Seriously Out of Control...

[amiquechu 0]

How much does their family make each month? My wife's mom and sister bring home the bacon in their household in Peru. I don't know how exact these numbers are, but I think they make about 1400 soles/month, or about $500/month. I have no idea what your husband's family makes per month, but as an example, let's just say it's $500/month. If your husband is sending down, let's say $300/month, that's a 60% increase in income. I don't know what the situation is down there and maybe I missed that having not read the entire thread, but it seems quite excessive to me that they "can't live without" such a big increase in income, especially when they did it before and with your husband's mouth to feed back then, too. It kind of seems to me like your Peruvian family feels entitled to your money.

Imagine this hypothetical situation:

An average family (John, Jane, and John, Jr.) is plugging along, making the national average (which I think is about mid-$60k's). They find out that the husband has an uncle Joey who is retired with $1,000,000 in the bank. No doubt he needs potentially all of that money to get him and his wife through their retirement, as they probably have at least 20 years to go...maybe more. $65k/year John, now knowing of Uncle Joey's money, feels entitled to some of it. He thinks he and his wife deserve a 60% increase in income just because they have an uncle with money in the bank...and because John's close with Uncle Joey and knows he won't say no. Plus, more income is much easier than being more responsible with what you have. So John & Jane now have a six-figure income which they may or may not use responsibly. In the meantime, Uncle Joey and his wife, who were planning on living off only the interest from their million dollars throughout retirement, are now having their principal balance eaten away at by Nephew John and his family. Uncle Joey and his wife are fighting constantly because after 10 years of this, they can't afford to pay all the bills anymore. They see that in 20 years they may be living on the street...no home, no medicine...you get the point. But Uncle Joey just can't say no to Nephew John.

You may or may not be able to relate to this situation, but I guess the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes you need to make sure that YOU are taken care of before you can realistically and responsibly take care of someone else. I'm sure you're extremely frustrated right now, but look 10 years into the future if you keep allowing your husband to be irresponsible with YOUR FAMILY'S MONEY. Several hundred dollars/month doesn't seem overwhelming at times, but if that's taking away everything away from what you would be putting into your retirement accounts, or even worse just adding to 20% annual rate credit cards...I'd say your husband's putting YOUR future in jeopardy. Imagine reaching your retirement years with $0 in retirement accounts and having to live solely off of social security...if it's still there.

[Peikko 1,575]

The OP is not living in ignorance - in fact we know she is all to well aware of the situation. The problem she is having is trying to convince her husband of the reality of the situation without ending up in the divorce courts. Now, she has had all the reasurance she needs that this is a situation in which she needs to take action. What happens now is really down to how she manages to communicate all this to her husband which is why several people have suggested independant counselling so that this situation is resolved without more anger and frustration on either side.

[Susita 175]

I just wanted to make a general comment to everyone posting comments on this and other threads in VJ. I understand freedom of speech. I also understand consideration, tact, and compassion. I think that like my mother told me when I was a kid "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all" applies and insensitivity is not welcome. Criticism in a respectable, tactful form is OK. Being insensitive is not, especially when you know that the person writing this thread is in a hard situation.

Again Tracy,

I wish you the best & am praying that things work out for the best for you, your husband and that little cutie pie.

[Ggreen 12]

He just need attention, who knows what problems he had in his childhood.

pssst, zgt is a she.. or so she says....

Male, 99 years old! :

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showuser=30355

Edited July 14, 2008 by vjmmbr

[Marilyn. 340]

well she informed us in another thread a few weeks ago that she was a she.. what it says on people's profiles it not necessarily true

[eric&gen 0]

Get a grip.

[Ban Hammer 13,352]

well she informed us in another thread a few weeks ago that she was a she.. what it says on people's profiles it not necessarily true

and i'm not really 99 either.

[Ggreen 12]

well she informed us in another thread a few weeks ago that she was a she.. what it says on people's profiles it not necessarily true

and i'm not really 99 either.

bunch of liars

[eric&gen 0]

Maybe the husband is a scammer he is sending the money back home to family then he will leave at right time loool. Drama drama drama save the DRAMA for your momma.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

well she informed us in another thread a few weeks ago that she was a she.. what it says on people's profiles it not necessarily true

and i'm not really 99 either.

some days i am

[Mary Lou 681]

Maybe the husband is a scammer he is sending the money back home to family then he will leave at right time loool. Drama drama drama save the DRAMA for your momma.

WOW, so rude Eric

[natty bumppo 297]

well she informed us in another thread a few weeks ago that she was a she.. what it says on people's profiles it not necessarily true

and i'm not really 99 either.

some days i am

do you check ?

[brnidokiegurl 0]

check what ha i know by way i feel

[morocco4ever 63]

That really sucks! I understand his guilt feelings, but you aren't made of money. Unfortunately people in other countries believe that us in the US has money coming out of our ears.

I guess I would be serving Mac and cheese and ramen noodles for dinner, as well as shutting off all satellite/cable tv, cell phones, etc. I would make sure that there are not lights other than one on at a time. I think you get my drift. He needs to suffer some for his actions.

[natty bumppo 297]

check what ha i know by way i feel

ahh ... with both hands