Am I Overreacting??

[mercuryroad 0]

Totally agree.....I'm just trying to help the poor guy out. He's going to be totally blindsided and not know what hit him.

Ya think? If Lu told you "Please do'nt look at porn, it makes me upset and feel inferior..." And then you knowingly did it anyway - and she confronted youa gain...would you be blindsided? honestly?

If she said it bothered me then I wouldn't do it. That is a pretty easy one for me though because I don't really do that.

But....she would never tell me she felt inferior either. She's far too confident in herself and I love that about her. She'd get pissed and it would be very obvious to me that she was mad.

She's more concerned with my eating habits. I was a little put off at first but I've made some efforts. I also told her about something that bugged the ####### out of me and she said I was right and was going to change.

If she asked me to stop getting coffee at lunch then I would have something more to say. As long as you both are trying to totally change the other person to what you think is right, then you are ok. Most things you can chalk up to being different people, and some issues need compromise because they are big. This is one of those issues.

My guess is that the communication was not as strong as you suggested. People complain about things all the time and sometimes you don't know that it bothered someone THAT much.

[CanGal 1]

they are like dogs on these matters but i don't want to harp but i feel like a broken record repeating myself over and over. we've had this conversation more than once.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I would be annoyed personally. I think he should stop, especially since it bothers you. Marriage is all about compramises man! (I think)

[Ladylethal 12]

So you've told him how you feel and he still thinks nothing is wrong?

On the other thing you said, you've got to find something for you to do that it's yours. If you can't work 'cus of the permit, then do some course on something, exercise, take up some hobby, do something for yourself, something in a group that you can make friends and have your individuality back. It will give you confidence and not make you feel like a maid, but like the better half of your husband.

[CanGal 1]

because i feel like a brokenrecord in this sometimes i put off talking about stuff because i feel like he's not listening to me anyways. He states he's "Forgetful" alot and that i continually have to remind him. Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful man, and i don't want to change him. This is the only thing that I have a HUGE issue with, and maybe his eating habit hehe (he's gotten better).

[Jaylen Brit 0]

sounds like its HER doing the talking and him just sitting there like a naughty boy - you know? No disrespect btw but thats how I see it as described.

he needs to ACTVIELY PARTICIPATE in the discussion so he can put HIS view across and feel heard. Also so she knows he's actually HEARING what she's saying!

clmarsh was right when she said most women feel inadequate when they compare themselves - which WE ALL DO NO MATTER HOW 'good' or not WE LOOK - to the women in these pix.

We foget that they've spent HOURS in the makeup chair witht he good lighting and airvrushing post processing on the pics!

Trust me - used to model some back in the day (hair stuff, nothing else) and the person who gets in the chair looks NOTHING like the 'finished product'.

So we compare and we always come off worse.

Men do it too with male models - they just don't usually admit to it.

Edit to add: Its a problem if she feels it is, and its affecting their relationship - for whatever reason, his deciet or her insecurity...

Edited April 18, 2006 by Jaylen Brit

[mercuryroad 0]

Cangal - big hugs girl!

I think the stress of EAD and everything else has got you wound up a little bit. The conversation you have is not easy but it is far better than being this pissed off!

He loves you....if he sees that you're really hurt then he will stop. Give the guy a chance though because he might not know how bad it really is for you.....and that's ok - marriage is about working those things out. I bet you'll feel totally better when it is done too....and have plenty of make-up sex which rules.

So - get your stern angry voice out, but keep the sexy outfits ready for later.

[CanGal 1]

oh i've started stuff. we recently joined a church. we joined a health club too, we go to the gym together 3-4 days a week. But i can't drive on my own so its hard to get involved instuff on my own right now. where we are located too, no one is every around during the day so i'm kind of on my own. my puppy keeps me busy, i walk him a lot lol does that count. I've read more than i ever have in the past few months. and i scrapbook hehe (:op) not often though but i am working on our wedding album so i'm not fanatical about it. but that gets expensive when only one of you is working.

thanks mercury lol. and i've said many times i'm not pissed, i am just really hurt this time, after having talked about it before, thats all. it's not a naughty boy situation either. I've always voiced my concern respectively and always given him room to reply and talk with me about it but he's stand offish about a lot of stuff. He's not a talker really at all, so when it's about stuff like this then its' really hard to get him to talk thats all. But i will try to talk to him tonight, as much as it scares me , it shall challenge me.

[Ladylethal 12]

It's not supposed to be a challenge, this is a marriage, there should be talking AND listening involved.

[CanGal 1]

its a challenge for me though because it's something very intimate for me and i'm not good with intimacy in that way and like i've said i've had to do so many times before doing it again makes it that much harder because i don't know if he's really hearing me

[Jaylen Brit 0]

Hey CanGal I meant no offense hun It just sounded like you spoke, explained, and he didnt do much more than sit there and say sorry - which would make proper communication hard.

[CanGal 1]

i know jaylen, sorry, i'm just kind of frustrated by this whole thing. maybe i am overreacting. it's just hard for me, this is a big issue for me. it's been a long day and he left for work mad, or upset, i don't know.

[mercuryroad 0]

its a challenge for me though because it's something very intimate for me and i'm not good with intimacy in that way and like i've said i've had to do so many times before doing it again makes it that much harder because i don't know if he's really hearing me

Make him repeat it back to you out loud. That get's their attention really quickly and has more of a lasting impression. It also forces him to speak, even if it is only repeating your words. Making him repeat it also gives the impression that you are in fact serious and forces him to listen as well. If he is bad at communicating then this might help.

Sigh....sometimes us men do need to be treated like children.....there - I said it!!!!! My membership to the man club has been revoked.

[CanGal 1]

i guess i could try that, it might work. I tryed it once a while ago and he scoffed at me but it wasn't on such a big issue as this. We both are bad at communication on many levels. I hope i can just make it clear to him. All i want is for him to really try to understand me and where i am coming from, if this is the first time then so be it.

[iceyspots 0]

He then tried just before he left for work which made me more angry because he was pretending as if nothing happened, as if he didn't care that it bothered me and because he didn't understand why it did he thought it wasn't a big deal.

This is the biggest problem. Sometimes men don't read emotions as well as women do.. Sometimes you have to speak up and be blunt and to the point. If he still prentends like nothing happend or he didn't care, then you'd have to call him out on that too... that's unhealthy for a relationship.

Hope everything works out