So-called friends...etc....

[JelloShotGirl 0]

My husband to be and I have been together for over 2 years, I notice that since his interview date is coming up, I seem to be getting some snide remarks from so called friends and family members, sometimes saying it jokingly that "all he wants is greencard." This is getting really annoying, anyone with experience or how to handle.

[eric&gen 0]

I say screw those kind of comments just ingore what thye say give them mean dirty looks when the open there mouths.

[Lizzy 0]

Sorry to hear this, i never had any bad remarks from my side or his.....

Could you try talking to them, explaining what you and he went through JUST to get to this point?

Hope this helps and happy new year..

[Alex+R 0]

Just ignore those people. I had a friend who heard I was engaged to a Brazilian and called me to tell me I was being used for a green card. My boyfriend's nationality was all he knew about him, but apparently that was enough to judge him on.

I don't talk to him much anymore. Sometimes those people aren't worth your time.

If all my friends and family gave me specific reasons why they thought Rey was using me for a green card after they'd met him, though (like if they told me they were sure he had another girlfriend or something), I might consider their worries.

[Fandango 1,439]

If they're not supportive, f@#% em.....not literally, but yeah.

[featherB 1]

Maybe a response to the effect of "so... he couldn't possibly love me, couldn't possibly want to marry me for that reason? Nice to know you think so highly of me... I'll bear it in mind" would shut them up. It's extremely insulting to you for them to joke like that, if they are 'joking', and they might think twice before they open their mouths in future... and if they're serious, they should tell you what it is that makes them know *so* much more about your relationship with your fiance than you do, or they should keep out of it.

[garya505 2]

Just ignore those people. I had a friend who heard I was engaged to a Brazilian and called me to tell me I was being used for a green card. My boyfriend's nationality was all he knew about him, but apparently that was enough to judge him on.

I don't talk to him much anymore. Sometimes those people aren't worth your time.

If all my friends and family gave me specific reasons why they thought Rey was using me for a green card after they'd met him, though (like if they told me they were sure he had another girlfriend or something), I might consider their worries.

Well, I finally can agree with you on ONE thing.

Of course if the OP was a guy engaged to a Filipina I suppose you would not be have such kind words.

Edited December 31, 2006 by garya505

[bostonparis 0]

My mother actually said something like that to me when we first met. Of course, as soon as she met him, she changed her tune. But when she said that, I responded "So he actually couldn't love me, right Ma? Are ya kidding me?" Of course she felt awful, and said No no no, I didn't mean it that way... But then again, mothers sometimes have a way of getting under daughters' skin, don't they.

[Alex+R 0]

Just ignore those people. I had a friend who heard I was engaged to a Brazilian and called me to tell me I was being used for a green card. My boyfriend's nationality was all he knew about him, but apparently that was enough to judge him on.

I don't talk to him much anymore. Sometimes those people aren't worth your time.

If all my friends and family gave me specific reasons why they thought Rey was using me for a green card after they'd met him, though (like if they told me they were sure he had another girlfriend or something), I might consider their worries.

Well, I finally can agree with you on ONE thing.

Of course if the OP was a guy engaged to a Filipina I suppose you would not be have such kind words.

Awww Gary, I thought you were being nice. Then you went ahead and added on to your post. If you've got a big chip on your shoulder, it's not because I put it there.

[KarenCee 3]

Just ignore those people. I had a friend who heard I was engaged to a Brazilian and called me to tell me I was being used for a green card. My boyfriend's nationality was all he knew about him, but apparently that was enough to judge him on.

I don't talk to him much anymore. Sometimes those people aren't worth your time.

If all my friends and family gave me specific reasons why they thought Rey was using me for a green card after they'd met him, though (like if they told me they were sure he had another girlfriend or something), I might consider their worries.

Well, I finally can agree with you on ONE thing.

Of course if the OP was a guy engaged to a Filipina I suppose you would not be have such kind words.

*sigh* Gary...don't go opening a can of worms on this thread. The OP asked a simple question and it would be nice if this thread weren't hijacked please?

To the OP: Those aren't real friends. Those are the ones you know you wouldn't be able to count on when you need them. You know in your heart what the truth is, that's what matters most. I had something similar to this happen to me after my divorce ("friends" turned out to be extremely judgmental) and it hurt. Those friends have been replaced with ones that have been there for me through that part of my life and this immigration journey with my husband....and they have been very supportive. Sounds like it's time to either have a heart to heart with these friends or back off from their friendship.

[garya505 2]

My husband to be and I have been together for over 2 years, I notice that since his interview date is coming up, I seem to be getting some snide remarks from so called friends and family members, sometimes saying it jokingly that "all he wants is greencard." This is getting really annoying, anyone with experience or how to handle.

Unfortunately you will get this reaction from some people. I have too, and I don't like insults like that. I don't have a complete answer for you, as each person will need to decide how to deal with it. However, I have come up with some snappy responses, like:

"Maybe you're just jealous because I found my one true love"

OR

"Oh, just give yourself some time, you'll get over it"

Maybe others can add some nice ones.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I would agree with the statement to ignore them if you can, and if you can't or if they continue to push the point, do follow the tack of asking them "So you think the only reason anyone would marry me is for a greencard, that someone isn't able to love me, gee I sure am glad I found out how you really feel about me in time". True friends will apologize and realize their bias; acquaintances will shut up about the subject around you. Those who care will take the time to consider your feelings and reserve their judgement until they meet yourpartner. Besides, it really is no one elses' business, anyway.

Edited December 31, 2006 by Kathryn41

[garya505 2]

I would agree with the statement to ignore them if you can, and if you can't or if they continue to push the point, do follow the tack of asking them "So you think the only reason anyone would marry me is for a greencard, that someone isn't able to love me, gee I sure am glad I found out how you really feel about me in time". True friends will apologize and realize their bias; acquaintances will shut up about the subject around you. Those who care will take the time to consider your feelings and reserve their judgement until they meet yourpartner. Besides, it really is no one elses' business, anyway.

I agree. Getting defensive is just falling into their line of thought. Better to make a joke out of their comment, go on the offensive, or both.

How about this:

"I'm sure you're not the kind of person to judge someone without really knowing anything about them, are you?"

OR

"I find it stange that some people like to judge someone without really knowing anything about them, don't you?"

[Aymerlu 3]

I'm sorry to hear this. I experienced the same thing and still do. My so called "used to be best friend" loves to send 'anti-muslim' emails to me at least weekly. She rarely calls and if we just happen to see her out, she acts like she's still my best friend. I've learned through this whole process you learn who your true friends are and make even better friends. Maybe it takes something like this to really find out who your true friends are.

[Mary Lou 681]

People can be so ignorant Im sorry this is happening you too. What each and everyone of us on this board is going through is complicated enough without having so-called friends make hurtful and insulting comments. You definitely dont need these "negatives" in your life.