to their SO'S family and tell them their filing for seperation and divorce is easy to get in the US. To me this would sound like a threat. Like "ok get with the program or I'm cutting you loose". I know if my husband got here just to find out I was planning a trip that he obviously couldn't take with me and I was planning to be gone for 7 months, he would be very unhappy and withdrawn from me. So I think this is your side of the story and if he could voice his side then this wouldn't sound like the story it sounds like. I'm not saying MENA men are always easy to live with but there is always two sides of the story and so far this one is very one-sided.

[teenutty 0]

Medical tourism....

Cost of medical treatment in India and Thailand is far cheaper than that of the US. Met plenty of "medical tourists" from USA in both countries. Additionally, India has great cardiologists. A few times I did get sick abroad. What kept me there versus coming back was this thought, "Should I rush back and pay thousands out of pocket - or - stay here and get treated for a couple hundred bucks???"

Rent....you mean, storage don't you? I came back to USA two years ago with nothing. I have some items. But not a lot. I can get monthly storage at my mom's apartment for $20.00 a month. When I come back it would be $4000.00 (first, last, security and some extra cash)

Filing for divorce (simple with no children, no real property, no debts) is straightfoward enough. The filing fee is $200.00 and maybe some other fees. But not a lot. I am a legal assistant and can navigate the legalspeak of the forms.

Don't misunderstand, it isn't so easy to leave. It takes a lot of planning and saving. But it isn't impossible.

This is really none of my business but since you laid it out there, how can you not afford health insurance but can afford to go away on a $6,000 trip for 7 months and have money to file for divorce? How will the rent get paid while you're gone? These are things I'd be worried about but that's just me. Plus I have kids so I guess I think about things like having a roof over my head all the time. *sigh* To be free to just roam about the world would really be wonderful!!!!! Can I live vicariously through you?

[teenutty 0]

It seems like you have given him chances, and he is just acting like a big baby You need to take care of you first - that 50% stuff would make me feel so betrayed!

As for the health insurance - I honestly think they just have NO clue about its importance to us here My husband is flabergasted that I actually pay for COBRA coverage since I lost my job. I've had multiple health problems this year, but I think deep down he still thinks I'm just lazy because he can't see anything physically wrong with me He knows I'm not healthy, but also thinks the doctors are out to scam me for more money - he just can't see how health insurance is worth it. I guess thats what I get for dealing with all of the hospital bills myself and marrying a man who didn't speak English when he arrived (things are so much harder when you are translating all the time ).

You're right they have no clue about the cost of medical insurance. My husband has high blood pressure in his family and more than likely is suffering from it. But when I insist he get enrolled on his medical insurance, he fought it. He refuses to go to the doctor to check his blood pressure - even the machine at the grocery store he avoids.

As for me, my husband never paid much attention to me when I was stressing from the work. I think he only became slightly involved with my medical situation when the doctors called and he had to drive me to a few appointments. Then I think he started taking me for real.

It seems like you have given him chances, and he is just acting like a big baby You need to take care of you first - that 50% stuff would make me feel so betrayed!

As for the health insurance - I honestly think they just have NO clue about its importance to us here My husband is flabergasted that I actually pay for COBRA coverage since I lost my job. I've had multiple health problems this year, but I think deep down he still thinks I'm just lazy because he can't see anything physically wrong with me He knows I'm not healthy, but also thinks the doctors are out to scam me for more money - he just can't see how health insurance is worth it. I guess thats what I get for dealing with all of the hospital bills myself and marrying a man who didn't speak English when he arrived (things are so much harder when you are translating all the time ).

Cobra is so expensive, but not only is it beneficial is something happens while you are unemployed, but if you aren't on continued coverage, and you get another job that offers insurance, you will have to pay the penalty of no coverage for pre existing conditions. It's just a shame that at a time that you can't afford it is when it is at it's highest rate.

Small companies, less than 20, don't need to offer COBRA.

[Ahmeds Girl 0]

This is really none of my business but since you laid it out there, how can you not afford health insurance but can afford to go away on a $6,000 trip for 7 months and have money to file for divorce? How will the rent get paid while you're gone? These are things I'd be worried about but that's just me. Plus I have kids so I guess I think about things like having a roof over my head all the time. *sigh* To be free to just roam about the world would really be wonderful!!!!! Can I live vicariously through you?

It is none of your business Humpkin Pumkin.

Humpkin Pumkin please think before you judge others. You have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on a tube reversal operation and many many thousands on getting your man to the states. Before giving advice on finances it would be wise to look at your own posts. You told VJ that your home might be foreclosed soon and you could lose your house. Maybe if you had acted with more care your small daughters could stay in the home they grew up in. I'm sorry to have to say this, but you are not the best person to give advice on how another woman spends her cash. I've been reading this forum for a while now and had to speak up. If you don't want to be judged harshly - don't judge harshly. Peace.

[HLM 1]

This is really none of my business but since you laid it out there, how can you not afford health insurance but can afford to go away on a $6,000 trip for 7 months and have money to file for divorce? How will the rent get paid while you're gone? These are things I'd be worried about but that's just me. Plus I have kids so I guess I think about things like having a roof over my head all the time. *sigh* To be free to just roam about the world would really be wonderful!!!!! Can I live vicariously through you?

It is none of your business Humpkin Pumkin.

Humpkin Pumkin please think before you judge others. You have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on a tube reversal operation and many many thousands on getting your man to the states. Before giving advice on finances it would be wise to look at your own posts. You told VJ that your home might be foreclosed soon and you could lose your house. Maybe if you had acted with more care your small daughters could stay in the home they grew up in. I'm sorry to have to say this, but you are not the best person to give advice on how another woman spends her cash. I've been reading this forum for a while now and had to speak up. If you don't want to be judged harshly - don't judge harshly. Peace.

im not fighting here....but i honestly think she was only asking that out of curiosity. teenutty posted her issue and everyone is free to comment from their point of view! she was not harsh nor did she judge her!! her comment is clear and polite. they have both been very nice ppl here and always been supportive to others.

[Ban Hammer 13,345]

[notime4haterz 0]

It is none of your business Humpkin Pumkin.

Humpkin Pumkin please think before you judge others. You have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on a tube reversal operation and many many thousands on getting your man to the states. Before giving advice on finances it would be wise to look at your own posts. You told VJ that your home might be foreclosed soon and you could lose your house. Maybe if you had acted with more care your small daughters could stay in the home they grew up in. I'm sorry to have to say this, but you are not the best person to give advice on how another woman spends her cash. I've been reading this forum for a while now and had to speak up. If you don't want to be judged harshly - don't judge harshly. Peace.

Talk about airing out dirty laundry...

[childress_london 3]

Thank you! I realize I am in a difficult marriage.

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had decided to live in Iran instead of coming back here. I certainly know I would not be working as hard in an office and doing all the work at home too. More than likely I would be teaching English part time and making excellant money by Iranian standards.

just a note but often times when we are not happy in the present we put those feelings in the past I forgot the psyc term but whatever feelings we have now is how we feel about the past. I would suggest not rushing but I truly can tell how hard it would've been to hear such words from the man you love.

I wish you all the best and know we are always here for you.

So do you think life was or would be better in Iran (provided your marriage was a happy one)? My husband mentioned that I could make a lot of money teaching English in Iran, but I didn't believe him (not that he wants to go back at this point).

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

Medical tourism....

Cost of medical treatment in India and Thailand is far cheaper than that of the US. Met plenty of "medical tourists" from USA in both countries. Additionally, India has great cardiologists. A few times I did get sick abroad. What kept me there versus coming back was this thought, "Should I rush back and pay thousands out of pocket - or - stay here and get treated for a couple hundred bucks???"

Rent....you mean, storage don't you? I came back to USA two years ago with nothing. I have some items. But not a lot. I can get monthly storage at my mom's apartment for $20.00 a month. When I come back it would be $4000.00 (first, last, security and some extra cash)

Filing for divorce (simple with no children, no real property, no debts) is straightfoward enough. The filing fee is $200.00 and maybe some other fees. But not a lot. I am a legal assistant and can navigate the legalspeak of the forms.

Don't misunderstand, it isn't so easy to leave. It takes a lot of planning and saving. But it isn't impossible.

Most Americans don't travel abroad so they don't realize how cheap other countries can be if you know how to get around. I worked my butt off for 2 years temping like you before saving up for airfare plus $7k to live off of for a year and a half in Germany and Europe is a heck of a lot more expensive than Asia. This was back when the dollar was actually more valuable than the Euro so it would be harder to do that again today though. I just found a wealthy American couple looking for a dogsitter for their old pooch. I lived in their nice big house rent free with board included plus 75 Euro beer money per week and I enjoyed myself for almost 2 years in Bonn without hardly working. They even had a maid so I didn't even have to do any housecleaning outside of helping with the dishes after dinner.

If I wasn't happy with who I married I'd sure as hell be tagging along with you to Thailand and India!

Those are two countries I've been planning on visiting for years but haven't gotten around to it. I wanted to spend my honeymoon in Thailand but we opted at the last minute for Istanbul so Hoom's family could attend the wedding. There are 3 Thai guys I became friends with in Germany and I could even save more money than you by staying with their relatives in Thailand and eating their home cooked meals. And I became friends with a Tamil Indian girl in Dubai and she plans on marrying in a year so I will attend the wedding and stay with her family most likely. So do send me a virtual postcard and your personal recommendations of places to see and things to do wherever you go in Asia.

[Imua 0]

Not loaded I assure you!!!

I never planned to go away for a long time. When this all first started I was only planning a month or two. It has just been that as things got worse, I felt like "why not just take off for a long time to regroup after a failed marriage."

And to be honest, he has been planning from day one to go back to Iran in April for a month.

I have been travelling to India and Thailand off and on for the past 12 years. I am a jack of all trades, administrative assistant, who did a lot of temping (long term assignments of 4 to 6 month periods) that allowed me to travel in the between time. Usually, I could come back and stay with my mom or friend (split rent and living expenses) and get another temp job in a snap. I always keep a saftey reserve of cash of approximately $4000.00 to cover rent.

I book my airline tickets through a broker: So I get some excellant fares (about $1500.00 for RTW)

India: Daily cost of living on a budget $10.00 to $15.00 a day. ($1.00 = 48 rupees) - average room costs 300 rupees, simple food, you get the picture

Thailand: About the same ($1.00 = 39 baht) (average room 300 baht, average food cost about the same for a day)

If you don't travel a lot, roaming around, and instead stay in one place for a while, you can negotiate a cheaper hotel price.

I don't usually reply to posts but this one caught my eye and I've been reading it with interest. Something doesn't sound right in this one.

Someone doesn't just up and decide to take a 7 month trip abroad to clear their mind unless they are loaded. In this economy even a budget friendly trip is still a gamble because once you return home jobs are not easy to come by today. So is it possible this trip has been planned for some time now. Plus why would anyone write to their SO'S family and tell them their filing for seperation and divorce is easy to get in the US. To me this would sound like a threat. Like "ok get with the program or I'm cutting you loose". I know if my husband got here just to find out I was planning a trip that he obviously couldn't take with me and I was planning to be gone for 7 months, he would be very unhappy and withdrawn from me. So I think this is your side of the story and if he could voice his side then this wouldn't sound like the story it sounds like. I'm not saying MENA men are always easy to live with but there is always two sides of the story and so far this one is very one-sided.

Nepal is even cheaper than India(which is why you see a lot of Indians traveling there) - also the average price of a 'nice' hotel room with bath is 300Rs but consider that 100 Indian rupees = 160 Nepali rupees. I've stayed in rooms as cheap as 150-185 Rs in places like Gorkha and Boudha but that is without bath.

I wish I could live in Nepal long-term but it is very hard to get a long-term visa. You can only stay there 5 months out of a calendar year - at least that was how it was under the monarchy, dunno if Prachanda will change anything. It really sux that many countries do not recognize dual citizenship. I have thought, well if Govi is only in it for the GC or runs off to have babies in 3-5 years then it would be nice if I could at least get Nepali citizenship(which would also entitle me to live in India or other SAARC countries I believe) - but Nepal does not recognize dual citizenship and I would not want to give up my US citizenship unless TSHTF here in USA due to economic breakdown or peak oil. I think the situation is similar for a lot of countries - the GC scammer gets American residency/citizenship but he can go back to his own country anytime, where the USC gets nothing out of the deal except the possibility of getting screwed over thanks to the I-864.

[Imua 0]

Medical tourism....

Cost of medical treatment in India and Thailand is far cheaper than that of the US. Met plenty of "medical tourists" from USA in both countries. Additionally, India has great cardiologists. A few times I did get sick abroad. What kept me there versus coming back was this thought, "Should I rush back and pay thousands out of pocket - or - stay here and get treated for a couple hundred bucks???"

Rent....you mean, storage don't you? I came back to USA two years ago with nothing. I have some items. But not a lot. I can get monthly storage at my mom's apartment for $20.00 a month. When I come back it would be $4000.00 (first, last, security and some extra cash)

Filing for divorce (simple with no children, no real property, no debts) is straightfoward enough. The filing fee is $200.00 and maybe some other fees. But not a lot. I am a legal assistant and can navigate the legalspeak of the forms.

Don't misunderstand, it isn't so easy to leave. It takes a lot of planning and saving. But it isn't impossible.

Most Americans don't travel abroad so they don't realize how cheap other countries can be if you know how to get around. I worked my butt off for 2 years temping like you before saving up for airfare plus $7k to live off of for a year and a half in Germany and Europe is a heck of a lot more expensive than Asia. This was back when the dollar was actually more valuable than the Euro so it would be harder to do that again today though. I just found a wealthy American couple looking for a dogsitter for their old pooch. I lived in their nice big house rent free with board included plus 75 Euro beer money per week and I enjoyed myself for almost 2 years in Bonn without hardly working. They even had a maid so I didn't even have to do any housecleaning outside of helping with the dishes after dinner.

If I wasn't happy with who I married I'd sure as hell be tagging along with you to Thailand and India!

Those are two countries I've been planning on visiting for years but haven't gotten around to it. I wanted to spend my honeymoon in Thailand but we opted at the last minute for Istanbul so Hoom's family could attend the wedding. There are 3 Thai guys I became friends with in Germany and I could even save more money than you by staying with their relatives in Thailand and eating their home cooked meals. And I became friends with a Tamil Indian girl in Dubai and she plans on marrying in a year so I will attend the wedding and stay with her family most likely. So do send me a virtual postcard and your personal recommendations of places to see and things to do wherever you go in Asia.

I did a similar thing in '93-95, temped, lived at home and saved up only $3K plus airfare and took off for Venice - my dream city at the time. I ended up babysitting and teaching English for this family who owned a hostel - they kindof exploited me (4 hours per day in exchange for a bed, no meals) but it enabled me to live in Venice. I also did some off the books English teaching through private language schools, private tutoring and translation(I speak Italian). I had a great time but I was really living on the edge. I remember August was the worst because schools weren't in session - a family who owned a little restaurant would let me teach their son English in exchange for a big bowl of pasta.